Pissed, Last minute things

Stress is good. But please. Im not at a stressed point, I am at a breaking point!

Dont give me last minute crap!

Im sure you dont want your parents to say to you the say before they pass away, "Son/Daughter, I have something I must say to you. You arent really my child."

COME ON!

All these while Ive given my best to be accountable. Is this how people take advantage of the fact that I will always be there? Be real!

Im not faithful because Im strong. Im not always happy because Im strong.

I am not. Smiling everyday is already a challenge for me. Dont take advantage of the fact that just because Ive always been this way it means I really am.

Just because Im 'harmless' and always willing, doesnt mean people can just take and go!

Friends, Randoms, Lakewood

I dont understand people who say, "He doesnt care about me, he doesnt appreciate me, etc." When the person complaining is someone who really doesnt care about what people say, and they avoid people.

If you're not going to communicate, even the simple things like replying smses or tags/msges, how are you going to build any lasting friendship/relationship in the first place? Dont complain how people dont care, when you yourself are not putting in any effort and you expect people to serve you like your slave.

I mean, come on, you want friends. And you make friends your slave. Slave not equals friends.

Imagine this. You want 10 bucks for your birthday.
When you receive the 10 bucks, you tear it up.
Then you say, "Where's my 10 bucks? I didnt receive it from you."

I mean, thats dumb right? How dumb can people get? You want something, then when it finally comes your way, you dont cherish it. Then you go on grumbling and complaining that so and so isnt close to you, so and so doesnt talk to you blablabla.

There's no such thing as one-way communication my friends, you wanna travel a one-way road, dont expect any other traffic to come in your direction!

Sometimes I do forget to reply msges and all, but at least Im late, not never. Even when Im late in replying, I apologise. Thats the least you can do. Is apologising so embarrassing to you? When you apologise, your pants dont suddenly split and your underwear drops to the floor right?

I mean, when you apologise, your private parts dont expand so huge that they can block out the sun and cause a solar eclipse right? Come on. If you dont feel like talking, then SAY. If ure feeling down, SAY, if you need time alone, SAY! "He shall have whatever he SAYS".

And of course, in a genuine manner. Just because you dont hear God replying your prayers doesnt mean you can treat other people the same way! OH OH..does that sound familiar?

How you treat people is how you treat God.
How you talk to people is how you talk to God.

Sometimes I get really agitated with people who put stupid nicks on their msn like, "True friends dont care about you." I mean..come on. You dont even know the meaning of friends.

So yea..went jogging last night. I think Im getting the hang of it once again, after like not jogging for almost 6 months lol. And I keep forgetting that this weekend's service with F.I.R. will be at Hall1 LOL.

Gosh..just the name Hall1 freaks me out. Ill never forget that dark and heavy atmosphere the first time we moved there. :o

Im still not used to having cg on sunday lol. Friday nights just feel weird to me now. Transition > Transformation, haha.

Next week is march :x DEADLINE! DEADLINE! OMG! WHY MUST THEY HAVE THE WORD "DEAD" IN DEADLINE! =/

http://www.lakewood.cc

This church is 38000 strong and has a 16000 hall! Bigger than the indoor stadium. I posted a video featuring "Friend of God" just recently. I was so blessed by their sermons. Ill try to watch all man..haha. :)

Their history is also similar to ours. They moved from place to place. Its really amazing to see how God moved in that ministry.

Do check it out.

Picture Galore (Credits to pohchoo), Kids

Sebas' birthday with Andronic Wallpaper :O

One of the rare unglam pictures of me (during thanksgiving/1st celgrp of the year); My hair was literally 'blown away' haha

This birthday card for Adam is a must to put it up! Probably the best birthday card I have ever come across! =)

Taken at Liz's new condo. The wall changes color! :O

Hmm when I said the wall changes color I didnt meant that I became the wallpaper. :x Ahem. :O

And so, I was in sch. But I cant say I really did much. =/ Left my house too late, forgot lib closes at 530pm, compared to semester period. So I couldnt stay in school till 6plus/7pm to do my work =/

Then again, I was hoping to be in some quiet place all by myself, but right at the field next to the bus stop, there was one whole group of people playing frisbee and rugby! Gosh lol. And at the canteen, sec school students were having makan there.

=/ Just when I thought I was lonely enough, I had to sit in the midst of people just to have a nice, quiet meal. When I saw the sec sch students sitting with their click, I felt even more lonelier. I was thinking, "I didnt come here to see people hanging out with their friends, so irritating..."

Well, at least I was talking to Qiyu on the phone. LOL. But still, sigh, seeing so many people having fun and laughing, drains away all my joy, energy and motivation.

I received an email from Suraj, I think its pretty cool. The following letters were "Dear God" letters, written by kids! Enjoy.

(These are extracted word for word. Dont worry about spelling mistakes or grammatical mistakes, these are little kids) :D

Through A Child's Eyes

Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and haveing to make new ones,
Why dont you just keep the ones you got now?
-Jane

Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.
Is that ok?
-Neil

Dear God,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest invention.
-Ruth M.

Dear God,
In little times, did they really talk that fancy?
-Jennifer

Dear God,
I think about you sometimes even when I'm not praying.
-Elliot

Dear God,
I am american, what are you?
-Robert

Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother,
But what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce

Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan

Dear God,
Please put another holiday between christmas and easter.
There is nothing good in there now.
-Ginny

Dear God,
If you watch in church on sunday,
I will show you my new shoes.
-Mickey Q.

Dear God,
If we come back as something,
Please dont let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise

Dear God,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the bible.
-Love, Chris.

Dear God,
If you give me genie lamp like Alladin,
I will give you anything you want except my money or chess set.
-Raphael

We read Thos. Edison made light.
But in Sun. School they said you did it.
So I bet he stoled your idea.
-Sincerely, Donna

Dear God,
If you let the dinosaur not extinct we would not have a country.
You did the right thing.
-Jonathan

Dear God,
Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year.
-Peter

Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each so much
If they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry

I was blown away by some, moved by some. God is good.

Have child-like faith...

Bleach, Randoms

Okay, I take back what I said about MSN in the previous post. LOL. BUT!!! Yes, I like the new user panel. Great. But the contact list is the thing that's really ugly and messy. Its like wearing an ed-hardy shirt and an armani jacket with crocodile underwear/boxers with no pants/jeans. Seriously, it doesnt match! O_O.

Just watched Bleach 162.

Cool fight scenes. Im like..FINALLY! I really dont like 'mass fillers' or repeated scenes. Really waste a lot of timeframes within the show itself. One example would be the scene where Aaronierro did his espada release 3 times in 3 different episodes. Its like wearing the same underwear for 3 days consecutively.

Ive not been doing videos lately. I really have no mood. So many things are happening.

I happened to chance upon this video on YouTube and I simply love it. That hall is even bigger than the indoor stadium! LOL. And what a huge choir. Love it.



Gotta go to school. Finally somewhere where I can just be alone. Well, I am alone at home right now, but its hard, I dunno how to explain, the feeling is just different. lol. No cg this week, but having combined PM on sat, then rush down for pre-svc PM, and then serving for service.

Doing recording solo this week. Hmm Ive only done it twice and now Im soloing. :O Wow. Its not easy living monday to friday alone for 4 years, it really isnt (no classmates, no colleagues, not a single soul, etc.).

Try living like that and you'll go probably go mad before I do.

At least when I go to school I get to talk to the stall vendor. Even though its just ordering food, Im thankful enough. How many people are actually thankful they can order food from stall vendors?

I hardly think so. You guys probably even overlook something as simple as this. Thats how I learnt to live simple, and to be thankful for everything. Sometimes people dont have to say anything, they dont have to do anything for me, but just by being there, already it means all the world to me.

I really liked what Jianhao blogged in his entry:

"Prayer is good, but not if it's merely a way of avoiding responsibility". - Joyce Meyer.

Its like saying, God bless me with good results, bless me with good relationships, bless me with good money and business opportunities, but yet not willing to put in any effort, not willing to sacrifice and step out of your comfort zone. Like Ps Ulf said, to you, God is just your spiritual milk-cow.

Be faithful in the little things...

Stoned Part 2

Got shouted and scolded for peeing in the toilet.
Got scolded for doing my work and 'not working'.
Got scolded for playing on the comp and not doing my work.
Got scolded for doing my work and not 'exercising'.
Got scolded for playing the guitar.

I dont even dare to say hi anymore.

How the heck am I supposed to survive this kind of environment?

I love the new MSN look, but it sucks if ure still using WinXP. That skin is for Vista. It just looks like crap seriously, unless you have a pirated Vista desktop look on your WinXP. And I cant change the fonts on the contact list.

MS Sans Serif sucks seriously. It looks really weird and 'fat'. Arial is still the best. Tahoma too square, Verdana is a little roundish. Too bad you cant change the font. There is a way, but I dont really know how, and its probably gonna take some 'programming'.

Still no progress in my project. People's shoes get stolen everytime friends come over to my place. Makes me feel like a total jynx. If I ever find that guy who stole my friend's shoes, not just my friends' but even my bro's, Ill make sure I stuff a knife down his throat!

Shoe also want to steal, pretty damn cheapo.

He's chinese.
Height 170-174cm.
Male. Around late 20s to early 30s.
Short hair. No specs.
Wore a cyan polo tee, dark colored jeans.
Carries a blackish/dark brown bagpack.
He's left handed. (How do I know? When you carry a bagpack with one hand across your shoulder, you'll use your strong hand to carry/support it). *Most of the time.

I only saw him for a glance. Walked past the corridor near the lift. I saw through my room window for 1-2 seconds.

Never mess around with a guy who plays Hitman. I learned to identify targets and memorize faces and looks. Just dont make me take them down.

Damn frustrated. I need a quiet place to do my own thing.

Facebook Application

What's your horoscope?

June

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

200% true. lol.

Stoned

Its amazing how the stress of programming can actually nullify
the emotional hurts I got from my dad earlier on. Yea, thank God! (*Sarcasm)

What do you do when you cant sleep?
Do programming

What do you do when you just broken up?"
Do programming

What do you do when your loved one just passed away?
Do programming

What do you do when you feel like ending your life?
Do programming

What do you do when you're being offended?
Do programming

What do you do when you're feeling emo?
Do programming

What do you do when you're having PMS?
Do programming

It works. Thats how 'powerful' programming is. It will piss you off so much,
That you no longer feel your heart aching.

Yeah, Im just trying to insult programming.

And I enjoy doing that. Its fun and exciting. Highly addictive. (*Sarcasm)

SCREW PROGRAMMING, Part...900!!!

Okay, screw it. I thought Id be able to forget about it, but NO!!! GODDAMN ITS STILL HAUNTING ME!

Who in the world will do programming, you tell me! Which IDIOT!?! ME!

Always cant find help, always stuck. GODDAMN ERRORS, IM SICK OF IT!

"Hi, do you know anyone who knows programming?"
"Huh? Whats that?"
"Erm. Programming lor. Program software, codes, blablabla".
"Hmm dont think so, so boring who will study lol."
"Me. lol..yea..it sucks.."
"Haha..icic..you getting paid for ur assignment?"
"Ya..10k minimum"
"Ooh, who's in your team?"
"Solo."
"-.-"

I AINT GOT A FRIGGIN TEAM! HOW EMBARRASSING DO YOU THINK THAT IS EVERYTIME PEOPLE ASK ME THAT!

Its like asking a guy, "How's your breast size?"
Or asking a girl, "So..have you gone for penis enlargement?"

RUBBISH!

I cant take it anymore. I dont care about pay. SCREW THE MONEY! Why make my life miserable over some stupid pieces of paper with a person's face so ugly! Put my face on the dollar note better!

And Im sick and tired of asking people on some strange forums, stupid questions like, "How to use a checkboxlist?" Im sick and tired of depending on other people. Waste my time, waste my energy. Make me grow old faster only!

People ORD I go in. People get married I ORD. OHHH THATS JUST SOOOO GREAT HUH!

Maybe I should start going to the secondary schools and make new friends and forget about my current ones, besides..Im lagging too far behind. There's no way I can catch up with everyone.

Programming is satanic!
Programming is demonic!
Programming is the language of hell!
Programming the lifestyle of Satan!

SCREW PROGRAMMING!!!!

4 YEARS!!!! 4 FRIGGING LONG YEARS!!!! IVE HAD ENOUGH!!!

Osama you there? Hire me! I will bomb microsoft for you. I can assassinate Billgates too!

This is so shitty.

Sick, Dad, Thoughts

Okay, for some reason I fell sick after I left the bus, my body started feeling hot, and I started feeling lethargic and my nose started reacting. Felt really drowsy even as I sat at the library.

Something happened just now. I really dont understand my dad.

All this while, no christmas, no new year, no countdown, all those months of sacrifice and hardwork, now he tells me, "Dont give me excuses for not working!" WTF MAN! WTF!!!!!

EXCUSES!?!? All those months of pain and sorrow and now you tell me they are just EXCUSES TO YOU!?!

Can earning 1,500 a month be compared to earning 10,000 in 20 weeks!?! Come on, dont give me that crap! You talk to me like I have never changed. You talk to me like Im like someone else you know.

There are people who cant be bothered, stay at home and rot their lifetime away. DONT COMPARE ME WITH THEM! Just because you know people like that doesnt give you the right to stereotype me with such lowlives like them!

Not even once you encouraged me! Not even once you supported what I was doing! Its been 21 years. Maybe I wont even get a single encouragement all my lifetime!

When I fail you blame me for not working hard. Fine. When I pass, you ask me to be careful not to fail! Is failure all you see in your eyes?

Is fear and doubt all you see? Come on! God is real! DONT LIVE AS IF HE'S DEAD!

You keep on asking me why I seem to ignorant to your words. So you are telling me that you dont even know what you are saying??? ARE YOU EVEN CONSCIOUS OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING? You're not posessed are you!?!

As long as your words are negative, I wont give a damn what you say! I listen to the voice of God, to the voice of faith, not the voice of doubt or the voice of fear. Why should my life's boundaries be framed by your words!?!

Do you even DARE to believe in your own son?

If Im in the wrong and you scold me, Im fine. But come on, even when my programming went from an F to an A, all you told me was, "You see? God has blessed you with good results. Next time you better work hard, dont think God will keep on blessing you..."

Oh...SO I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND YOU TELL ME, its luck!?! COME ON!

Sorry but I have no idea who your god is!

Im not just lonely, because everyday Im stuck at the comp looking at codes, Im lonely because even at home, I dont have anyone who understands. No one I can turn to. My mum's busy and I told myself, I will grow up and learn to be more responsible, which I can say I did, even the slightest improvement.

But still, I can never be good enough for dad. If you want a perfect son, Im sorry, I cant be your perfect son. I smiled and say hi to you, and you shouted back at me and scolded me for not going out to work!

Im not your garbage chute for you to dump your emo-ness on me!

Last time when I was young, I cried when you scolded me. Not because you were fierce, but because you wronged me all the time. And you scolded me for crying.

And when I tried to explain, you scolded me for talking back and being rude. When I said nothing because I was afraid of you, you scolded me for not being open and honest, and worse still, you scolded me because you said I was rude by not answering you when you talk to me!

WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT!?! When my mouth is shut, Im rude. When I open my mouth, Im rude. What? You want me to open my BUTTHOLE AND TALK TO YOU FROM MY BUTT!?!

I know you're trying to help and you're concerned and all. Im sorry Im not able to do anything about it. I cant possibly change the way you think about me. I dont blame anyone. I dont expect you to be perfect either. Im willing to go on living like this if you're happy saying those things to me, Ill let you say them.

I wont retaliate, neither will I defend myself. You are always right, I am always wrong.

Maybe this is the first time Im blogging this. Maybe some of you think, Im blessed. Well..Im trying really hard to smile everyday. Yes, everyone goes through problems, but I never mentioned this to anyone.

I dont know if anyone understands, the extent of loneliness I go through.

Everytime I see people with friends, classmates, colleagues, even some hanging out with strangers, Im always at one corner, by myself.

Every single day, I live by myself. If you place a CCTV above my head, monday to friday. You'll realise that the only person you see in the circuit TV monitor is me. I dont come into contact with anyone else at all.

I really dont know how to continue, living by myself all the time. Learning to suppress my hurts, suppress my anger all the time, even though I know its not good for my mental well-being. But what can I do? There no one around. I cant possibly talk to strangers.

Its no good just to have msn or phone, being physically there means a lot to me. Thats why I treasure fellowship. Thats why I feel hurt when people dont turn up for service or celgrp. Im not angry or anything, Im more hurt than angry.

Just dont tick me off. If you're smart you dont wanna release 21 years of suppressed anger. Seriously you dont. Okay not 21 years, the last time I shouted back at someone was I think sec1. And that was my bro. I have not shouted at anyone other than people within my family since pri1. Hard to believe? But true.

I was fat and ugly. I was defenseless and bullied all the time. Looked down upon by people, hurt emotionally by parents. To me, I had no value, no future, no talent, I just wished I didnt exist, it didnt really matter because I looked like the kind of person no one would be friends with.

I had zero confidence, shy (I am still btw), no self-esteem whatsoever.

Since then (pri1) I have not shouted anymore at anyone outside my family. I knew that whats the point in defending myself, whats the point in explaining myself, if no one would listen at all. I go to church, sunday school, but it was religion.

I never had a relationship with God like I had now. I felt so useless and worthless, because I looked atrocious and I didnt really talk much. When I got angry, I didnt use my mouth, I used my hands. Throwing stones at those kids who bullied me at the playground, even taking a knife at home.

If it werent for God, I wouldnt still be alive. I wouldve ended my life. If it werent for God, I wouldnt have had the guts to do videos and take photos.

When I first came to chc, I was still a little ugly and of no value. The first few close friends that I made were Evan, Pow wee, Pam, Peng, Quincy and Yong Ren.

I have changed a lot. Not everybody sees it.

Its okay, I dont expect anyone to know.

Why terrorists bomb more buses than trains

Warning! This is a rant! LOL.

Okay, so today's weather was really hot. Just standing at the bus stop made me perspire. So yea, like any typical singaporean, we would glee with joy the moment we see an air-conditioned bus heading our way.

So, with such great anticipation, I boarded the bus. Only to realise, ZOMFG the aircon isnt working! So..it was even more hot inside than outside!

Can you believe it!?! ITS A MIRACLE! A SBS BUS IS HOTTER THAN THE SUN!

Call it, the greenhouse effect. But I looked around, and I dont see any green houses. O_O. Only some orangey gray HDB flats. =|

Now I was perspiring even more inside! And I dont know why I was so stupid enough to stay inside until I reached school! Yes..Im at school now, working on my project. Wow, Andrew so hardworking!

Everyone will come to a point where he is sick and disgusted with procrastinating, likewise, Im sick and tired of trying to find help and not being able to get any.

And so, I was standing in the bus, trying to control my frustration, grabbing the pole with all my might. Then there was this person standing, he looked like he was gonna black out. OMG.

CUSTOMER SERVICE EH?

If a bus isnt working in the first place why cant you use another bus!?! Is the earth having a steel shortage? No right? Come on, at least open the door. You make a fool out of me, Im fine, but the moment you show your selfishness and affect other people, I will get offended.

Seriously, if I had telekinetic powers I wouldve ripped open the aircon shaft with my fingers!

Or take out a pistol and shoot the aircon shaft to allow the air to come out. OR....!!!!

Ill become a terrorist and bomb the entire bus myself! Since it isnt working, why not scrap it and recycle it!?! And you know what? Guess what's above the bus driver?

8 aircons!!! OMG!!! EIGHT!!!!

And here passengers are struggling with heat, and stuffiness. What if one of them is sick? So inconsiderate. Worse still, its not that the aircon isnt working. The aircon is FARTING!

So weak you cant even feel anything unless you put your hand near it. And even if you do, guess what you feel? HOT AIR!

So not only it isnt blowing cold air,
Not only it isnt even blowing, but breathing,
It is blowing hot air! OMG!

So little oxygen! If some lady is pregnant inside the bus how? What about the elderly? What about the asthmatic? Come on! SERVICE? Yea right. Service indeed, your bus needs servicing!

No wonder more terrorists bomb buses than trains!

Because they intended to bomb trains, cus can have more 'frags'. But then when they sit the bus, they cannot tahan. So they decided to be environment friendly, and scrap the bus themselves without emitting too much pollution compared to metal recycling factories!

BAHAHA! TAKE THAT!

If there's one person you dont wanna irritate is to irritate a lame person. He doesnt have to retaliate, he just needs to freeze you and make you shut up. lol.

So, in conclusion, the theory of why terrorists bomb buses more than trains, can be summed up into one statement:

The Terrordrone (Terrorist + Androne) Theory.

MUAHAHA!

CG, Service, Encounter

CG was good. Here comes the birth of Timo's CG (Connect Grp) lol. What shall we call it?

Joycelyn, Timo, Andrew. Hmm. JAT sounds nice haha. Tidrewlyn sounds cool too LOL.

Anyway, reached for service after CG in the middle of sermon. It was good, about the temple of God, the body of Christ and a little about the book of revelation.

Cant believe I was dozing off for awhile. I was like..at the last row, so hard to feel the anointing of God. :( But I managed to catch most of the message.

One thing Ps Ulf said that blew me away was:

You are not who you are because of what you do.
You do what you do because of who you are.

Haha sounds very deep. But it was really a great revelation. Thank God for wisdom and understanding, its a really powerful revelation. To me personally at least. haha.

After service went to JP with QY to accompany her to buy a wallet for her friend. Haha. Poo wallet LOL! Okay it wasnt really a wallet, more like a pencil case haha. Wallet Shop sell pencil case, pro. LOL.

Okay maybe its a wallet, a REALLY HUGE one. Or something. It can be used in many ways haha..so cant really judge by its looks.

Something happened when I reached home.

Nobody was at home and I was just talking to God, about celgrp, service and about my life and all. And so, I heated up this packet of charsiew roast pork rice my mum bought for me before she left for her church activity.

As I was eating..presence of God touched me and I cried!

Can you believe it! I was eating and I wept! :O

I dunno what came to me. As I was eating away and I had said my grace. But its like I was still saying grace even after I had started eating. Thanking God for the food. The more I thanked him for the rice, for the meat, the more I started crying for some reason.

And it was just an encounter I have never experienced before.

What touched me, was the fact that when I look at myself, at my imperfection, I saw the times I let God down, the times I grieved the Holy Spirit by doing things that I shouldnt, by procrastinating, by not reading His word or spending time with Him..so many times I took Him for granted.

And here I am..blessed with food in my mouth. And I began to think of people out there who dont even have a grain of rice. And I began to cry.

"God..I dont know what to say.."

"How can one's love be so great? The times Ive let you down, the times I neglected you, yet you have blessed me with a great family, with food in my mouth. You feed those who let you down, you serve those who persecute you."

"God, I wanna be more like you. God, I wanna make you smile. I know Im not perfect, Im just a creation and you are my Creator. And I have done nothing to deserve food, I have done nothing to deserve anointing. Yet because You loved me, you freely gave."

"How wonderful, how beautiful, name above every name, exalted high.."

And as I sat there, I can tell you I was crying like a child before God, and I began to sing this really old song:

Renew my life, Lord Jesus
I never want to be the same

Renew my life, Lord Jesus
Place this heart inside of me

In my life and thoughts
There are so many things
That need a change that only
Your love can bring

And I need to be transformed
Into Your likeness O Lord
Change this heart inside of me

Sometimes we get so busy, so occupied with service, so occupied with celgrp, that we forget the simple things, we forget the little things, even something as simple as thanking God for a family, thanking God for food to eat, for air to breathe.

Sometimes in my posts I can appear very sophisticated. But Im a really simple and down to earth person. To God, Im just like everyone else.

I did a recording for this song, but apparently file uploading is screwing me. Upload failed. Upload failed. So irritating. Ill try to get it up asap. :(

Simplicity, humility, brokenness.

Ministry, Pre-Service PM, Service

One lesson learnt: Never let your guard down.

Yes, we can pray for things and we can believe God for things, but sometimes, the unexpected happens and you just have to be ready to look at things in the eye and say, I will conquer.

Yea..something happened to me today that led me to a panic attack and intensity, for a moment, I was exposed to something that I have never expected before.

I will always remember this words Pam told me about a year ago, "There's always a first time for everything." Okay, she didnt really come up with that quote, but it was really in a situation I was going through, that those words came to me like a double-edged sword, a rhema, a kairos moment, that changed my life forever.

For the first time, I was left alone in front of the sound board, with no hands on experience, and Ps Aries was in front and no sound was coming out. What do you do? Everything happened in 5 seconds..and if you're not careful, you'd be caught off guard, which I was.

Really have to thank everyone who was there with me. I believe all of us had gone through something like that and know how it feels so be 'stunned' haha. For those who havent, one day you will. lol.

For the first time, I think some of u saw a side of ps kong that u have never seen before haha. And I think ps tan looks good with specs. He wore them during OPM.

Service was great, Ps Ulf was good as usual haha. I love his life stories, they're just so amazing. It just stirs up a hunger inside of me, to live a life of the supernatural. All in all, it was a good day, except from some hickups from a 'special friend' lol. Which honestly, I dont regard as a friend haha.

You gotta choose your friends wisely and who you allow into your life. Go listen to Dr Robb's sermon haha! I wont waste my energy blogging the same thing everytime. lol.

Love does not equal approval.

You can love someone without approving his/her lifestyle. And all of us need a revelation on what love really is. Is not so much as to go about the motion, but its really about knowing the spirit behind everything. To see things from God's perspective.

Since OPM, my stomach's been feeling weird, like gastric/tightness/diarrhoea-ish, maybe because Im not used to eating a meal so late and then sleeping like 6 plus in the morning, where my stomach would normally be in a state of rest.

Its been like what? One year? Since I last had OPM. If there's 2 preparations you can do, it is to first of all, pace your prayer, so that you do not lose your voice or worn yourself out halfway through. Lastly, prepare your stomach and body physically.

Oh yes, why did I upload 2 posts at once? Cus the first post, I blogged last night after I came home from OPM, saved as draft, fell asleep and this morning rushed down for ministry so I didnt have time to upload haha.

CG tmr, then maybe go for JW service. Ps Ulf Ekman finale! Haha..last time he came for JW church, every service in JW he laid hands! =) I remembered the time I got laid hands and received 3 DIFFERENT impartations in 3 different services, all in one weekend! =)

I just have a feeling the HS is gonna move in a great way tmr. We have time to tarry and let God minister, and the presence of God in that place is really phenomenal.

Time to prepare for the last lap of the race for this week! =) After all is said and done, its back to programming! =/

Overnight PM

Whoa. AWESOMENESS! Later pre-service PM, praying again! WOOSH! haha. Service with Ps Ulf is gonna be a blast man. LOL.

Praise and worship, even though was long, but we tarried and the presence of God came at the end. One of the cool things, I would say the first time we ever did such a thing, was that during session 2, we had our affiliated pastors from overseas, to video conference during OPM via Skype. haha.

Ps Kevin was so funny, he had that sleepy look on the face and his expressions and reactions were simply priceless. hahahaha. Everyone was laughing lol. But it was fun haha.

Then we had Pastor Wayne, man..he's a real joker and dramaking haha. He's the man lol. "Ladies and gentlemen, your pastor, is a prophet! He's the man!" haha. And how he talked about his wife, aww so sweet. =)

Spending valentines day having prayer meeting, hahaha..he's the man!

Of course there were others and it was just so fun haha. laughing non-stop lol.

Reached home about 5.45. Waited for the first bus haha. 1st train was 5.30, first bus 5.15. So many people took public transport haha.

Serving later. Service is gonna be great.

Gotta run. =)

OPM!!!

It is here! ZOMG! ITS FINALLY HERE!!! OPM TONIGHT!!! HAHAHA!!!

One of the greatest revelations Ive come across is this:

Commitment is not whether you can or not.
Commitment is whether you want to or not.

Which kinda reminds me of the message on Preference VS Conviction. Man, I gotta get hold of the CD or from somewhere. Its one of the few messages that revolutionalised my life. It was one of the turning points in my life.

Being there for every service, every celgrp meeting, every BS class, every PM, really came from that one message alone. Its hard to believe for me to have perfect attendance for 4-5 years, but its not impossible, I have proven it lol.

Where is your heart?
Where is your focus?
What is your foundation?
What is your deepest desire?

Life is a test of character.
Failing is no excuse for you to quit.

Gotta love this song by MAB! yeah! haha. :)

Changed skin

Changed skin. This skin frees up more space on the page for my entries haha, the previous skin looked a little cramped up.

Ill be using the new color scheme for my fonts from this post onwards.

Pardon the orangey yellow font. Im not gonna re-color every post lol. Just make do with whatever's here first or just highlight the text if ure unable to see.

Short post

I really have no mood to program anymore. Seriously. I jus wanna stop. Okay, I shall not dwell on it. Just wanna make a short and sweet post here.

You can never be there for someone all the time.
No one on earth can be there for you all the time.
You cant suck pacifier and drink from a milk bottle all the time.
Grow up, take initiative, take ownership.

God doesnt require us to be perfect,
He requires that we try and give our best.
In everything that we do,
We do with joy, we do with gladness, gratitude,
And a heart of servanthood.

Does He know some tasks He gave you is impossible?
Of course He does. But why does He still assign it to you?
Its not to see you become perfect overnight.
But its to see you mature over time.

Its not about comfort, its not even about how successful you are.
Your first calling is not to ministry, but to Him and Him alone.
Its about character, its about love, its about relationship.
At the end of the day, its not about what you have achieved,
But its about how you have grown and become more like Him.

Good things naturally come, the moment our focus is right.
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,
And all these things will be added unto you.

Live one day at a time.
Dont regret yesterday,
Dont worry about tomorrow.
What are you doing TODAY?

Faith IS now.
Without faith, it is impossible to please God.
Whatever is not of faith, IS sin.

What are you here for? No.
Whom are you here for!

What are you seeking?
Where is your focus?

Reflect. Think about it. Change. And move on.
Life is short, make every second count.

Dr Robb Thompson

I dug this up from our website :) From my greatest speaker of all time and my greatest inspiration! Haha..most of my quotes and blog entries were inspired by him. =))

Click below to watch a video on "The Relationship Quotient (RQ)".

VIDEO LINK

It is the height of deception and arrogance to think that we determine the outcome of our lives, while in truth, our life is determined by those to whom we give access.

Good doesnt influence evil. Evil influences good.
Good is a choice! But evil is an influence.

Confusion is the result of refusing to make decision!

This message is just awesome! Choosing the right friends! Relationships! Success! There's so many things I can blog about..haha..but the video says it all!

Adam's greatest speaker is Dr AR Bernard. This guy is my greatest inspiration! haha. This video was taken in 2006. But its gonna bless you!

Its a MUST see!!! =)

CG, Service, Housewarming, Reflections

CELGRP

Wanna start with CG. Adam came to my place at 930 to practice, pray and to stir ourselves up. Though I had an encounter, presence of God flooded my being, yet, we feel we arent breaking through, it cant just be a few individuals, all of us have to contribute to the atmosphere and that was what 'worried' us in a way.

Its so early in the morning. Will people be tired? Etc. So we went to Thad's house and prayed round 2. Then cg started, all in all, I find it okay, I dunno about u guys. But its definitely not at its best. Its a period of transition for most of us.

But like I prayed, if God can show up when we had night cg at my house and liz's house, if God can show up during afternoon cg at adam's house, He can definitely show up again in the morning, because He is faithful.

And its towards the end of the worship where I felt a 'slight' breakthrough in the atmosphere, even though it may be small and not really very obvious, but at least it did. There was a breaking. Something was happening.

Sometimes as a guitarist, if the atmosphere isnt good, Ill tend to feel really stressed and tense. Sometimes we serve God and the celgrp so much, we tend to forget that we are not alone in this. That we dont have to bear everything on our own, because we have a celgrp that cares, a leader that cares.

I dont know, Im a very self-reflective person, and I think and feel a lot. Being someone who's quiet most of the time, I tend to be..well, not say more discerning, but rather more inquisitive. But really, we need all sorts of people in the celgrp, the rahrahs, the thinkers, the planners, the sympathisers, etc. Thats what makes us unique.

There is only one me in the whole world. You can find no one else like me. Thats how unique God has made me to be. Yes..you can find lots of introverted people in the world, but seriously, there's only one Andrew, theres only one you.

Thats why I treasure friendships a lot. People think.."Nahh..its okay, there are so many people out there like him, like her.." But no. There is only ONE.

SERVICE

Even though we ended cg late, we managed to rush down for service and catch the worship. Message was good and really..Bro Suraj told us during our sound briefing, dont be so occupied with serving, but really be a worshipper.

Sometimes we just got to take the extra effort to enjoy a 'full service'.

Oh yes, last night after our sound briefing, while we were clearing our stations, one of the greeters at the refreshments area asked us if we could help to finish the food :)) HOORAY! Hahaha. It was nice. I had 2 tuna sandwiches and 2 glasses of fruit punch.

And its so cool, the wine glass, the smartly dressed waiter, makes it look so classy. And its really a waste when I saw one whole tray of sandwiches and I was already full!

I just hope next time, if we can, try to finish the food. I mean, afterall, its our offering money too. Having given so much to the house of God, seeing abundance of food wasted makes my heart pain. lol. =/ I dont dare imagine every week, this amount of food is wasted :x Oh wells. Just something that caught my attention haha.

HOUSEWARMING

House warming at Liz's was awesome. And I cooked my arm hahaha. But its fine now. I dont think anyone saw, lol..the fire was really fierce, I spread the butter and honey halfway, the flame shot up across my arm. WOOT. It was so fast I had no time to react lol.

Haha can ask the guys, just putting your hand above the pit was already scorching, to have a flame shoot up is MAN! hahaha. Then got one time, the pit 'exploded' hahaha. Thad and I were sitting on the bar stools while Thomas was making the food, when sparks flew and landed on us hahaha.

Im the artistic cook, Thomas is the explosive cook haha. The pit literally 'exploded' into sparks flying all over the place hahaha. Thank God for jeans lol.

But it was fun haha. So much joy in serving, in helping.

Liz's house is UBER POSH! And the room gosh in front of the window! The interior designer sure outperformed my expectations of a house's interior design. Ive never seen such beauty and splendour for a long long time! Man..blew me away! Haha.

They even had a water dispenser that converted air into water! How cool is that!?! And the BBQ pit by the poolside has its own spa tub or mini jacuzzi for EACH BBQ pit! And people could sit in there and enjoy the food at the same time! WOOSH!

There's also a mini fridge underneath the pit! Along with something else..what was it? haha. =/

REFLECTIONS

Celebrated Adam's birthday. Haha. It was just a happy happy day for me. But I wasnt satisfied. When I reached home, there was really a longing to touch God. Celgrp was just nice, service was a little late. Im not satisfied to end this day without experiencing the tangible presence of God.

So I sat in my room, and..

I didnt look like I had problems, but yea, I had many and I began to pour out my heart to God. And I took the guitar and played. Instantly, God showed up. Just like in our pre-cg PMs aka Secret Place Gathering (SPG).

Tears just kept flowing and I was in love all over again. It was just a God moment. And its really amazing how love can make someone look silly, I was telling God.."God, I wish I could sing to you a love song everyday." So 'rou ma' hahaha. :$

And I did had a song, I had 3-4 songs actually, during that period of intimacy. But I didnt record cause, it was just a kairos moment. It was too precious to me for me to let go. I was alone at home, so in a way, I was more free and expressive.

And we should experience this everyday. Not just in celgrp, but even in your own QT.

I didnt learn guitar to play in front of people..really. I never intended to be a celgrp guitarist.

I blogged before how I became a guitarist, but Ive never blogged about "Why guitar?".

When I first got interested in guitar, I never had the desire to play in front of people, never. haha. I was shy, I had low self esteem, etc. I never had the desire to self learn things like scales, progressions, chords, etc. I was a lazy person! LOL.

All I wanted, was to be able to have a 'decent' quiet time.

The reason why I learned guitar in the first place, was really about God. I got to a point where I told myself, I cant be listening to praise and worship everyday for QT. I wanted to do more. I love God so much, but I just couldnt come to a point where I can express THAT love to Him.

And that was why I learned the guitar. Initially, it was just for my quiet time. I saw pow wee play during celgrp. I encountered God so many times during the meetings. But I wanted to take that same anointing, that same presence home.

But I was still young then, I didnt know better, I was in love and I attempted the silly lovey dovey things, one of which, was to learn to play the guitar. And just from the simple desire to be a WORSHIPPER, look at where God has brought me today.

When I look back, I can say nothing, really. God said everything for me.

I also wanted to learn the keyboard/piano. But since I started my path down as CGGuitarist, I knew where my calling was. Maybe one day, Ill make learning piano/keyboard as one of my new year resolutions haha.

Oh yes, one of my new year resolutions for 2008 is really to learn to cook a decent home cooked meal. Haha. Eh dont think guys cant cook okay..haha..all the chefs in hotels and restaurants are all guys. hahaha. Im not saying girls cant cook haha. But yea u get the point lol.

I really wanna improve myself this year, in so many areas. And I can see slight progress so far. And thats good :D This week is gonna be great. But it will be bumpy. Gotta finish up my program. =/ Program, I HATE typing that word! :(

Values, The Strength of a Man

Service was great. Even as I was serving, the moment I stepped into the hall for awhile, tears welled up in my eyes when they sang this song. It was just awesome.

My paper was a bit disappointing least to say, I left one and a half questions blank. =/ But I really thank God, that the things I studied came out, and the things I didnt manage to study, didnt come out. And I think, thats really the favor of God.

He did it once, for my O levels, haha, those who were mugging Social Studies with me will know, lol..the things I studied came out, the things I didnt manage to study didnt come out.

1. Loyalty
2. Commitment
3. Respect
4. Accountability
5. Family
6. Love
7. Faithfulness
8. Hardwork
9. Integrity
10. Generosity

These are the 10 foundations, not just us as believers, but I believe everyone should have as their core foundation in their lives if they wanna build anything that last, whether is it relationships, marriage, family, education or their careers.

One shouldnt just build their lives on talents or abilities alone, but its all about character! Its all about values! What are VALUES?

They are:

1. Visible - they form your identity.

Looks and talents may get you there, but its character that keeps you there!

2. Attract - they are like a magnet. People of value will draw other people of value. You become who you follow, so dont blame circumstances, dont blame others when you're feeling bad about yourself or when you're feeling down. Take ownership of your own emotions! Of your own life!

I dont believe in fate. Fate is really for lazy, irresponsible, undecisive people.

3. Lead - they are like a compass. They point you the direction. Right values point you to the right direction, wrong values point you to the wrong direction.

4. Unite - they are like glue.

Your character is something only YOU can change.

Even God doesnt have the power to change your character, He can only help you and guide you, ultimately, the choice is yours.

5. Establish - they are like a foundation. I came up with this really cool revelation a few days ago. A right foundation is firm and unshakable. So how do you know if you have the wrong foundations? When your life is shaky and messed up. (When it shakes lor haha )

Its simple common sense. X cannot be Y, Y cannot be X.

6. Standard - they are like a ruler.

Your attitude determines your altitude.

Its not about what you do, its about how you do, the joy, the passion that comes with doing. Its not about what you say, but about how you say. Sometimes we can feel like NOT saying anything, but really, the worse things a person can say...is nothing.

This shows a person cant be bothered, a person is double-minded, the person is not willing to rise up to the occasion. Configure your values the right way! Dont just do the good thing, do the right thing!

Well, I didnt exactly got all the notes, just here and there...and the main points, so yea, celgrp later, then rush down for JW service! Yeah! hahaha..I love JW. And FINALLY!!! OVERNIGHT PRAYER MEETING! WOOHOO! lol.

I shall end with the quotes on really, the strength of a man:

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It's in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It's how good a buddy he is with his children.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It's in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest.
It's in his heart, that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved.
It's in being true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It's in the burdens he can carry.

WOW! =)

How do you know, when someone says, "I understand what you are going through", really means it? When he is able to be an encouragement. And how is he able to do that? You cant really encourage someone unless you have been there before, and you came out of it victorious.

I have been through a lot, and I really thank God that He didnt waste my experiences. I realised how Im able to encourage so many people, publicly, privately, is not because Im super spiritual or super discerning, its really, the things I go through, is the summation of everything and everyone I have encouraged.

The more people I can encourage, simply reflects the more tough times, Ive gone through and some things that I went through, will forever remain a scar. Yes its been healed, yes the bleeding has stopped, but its there, to serve as a mark, of a God of the impossible, of the God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think..

Not by our own strengths, but according to the power, that works in us.

It is the grace of God that carried me through my darkest days. Its not easy being an encourager, it really isnt. I have to go through so many things, and I really thank God for bringing me to where I am.

Its really not about me, its about the one, its about Him, whom I live for, whom I laid down my life for and say, take all of me, in exchange for all of You..

You know whats frustrating?

When you're so stressed up or worn out that you dont even realise the answer sheet you're looking at is the wrong one!!!! OMG!!!

Ive been chionging like crazy for the past year exam papers, getting stressed out and clueless and helpeless, only to realise at 2.40am that Ive been looking at the wrong answer sheet all this while! Graaaaah!!!!! lol. :(

There goes my final exam =((( I blew it again!

I really wish I have the mood to serve after my exam. :( Exams on saturday is so weird. lol.

Went to the 24hr Mac @ Pioneer Mall just now with Tor, Kar, Laughing Kar, Eileen, the twin Chins and another guy..forgot his name. haha. Great ppl from the 2 greatest celgrps in JW. haha..all stay near church and around my house.

Its always great to get to meet new people and be exposed to a different celgrp setting. Well, yes, there are many times I get to play for other celgrps, but fellowshipping with other celgrps is a totally different experience.

When Laughing Kar heard my remix she cracked, and for 20minutes she saw ALL my videos! LOL! Can you imagine the nuclear physics involved here!?! Cracking for 20 minutes, each video getting more intense! LOL.

Ultimate. She never runs out of battery man, even if she does, she can auto recharge, or leech other people's battery by laughing even more, making everyone else laugh too..haha! Really Infectious and contagious man! LOL

Mugged till like 3am. Then walked home with Tor and Kar, Tor is as lame as ever haha..cracking the most random and hilarious jokes. Haha. I like the story about the friends who went to see sunrise only to realise they were facing the wrong direction and the sun rose from behind them! LOL! So cartoon can! hahaha

And yea, its disappointing to know Ive been studying from the wrong answer sheet! :( But what can I do now except to pray? :S I did my best and Im ready to give all Ive got.

Go go power rangers! Haha I like this song! This version is played by a metal band. Not bandai haha. So I find the guitar solos very cool.

And yes, I made my first music remix from a dutch song track sent to me by an AruaROSE friend, hahaha. He saw my videos! =/ OOPS.

PM me and I can send you the song haha its only a 15 second sample. :P Its called, Konijntje Wiebel (Androne Monkey Remix) HAHA!

Time to get some rest. The last thing I wanna do is to wake up late!! So many things bothering me now. Cant believe I wasted one entire day getting stressed with WRONG answers when in actual fact, the answer sheet was the wrong one =/

David ran to the battle.

Video 22 and Video 23

Sorry I didnt manage to do any CNY videos haha in fear that I would end up spoiling the mandaring oranges by smashing em onto my face LOL.

Its been awhile since I uploaded any videos so here's 2. (PS: Disable imeem first!)



Some stupid things you dont wanna attempt on a guitar LOL. (Retarded Guitarist 2)



Yeah, the first daylight you see in my videos LOL. (Unusual Reaction to Light)

No, I did NOT change my clothes just to take 2 videos! Hahaha..both were recorded on different days, I was just lazy to upload LOL.

Mugger, MORE RANTS, Pollution

Okay, this is totally trash lol. I NEED HELP!!!!!!! ARRGH!!!!!!

Stares at the word, "Linear programming". WTH another programming! LOL. Okay, its graphs, but still Im stuck O_O. My brain totally isnt working right now.

Everytime I wanna mug a little more, I think of the programming for NUH. And it totally freezes me out. Last week was chinese new year, so didnt have time to do. The week before, mugging for practical test, this week, supposed to mug for final exam, but Im expected to submit a completed version of the software.

What on earth am I supposed to do? This is ridiculous. Ive never been so stressed in my entire life before. Im serving this saturday, so Ill probably be going for sunday service, but celgrp, I was informed a few days ago, that its on sunday.

And few days before the notification, I had a friend asking around for makeup celgrp on friday nights in Jurong area, so I told her Id help her to make arrangements to come for my cg. And so now I have to make re-arrangements for her to get to another celgrp.

Graah, Im so busy I dont even have time to talk to anybody. This whole week I talked to maybe just one or two people, other than that, Im stuck in front of this stupid laptop, either staring at stupid codes or looking at past exam papers. O_O

I really cant stand it anymore. 4 years of nonsense, Ive had enough. I cant stand being unproductive for 4 years. Learning programming is like reformatting your comp every month. Which I actually did during my first year, because Toshiba was so 'faithful'.

Screw the guy who invented programming. Id rather live in a suburban area with a lovely wife, nice family, and be a farmer and live a simple life. All this shit is driving me nuts. Seriously.

Hmm maybe I could go wikipedia and find out the guy who's behind all this. Go to his grave and pee on it! Bahaha!

Oh yes, I wanna get a paypal account. I wanna buy MAB's CDs!! The new songs are so cool. But they dont sell it here! Graah!. lol.

Haha, one more thing, if you've been to my house you'll know my room faces the corridor, and last night outside, I think around midnight or something, they started burning stuffs outside my room! OMG! My room kena smoked!

I could call the fire brigade man! LOL. Luckily my room dont have fire alarm or smoke detector, if not sure kena drenched! O_O.

Oh no, my block is catching fire!
Oh no, singapore is catching fire! (Cause everyone's burning stuffs).
Oh no, global warming!
Oh no, greenhouse gases!
Oh no, ice poles melting!
Oh no, sea rising!
Oh no, incoming tsunami!

No wonder today is total defence day and they sound the air raid alarm! HAHAHA! Cause too many people burning. LOL!

But seriously, you wanna burn stuffs, Im okay, just watch where you burn that thing! When I saw the incense coming into my room, I thought you were praying and worshipping me.

Thank you, thank you! Im so honored to be your god! LOL!

Crap.

Programming, ROSE, Rants, Delirious

Screw programming. Cant it just get the hell out of my life? Im sick of it. Im sick of working so hard and yet even my own parents dont appreciate it. Its only 10-20k what..so what? I dont see anything attractive, not enough to motivate me, thats for sure.

If you dont feel like talking, if you dont know what to say, then dont say anything. Im not your punching bag. You wanna release your stress and anger, go do something creative like play some games instead of making a whole lot of noise.

Ha! Why I can control my emotions so effectively? Because I play online games! Not just because its fun, but because the people inside make me feel so welcomed and appreciated and loved. Being a cleric, I buff people voluntarily and when they say thanks, it brings a smile to my face.

Its easy to earn money inside and when I give away 500k, 1mil, and the person gets happy, I feel happy too. And there are also great christians inside the game too. I get to meet nice people. Who are encouraging, and being there for me. And I enjoy helping them and listening to their problems and rants too.

If you really think online games is so bad, then I suggest you stop seeing everything in the world as bad. God has common grace and I get to meet so many people inside that Ive kept in contact for over 4 years now.

And please dont go round stereotyping westerners as a rather 'aggressive' people. They are not. Ive met some really nice people and we chat online all the time.

Sorry for the lack of updates, I dont really have anything to update about, other than getting pissed off by programming. I just wanna get the heck out of this area and FINALLY MOVE ON! Gosh. The only time a programmer can rest is when Information Technology stops for even ONE SECOND!

Every few months, new software versions, every year, new advances in programming language, every few years, new technology. Come on, this will never end! Until the Lord returns that is! "Then why dont you go with the flow and improve yourself?"

EXACTLY! Ive accomplished NOTHING for the past FOUR YEARS, other than....IMPROVING MYSELF! Gosh! I spend more time studying then making software, I spend more time updating my software than actually doing something! I spend more time learning than I have applying! This is nonsense!

Now that Im looking for help again..NOBODY IN SIGHT!

And I still have to study for my exam this saturday and Im meeting the guy at NUH tomorrow to show my 'supposedly, final product'! WTH! I just wanna mug for my paper and throw my 10k and 20k away. Please.

I really want my freedom. Even if you give me a million dollars for my project Id still stick to mugging for my last paper! Id rather lose tons of money than to get stuck in this cursed programming for another year!

And boy oh boy, in this course Im taking, I have no one I know, so no one to study with. This just sucks. I got question, I dont know who to ask, apart from my teachers. Sounds familiar eh? Sounds exactly LIKE CURSED PROGRAMMING even though its QUANTITATIVE LOGISTICS ANALYSIS!

On the note, happy valentines day to all. Ill just sit at home and have sex with my laptop. Yea right. People are going out, giving and receiving gifts, spending time with friends, MEETING PEOPLE at least, Im stuck in front of a NON LIVING OBJECT. Yes, I didnt even go out today. How pathetic huh?

Christmas. Stuck with laptop.
Thanksgiving. Stuck with laptop.
New year countdown. Stuck with laptop.
Chinese new year. 2nd day stuck with laptop.
Valentines. Stuck with laptop AND lecture notes.

Talk about having no life.

Yeah, I know some unknown person is gonna leave some stupid comments on my entry who dont even know me. It always happens. If you're expecting me to be perfect, then Im sorry, you can leave now, go end your life or something and you'll find perfect people in heaven. Oh, Im sorry ending your own life doesnt take you to heaven, oh wells.

For goodness sake please read the title, this is a rant! Not some deliberate entry to offend you. If you're so weak and easily offended I got nothing to say.

They say: Technology will change the face of a nation.

VERY TRUE! It has changed my face for sure!

Oh yes, for those who dont know, the lead drummer for Delirious has left the band to pursue the change in God's leading upon his calling in his life. They've been such a great band. Ill definitely miss him. Will you? Haha.

Thanks Wyelin for this song.

I didnt ask for it, but you sent me all of a sudden haha..thanks. Wo bei mo le. :P

Project, Exams

Andrew, stop procrastinating.

Isnt 10,000 to 20,000+ bucks motivating enough?

Erm..not really.

I think there's really something wrong with me. 10k to 20k bucks isnt enough to motivate me to do my programming, always dragging and procrastinating. Gotta get rid of this bad habit. =/

Went to school today, when I stepped into school, it was surprisingly empty. And I felt even more tense the moment I saw the signs along the way that wrote: Block 56 -> Examination Room. =/ You have no idea how shocked and stunned I am.

"Oh crap, did I miss another exam again!?!" How many times must this happen to me!?! So I quickly took out my laptop and checked my email, nope, no signs of any exams. But something still didnt feel right, I kept on checking and checking, cold sweat was coming down my forehead.

"No..Im come so far, suffered so much, sacrificed so much, dont let it end like this.."

And I saw my exam timetable, only one paper, for the only module Im taking, Saturday morning! OMGoodness!

At least that's a relief, now I really cant procrastinate anymore, for my project that is, because now Im back to mugging for my exams. GOSH! When am I ever gonna finish this nonsense. O_O.

I hope I dont have to blog a whole rant on programming on my next entry :x

Guess Ill be mugging this valentine's, not that I have anyone to spend with to begin with..haha.

Service, Love

Okay, I was DEAD tired yesterday, haha. But service was still good.

And God is so good, and Im so amazed, haha..the day before I blogged something about love, and just yesterday, Ps Kong talked about love and marriage. How cool is that? haha. Not bad, right flow, haha. :P

Seriously, I never knew what Ps was gonna preach on yesterday, haha. Thats the beautiful things of walking with God, everything just falls together. =)

What is love?

In the shortest phrase I can think of, I can put it like this:

To love is to serve. Period.

Thats the most simplest way I can phrase it. Haha. Not only to accept people's differences, but really to live for his vision. The man has to be responsible, give vision and right direction. And the woman has to submit to her man's vision.

Even if the man has a WRONG vision, but you made a commitment to give him your life, then you gotta be prepared. Harvest Times article quotes:

Entering a relationship with someone is to accept him for who he is, EVEN IF HE DOESNT CHANGE!

We always think the word submit is so strong, but really, if you truly love someone, then wouldnt it be easy to submit to that person? Just like how we so easily and readily submit to God's direction and purpose in our life, its the same with relationships.

For girls,

Come on, dont be dumb, following someone with the wrong vision just for the sake of being with him. Dont cheapen yourselves just for the sake of a guy. Yes love is accepting people's differences, but you have to draw a line for yourselves.

"Ohhh, but I cant resist, I wanna be with him."

The moment you cant say no, you're finished. Being in a relationship doesnt equate you to losing your humanity. Thats just so lame. You're a woman for goodness sake, not some robot on autopilot!

This is LOVE, hello! Not tolerance! When to draw the line, you ask? When the guy has made a decision not to change and isnt putting in any effort! "Ohhhh, but I can change his decision". You cant my friends. Instead of trying to make him change, why not fast and pray?

And please, dont go for a guy just because he's handsome. I dont think Jesus was visually appealing when he was nailed on the cross, with all the blood and all, but it was His love, His character, that eventually drew us to him.

There's a saying that an attractive person normally has a bigger ego and pride, I dont really know to what extent that is true haha. But if the guy is good looking AND spiritual, thank God for blessing you. Always have an attitude of gratitude.

And for guys,

If you know your relationship with God is not strong, then dont be so stupid as to make commitments you cant keep.

If you cant even keep your promises to God, how are you gonna keep your promises to your girl? If you cant even read the bible everyday, how are you going to spend time with your girl? The problem here is not your spirituality, even though its VERY important, the issue here is really about poor time management. (In this case)

The worse thing is falling in love with girls, JUST because they are pretty, nothing else! Then you're really defeating the purpose. It only reflects one thing, you ONLY worship God when you experience encounters and miracles!

If your true love is pretty, thank God for it. Its His blessing. Im not saying you shouldnt go for people who are pretty, but please check her character first before you make any stupid decisions.

Its as simple as that. Oh, then what happens when you're old and ugly? "Ohhh, wa um zai oh..who will love an ugly old fag like me? I see my lao po so wrinkled, I also buay tahan, I think I go fellowship with the animals in the zoo ba.."

Come on! Wake up your idea! LOL.

When you're down, you shut yourself up from everybody else! You become so emo that you're ignorant of the feelings of the people around you. All you think of is yourself. When you're down, you dont worship God, you dont even talk to Him, you dont even SHARE your problems with him! You just wanna be alone and solve your own problems.

How many times, your girl is worried for you? How many times your girl wants to find out what is going on in your life, but you choose to let your pride create a wall between you and your girl? You get misunderstood, you have miscommunication.

Your girl really wants to help, thats why she's there, even sometimes when she doesnt know that one day you'll leave her, but yet she's committed to see you through your darkest days. How can you be so ungrateful and not treasure people like them?

God is there, worried for you, wanting to help you. But your pride prevents a breakthrough in your life! If you cant even comfort yourself when you're down, how are you going to comfort other people? Be a man, dont be a wimp!

Okay, Im done. Haha..Im out of ideas. Going to school later to do my programming, I cant do work or study in an environment like this haha.

And to everyone out there, please smile for goodness sake! Dont look like bao jing tian all the time! LOL. Here's Androne's tip to getting out of depression in 24-hours:

SMILE! =)

I make an attempt to smile all the time. And to me, smiling is an art. To smile when you're feeling down is really true strength and its not easy. It is to put God before yourself. You look at yourself, you dont feel too good, but you change your focus to God, you submit to His joy, His love, His purpose, you find it easy to smile.

Haha, sermon by Pst Tan, on redirecting your focus.

Oh yes, dont ask me how much Ive collected during CNY cus I havent counted my angpaos yet =/ haha.

Jogging, Stories, Incoming Video

Just went midnight jogging with Kar. Okay, it wasnt really midnight, it was at 1am plus. Jogged 2 rounds, cooled down, then went over to 7-11 to get a drink.

The most fun thing was trying to find a tap from some HDB block LOL! I was tasting salt and I just needed to wash my face haha. We tried to go torance's house to mebbe get a drink cus he's still awake, and omg he stays at 664a!!! or 664b!!! cant rem, haha. Just directly on the other side of the multi-storey carpark! LOL.

It was 2plus already and we were just cooling down, walking and chatting from my house to JP, then from JP back to the park downstairs. Then I think the endorphins started acting, and I became rather high and super hyper, lol.

We sat down and talked about our first abseiling experience and our first rock climbing experience haha. And I was telling her, I jumped 4 storeys down from a rock wall. HAHA! I was signalling to my teammates back then, "EH..Im coming down now." (Cus I saw the rockwall going horizontal above my head, I didnt know how to climb upside down like spider man, more like a FAT ROUND spiderman LOL)

"Okay, climb down lor.."
"No..not climb, I mean, Im jumping down now.."
"!!! YOU SIAO AH? People climb halfway drop, people climb up then climb down, you climb all the way up and you wanna jump off from 4 storeys???"
"er ya...you guys ready?"

"ZHO TO MATTE!!!!!!!"

Hahahahaha...
(They were holding on to my ropes and the freaked out when an oversized ball attempts to leap off a rock wall, 4 storeys high LOL.)

Then I sidetracked and talked about my first swimming lesson, when I was asked to jump into a deep pool.

Now imagine this..

A short round ball.
Standing at the edge of the pool,
scared to death,
wearing goggles the size of my dorky specs.

The instructor gives the signal.
I place my hands to my sides, and my feet together.
I dropped in like a ball.
*Goggles came loose and floated away.
I hit the bottom of the pool.

Bounced back up.
I came out of the surface like a ball.
Hands to the sides, feet together.
Eyes squinting and lips clenched.
And I went back down like a ball.

No wonder my instructor was laughing at me! LOL!!!!

We sat there and I did some action which made kar crack like nobody's business, hahaha..cus it looked like it was from one of my videos, was it the exorcism video? LOL!!!

It was already 3am plus, yikes, gotta give 2 ppl morning call at 6am for service! LOL. Just showered, its almost 4am, and Im still feeling uber high! LOL.

kk, guess ill go to bed soon. lol..and hopefully get enough rest. the last time I jogged was in July/August 2007, before my IHP :x

Which means, yes, I didnt manage to do any programming tonight =/ Wasnt really in the mood lol. Ill prob work on it after service, cannot procrastinate anymore =/

Im working on my chinese new year video. MUAHAHA!

Now..to get 2 mandarin oranges..hahahaa! Dont worry, Im not gonna wear orange boobs or anything like that. My videos are visually-friendly, LOL! Okay, I might..haha jus kidding, no way, unless you pay me haha. Hmmm...:x

Unsolved mysteries. Love revelations.

For a start, hooray, AruaROSE is running for me now.
For an end, boohoo, programming is back to haunt my days.

(PS: There's no such phrase as "for an end", I simply made it up, lol).

Some things I came across that left me thinking, and yes, Im a very thinking and feeling person, and I filter my thoughts and emotions a lot. I wanna make sure Im feeling the God-way, and Im thinking the God-way.

Here are just some food for thought:

To love is to live without.
To love is not to have, to love is to lose.

And I thought this up after meditating about the above quotes.

To love someone is not to have someone,
To love someone is to have him/her have you.

Amazing huh? When God loved us, He didnt have us, but instead, He gave Himself TO us. Yes, He came to save us, but He didnt come to pull us away, He didnt insist, He didnt force, He didnt even suggested, He did the ultimate act of DEMONSTRATION.

And He said, "This is how much I love you, now you make the choice, and even though I may be God, your choice has the final say because I love you and I gave you the freedom to choose."

WOW!

Im really someone who thinks about love alot hahaha..you can call me Doctor LURRVE! LOL. Not because Im desperate or anything like that, but its because I really wanna know God more. To know about love more is to know God more because God is love.

I wanna know more about the one who loved me, the one who died for me. I wanna know the secret behind such strength. To be able to keep on loving me, despite the things Ive done, despite my weaknesses.

And so, really, my journey in life is not just about discovering about myself, but discovering more about the God who created me, the one who showed true love to me, true love that exceeds every other love, true love that transcends all boundaries. And true love that is eternal.

Jesus is really someone who inspires me, someone who amazes me. He caught my attention, and He caught my heart. And Im happy to have given my whole life for a person like that. =)

Here are just some thoughts as I sat in my room thinking..no celgrp this week, so I feel really weird not experiencing God as tangible as last week. Haha.

I wonder how many of you actually feel uncomfortable not feeling God's presence for one day, or maybe you're just to busy to even realise that God misses you more than you miss Him. ;)

Love is not an emotion.
Love is not a feeling.
Love is a choice, a choice to act.
Love doesnt say yes, when no is required.
Love doesnt say no, when yes is required.
Love doesnt deceive itself, neither is it naive, or gullible.

It knows when to act, it knows when to change, it knows when to stop.

Love flows with the vision of the person,
You feel what the person feels,
You're in the mood when the person is in the mood.
Love joins 2 souls together.

Love endures the attitudes of imperfection,
Love doesnt bring together people with similarities,
But it creates the similarity that both individuals are different.

Love cannot be broken.
Love doesnt fear.
Love continues even after separation.

God loved us, even when we have gone astray.
Love is gentle, not pushy.
Neither is it demanding or belittle-ing.

Love knows a person, before love meets the person.
God knew us before we were born, and gave us the invitation, after we were born.

Saying you love someone, but you dont mean it.
Saying you love someone, but you cant keep on loving.
To say such things is to cheapen love.
To say such things is to cheapen yourself.
And to cheapen love is to cheapen God, because God is love.

Love is sacred. Love is pure.
God is holy, God is pure.

Next time when you say you love someone,
Ask yourself, are you ready to take on GOD's personified responsibilty?
Do you know God enough to be like Him?

All things are possible, yes.
But in between seed and harvest, you have time.
Love takes time to build, months and years,
Yet it can be destroyed in seconds with mere words or actions.

Do you really love the person?

Then where is your foundation?
Havent you given your whole life to that person?
What are you saying now, that you want that life back?

Did God take away your salvation when you let Him down?
No. Not only He continued to love you, He continued to SERVE you.
To meet your needs, to be with you, to comfort you.

Dont treat love lightly.
Dont treat God lightly.

Happy CNY to all!

1st day, go pray-year (bai-nian), okay thats lame. 2nd day, which is today, people pray to us (bai us) lol..okay, whatever.

Tmr no service, so weird. Okay, just a BIT weird, I prefer sunday service really. Oh wells, back to my programming tmr. =|

ASP.NET ROCKS MY WORLD! Indeed, it has rocked my world so much its upside down now. O_O.

Installed AruaROSE, its fun. But got bug, have to wait either for the next patch or the updated client to be uploaded to their website. Its been over a year since I last played ROSE. lol.

For game seekers, here's the website: http://www.aruarose.com

PS: I havent counted my redpaos. Prob will do that tmr or when I feel like. Heh.

Void Decking, Shopping

I must say Im really proud of myself, for a guy like me, to be able to shop for 4 hours straight at bugis lol. Well, there's still stuffs to buy though, and I guess Ill take my time to shop. Afterall, during this CNY period, Ill be programming =/

Yes...I really have no life...

Christmas, Im programming.
New year/thanksgiving, Im programming.
And now chinese new year, Im programming.

I just feel so 'great'. :(

Met karwen, torrance and karyie (Did I spell correctly? LOL) at the study area downstairs my block. As we were chatting, crapping and talking, I thought, how nice it is, to have your cg members all staying at boonlay. Cause before that they met up at Pioneer Mall with a few other of their cg and ex-cg members.

And its so convenient, they can just walk home, chill out after midnight anytime at a 24-hour mac or at some shopping mall or someone's house, literally anywhere, and they can get to see each other everyday.

In case ure wondering, who are they, well, they're friends from Amber's cg, I played for them for 1-2 months last year, in 2007. Thats one thing good about being foreign talent, haha, you get to meet lots of friends from other celgrps.

So funny, karyie was like, "eh..? Torrance...this guy look like andrew the guitarist leh..!". Then everyone started laughing! HAHA! She so cute, she really didnt know it was me, she really thought I was someone else who looked like andrew LOL!

Then torrance was like, "Eh..she look like karwen my ex cg member leh!" LOL! Crazy bunch of people, haha..just like me. lol.

And so, something really weird happened yesterday, while we were chatting and all, I just felt, its rather late, and my comp is still on. Oh btw, I met karwen to lend my Hitman series, haha..so, I made a move first and said goodbye.

Then when I reached my room and sat down, Karwen suddenly called me and said, the police came just after I left, prob cus someone called lol. But really, when I heard it, I was in utter stunness. In my heart, I was like, God saved me. But on the other hand, I felt, oh no, I sabo-ed them by accident :X

But seriously, I really didnt know they were coming. =/ I just felt, it was time for me to go. =| Paiseh..=x I really dont know how to blog this, but I think you know what I mean. lol.

All I can say is, Jesus is alive.

Im glad for you, my friend, that things are better with your mum and grandma. =) I shall not disclose who. haha. But I know you read my blog. :))

CNY is here, visiting house to house, somehow every year, I dont really feel the CNY excitement anymore. Its one of those times of the year that somehow I feel so far from God, maybe because I dont get to spend time with Him that much =/

Its not a religion, its a relationship.

School

Im back in school. Trying to finish up my VMS Website/Program.

And once again, the 'headache' is back, I got stuck and there's no one to help me.

I really wanna get this over with. Im not working for my grades anymore, but for the reward that is ahead, haha. Im sure there are people who cant wait for me to get my commission lol. =/ Okay, that's something else.

Grah, I wanna scream until the windows shatter! lol.

Looking for all proficient ASP.NET.VB(ADO.NET) programmers.

Found this really cool quote from a friend's msn nick:

The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.

Jurong West Service

Im gonna be a bit biased here, I love JW service to the max! haha.

Not because it's near, but because really, God is so tangible in that place! Went for svc4 with tim, liz and elaine today. Met ervin! omg. Haha..long time no see man!

Before that met QY and her friend.

Service was awesome, and the great thing is that, 2nd row is congregation row! Which means..you can sit behind pastor! OMG! Hahaha! One day, one day..we will..hahaha! Okay, not really we, but whoever that goes with me..930-10am queue lol!

*Yeah, continue dreaming..

What makes me think I can wake up that early? =/ Its hard, but not impossible though..lol. So thats good. =D Time to upgrade from 3rd row to 2nd row man, haha. (Without needing to become EMs haha)

It was so great, right from the praise and worship to the drama, communion, announcements, offering and the sermon, being right where the presence of God is was simply awesome, there's no other place Id rather be, than to be in the house of God!

The anointing in that place is just spetacular. Its so easy to pray, to flow in the spirit and to get revelations upon revelations, even though its the same message, I always expect God to give me a different revelation, a different rhema.

Thats how hungry I am, thats how desperate I am. Im not trying to show off though, its just the way I am, you can copy me, you can choose not to copy me, but these are my convictions, and these are the extent of my relationship with God.

If there's one thing I can boast about, is about the goodness of God. Really. I think the anointing in B4 main audi, comes from the smell..hahaha..the presence of God goes with you, so does the smell! LOL =). Kidding haha..but its really a great experience to be where God is.

And we saw someone that looked like Vivian, omg! Same face, longer hair, only face smaller and no specs. Other than that, omg they look like twins! :O Ask tim and liz, haha.

The song that's playing now is a really old song, one of the first few I sang when I first came to CHC 4-5 years ago. I heard this song being played when I was in the toilet, haha. So Id thought, yeah, this song rocks. Haha. But Jesus rocks all the more.

He is the reason why we live,
The reason why we love,
The reason why we give,
The reason why we sing.

One of the planetshakers album intros, I think its All That I Want, it said, "The place was rocking, why? Because Jesus has given us something to shout about!"

After service, accompanied tim and elaine to JP to walk-walk. Then came home about 4 plus. Really sleepy and watery-nosed (caught a cold), but happy nonetheless.

God did not save you to enter the race,
God saved you to finish the race.

Fortitude and Endurance

Today's my second time serving on saturday, I must say I gotta get used to the new timings and procedures and stuffs. Im so used to rushing for time and chionging to setup and tear down, and all of a sudden, I have so much time...Im really not used to it..haha. =/

Message was good, but I kinda missed the drama, so will be going service again later at JW. Ill just post the notes here cus its really good. Its one of those sermons I will keep for the rest of my life.

FORTITUDE - REV TAN YE PENG

Heb 10:35-36
Endurance gives you the enablement to inherit the promises of God.
Fortitude = the strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain/adversity with courage.

2 Cor 6:4, 2 Tim 3:10

Success is going from failure to failure
without the loss of enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill

Im not called to be successful, but to be faithful. - Mother Theresa

What does the acronym ENDURE stand for?

1. Embrace God's purpose in that situation

People can only endure when they see a purpose in any given situation.

1 pet 1:7
Your purpose is always greater than your problem.
That purpose is 'us'. The growth and development of our faith, and our character!
Its not just about how you start, but how you end.

Man's strength is not shown in victory, but in adversity.

Jam 1:3-4, Rom 5:3-4
The strength of your character determines the outcome/how we end.

2. Nurture your spiritual roots

Just like the parable of the sower.
Mk 4:16-17

When you are lost, always go back to your compass.
Luk 8:15, Rom 15:4

3. Direct your attention to God.

Mt 11:8

When you look at the world, you're in stress.
When you look at yourself, you're depressed.
But when you look at Jesus, you're at rest.

WOOSH! That blew me away! hahaha. (This is not part of the notes, LOL!)

Heb 12:2

4. Use your experience to help others.

2 Cor 1:6
Our greatest life message doesnt come from our strengths,
but from our weaknesses.

2 Tim 2:10
The things you dont wanna talk about, that is the very thing God will use!
God doesnt waste any situations or experiences in your life!

There is no better person who can encourage someone going through a divorce, than someone who's overcome it. There's no better person who can encourage someone who is disabled, then someone who has lived beyond it.

5. Rely on God's power.

You dont need to be a genius to realise your own strength is limited.
Col 1:11, Rom 12:12

You wont know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.

6. Expect God to bless you.

God is faithful, He has already promised to bless you back whenever you endure trials and various circumstances in your life.

Expect a breakthrough for your life, God will never cause you to live in vain.
All things work together for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose.

Jam 1:12
Your faith will determine just how much God is going to pull through for you.
It is faith that moves mountains.

Dont cast away your confidence, for great is it's reward.
Jam 5:11, heb 10:36

God did not save you to enter a race,
He saved you to finish the race.

Fellowship was at chinatown, good food! Haha. And crazy crowd! LOL. Our walking speed was like, 100m/s. Hahaha. Seriously, you shout 'bomb!', everyone will scatter haha. I was telling the guys, what if we started sprinting through the crowd? LOL.

Not bad..its a comical scene to see stall owners started taking their microphones and shouting to attract customers, haha..seeing them suan each other, "Ta de shi jia de, wo de shi zhen de, lai lai lai..mai tio pian.." LOL. Then this stall really overkill, add effects to the speaker somemore! Delay and some flanger sounding effect! OMG! hahaha.

Also saw some people dressed up for halloween! ROFLMAOLOL!

Left the place around 11 plus. Walked to Raffles MRT with Adam, Pam, Thad, Timo. Its really ulu, haha..so romantic lol. We should have more chillout fridays. I think the cafe/bar we walked past is really a nice place with good night ambience.

Oh yes, and after service I met Shing, but I was on comms, haha sry ah..so paiseh, you called out to me and I just stood there, stared at you and stoned for like 3-5 seconds, I was lagging man..cus someone was sending something over the comms and I think I looked like a complete dork. Hahaha! Oh wells.

God is alive! =) Dont live as if He's dead.