Law Test

Hmm why is there a law test?
I wonder who created the law test.

Huh? You mean the law is a test?
Huh? You mean the law must have a test?

So...do you mean there's something wrong in the law thats why you must test it?

Yea, I think so, there should be no NS. WOOHOO!

Okay, Im not making sense here.
Hmm, come to think of it..I never did. =|

PS: I forgot this week got hari raya. (Nothing amazing about me losing touch of this world and of time..its normal. =x)



Cute. Hahaha! =|

Chris Tomlin - God Of This City

This song really ministered to me. It came as a rhema.

"If you want God to place free deposits, He must be able to have access to free withdrawals". - Dr John Avanzini.

"I country did not send me thousands of miles to enter the race, they sent me here to finish the race". - John Stephen Akhwari

Update

Service was good.

Missed out on a lot of things...
So many things, so little time...
Emotions raging...

First things first..I just wanna do well for my test and POP.

Guess timo isnt the only ganchiong spider,
Im one myself, just that i tend to be a little more extreme...

And I dont show it bit by bit..but all at once.

I have a bad habit of accumulating my emotions...
And then when a little is let out, everything just explodes out.

Just like a plastic bag of water.

I can be calm and cool.

Im just like an artery. On the outside it may look calm and cool...just burst an artery and the blood will shoot out 3 metres into the air.

Whatever things Ive done or said,

Just take it as something coming from someone who's not as strong as you, but facing the same, if not greater challenges in life than you. Life isnt fair.

When people tell me I have great favor, great grace from God...I dont know whether to be happy or sad, but I guess, there's gotta be a reason why I need so much grace, its because the level of difficulty for me, to face a particular situation, may be tougher than yours. =/

My life is never about how great I am, but how great God is..thats all.

Let me decrease,
And let You increase.

Stress

Most men have the ability to analyse,
But few can actually sympathise.

Sometimes what people need is not an advisor,
But an active listener.

Sometimes, what people need is to let it go.
Yet, people perceive, just because your shit is smelly,
Every part of you on the inside is smelly.

Sometimes, people see the person in the spirit,
But its harder, to see the spirit of the person.

Sometimes, what people need, is not a leader,
But a friend.

Sometimes, what people need, is not a helper,
But a companion.

I admire people who have no friends,
Yet they live a happy life.

Most of the time, we are so busy doing what is right,
We forget what is important to God.

"Without love, you are nothing".

Its mugging time...

Service and CG, Randoms

Service was good. The whole concept of sonship really blessed me.

Dont just be a believer, dont just be a member, be a disciple, be a son and a daughter of the house. There are so many people that come and go, they think church is a hongkong cafe where its all about 'them' and 'their' needs, etc.

Every week I see the same people wondering in church. When are they gonna get rooted into a celgrp? When are they gonna start serving in a ministry or even sign up for BS classes and be involved in what the church is doing?

Ultimately the church is gonna progress even further and these people are just gonna be left behind. They find discipleship too hard, everything hard, boring, tiring and stressful.

CG was okay. It wasnt at the 'high' today but Im still blessed.

Its been more than 2 weeks without my parents around already. And fellowship, for me, has either been null or slipshort.

I feel we should try to be back in those days where fellowship was bigger, with more people. But being small has its advantages too so yea.

2 hours more to book in. Somehow I feel Ive never booked out. Im lonely, slightly depressed and even more so..stressed, cause tmr is my scenario test. And honestly, Im not expecting to pass it. But thank God if I do.

It doesnt necessarily entitle me for a recourse, it just affects my posting thats all. And Ive always wanted an office posting, where I can go home everyday. Im not a people person, and I cant give an angry face or produce a stern tone with my voice..which some scenario requires.

Things might get out of hand, where Im afraid I cant take the stress and I start whacking all the role-players who wanna make my life difficult and cause myself to fail immediately due to poor police conduct lol. Afterall, I dont really like or respect anyone inside, I dont like mingling with people.

Yes, for some reason, Ive become more anti-social. =/ Its harder now for me to open up.

Havent been having good sleep lately. At home and even in camp. Ill lie on my bed, and stone until Im tired or worn out enough to sleep and then automatically waking up early the next day, and unable to go back to sleep.

I dont know if its fatigue or the start of insomnia. Losing my appetite also.

Whenever I see people with their friends, partners, or clicks, most of the time, Ill be walking past alone. Deep down, I really long for someone whom I can talk to, someone whom I can pour out my heart to.

Yea yea, people tell me, share with God and all that. But come on, Im still human, I have my own personal/social needs to, Ive never put aside my humanity.

Everyone talks to at least one person a day, not for me, except weekends. Talk as in, really quality, heart to heart talk, not those hi and bye kind. O_O

When Im excited, I cant find anyone to express my joy to. When Im depressed, I cant find anyone to express my sorrows to. Slowly, day by day, Im becoming more and more emotionally shutdown, burrying every emotion deep down, because...who will even bother to listen or share them with me?

God's the only one who's...

never failed to be there,
never failed to listen,
never failed to encourage,
never failed to comfort,
never failed to be interested,
never failed to love,
never failed to lift up,
never failed to push,
never failed to be a true friend.

Im not saying that there arent any nice people out there. There are. But we are all imperfect, we all have our lives to live. But still, if I could lay down my life for others, I dont see why its so difficult to find even ONE who shares the same mindset and the same joy and motivation..

In most conversations, whether on msn, sms, phone or real life, most of the time, Im the one saying the last words and then the reply never comes, making me feel like Ive been talking to a wall. Yet I kept on giving, I kept on sharing, I kept on loving and kept on keeping on..

Is my english really very complicated that you cant understand or are you afraid of me or something? I really dont get it. Okay, pardon the sidetrack, I really have nothing to blog about..just passing time, getting my mind distracted from my book in..=/

Sometimes..all I need is a distraction, a diversion, someone whos able to be there to prevent me from thinking the wrong and dirty thoughts every single day. But nooo. I have to endure, lie there by myself and listen to guys having orgasms and all that crap, for the whole day, for my whole BMT.

Its like I have to save myself everytime there's an incident of sex/pornographic related topics/discussion. Already, Im socially deprived. So what to do? I just tag along with the topics, at least I dont lose my sanity, at least I dont feel even more depressed cus I have no one to talk to..

After awhile, it becomes numb. All these topics are like part of everyday life already. The damage has been done. So what? Im still taking in all the shits ns has to offer me...by myself.

Thank God for great people. But sometimes, somehow, I just dont feel it, or Im unable to anymore. 3 months of mental torment. Its not like in the army where u get whacked inside out. This is mental and emotional damage we're talking about here.

And my BMT is like 4 months. How many people actually go through the toughest shits for 4 months? There are people who enlist later and POP earlier, who are in the army.

I dont know, I dont care anymore..

I feel like breaking down now..

And yes, I didnt last week was mooncake festival, or was it the week before? I also dunno, dont care. Wonderful huh? *AhPek. O_O

MSN Conversation

Children Of The King: hw are you feeling?
Children Of The King: sry i wasnt able to reply yr smses latedly...have been pretty busy

Andrewie: hmm not bad..i really dont know how to say..God has been so good.. last week, my coy got confined, but some unknown guy managed to own up and all 350 confinement reports were deleted by our coy commander.. this week..i booked out at 4pm..2hours earlier.. i was thinking about it and i thought i heard God saying, 'its because u shared the little testimony a few weeks ago, that u could book out even though ur week was tough..

Children Of The King: AWESOME!!!!!!
Children Of The King: you better share this week
Children Of The King: make it exciting ya

Andrewie: next week is my scenario test..the following week is my final exam, after that is 2 weeks rehearsal..and then its all over..

Children Of The King: just like what yr telling me

Andrewie: sure intending to
Andrewie: ha

Children Of The King: WOW Poping finally man

Andrewie: ya..4 months..
Andrewie: sooooo long..

Children Of The King: haha
Children Of The King: gd for u
Children Of The King: Happy for u drew

Andrewie: oh well at least its gd to know ive got almost 1.5yrs left to ORD.. in a way, it doesnt make ORD seem so long

Children Of The King: hws everything in camp?
Children Of The King: haha
Children Of The King: thats a positive and renewed mindset

Andrewie: still getting a little irritated though..but ive more or less gotten used to it..

Children Of The King: God certainly has been GOOD to u

Andrewie: yea..i dont know if i should say this..but.. for my entire bmt ive never missed a single cg and service..lolss

Children Of The King: perseverance is a fruit ...gotta remember ya...needs time and effort to cultivate

Andrewie: ya

Children Of The King: WOW!!!
Children Of The King: even i didnt achieve that
Children Of The King: lolz...guilty party here lolz...plz raise yr hand haha

Andrewie: haha..

Children Of The King: share that too ya

Andrewie: ive never thought id be able to say something like that either..
Andrewie: ya

Children Of The King: well those who wait upon the lord will certainly see the good stuff
Children Of The King: its the "dun be weary of doing good" theory

Andrewie: yea..every night when i lay on my bed..lots of stuff go through my mind.. most of the time its e negative stuffs, depressed feeling, stress and all.. but amidst them all..ive received revelations too.. one of em is this.. that no doubt ive gone through some severe breaking..grumbling and complaining and all..yet at the same time..fighting for the freedom to just be able to love God despite everything.. all the breaking, in a way, has broken every part of me..until all that is left..is God, and thats when i realise..in a way of perception, God is everything. because there's nothing or no one else..

Andrewie: and timo once reminded me of the story of the broken flask..

Children Of The King: ohhh...tell me the story

Andrewie: Hmm its e one where e woman poured the perfume on jesus' feet.. its kinda similar to my life..

Children Of The King: oh that story

Andrewie: ive been asking God..why all this stuff? whats the reason behind all the things im going through.. and His answer was simple, "..its because you once prayed, 'God use me'.."

Children Of The King: well then u gotta start penning it down...make a bookmark or something....maybe a song...then in future when yr feeling negative and dw again...always remind yrself of all the things that yr telling me right nw...its hw revalation and renma word works ya

Andrewie: yea..

Children Of The King: its similar to the potter and clay also dun u think

Andrewie: yeah

Children Of The King: gotta start being vocal already ya

Andrewie: and its amazing how the revelation was not just for me..but for another friend of mine whos going through family problems too and that word kinda came at the right time..

Children Of The King: God may not be early...but he is never late :D

Andrewie: breakthrough would not be possible without the 'break'ing.. yeap..ha

Children Of The King: breakthrough would not be possible without the 'break'ing.. yeap..ha

Andrewie: haha ya..
Andrewie: oh well it came at the right time..and im glad lol

Children Of The King: of course...time and seasons

Booking in

Did the laundry alone, ironing and housework alone.

Booking alone. I guess ill take a cab.

Emoing again.

Sometimes I wonder why other people's lives are full of activities, social gatherings and happening moments, while I struggle just to find people to talk to.

It mustve been fun hanging out with your classmates and colleagues everyday, while Im here, hanging out with no one every week..everyday in fact.

Time to start mugging. And you know whats the saddest thing? I cant mug in a quiet spot alone cus Im not allowed to bring out the confidential books.

So even mugging Ill feel lonely.

5 more weeks, but it feels like an eternity when Im alone. =(

CG, Random

CG was great. Alvin led today.

After cg I came home, only to realise that even my brother wants to take away my only day I have for myself. Come home only I have to shout at people.

In camp, I suffer, come home, also suffer.

Im only home for less than 24hrs and you want to get rid of me. If people arent leaving me, they are chasing me away.

I feel homeless, lonely and depressed enough. Everyday I live alone. Even my lunch, I had to go out and have it alone. Didnt have breakfast today, all I had for breakfast was a bottle of leftover sugar cane.

Just now was craving for pizza hut but I dont think anyone would want to accompany me anyway. Either that or they're too busy and I dont blame them. Life is cruel.

Spent last night chatting with adelene. Its been like ages since we even saw each other or talked.

Even though Im the one sharing most of the time, I still feel so blessed to know that when we water others, we ourselves will be watered.

Sorry, just let me rant. I hardly have anyone to share with.

Since I entered NS, for the past 3..almost 4 months, I only had ONE day to myself. That day was my day of mc when I could book in on monday..other than that. I never had time for myself.

Ive been working non-stop, pushing myself, tiring myself, draining myself, injuring myself for the past 3 months non-stop.

Its great to see people getting attached, its great to see people have a 're-nao' family/home, its great to see people have their own clicks and going out together, have great laughs and chats, spend quality time together.

I have none of that.

Ive been blogging MORE during my ns period than other days. Because I just have no one to talk to. Its as if Im talking to myself just to keep myself sane and socialised..with myself..

Like some people said, self-entertainment, blablablah.

People are starting to ask me, when will my emo posts end. Seriously, I dont know. And Im not interested either. Right now, Im just living for the sake of living, which is kinda sad actually.

I have a feeling Ill blog again later.

Till then. Im really thankful to God for my bookout.

I dare say, Ive not missed a single service or celgrp meeting during my 3-4 months of BMT! Ive not stayed in ONCE!

Well, if you DO find another NS guy who has never missed service or cg during BMT, let me know, we can become great friends.

Impossible! You might say.

With God, all things are possible.
All things work out for good to those who love Him
and are called according to His purpose.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

If you love God enough,
If you make room for God enough,
Im sure your faith will move the heart and the hand of God in your life.

Its not about how good I am, blablablah.

Who is God to you?

Song, Service (short)

Sorry. Imeem decided to 'cut' my song. O_O I dont know why there's a static sound at the start of the clip either. ^.O Guess some bug. *Sigh, and I thought I was the lousy programmer..lol.

So I uploaded this one instead haha. Still nice tho..esp the electric guitar solo in the middle =DD

And yes, Im playing gunbound. Chick. Haha. My bro installed on my laptop. I nothing to do, just cre8 account and play lor..haha.

Service was great. Arise and Build is coming. Breakthrough is coming.

Will blog more again later or tomorrow. =)

Confinement, Great Song

Hillsong United - Where the Love Lasts Forever

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

(Pre-Chorus)
In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

(Chorus)
So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

(Bridge)
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever


This song is really whats coming from my heart, I could sing and shout out the song right now. Really meaningful lyrics, really expressive too.

For those who know whats going on..you'd probably be wondering, what am I doing at home, blogging?

Well, this week, people in my coy were caught for smoking and bringing in handphone chargers. My commander couldnt take it anymore, decided to confine the entire coy, all 350 of us, over the weekend.

However, lets just say, someone..no, in fact, only ONE person, stood out from the crowd and admitted, after realising that the confinement report was already written and that it was already too late, he regrettably admitted himself to the commander on the verge of tears and in regret.

Our CC was moved by his honesty and integrity, decided to let the entire coy off, for the sake of this one gentleman. All 350 confinement reports were deleted, to what expense, I dont know.

Also, my CC and one of his colleague, are in charge of the overall discipline and confinement of the entire Training Command in the academy.

All I know is that in the history of national service, no one has ever deleted 350 confinement records all at once. I dont know how its popssible too..imagine the paperwork..

Lets just say God is good.

If things arent working out in your life, its because:

1. You dont love God enough.
2. You are not walking according to His purpose.

"All things work out for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose".

It says so, right there. Even though its been a tough week, at least I can say, it was a tough week, under a good and faithful God.

Early book in

My parents can accompany me already. It will be the last time Ill see them for a long time.

But..I have to book in like an hour earlier. =S

First my friends and cg members, then now my parents..why is everyone I love so far away from me? =( Each one is going further and further away..:'(

God!!!!! :'(( I dont wanna leave Your presence..let me be lost forever..in Your presence, in Your love..:'( God please put your finger round the earth and spin it faster this week. =(

Random again.

My bro is out with friends/cg.

Everyone's out having fellowship and spending quality time, either with their friends or family, on a sunday night.

I hate sundays..Im always in my room, waiting to book in, getting all emo-ed up. =x

When can I ever meet up with my friends and cg on weekdays again? =(( It seems like an eternity away..

POP, ya, right..1 month more

People are enlisting one month later than me and POPing one month earlier than me. =(

Oh well, at least when I POP i got 1 year 7 months to ORD..=/

Okay, it doesnt really much help to cheer me up.

CG was good. Didnt really fellowship much, cus everyone went separate ways so yea. Home now. Booking in later.. =x Parents wont be around to see me off. =(

They wont be around for the next 2 weekends either..

I hate this feeling...Since Ive enlisted every week I experience the same emotional breakdown. Too bad Im not gay, if not I wouldnt feel lonely every week..=/

I read my friends' blogs, they have pictures and videos..for me? I hadnt had one since I enlisted, maybe just 1 or 2, but thats about it. None of them really showed me smiling the way I used to smile anymore..

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

4-word post (Not 4 letter)

Service will be great..

Random

For the next 2 weeks I wont be seeing my parents cus theyll be overseas..

I have 2 tests and 1 exams..

Lonely in camp, lonely at home.
Sleeping alone, eating alone, crying in the presence of God alone..
I no longer feel lonely now, Im so used to being alone, living alone..
Just me and God..and even though sometimes I dont really feel Him..

Have I changed? Does the Andrew that you know still exist?

Am I still the funny lame guy people talked about?
Am I still the cute smiley kid people used to say about me?
I dont think so. Manly huh? Yeah, very manly indeed.
Im so 'strong' that I cant feel emotions anymore.

So 'strong' that when people are hurt I can just say, its okay and not feel a thing.
Im a man now, not because of God anymore, but because of the world.
Im no different from men from the world, Ive seen porn from the people around me,
Ive raised my fists and legs at people. Ive spoken vulgarities.

I no longer like to socialise, I no longer like to be around people.
Everytime people gather, I will walk away.
Being alone doesnt really make me emo anymore, being around people now makes me emo.

Yet..

Why do I get so many compliments from people around me?
Why do I get so many encouraging statements from people around me?

Why am I able to draw so many people, what makes me attractive?
Where does my strength come from?

How can strangers read my blog and feel blessed?
How can my smile brighten people's day?
How can my words bring life to broken dreams?
How can my fingers bring down the presence of God?

Why do people tell me Im loved and treasured.
What is it have I done? I dont know.

Yes, Ive encouraged, when Im discouraged.
Yes, Ive brought smiles, when Im not smiling myself.

How can all this be possible?
How can I draw down the presence of God when Im going through depression?

Is it because of my daily walk with God?
I dont know.

All I know is, whoever you are, whoever is out there, if you read this and Im your friend...

Just know that I paid a heavy price to be your friend.
All the hardships I go through, is just so that you can smile.
All the tears Ive shed, is just so that you can pick yourself up again.

People tell me my blog is encouraging..

Its only through my brokenness, that the love of God can flow.

Im already broken..every single day, every single minute, over and over again..
Words alone cannot express how my heart aches..

Most of the nights in my bunk I would be in tears,
No one knows, no one sees, except God.
Hiding under my pillow crying till 12 plus in the morning..sleeping only 4-5 hours..
And then waking up to face the next day, encouraging people along the way..

Sometimes when ure at ur lowest, there will be a bunch of people who would love to step on you and crush you until you die. Honestly, I dont mind. Just do whatever you want to me.

When Jesus was mocked and flogged, He never retaliated.

I could sympathise with Him, the sufferings He went through along the way from the cross, He mustve felt even more lonely than me..Lord, I understand, Lord, I know how it was like roughly to go through something like that, thats why Im working so hard Lord..thats why Im giving my best, even though I have nothing left to give, because Lord, I want to be like You.

When I had my chest pain, I was so happy, I thought I could finally die.
But I didnt. When I felt giddy and faintish, I thought I was gonna pass out and
Everyone would be over, but I didnt. Why? =((

I wonder, what did Jesus feel seconds before He breathed His last?
Was He heartbroken? Or was He happy that everything would finally be finished?
Maybe both?

I died, so that you could live.

Love

When do you know that, love isnt really love?
Simple, when things go wrong.

God is love.
God is not wrong.
So loving God's way, is the best, and to me, the only way.

God is love.
He alone defines what love should be, not you.

Until you have experienced what love is,
Until you have experienced who God is,
Without the right input, do you think you will ever have the right output?

God loved the unchurched.
Some didnt love Him back.

God loved the world,
He gave His only Son.

Is God still a happy God? Yes.
Did God say, "Oh dear, I cant face them again?" No.

How many times have we left Him and yet He says,
"Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you?"

When God loves, He lasts. Do you?

Are you showing the love of man?
Or are you showing the love of God?

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear."
- 1 Cor 13:4-8 (NLT)

B.I.B.L.E - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

He is the ultimate example.
Therefore, learn from Him.

Booking in, God

Kneeling on my bed..sobbing like a baby, hugging my bolster..=S

God, I dont wanna book in..
God, I dont wanna leave Your presence..
Thank You for today..
Thank You for allowing me to spend time with You for one more day..

God, I miss my room, the times we had..
God, we've gone through so much together..
Through my thick and thin, Ive always come back to my room,
My secret place with You..
Pouring out my joys, my laughters and tears..

God, I miss boon lay..
This is the place where I first met You and got saved..
This is the place where I first met genuine friends, in E110 back then..
This is the place where I had romantic nights with You together..
This is the place where I met so many great people..
This is the place where we had great cg meetings..
This is the place where I met angels..

God, I dont wanna leave this place..=((
Leaving this place is like leaving heaven.

God, I wanna be lost in Your presence everyday, every hour, every minute and second..
God, I cant live without You..:'( Apart from Your presence, I find no meaning in life,
No motivation, no interest, to do anything, to talk to anyone..

God, every night I cry silently in my bunk, thinking of You..
I would imagine You walking to me every night, stroking my head and kissing me..
God, I want to see Your face..

Every night I lie on my bed and sleep after midnight,
Waking up at 4 plus in the morning, just to think about You..
Just to wait for and to linger in Your presence..

I would sacrifice my rest, just to be with You..
I would sacrifice my social life, and be alone, with You.. =(

God, I love You..
God, I miss You..

When I had no friends, You were there as my only friend..
When I was lonely, You were always there for me..
You've seen me grow up, You've seen my strengths and imperfections..

Im already 5 minutes late..
But I dont wanna go..God, let me stay with You, let me be with You :'(

You will always be my true friend, my saviour, my lord, my abba..

God is more lame than Adam LOL.

Okay, I know Ive been telling God how lonely I feel in camp..

But He always does things big..so he allowed someone to confess to me lol. I have a feeling I have more coming =/ Dont worry, no commitments, no relationships for now. Who knows, I or e person might like someone in e future. When I was 20, Im still having crushes..

I think I better control the anointing from my guitar before I get swarmed. =x haha.

Im gonna miss this day, spent the whole day at home with God. =((

I wanna ORD today!!! :S

Booking in later

Nothing's more emo than waiting the whole day at home for book in, listening to this song over and over again, thinking about God, and how I miss home, my solitude times, and my friends..

I dont know whether is it because I feel lonely, or because Ive not been alone for a long time. =/

Right now, its not because I miss my friends, although I do,
Its more like..Everyday of the week, Im surrounded by people,
Even when I sleep, I cant sleep alone..

I dont have solitude and personal space anymore . =/

I want to be alone, yet I dont wanna feel lonely..=S

God...