Doing nothing at the moment.

Okay, that revelation I had in my previous post was from Denise's msn nick, haha, if not later someone say I never give credits. LOL.

In IT terms, we call it plagiarism. Ha.

In the library now, had a rather filling lunch at the canteen just now.

Oh yes, just a few things I forgot to blog about, yesterday Olivia came over to my house to leech wireless, I just realised she plays Seal too! LOL.

Also, on the day of my medical checkup, I met Justin Lee! Yes!!! My primary and sec sch friend haha..and he told me he was gonna ORD in 1-2 weeks time, what the..lol..Graaah.

Just something random, I merely drank one bottle of Qoo Blackcurrant and Ive been to the toilet like 3 times already in 2 hours, must be the hot weather, though Im a 'leeeeetle' bit glad that it 'looks' like its gonna rain lol.

I love Qoo Blackcurrant btw. Haha. Fell in love with it a few weeks ago. =p

QLA this morning was good, I managed to catch up in terms of theory, but just gotta practice more to get the hang of it. =/ Oh wells, what do I do when I have nothing to do, apart from stoning?

Think about God, talk to God..and yes, Im gonna go back to finish up the last 3-5 chapters of Genesis! After that, its back to my project. Woohoo. lol. (Yeah right, project...woohoo...? I must be losing my mind LOL) Ive never been so 'on' with reading the Word before, haha..thank God for NLT and TLB translations LOL.

Hopefully I get some more revelations and hopefully I blog some of them tonight. =)

You should be having at least one revelation for every day.

If not when the devil comes, you are gonna get shaken.

It is not what people say,
it is not what your brain says,
it is not even what your heart says,
But it is what God says, and what He says is final.

Oh yes, I cant stand those naked woman popups, irritating, especially when people are sitting behind you! LOL. Annihilation time!

History is written by winners.

If you want to walk on water, then get out of the boat.

Word of the day.

Reputation is who people think you are,
Personality is who you seem to be,
Character is who you really are.

Random thoughts, Project, Reflections

Rhema of the day:

Confidence is holding your own,
With people above you, not being intimidated or naive.
With people alongside you, not being insecure and double-minded.
With people below you, not being afraid of being overthrown.

Ultimate security is knowing your position, power and purpose;
Where you are and where you have come from,
what you have and where you are going;
Not needing to prove anything to anyone, not even yourself.

God speaks to me the most when Im in the shower, I think I can make that my secret place. Haha. Its been a rather long and draggy week, maybe Im not used to going to school twice a week, 2hrs a day. =/

Yea, kinda wasted. Maybe I should have more "Rhema of the day" or "Revelation of the day". 5 more chapters before I complete the book of genesis, I dont even know if Im slow or if Im a bit fast, cause whenever I start listening to the audio clip from bible.crosswalk.com, I can just keep going haha.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away,
A rhema a day keeps the devil away. =)

Kinda missed one QLA lecture, due to my 3.5hr long medical checkup, I really pray that I can catch up, Im aiming for an 'A' for this module. Sometimes, we are we who are because of the people we hang out with. Dont blame God for making you this way.

In God's eyes, everyone is equal, is how we live our lives, and the choices that we make that determines our current state and condition. If you want to be an eagle, then no point hanging around turkeys.

Seriously,

you dont have to say anything, you dont have to do anything, just 'soak in the atmosphere' of fools and you'll end up as one. Period.

Man, I love Dr Robb Thompson, haha..my bro still has the THICK book on the 10 critical laws of relationships. I think its the hard-cover one with all the audio CDs and stuff, yea.

I really wish I could work part-time, its just so amazing. I have job opportunities from my mum like once every 2 months plus, jobs keep coming in. But sadly, schooling prohibits me from fulfilling the minimum requirements to attain that job.

I mean, I dont look for jobs, they look for me. And its really God who has been good to me all these years. And yes, its been confirmed, I have passed my IHP, but not a very high mark though. Which means, yes, Ill be enlisting in late 2008.

Another period of transition. People always think, when you go NS, you are prone to backsliding and its as if you're on a 'holiday as a christian'. But seriously, if your relationship with God is genuine, then I dont see why anything can stop you two from being together, the more you two should get stronger.

They always say...

Relationship has no meaning without the basis of friendship.

Not just in the natural, but I feel in the spiritual, it is also true. If 2 people havent come to a point where they can share their problems, cry with each other, rejoice with each other, and come so close and inseparable, then seriously any attempts to make a relationship commitment is futile.

I can quote one whole chunk of my notes from the Harvest Times issue on Relationships and Finding the Right Partner by Ps Kong, but whatever is true in the natural, is also true in the spiritual.

Your relationship with God have to come to a point where you can open yourself up, live life together. And doing QT is the best time to do so, as well as exercising your gifts during cg and really sensitizing yourself to the HS.

Dont just live for God, live WITH God.
Dont just serve for God, serve WITH God.

A couple does things together, when you were down, God was there for you. Likewise, whenever you sense something grieving the HS, be there for Him too, let Him know that you really love Him and that you really treasure your relationship with Him.

And developing a close friendship is gonna take a long long long time. Ps Kong mentioned in his article that any relationship that hasnt gone through or passed the test of time, isnt going to work, period.

Not just in real-life, but in the spiritual as well. People backslide because they have the wrong foundations. Its like the parable of the sower. But, I mean, there are those who come back and I think thats great. They have courage and they have character! To be able to bounce back again.

To be a man, is not to be arrogant, pushy or macho, to be a man is to be like God.

Doing what He would do.
Saying what He would say.
Thinking what He would think.
Seeing what He would see.

Later on Im gonna meet Benjamin to discuss the project I have done as well as the improvements Ive made. IHP may be over, but it feels no different seriously, lol. Its only over after I get the commission from NUH. Which may take a LONG time. Hopefully, soon. =) Haha.

I love this song..

I will not be moved.
I will stand for You.

I will go where You send me.
Jesus, take me now, I am Yours.
I am Yours.

I lay my life on the altar,
Everything I give to You alone.
Here I am.
Here I am.

Worship is not putting God first, worship is putting God only. - Rev Phil Pringle

PS: I wish I could play for E406/W460 again one day :) But E420 is still the best! Hahaha...but I always tell myself, Im not playing just for a celgrp, Im playing for God. Im not just singing to lead, Im singing to love and to worship, to the creator of Heaven and Earth, who chose to live in someone like me.

Videos

Hahaha! This has got to be the most funniest walkthrough Ive ever seen! ROFLMAOLOL!

Okay, I cracked at the end! HAHAHA!

Read the title and the video description from the main site first. I dont know, some people will have an insane crackomania at the end, some people just stone. The mood was so solemn and serious, inpirational..then the end, really cracked me up until I cried LOL!

Medical Checkup...Reloaded.

Okay, so I woke up at 5.30am and gotten ready to go for med. Went to have breakfast with mum at this really nice hawker center at telok blangah that sold really nice wanton mee for $2.50! WOOTS haha.

Reported at 8am for med. The whole thing lasted 3.5hrs omg. LOL. This is my second time though, this time was slower cause they had to setup the place, etc.

Started off with measurement. Then went straight to the pee station lol. After that queued up for the blood station. This time, Im prepared lol. The last time I went there after 4-5hrs of sleep and with an empty stomach, I almost died! haha.

I sat there and this time, the service is better, cause they "strangled' my arm with this elastic rubber strap until I cant even feel my arm LOL! So I merely felt the needle stuck onto my skin, while the doctor started drawing 2 testubes full of blood..haha.

After that went to do my hearing and eye tests. Then the X-ray. For some reason I love taking X-Ray haha..maybe cause its the second time Im actually seeing an x-ray machine. O_O. The guy was damn friendly..he even wished me happy new year in advance, and I think thats so cool.

When I was doing e feedback form, I put under 'service', strongly agree. Haha.

After that went for dental check, the dentist was staring into our mouths and then saying all sorts of weird cheemology, dunno what 7A erupted, 9A monocavisblablathingamajig. Dont know what he saying also. Haha..but the more he says, the more you should worry LOL.

After that is another cool X-ray, machine..this one I like the best, the dental X-Ray thing. LOL. You put your head and bit onto a plastic tip. Then there are 2 panels on each side of your face, and it goes round and round your head. Haha, like some alien technological scanner. =/

Then went for cardio, where they plug these things onto you like some Darth Vader. Surprisingly, they never checked my 'weapon' haha. I thought they would. But they didnt. :O

Hmm, last year I got into Pes-B, not Pes BP. wth. They say I got 'potential' to 'grow' during the holidays so they play safe. O_O. What if I slim down and Im the only slim shady in the whole of the Pes BP cohort then how? Call police. lol. Owned.

Oh yes, I completed Hitman: Blood Money, now trying out the Professional mode. Haha. Its quite hard to get Silent Assassin status without the help of a walkthrough for this one. Cause you cant leave behind any blood traces or any evidences such as weapons, etc. =/

This song is one of the songs a 'character' in the game was singing. And I actually found out its an original song! LOL.

But of course in the story, the lead singer had an 'unfortunate' accident and there was an urgent need for a replacement, so in this stage, the replacement was actually someone who knows about me (Agent 47) and one of the hidden objectives was to eliminate anyone who possesses information about my activities or knows my identity.

In the game however, because the one singing this is a replacement cum 'secret assassin', she sang this song quite horribly..hahaha! Oh wells.

New Song, Train Incident

Okay, Ive decided to upload the song. But only for 24 hours. LOL.

This version is the second recording. Im lazy to do the melody part with my acoustic/electric because of the stupid dog (aka b*tch) next door that keeps on barking non-stop because the Vitagen seller is standing at the door talking to the owner O_O.

Sometimes I just wish I could assassinate that stupid dog..lol. 3-4am in the morning can also bark, because one of the family member came home late. Stood at the door, unlocked the door, and voila! WOOF WOOF WOOF at 500Db (Decibels). lol. Retard.

Which reminds me, on saturday as I was taking e train to expo, got this skinny ahneh ahpek. Sit beside me. Then all of a sudden started taking the phone and arbuneh-arbuneh-arbuneh..so irritating can? Im listening to praise and worship and he beside me, ahneh-ahneh-ahneh..so loud, even everyone was staring and thought he was a bit 'off'.

Its like the tamil version of someone, but never mind.

I tolerated that crazy guy from lakeside till bedok. And everytime he ahneh-ahneh over the phone, he kept on pushing and squeezing me. Yes. From lakeside to bedok. Impossible right? How can a skinny old fag squeeze someone so big sized like me? Answer? Deliberate. =/

And you know from lakeside to bedok is like an hour. I dont know how I tolerated that freak for so long. Maybe Ive been 'trained' thats why. I dont think anyone would remain in their seat if he/she were in my position.

"Why dont you just move away?"
"Its because I have the capacity and patience to remain there knowing everything will be alright".

You better treasure patient and tolerant people like me..hahaha.

Androne - Hidden In The Secret Place

This is my 5th composed song, its for my QT though. This one was really special. I was doing some reflections and God was speaking to me. And I suddenly remembered the times, I was alone with God. How He sees me for who I really am, how He saw the side of me that no one else saw.

I was literally in my room, in tears, after thinking of certain things, how God has been real to me, and the problems that I face that no one else knew about..

Hidden in my secret place...

Sitting at Your feet, O Lord
Pouring out my heart to You

Kneeling at Your throne, Lord Jesus
Come take all of me
I lay my all for You

When no one could ever see me
In the secret place
I know that You are near me Lord
Your peace surrounds me
Your love now fills me whole.

Ask for the song from me if you want. I dare not say Im a good composer, neither can I sing for nuts. Ha.

2 CGs a week, Dr AR Bernard

Service 2 was great. I believed service 3 was even better but too bad I couldnt go :(

Me, adam and thad was looking in front when we saw the whiteboard at the side of the stage before it was brought up, cus yesterday he didnt use e board haha, and we went.."WHITEBOARD! WHITEBOARD!!!!" LOL. The people behind probably thought we were crazy hahaha.

Service was great.

But first, I really wanna talk about Jack Neo. He shared his testimony today and I felt so blessed. He shared about his new upcoming production about some ah-long, haha. Then the trailer everyone was like laughing, but I thought, hey, its really creative!

A few things Jack said that really blessed me.

"All this while, I thought it was a coincidence that I have talents and abilities to act and direct a show, but when I got saved, I realised all these were merely part of God's ultimate plan for my life..."

"While I was deciding which scenes to cut, it seemed so hard, and I felt so lost. So I prayed and God began to give me revelation and creativity. What was it all about, I cant tell you yet, you have to wait for the show, haha. But if you really want it, then Im sure God can speak to you too!"

And we all went..WHOOOAAAA!!! And everyone clapped and cheered!!!

Correct me if Im wrong, haha, my chinese translation is only average. But Jack spoke english too and I think he's a really cool guy. Kenny Low's sharing was also over the roof! LOL. Dr Bernard was so funny, he asked Kenny, so who brought you to church?

"Oh my girlfriend, who is now my wife.."
"Because I was following her to check on who she's meeting.."

"Oh..so you were chasing your girl but God was chasing you.."

Hahaha. God is good.

Top O level students, from our church, top director in south east asia, from our church. Social entrepreneur of the year, from our church..all these living testimonies are really an encouragement to me.

And I believe its important to hang out with the right people.

Not only do friends influence us, sometimes we can take on the traits and personalities of our role models and even our parents or relatives. As such, we should always guard our hearts and minds.

Ps once said, a mature person is someone who is led by the spirit. Not led by emotions, not led by self-will, not led by our own conscience, but someone who is sensitive, someone who walks with God very closely.

Its all about priorities, having the right mind, the right attitude and the right relationships.

Just because you think something is good, doesnt mean its something from God. A good idea may not be a God idea. Dont live be experience, but live by revelation.

As I watched the video on FIR, Geng Hong, Vivi appearing on Taiwan National news and sharing how God has changed their lives, really inspired me. Sun really went in and changed the face of pop culture, forever. Its because of her, that people are now willing to stand up for God.

Its great to know that Geng Hong is giving bible study to Jay Chou. We are indeed building God's kingdom! They are just so on fire. They have a celebrity celgrp over there! And here we have what? At the most our BBG. Haha. Man..Im in awe!

There was one time on the train, God gave me a question I couldnt answer.

Imagine you are on the train, and you have an encounter with God, you are feeling His presence, goosebumps upon goosebumps and you are having an intimate moment with God, your eyes are wet and you are trying to hold back your tears, enjoying the moment. And all of a sudden, an elderly comes along and stands right in front of you. (This is a true story, it happened to me..lol)

So..

What do you do? Who do you place first? Are you going to forsake your 'secret place' with God and do a good deed by giving up your seat? Or are you going to treasure that moment with God and remain on your seat?

And that really bothered me for a long time.

Even till now, I havent really gotten a hold of an answer yet. But its a really good scenario to think about. What would you do?

Both options are good. Both options are right.

Anyone wanna answer my question? hahaha. I really need a revelation regarding this. Its been 'tormenting' me..hahaha.

Okay, I realised Ive sidetracked A LOT! which I always do. haha. Its hard to promise that my posts are gonna be short. Because my life is just so exciting with God..haha.

But really Dr AR Bernard's message was really good, even though it was a bit rush. If I can summarise what Ive learned this week, itll be two statements:

1. Its not about talents, or abilities or about giving solutions or ideas, all these are good, dont get me wrong. But ultimately, its about a person, Jesus Himself.

2. God is the best 'junk collector'. All of us, never deserved His love. At one point, we had nothing, we were all junk. Valued at close to nothing. But God took us, and he saw our redemptive value, and now he has made us into someone of value, someone precious and he longs to show off His most prized posession, us.

Just like my phone incident, how God took something worthless and now its priceless.

When a person is not anointed and he/she tries to be a witness, that person is bound to make some serious error. You give a solution but it made the problem worse. You wanna fix things, but somehow you screwed up instead. You wanna win your partner, but somehow you keep on breaking up and changing partners.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

If living life apart from God isnt working, then dont be insane, draw back to Him. If it doesnt work, it doesnt work. Everyone is changing, growing and moving on, dont be left behind. Dont be too far front, dont be too far behind, flow and be on the right track.

You cant always use the same method of communication to talk to EVERY person. Each individual is different, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.

Thats why communication is an art.

Before any relationship is established, communication must be there. And it starts with God. Its easier to please God..really. If you cant even be consistent in your spiritual walk with God, then how is your natural life going to be any different?

Last time I used to love God, but now im IN LOVE with God. We have grown so much closer. On the train, whenever Im alone, I would think of Him, I would chat with Him and its just so wonderful and encouraging.

The skin on my fingers are peeling already haha. But its always a joy to serve God, to serve my cg, to serve other cgs. After cg we were at eastpoint 18 chefs, and adam was telling us he had a meal with ps tan outside along with ps audrey and other leaders, and ps tan came and said, "Come I show you magic trick.." HAHAHAHA! so funny.

When adam showed us what ps tan did, I almost fainted LOL! I was like..*Diao..*Falls off chair LOL.

We should really spend more time with our pastors and leaders. And I was told Ps Derek is an online gamer! Can you believe it!?! LOL. We really have great people in our lives, and if we dont treasure them, one day we will lose them. They'll still be there, but we wouldve drifted so far away..living in our own world of comfort.

All in all, its been a great week for me. Tues is my medical checkup. Gosh. Doing it the second time..poor management..lol..see la..everyone becoming more slack. lol.

Met someone at JW just now to get back my amp. I was like.."Erm Ill come over to ur block to collect, ure not feeling well, must rest." And she was like, "Nono. I scared its too far for you." Okay, in situations like this..what to do? Haha. Manhood first? Or listening to the sister?

Now, thats another puzzling question for you..LOL.

Dont blame the devil for what you have never done. He is just taking advantage of that fact.

Christine, we'll all miss you. And we look forward to see you again! =) Chains are breaking, the world is shaking..hehe =)

Dr AR Bernard, Friends

Service was awesome. Something funny happened during pre svc PM, Ps Kong asked us to walk around lay hands on the chairs and pray, then he looked in our direction and saw us standing there, thad and pohchoo discussing some stuffs, he was like: "What are you doing? Come on, dont just stand there! you want to fellowship, go outside and fellowship..".

Ouch. That's a 'D'-personality Ps Kong for you. haha.

But the thing was, I was so happened to be in between Thad and pohchoo and ps kong looked right into my eyes and said that. I was in shock =/ Please flow, when its time to pray, pray. And be quick about it LOL. Dont sabo me..hahaha. So scary, those words and the tone shook my innermost being :S There was once ps kong discipled a security guy until he cried.

People think he referring to someone else, but I saw him staring right into my eyes! =/ Thats why I was like, eh quickly move..lol..because Im stuck in between..and I tio ps kong omg. lol.

Dr AR Bernard was good. I finally figured out what Ive been forgetting to blog the past few days..I think the message sums what I intended to say.

Dr Robb Thompson once said,

Your future is decided, the moment you choose your friends.
Who you hang out with, you are going to be just that.

See your friends and you see your future.
You dont determine their future, THEY determine your future!

People get disappointed all the time, "Why my friend like this?" A friend cannot "like this". How do you define friend? Do you need english lessons? A person becomes your friend because you're willing to accept his/her differences. You CHOSE your friends so STOP COMPLAINING!

Dont anyhow call people friends. There is power in your words! The moment you foolishly call someone a 'friend', in your soul there is already a connection established. And when you finally realise the person's true colors, you stumble and fall! You get all disappointed and angry.

He who wins souls is wise.
In some translations, he who wins "Friends" is wise!

If you are someone who is losing all your friends and you wonder what is happening to everyone, then ask yourself, the people around you have changed, your friends have changed, what is the one thing that havent changed? You!

You dont need to be a rocket scientist to know simple maths. Im sure you have heard of the word common denominator.

And as I was meditating and spending time with God, talking to Him, He reminded me of how important it is to choose the right friends, especially friends of the opposite sex!

People live in regret, because they are not mature enough to think before they act. Period.

So what if your circumstances are poor? What are you doing about it?

Maturity is not determined by age, but by the willingness to take responsibility!

Ps Kong once said,

People perish, not because of what they did wrong,
but because of what they failed to do right!

And I think its so in line with today's message.

Having a genuine relationship! Its not about methods, religion or even talents, but its about a person! Sometimes when I play for cg, I play because its my duty, because I have the talent to play and flow and sometimes I focus on my talents rather than on the one who gave me those talents!

Sometimes I reach out to friends, because I want to bless them. No doubt its good, but Jesus is not there. The main character is missing!

Im a very fair person. Whatever I say, I do. If I have not done it, I wont dare say it. I dont even mind correcting myself here in front of everyone to read.

You can want to change, yet unwilling to change!

Deep down you want breakthrough, but you're not willing to make adjustments. You're not willing to accept instruction and discipleship, you're nothing more than just a believer, a listener but not a doer. You yourself want to stay comfortable and not be willing to change.

I will always, always, ALWAYS remember Adam's discipleship, its all about TEACHABILITY!

You can have the nicest pizza placed right in front of you, but if you dont take it and eat it, it will do you no good.

A true disciple is someone who is willing to be taught, corrected and changed.

He takes in every single comment and treat it as if it's from God. Or at least, I do. I even listen to a 9 year old boy in JP Arcade, I listen to my buddhist friends out there, and God CAN speak through them! Thats how I grow, Im teachable and Im hungry!

I want everything, and Im willing to do what it takes to get it from anywhere, from anyone. To some people, for a 20 year old guy to learn from a 9 year old is impossible! But its all about attitude! The willingness to learn, the willingness to change, the willingness to humble yourself.

You do not have, because you do not ask.
And even if you ask, you ask with the wrong motives.

Breakthrough comes when you're in God's flow. Apart from God, you can do nothing. Without the HS, you can never be fully equipped to be a witness.

Its not difficult, it can be done. Because I have been there, done that. All it takes, is 2 things:

1. Genuine relationship
2. Genuine attitude

Adam was telling me he got good report from wayne that Im in demand..haha. Praise God for that. My goal as a guitarist is not to become the BEST guitarist. Because there's no such thing as best, there will be people better than you..

But my goal is to be the most genuine guitarist. Yes. Genuine. Not the best, but the genuine. I see ps kong play e guitar, he isnt that good in playing, but when he does, presence of God comes, power of God comes, because his relationship with God is genuine.

HS is upon him, thats why like Dr AR Bernard said, its about a person! And when you're connected to THAT person, you'll experience the anointing of the HS upon you. Tmr service 2, then cg..man its gonna be great. I wanna get my hands on the Service 3 notes..somehow haha.

Get your life right.
Set your priorities straight.
What would Jesus do?
What would Jesus say?

E406, Revolution of Love

Not bad. 5 songs for cg. But didnt sing I See The Lord. It was great.

Its really good to experience different cgl flows, different atmosphere, different members, different places, everything is different. E406 is REALLY different from the last time I went there. They always say, its always good to go back to our 'roots' sometimes. =)

So many new faces. And wayne colored the walls of his basement and I think it looked really cool, kinda blends in with the flower-like cloth/carpet/flooring or whatever u call it haha. The person who came up with it and the colours is really good. They matched with the colors on the wall. From the top it looks like a giant colorful flower and everyone sat on it! so cool huh? :D

They had whiteboard too, haha..its really interesting how Wayne gives his illustrations: conception, gestation, seen and unseen..and he preached in a way, like Dr AR Bernard haha..mebbe cus of the whiteboard. I think it really helps, because the sermon is not just hearing, its seeing and it involves your senses and you can really engage.

Okay, I shall not be biased now, haha..I mean, thats E406, E420 we are unique in our own way, E406 is unique in their own way, but for me, being able to go to many celgrps and play, is really e favor of God and open doors. Experiencing how different people run celgrp, is really an eyeopener :)

AND!!!! =))

Being able to flow with more than 4-6 cgls is really something I cannot do on my own, if not for the hours spent praying and worshipping in the secret place yesterday and today, I wouldnt have been able to pull off a wonderful celgrp meeting.

I always say, I may not be the best, but Im definitely available and willing whenever I can, taking risks, daring to do the impossible, stepping into the unknown!

God doesnt call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Wayne was preaching and he was mentioning, last year the theme was living out loud, this year the theme is Connect. We have reached out, now its our turn to connect with those we have reached out to, to love God wholeheartedly and love people fervently, making disciples and all..:))

He also said something about the Revolution of Love, haha..I wonder what ideas he has for AN Zone in 2008 :O One thing he had his celgrp involved in, is the connect groups. His cg is currently 24 or 25, or something, I may have heard wrongly..

He has 4 or 5 connect groups, and these groups have a group leader each. Basically they pray for each other, meet up with new friends, etc. I think its a pretty interesting system. Maybe we can have a buddy system in our cg or something. Just an idea..hahaha.

Like ps said, as we grow bigger, we must grow smaller.

Oh yes, one more thing..

If you think our celgrp has quite a number of gals compared to guys, you should see wayne's cg!!! LOL!!! When cg was about to start, the basement was quite 'packed'..and I thought.."Gosh, am I the only guy? hahaha! of course got peng and some others, but like..4-5 guys? and more than 10 sisters...thats....FREAKY! lol!

I looked around me, I started feeling nervous..Gosh, are there any more guys out there? haha. Btw, JiBaBom very funny today! Haha..cause wayne was preaching on love and he's the connect group leader, then wayne ask him, so..leanne has a friend jennifer, what are you going to do as a leader?

"Erm..get to know her, talk to her on the phone.." Then all of sudden everyone started laughing, and wayne was like, "We are talking about love, not that kind of love la!" hahaha..and wayne was like, teasing chingfeng and I think he was really paiseh haha. But it was fun. Makes celgrp a whole lot more exciting.

Sometimes we should learn to laugh at ourselves.

I miss Gina's cooking! haha. Really nice ketchup macoroni with minced meat, tomatoes and cheese with chicken wings. And Lionel and Derrick booked out! Gosh, Lionel is bigger than his bro! haha. no offense lol. Lionel was sharing, his superior even more slack than them lol..first few days already 3 days MC or something..haha..owned.

everyday cai-fan, 4 meals a day! omg. he was telling me he ate alot..but he worked just as hard, no wonder he's 'bigger' now haha. man, I dont wanna go any bigger :S I wanna go smaller or taller, taller a bit hard..almost impossible =/

I mean, God created me with broad shoulders and I thank God for that..sometimes I wish I was smaller..haha. my shoulder from joint to joint is slightly wider than my drawer! O_O. Oh well, for my future girlfriend to lean on..bahaha. Anyone else, must have service charge..LOL..jkjk.

Excited for Dr AR Bernard!

I will sing forever
Jesus I love You
Jesus I love You

Finally a post, QT

One thing that I felt at the start of this week, remember CG on sunday as well as the fellowship after that? Well, on monday and tuesday I still felt as if it was still Sunday :D. I took the train to sch, feeling like Im going for cg, etc. Anyone have that kind of feeling before?

After a day so memorable, having encountered God in such a great way and spending time with those you love, how can the experience and the memories not remain so vivid?

Sorry for the lack of updates, it seems the moment my IHP ended my blogging rate decreased too. It shows one thing, even in my darkest moments, God light up my life and gave me an adventure.

Just now was doing my usual practice for tmr. Ill be playing for Wayne. Its certainly gonna be exciting cause I miss E406. Haha. So many people to catch up with! Really miss you guys haha. I think I stuck myself with W460 for some time now, its time to get back to E406 haha.

Im like some foreign talent going all over the place, wont be surprised Evan asks me to play for her again one day. haha. Itll be good. :p

During the practice just now, God showed up halfway, and immediately I stopped whatever I was doing, got rid of all distractions, locked the door, switched off the lights and knelt down on the floor with the guitar in my hand..and right there and then, I was playing this song..

Im like a hopeless romantic, the moment God showed up, I was so engrossed with Him, I immediately closed all the windows and doors, and turn off lights and all, trying not to let Him escape! hahaha. And I was rather 'nervous', nervous that if I miss this chance, who knows when's the next time He will show up again.

They say, the most precious worship is worship that costs, worship that touches your heart and worship with a heart of brokenness, I was tired, exhausted, just had practical exam for my QLA today, wasnt too difficult, but Im beginning to lose that closeness and thats what made me tired.

Yes, Im stressed and Im tired with burdens all the time, but the burden to touch God every single day is a good burden. Since I made my covenant with God, I told myself I wanted to have an encounter at least once a week for the rest of my life. =)

As I knelt there on the floor in the dark, I remembered SPG (Secret Place Gathering), I was sitting at the exact same place. And I realised, everytime we had SPG, or whenever I had QT and God showed up, I would kneel or sit at the exact same place. hahaha. I think whoever sits on the tile I sat on will be overpowered by the anointing of God! LOL. :P

Other than that, the only other place I knelt before God was on my bed, there were times I prostrated too. Man, just talking about it makes me miss OPMs :( And this week gonna miss AR Bernard Service 1 (half of it) and the whole of Service 4 cus cg on sunday lol.

Anyone wanna volunteer to help me take notes? :S Or buy me the CD? haha. Gonna miss churchwide PM too =/

I wanna hold Your hand
And walk with You
Along the white sands of the beach
Beside the crystal blue waters
Under the breeze of the clear blue skies
With our arms across each other

God, that's my love letter to You. =)

Friends

Congrats Shing on your 'attach'ment :D

Chest pain?

Last night I experienced tightness and pain in the chest.

Am I really that stressed out?

Presentation, Handphone, Love

Presentation was so-so...feels as if I worked 20 weeks for nothing. Everything was messed up. To the guy at NUH, he's happy with it, in school, its the total opposite. 20 weeks, those times alone, those times spent away from fellowship, not having christmas, not having any new year, feels like..its all a waste of my time..

What do you want me to do? Im taking a module, I have assignments on that module and I have common tests, I have scheduled timetables, and I have a practical exam this thursday, what do you want me to do?

I really dont feel anything now. In my moment of stress, I left my phone in the room O_O. There goes more part of me. Anything that can go wrong, went wrong. But at least God protected my phone, even though its worth like junk now, battery cover missing, scroll button spoiled..I reached home and called my phone, wasnt expecting anyone to pick up.

But someone did.

I was hoping either to be hung up on or 'suan'ed at with probably a 'thief'. But when he answered, I didnt know what to say, I have never faced something like this before, I almost wanted to say, "Erm..hi..my phone is with you?...Erm, do you want to return to me? If not then its ok." But I didnt, that sounded stupid, "Do you want to return to me?", I wouldve said that if I were a little more tired lol.

I mean, a total stranger who has your phone picks it up, how would you react? Likewise, I could sense he didnt know what to say to..he probably thought I was gonna scold him or something. Same with me..I thought I was gonna get suaned at. =/ Typical reaction.

Miraculously he's from chc too. Drama ministry. His name is Earnest Tan. Also unknowingly, he is my sec 1 and sec 2 classmate's brother! God is good. What have I done to deserve this..I was already gonna let whoever took my phone have it. With all my celgrp pictures, and retarded videos. lol.

Whats even more miraculous is that he was reaching jurong point when I called. So yea, met him up at boon lay int. Couldnt recognise him since the last time I went to my classmate's house, I saw his bro (Earnest) here and there, he was in army at that time, wearing specs and playing CS, but I see him a bit fierce at that time, dont dare to talk to him haha.

You can say, "Nah, lucky la you..coincidence la..". Yes, that is very true!!! Everytime I pray I get lucky, everytime I pray coincidences happen! O_O. It's God.

Went to Amara Hotel buffet to celebrate mum's birthday, one thing I like abt buffet is that I can afford to have low-carb meal. Yes, Im trying as much as I can to go on a low carb diet. It havent really started yet but its one of my goals this year. heh.

I love fish..really! Fish with sauce. I can finish one whole fish by myself, excluding the stomach, head and tail..lol. When I was young, my ahma would cook really nice fish and I would finish whole fishes..haha..they say people who consume white meat tend to have fairer complexion, oh wells, I dont know to what extent that is true.

Im just so in love with God. I love Him more than anything or anyone.

I mean, a laopok phone, with missing batt cover and spoiled scroll button and lagging SMSes, firstly, who would wanna take? Secondly, what moved me the most is the fact that something so small, something broken and almost to the point of being useless and worthless, it may not mean anything to God, but because it was mine, it meant the whole world to Him.

Every little thing in your life, whether small or insignifcant, matters to God. Even dreams that have died, they matter to God. Broken relationships, they matter to God. You matter to Him even when He doesnt matter to you.

To go all out and to get me back my phone..I really dont know what to say..its like a couple, and the man is proposing to the wife, out of desperation he is willing to pluck the roses nearby and give it to her as a wedding gift. Thats who God is! He's not just there, He's willing to go all out just to get something that meant nothing! As long as its part of you, He will go all out for you.

Thats how precious you are, precious enough that if you were the only one in the world, He would still die for you, so that you can be with Him.

Its not just about what you can do for Him, all those are great, you can pray long hours, you can fast, move in signs and wonders, lead praise and worship, all these are great, but they cannot be compared to who you are, you spending time with Him mean so much more.

He just wants to sit down by your side and hear your voice, because your voice is the most beautiful sound in the entire creation. =)

He just wants to hold your hand, because its more tender and its of more value than all the clouds in the sky. =)

He just wants to look into your eyes, because to Him, you are the most beautiful person in the world, more precious than diamonds, silver or gold. =)

Like the story of mary and martha, all God wants, is to be with you. You dont have to do anything, you dont have to say anything. Silent. Being there. Romantic. Intimate. ^^

A moment with God..forever I will treasure.

After this incident, I dont wanna get rid of this phone anymore. Because God searched high and low and got it back, just for me, just to see me smile once again. When I see the broken cover, I see my brokenness, when I see the spoiled scroll button, I see myself, helpless without and totally dependent on God.

As laopok as it may be, what was worthless, is now priceless.

Im in love.

PS: Its not difficult to think of God 24/7. All it takes is a genuine love relationship.

Service, Celgrp, Chat

Service was awesome. Really. Having confidence and faith that changes the world. A person with ultimate security doesnt need to prove anything to anyone, not even to himself. I think Im gonna record down the last part of the service.

The other time, when ps tan was preaching, I think during e worship ps derek gave a word, I have that too. Can ask me if you want :D Use for QT. Really good..especially when ure feeling down.

Yest went to T3! Haha. Like Vivocity. First time sure get lost, haha. But with Jolene sure wont get lost, because she has a good sense of direction. I realised I cannot drink too much iced cold fresh peach tea..haha..Ill go high. Thats how I got the nickname Peachbabydrew, from Cin. lol. The picture you drew still on my friendster leh..hahaha.

But when ps laid hands at e end of service yesterday, halfway I got a little worried..deep down, I really knew how hard it was to lay hands with a broken wrist and risking his voice. Deep down I was worried that Ps Kong might lose his voice.., in my mind, I was like, "oh no, please take care of yourself..".

I mean, I really feel for him. But at the same time, I really respect him for who he is, the sacrifices he's made. Its true, we can never understand what ps goes through in his secret place, but its definitely something we will never be able to comprehend.

Thats why whenever I have the time, I would think of ps and pray for him. He's not getting any younger, and yet he's more on fire than most of us, even myself. Seeing how he changed from someone intimidated and shy, into someone bold and confident, really spurs me. For some reason, whenever Ps Kong talks about his past, his sacrifices, etc, I kinda saw myself.

Celgrp today was good too. It was really another step for me, when Adam wanted me to lead prayer for praise and worship last week. Its not easy, doing 2 things at once, but hey, pam once told me something I would never forget, that there's always a first time for everything. I dont think you even remembered telling me that..haha.

All in all, I learnt something important when leading praise and worship. Confidence is more than believing in yourself, confidence is believing that when I play, the presence of God will come. The assurance that God is with me, leading and guiding me. Even when sometimes I stumble, at least I stumble forward, I stumble with the confidence to get back on track.

I think thats one of the keys in getting out of depression and having longsuffering. Confidence. Loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are, and loving others. Adam said something really good, if you cant even love yourself, how are you going to love others?

If you yourself is not blessed, how are you going to bless others? If you yourself are not good in studies, how are you going to tutor others? If you have not sown any seeds, whether is it time, talents or finances, how are you going to reap any harvest?

Seeing people rising up, leading testimony, offering, and helping out as a celgrp helper, is a really encouraging thing for me. It makes me excited in a way, I know I already have a role, Im just a person who likes to try everything out..haha. Even if it doesnt work out, at least I lived without regret knowing that Ive attempted something great.

I dont mind being a helper, a treasurer, its always exciting to try things out, I mean, you'll never really know your potential unless you attempt something right? :D The christian walk is more than just discovering about God, its about discovering about yourself, your position, power and purpose.

After cg went to Ikea at Tampines. Walked around and had one dollar hotdog with drink. Haha. I think its really worth it. And you get good ice cream too. But seriously, I love my school's canteen food haha. Just that I always eat alone :S

Oh wells..I tend to do my work and study better in school, my home is too comfortable, I dont like. hahaha. Those who came to my house before, you'll know how powerful my bed is..lol..the moment u sit on it, you'll wanna sleep, but not just the bed, its really the distractions. haha. Eric really funny yest, kena bullied by pohchoo, and talked all sorts of nonsense lol.

Took train back. And after pam, thad and tri alighted and I sat there alone..dozing off here and there..haha. And I just closed my eyes, and talked with God.

"Thanks God..I think celgrp was great today."
"Yeah it was. Im happy for you."
"God, I really need you to help me with my project, I mean, I already...(hidden text :P)"
"Yes, I know..dont worry, Ill help you."

"Lord, 10k, is really a lot, you know me, when I first started, I never expected anything in return, I mean, when I help my friends, Ive never expected anything in return."
"Andrew, I know. You touched my heart, really. All those sacrifices you've made, those times you held the offering envelope with tears in your eyes, I see them all..and dont feel bad about it, you deserved it. Take it and have a happy life, I want you to be happy too."

"Yeah, you're right. Its a relationship right? You are the groom and I am your bride. In a way, I must learn to submit to You even more..but Im really thankful, my 'husband' is there to provide for me, and you're always there for me, in the secret place, even though I let you down so many times. God, I wanna be like you..there's so many people I wanna bless, I just wish I could give 1k to everyone I know.."

"Im sure you can."

"Im sure you know me well, Lord, You know that if I were to have 10k, I would have the tendency to give away to people and to give as offering hahaha. I just cant control myself, I cant stop myself from giving, the more I have, the more likely Ill be crazy enough to pledge an even higher amount for this year's building fund..."
"Haha, *He smiles."

The conversation went on, and I talked to him about my plans, my future relationships, marriage and so on..private, secret place stuff haha. Cant tell you everything :P And yes, I have the tendency to use up all my money, not on myself, but on people and on God..haha..

And if you know me long enough you'll know, Im someone who's addicted to giving, I always feel sad and 'emo' sometimes is because I love God and the people around me so much, but it hurts not being able to do anything about it. I wanna give more, I wanna do so much..

I like times when Im alone with God, peace and quiet. Last yr Ps Tan talked about styles of worship and personality traits. Im a solitute and contemplative person, Im also half charismatic, we love the move of God, signs and wonders, etc, afterall, we become who we follow haha..

I reflect alot, I think through things alot, and I have the habit of not doing something until Ive reasoned everything together. Its both a good trait, as well as a bad trait. I just got to learn to manage myself better. Im a very careful and cautious person, I feel alot too, maybe thats why my head and heart is so big, but I have small hands! hahaha..jus kidding.

But seriously, for a guy, I have really small hands :x My palm cannot even wrap a Logitech scroll mouse! O_O I dont want my hands to be crushed by my girlfriend next time! LOL! Ill confirm kena bullied haha.

Anyway, its so exciting haha..in march ps kong is gonna teach a series on marriage and relationships LOL, and somewhere somehow, Im sure he's gonna talk about the birds and the bees too, haha. Cool. Btw, I thought there was supposed to be a second men's talk last month? haha. guess there were last minute changes.

Presentation tomorrow, its the last lap..but after that it doesnt end there, it only ends when the end product is finished :D

I trust in You..

Back to programming

Man I seriously have no life. Ive been doing nothing but programming for the past 4 years and nothing productive, nothing of value to show.

Well, at least I met up with Benjamin yesterday and it seemed he was quite happy abt the project and is eager to see it in action! =)

Something's been wrong with me lately..I keep on forgetting what I wanna blog about. LOL.

A few days ago, I went to school to submit my report. Then as I took the lift down, one of the aunty cleaners came in, and you know those huge 'gadgets' they carry around with them? Yea..the lift only had space for the aunty, her 'gadget' and me. And we kinda chatted and joked here and there while the lift went down.

When the door opened at 1st floor, we were greeted by the usual astonishing numbers of students waiting to board the lift, but when they saw the aunty inside with her gadget..(she came in at 4th floor and wanted to go up to 8th floor btw, so to avoid the crowd she went down first, then go up), one of the guys went, "waaaaaaaalannnnnehhhhhhhhh...." hahahaha..So funny! I was trying not to laugh or smile if not people will think I siao.

He wasnt rude, just a soft, sarcastic tone that dragged on...."waaaaaaalannnnnnnehhhhh....." haha..cus the whole lift only the aunty and the machine and no more space LOL! I remembered smiling to myself while walking to the library afterwards.

So yea...people go to school and go to work, talk to friends and colleagues, and Im talking with the cleaner aunty. How sad huh. If not for the aunty, I prob wouldnt have talked to anyone at all. Which is true. Everyday, the only people I talk to are my parents and bro, during dinner time. Other than that, throughout the day, I never talk to anyone, not because Im anti-social, but seriously, there's no one to talk to.

Maybe thats the reason why Im so self-entertaining, because I grow up in an environment where you have no one to talk to everyday. Out of 24hours, the only time I socialise is between 7pm to maybe 9-10pm a day, excluding MSN..thats not counted.

Sheesh, I sidetracked and I forgot again what I wanna blog about....O_O.

This week and next week, cg on sunday. Feeling so weird.

Seal, Stress, Randoms

My first SEAL screenshot. Bored. (Pardon the low res, I took it using 800x600 lol.)

Thanks tim for the 'letter' lol.

Oh ya, I found a really interesting way to finish reading the bible:

bible.crosswalk.com

Select NLT and then type the book, e.g. Genesis 1. Then the interesting thing is when you listen to the audio. There's this little 'audioclip' icon. Just click on it, it has background music and some sound effects too..as the guy narrates each chapter!

Whats even more cool is, all those weird and LONG names, you can actually hear how its pronounced :DD Not bad, haha..very addictive :P

I forgot what I wanna blog :x Oh yes, Adam once told me. If you wanna do something and you DECIDE to go ahead and do it, THEN DONT COMPLAIN!

You love God, you wanna do something for Him, and when you do it, dont complain. Let your yes be a 'yes', and your no, a 'no'. Dont be double minded.

Bored, Revelations, Reflections

I woke up late today. not because I overslept. but because I forgot today got lesson O_O. I thought the end of FYP is the end of my semester...BUT I keep on forgetting that I still have one more module to finish :x GOSH. What a huge turnoff for my excitement.

I missed one tutorial and one lecture already. I cant afford to miss anymore. Was supposed to continue on my website to finish it this week. also..gotta finish my bible reading for january.

As I sat at the laptop, eating sugar cuttlefish..(Btw, I just fell in love with Sugar Cuttlefish HAHA), my mind started to wonder off. Which it always does whenever Im alone and doing nothing much.

And as I sat there I began to reflect on 2007, what were some of the lessons Ive learnt that I could bring over to 2008.

One of which was something Ps Tan said:

You will never be empowered, you will never be anointed, until you take the step forward and take responsibility and ownership!

You dont need faith when things are going well, you dont really need God much if you are doing something you're comfortable or used to doing; something easy.

And I began to put those statements on my msn, to remind myself, everytime I turn on the comp, I see the word of God and I remind myself and help myself to stay focused.

Someone msg me, "chill man..who offended you this time? lol". haha nobody did. I wasnt referring to anyone on my msn nick/statement, its just a reminder for myself, but if people get convicted then its no longer me, but God..lol..because its just a reminder to myself.

Thats how I grow, by feeding off the right things.

Im not afraid of discipleship, Im not afraid of people telling me the right things in my face. Adam told me the greatest asset is teachability. You can have all the best sermons, all the nicest friends, all the happiest successes in your life, but if you're unteachable..then all these things are nothing more than just waste before you.

You can have a rotting fish, or you can have a hawaiian pizza placed right in front of you, but if you dont CHOOSE to eat it, then you're not gonna enjoy anything, you're not gonna benefit from anything, you'll just remain the same, and your circumstances will never change!

Personally for myself, during those times spent practicing with Adam, he emphasised teachability, time and time again. For weeks, for months, its all about teachability.

They always say, a healthy church is a growing church, likewise, a healthy individual is a growing individual. Growing in spirituality, productivity and character.

There is no point in trying to mould a stone brick, no matter how hard you press against it, the shape isnt gonna change.

Dont be:

1. A solid person: Unteachable, unmouldable.

"Oh, I am so firm!" Yea, you are so firm that when change comes to lead you to another level, you simply ignore it or worse, you dont even realise it.

2. A gaseous person: Comfort lover, naive, simpleton, unstable.
"Whatever will be, will be." Not willing to take initiative. "Ohhh, if its fated, its fated lor."

Luck and fate is for the lazy! Trust me, even if things are fated, you are not fated to be fated! Hello???
"Ohhh..I am fated by fate so that my fate can be fated by the type of fate my life is fated to be."

O_O Come on..DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! LOL.

Even animals dont give a damn about luck or fate, they see food, they eat. They see danger, they escape. Come on, have some common sense. God said, "Give me your heart."

So keep your brain! lol.

But be:

3. A liquid person: Flexible, adaptive, make full use of whatever 'container' of life you're placed in, making every second count and learn to flow.

The mark of maturity is the ability to be led by the Spirit.

Where did I get these from? Personal revelations during QT haha. Thats how I learn, thats how I grow. Not just by experiences alone, but by revelation.

I liked what AR Bernard once said:

Knowledge that goes in influences the way you think.
The way you think influences your beliefs.
Your beliefs influence how you value your self-esteem.
Your self-esteem determines your actions and behaviour.
Your actions and behaviour has certain results.
The results you experience form your habits.
And your habits determine your success or failure.

In short:

Knowledge - Thinking - Beliefs - Self-esteem - Actions/Behaviour - Results - Habits - Success/Failure

Its not just about how you think...

No doubt that's important. Whats important is WHAT DO YOU ALLOW INTO YOUR MIND? Always ask yourself, who told you that?

Thats why its important to guard our hearts and minds. Ps kong said before:

The atmosphere around you is determined by 3 things:

The thoughts you think.
The words you say.
The songs you sing/listen to.

First 2 sounds okay, but songs? Yes. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word. Likewise, fear, sadness, doubt, "emo", comes by hearing too. God spoke, and there was light. God spoke, and the rain stopped.

Its not just about God speaking, its about the principalities that He spoke to, that LISTENED.

God can speak to you, and yet you are not sensitive enough to listen. Imagine, you wanna love your friends more, or you're simply trying to find a partner and you listen to songs like:

"You aint got no love today..."

And you listen everyday..."You aint got no love....EVERYDAY???"

HELLO? Earth calling Mars? Or Venus? Really...HELLO! O_O LOL! Gosh, what is the world coming to. Hahaha.

Okay, I think this post is long enough LOL. Ill continue tonight. =)

IHP Report

BUANG!!!! HAHA! YES! THROW AWAY LO!

Although there were a few complications, like school printer not working, photocopying machine printing only half the page..etc. And I ended up one hour late. But at least, I know I did my best and I submitted it.

58 pages in total, and I had to print 2 copies. Everyone was like staring at me. lol. after that went help yiwen buy the round pins, pinheads, or whatever u call it. after tt chilled out in e lib before having lunch. then went home.

Downloading AVP2..whoops.

but no time to rest, VIVA preparation and finishing up functions i havent completed! O_O NO REST!! WHAT IS REST??? LOL. no such word.

Headache has come.

God Is Faithful

I had this conversation with Mr Png, the one who gave me the assignment at NUH.

"Me and even the staff at NUH are excited to see what you can come up with..Previously there was a guy who helped us do a software..do you know how much we paid him?"

"erm..how much?"

"tens of thousands of dollars. even tho he didnt really do a good job we still paid him.."

"!!! u gotta be kidding me!"

"YES! TENS OF THOUSANDS BOY!"

Apparently he attends church and I can never be grateful enough. I mean, for a guy who didnt do a good job, he got paid 10k just like that.

Who else but God can come up with such a great idea!

As I recalled the past 20 weeks, what a journey it's been. From the day, God spoke to me, "Go for it!" To the times, I met with 'interesting' people in my personal life, to the many times, my family had problems, to the times and the nights I cried myself to sleep, to the times I felt alone, to the times I felt like giving up, to the times..

I couldnt be with my celgrp..to the times, Ive let people down..sleepless nights, falling sick and feeling so tired and lonely all the time..

Yet through it all, God is faithful. He may never be early, but he's never late.

You have NO IDEA what I went through the past 20 weeks, and no one may understand, but to have such a prize, really made all the hard work and sacrifices pay off.

I was sharing and some people are already jealous. How is it possible?

With God ALL things are possible!

Thats why I have always said time and time again, dont do something unless God spoke the word. Dont venture into a business unless God spoke the word. Dont get into a relationship unless God spoke the word. Dont go for a course of study unless God spoke the word.

That is what it means to be dependent on Him, that is what it means by putting Him first, that is what it means, when you say, "Jesus, You are the Lord of ALL!"

I know there is a small chance I might not be paid, but nevertheless, I have never doubted God. I know how people work their butts off just to earn 5k when I could get 10k instantly just like that. Its no one else, but God.

Thats what true love is all about, thats what loving God is all about.

Love is not about benefitting yourself. I told myself, even if I dont get paid, even if God doesnt bless me, I will still love Him, I will still serve Him. No matter what happens, this is not just a relationship with God, this is my 'marriage covenent' with Him.

One of my lifelong goals is to earn my first million by the age of 30..and hopefully get married by then with the woman of my dreams.

But first..no time to slack, rushing reports and projects. Back to my hours of pain and loneliness.

Every big thing in life, begins with a small step.

God, let me decrease and let You increase..

Update

No doubt I recover pretty fast.

But wounds take time to heal, as much as trust takes time to rebuild. Yes, life is never the same again, sometimes because of the decisions we make.

Just gotta learn to keep moving despite the dozens of battle scars I received the past 20 weeks..

I forgive really easy. I can forget what happened in 24hours,
I can get out of depression in 24hours,
But the healing process sometimes never recover completely.

I can stop the bleeding in my heart, but I alone dont have the power to remove the scars. Whats been said has been said, whats done has been done. There's nothing I can do about it.

So what if my heart is ugly looking with all the scars?

It doesnt matter to me. I know God is the only one who loves me and accepts me for who I am. No matter how empty, no matter how broken, no matter how empty.

Lord, Im crying out for more and more of You..

Ways we dont understand

First of all, I forgot to update..Celgrp has been great. Thanks for all the gifts. Service was great. Fellowship was fun and fruitful. I feel we should have more dinners at chillout locations where we can really sit down and share things together. There's really a sense of bonding.

Thanks to the one who smsed me when I was feeling down :) But more importantly..

We can never fully understand.

Its been awhile since I chatted with a friend of mine on msn. Whenever we're down, we tend to expect God to do something great, something predictable. Send an angel into our life, do a miracle, etc.

But no...its amazing how God can bring 2 people who go through similar experiences, even closer together. God does the most unlikely things, He surprises me more than I can even surprise myself. I didnt see it coming. Its not normal..for someone to just appear all of a sudden...

Im left speechless..God may never be early, but He's never late.

How true it is, he who waters others, he himself will be watered. Having gone through it, I know what it means, how it feels like.

True friendships are forged in the fire, not in times of joy or laughter...

You will never do what's important to you, until you see the value in it...

Breaking point

I just feel like a useless brother..

I dont deserve such a kind brother. These are one of the few times I really cried while blogging. On the train, I received a call. Im really tired. Im really worn out. Sometimes I just feel like quitting but Ive always told myself, to do the best I can, even though its so minute and small no one actually notices it.

All these while..my bro is always the one standing in for me. Always the one replacing me. I didnt wanna ask him, because he already served today. How can I call myself a brother if I cant even take care of him? Is there even once I helped stand in for him? No. Why? Because Im either preparing for exams, or rushing for projects for repeat modules.

Does anyone understand and know what Im going through? No. I know Im not as smart as most people I know. You have no idea the pain of failing, the pain of being left out, the pain of going through 2 years of my life alone, with no one to turn to. "Why dont you share it?".

Whats the point? Do I even matter? Im nothing more than just a stumbling block. Have I made a positive impact? I dont think so. Have I been a blessing? Maybe here and there. Im just another celgrp member, another ministry member, another friend..there's really nothing special about me..

Even in celgrp..so many things could not be done because of me. What can I do? Nothing. Everyday Im confined and there's nothing I can do. Things postponed because of me, things restructured and replanned because of me.

Stumbling block. Source of diversion. Thats all I can be. Nothing more than just a pain in some people's necks. Never good enough...no matter how hard I tried despite my circumstances.

Holding back my tears on the train ride home..of all the people I know. Only evan and adam have seen me actually cried, broken and empty.

Im not as fortunate as other people..who have a wonderful breakaway experience. I dont have any memories. Neither do I have any christmas memories, Christmas was me, by myself and my computer. Thanksgiving, I blew it. New year countdown..I never had anyone to countdown with..

Christmas gifts, just one or two, but Im already more than happy. Can anyone even comprehend what Im going through? I dont breakdown because of stress, I seldom do. Obviously its not the stress, yes, I feel totally helpless because no one can help me in my project. But more than just the surface, I dont think anyone understands what goes on on the inside.

Why dont you share it?

I cant..I just cant. I feel uncomfortable. Its not a pride issue. If it is I wouldnt have broken down before a female leader, neither could I allow myself to pour my tears out in front of my leader. I couldnt find anyone, that Im close with enough to pour out my hurts, except Adam. Its hard to find someone, whom I can relate to:

Not as andrew the guitarist.
Not as andrew the encourager.
Not as andrew the celgrp member.
Not as andrew the friend.
Not as andrew the son.
Not as andrew the brother.

But as andrew for who he really is. Very hard. To find anyone whom I can relate to at that level of emotional intimacy and closeness, other than God and Adam.

I really cannot take it anymore...I no longer have the strength to smile anymore...

And I, worship Your Lord.
My life in You restored.
Here is my heart,
Make it Your sanctuary.
For nobody else, but Jesus only You...

Random

Something happened at home that made me feel useless..

I wanna do so much. Only to realise I dont have the means to.

Because Im a student, and I have FYP.

I wanna love, but I dont have the means to.
I wanna serve, but Im limited.
I wanna excel, but Im tired.
I wanna do so much, so much, and Ive tried my best.
But Im just a guy, what can I do?

*Lost in projects.

Toshiba is faithful.

First of all, when you're too engrossed in your assignments, you tend to REALLY get engrossed and forget what's going on around you.

Yesterday there was no classes because the School of ICT was having some event or meeting. So it was e-learning day. And because there was no classes yesterday, I woke up today thinking its Wednesday and I totally forgotten about the lesson I had at 9am!!! -.-

And waddaya know..toshiba is starting to make rumbling noises. Even as I do my report.

The fan is scratching or whatever. I think the butt of the owner of toshiba needs to be scratched. O_o. And Billgates seriously need to take up english classes.

Restart Later means restart later.

Stop asking the same old question and stop insisting to restart now if you given me a choice in the first place! Double-minded freak! lol.

No wonder Windows Update and Windows Vista is unstable!

A double-minded person is unstable in all his ways. LOL

YOU LOSE!

Update

I better update before ppl PM me asking me to update lol.

Started on the report, so many things to type out and diagrams and all to compile and change :x I suddenly remembered was it last week or the week before..Elaine used my phone and she got stunned when it went dead..haha..

No it didnt went dead. The battery just came loose. It happens all the time whenever I leave my phone lying around and it starts vibrating and..*Poof..cause the battery cover went missing like half a year ago? haha.

I have problems receiving smses too..sometimes they lag and come in late..haha. Adam was talking to me about this and I realised his phone can sometimes behave this way too. LOL.

Yesterday played seal online for awhile. Man..first time I had a party lol. Most of the time im soloing. =/ Well, I wasnt really partying. I was helping a low lvl priest to level. And I ended up helping 3 low level girls to level up. LOL!

All bully me..haha, "Do you know there's 3 girls and one guy? :PP" LOL. Yeah, Im that bored. Letting 3 people leech off my exp. haha. but it was fun. lots of funny things happened. haha.

Gotta rush back to my report. After I complete my report, Im gonna continue with my programming :s even though its like, after the submission date. I dont like to leave things incomplete, especially after Ive put in so much effort and time.

I know I probably wont get paid or anything for sacrificing 20 weeks of my life, I just want to finish it up and have a sense of accomplishment.

Stupid self-proclaimed revelation.

God says: "Heaven and earth will pass away..but My words will never pass away."

but I say:

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but until that happens, programming will never pass away." :O

*YES! IM SO DAMN GOOD! LOL.

Not bad for a revelation eh? Hmm. Im nuts. Some may think, okay, submission is over, have some rest man andrew..Anyway, thanks Liz for the book.

But can I say..what is rest? Does even such a word exist? This week Im not resting, Im chionging part 2..REPORT! And its due next monday. Oh great..one monday after another.

No wonder they call it monday-blues..O_O.

Actually everyday is blues..cus everyday you look at the sky..its blue right? :S So in a way, the term 'monday blues' is ironic and irrelevant. Because I say so..lol. I think my insanity level just levelled up.

I think Id better rest soon before I start doing a:

"The sky is green, the grass is blue" video. LOL. =/ School has started. And it means, QLA lessons have resumed. Back to tutorials and lectures. I prefer lectures, tutorials and practicals! Those of you schooling, dont you ever complain about them in front of me!

You have no idea how 20 weeks of 'confinement' feels like.
You have no idea how 300 days of no holiday and no break feels like.
You have no idea how wasting 4 years of your life feels like.

If you have..good for you. Happy schooling! -.-

QLA Lessons are the only things I look forward to. :o

I like this song..I could tab the starting and the ending..but the shredding part is insane. LOL. What else do you expect from the world's #1 shredder. ha. One day, I will learn that insane part :P I hope. =/

Stoned. Randoms.

Just now I was on the bus 154, on my way to school.

I was sitting at the seats where they faced each other. The ones near the front of the bus. As usual, the girls will sit on the outside. Not my seat, but the one im facing.

And you know it can get quite cramp and narrow. Especially when Im being the good singaporean who sits inside and that lady being the typical singaporean girl who sits outside and 'zho-teng' the way..

So this girl boarded the bus, and she tried to squeeze her way past this 'aunty', sorry I have to call you aunty lol, but you really are one. And this gal came in and sat directly in front of me, beside the 'aunty'. (The 21 year old aunty).

The funny thing was..when she sat down..she let out a high-pitched and quick.."Ow!". LOL! I sat there directly facing that seat, I was trying so hard not to laugh..I was gonna LMAO aldr.

I quickly rested my chin in my hands and stared out the window, trying my best not to even smile too obviously. Hahahaha!

Deadline has come. Progress? CMI. This is what happens when you get to engrossed in your project and you 'act-smart'.

*(Its christmas week, one week to date due.)*

"Can you add an extra search feature for me?"
"Sure."

"Oh ya, can also add a signin and signout feature for the volunteers? Id be good. :D"
"Hahaha..no problem man."

"Haha oh yes, one last thing, I want the system to be able to sort by category and also, improve the search feature to help me search for names."
"Oh ok."

"You sure its okay? I heard you guys doing IHP have a very pathetic timeframe.."
"Haha..yes..but nvm I can do it one..if I cant finish by then, at most I just expand and improve on it when I graduate."

WHAT NONSENSE AM I TALKING ABOUT!?! :S

20minutes to midnight

Progress: 50%.
Timeleft: 20minutes.

Down with a flu. Tired, and worn out. I look like a living corpse.

People just dont understand the urgency Im going through.

People dont understand how it feels like to spend 4 years of your life doing something, only to end up with nothing more than an O-level cert.

People dont understand how it feels to waste $30,000 on school fees.

People dont understand what the word expel means.

People just dont want to at least give me a reply.

People dont understand how it feels to be the only one out of hundreds of people doing programming.

People dont understand how it feels to be helpless. No one can help, because there is simply no one who does what Im doing.

4 years, people get paid during IAP.
I can do IHP twice and not get paid even 10 cents to go to the toilet.

And people are complaining about jobs that pay them $3 an hour!

You assume everything's okay. No they are not.

In fact, NOTHING is okay.

How to choose the right partner for your life?

Notes for "Finding the Right Partner" - Rev Kong Hee.


Gloria Estefan - "We seal our fates by the decisions we make."
Your decisions determine your destiny.

The 2 greatest decisions you can make in your life:

1. The accept or to reject God.
2. Choosing your life partner.

By knowing who to choose as your LIFE partner, (note: not love partner, not 'friend-friend' partner, but a LIFE partner), either you end up having a heaven on earth, or a living hell.

No its not just about boyfriends or girlfriends, its about husband and wives! People who are not just involved in a love relationship, but in a love commitment, a love covenant!

Gen 2:15-18

God is the one who created marriage and sex. It was a beautiful thing, but the world has twisted it and 'cheapened' marriage and sex into something casual!
Sometimes, even married couples are ashamed of 'making love' because they live in an environment, a culture that portrays it as something shameful.

I remembered ps kong shared before, sex is the most intimate and enjoyable thing if you're married..but the price you have to pay, is a LIFELONG COMMITMENT. In other words, you pay it with your entire life! Back to notes..

Many people are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges!

It takes character to build bridges and connect with someone else.

It takes character to live not just for yourself, but to care, share, protect and provide for someone else!

It takes character to listen and communicate love and forgiveness.

God saw a need in Adam.
Without a marriage to a woman, Adam would never mature fully in his character!

Man and women are made to complement each other. Thus, we need each other. (Women have traits men dont have, and men have traits women dont have.)

Marriage develops your character as a person and your spiritual growth as a child of God!


CHOOSING THE RIGHT LIFE PARTNER


Too many people choose the wrong partners and then wonder why their relationships arent working!

God doesnt choose your mate for you!
Yes He has in mind the best person for you, but ultimately, its YOUR choice!

Prov 18:22 - "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD."
It didnt say he who finds a girlfriend, it says he who finds a WIFE.

Who does the finding? You!


WHY DO WE FALL IN LOVE?


Love is not a feeling, it is a choice!

Do you fall in love because:

1. Of charming looks? Cuteness/Macho-ness/Sexyness?
2. Of how energetic he/she is? Personality?
3. Skills and talents?

All these are NOT good reasons to start a relationship!

What about his/her emotional skills?
Maturity? Spirituality? Attitude? Character?
Who you need VS who you want.


THREE DEADLY MYTHS ABOUT LOVE

Many of us hold on to "Love Myths" that actually prevent us from making intelligent love choices.


Myth 1: True romantic love conquers all.

E.g. If I truly love someone it wont matter if:

He drinks heavily.
She criticises me all the time.
He flirts with other girls.
She has a terrible temper and blows up all the time.
Etc, etc...

Thats not love! What you have is TOLERANCE! You guys are just merely tolerating one another. And that is not healthy.

"All I need is true love" is a myth! It takes more than the romance of dating to ensure a happy marriage.

There are 2 consequences if you believe this myth:

1. You wont deal with real relationship problems.

E.g. If we truly love each other, then all these bad things dont matter, right? WRONG!

Does God love you? Yes. Did He accept you for who you are? Yes.

Did He leave you a sinner? Definitely not!

(PS (my own notes): They say love is blind. Well then..if you really believe love is blind, then I think you are really blind! Love takes focus, it takes dedication, passion and commitment! Love is not naive or ignorant, you are a lover for goodness sake! Not a simpleton!)

2. You will beat yourself up emotionally whenever things turn sour.

E.g. "If I only love him/her more, I know I can save the relationship."
Romance and courtship is NOT enough to make a relationship work! It needs COMPATIBILITY and COMMITMENT!


Myth 2: You will recognise true love at first sight.

3 dangers:

1. You may ignore the rest of the relationship.

A happy, fulfilling relationship must endure the process of time!You will tend to focus on how good that first 'feeling' is and ignore the reality of the situation!

E.g. When things are not working out, you will tend to just ignore it, rather than face it.

2. You may miss the chance for real lasting love.

You become too dependent on the 'electrifying' feeling to know what true love is.
To you, if there's no electricity, there's no love.

This addiction to the instant high of infatuation can be dangerous because one can miss the real love that has developed.

While it takes a moment to experience infatuation, true love always develops through the passage of time!

3. You may become infatuated with an 'image'.

You think you are falling in love.

You become obsessed with looks, what he does, how much money he has, car he drives, accomplishments in his life, etc..

You end up building a 'fantasy relationship' in your head over an image all the time! Ignoring and becoming oblivious to the REAL PERSON!

The person may be spiritually and emotionally incompatible with you!


Myth 3: The perfect partner will fulfill you completely.

No human being alive on earth can do that!
Many walk into relationships expecting people to fulfill our every need! When they dont, you become resentful and disillusioned!

E.g. "My boyfriend must be rich, he must do this, he must do that..or my girlfriend must do this, must do that, must behave this way, that way.., etc.."
(PS: You blame everyone, you blame yourself, you even can end up blaming God!)

True love is not one of taking and demanding, but of giving and sharing!If you feel emotionally empty before you enter a relationship, you will feel just as empty when you are in a relationship!

That emptiness can only be filled by God. The moment we ask Him into our hearts.

(PS: How can one show love, unless he/she is first loved?)
Eph 3:17-19


EIGHT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT WONT WORK


1. You care more about your partner than he cares about you.

E.g. You are in love. But you are not sure how he feels. You think the two of you make a perfect couple, but he doesnt seem to be that excited about the relationship.

E.g. You cant stop thinking about him even when you're apart, but he seems to be doing fine and normal without you. This obviously goes to show the relationship isnt gonna work.

Amos 3:3

The feeling of being "in love" doesnt last forever. They come on and off. That is why love is a choice. Its not just based on a feeling. Relationships need both parties to agree on one another and pursue each other.

If this continues, you'll end up feeling angry, cheated, miserable, or starving for love.


2. You are in love with your partner's potential.

You are not in love with who they really are. Instead, you are in love with who they can become!

That person isnt really your love partner, but your "pet project"!

Do not fall in love or worship an 'image'. (Rom 1:23-25)
You end up loving in deception. (Jer 37:9)

Its okay to desire to see him grow, but he should be enough for you as he is right now!

Dont gamble with your happiness and future, hoping he will 'eventually' become your 'dream person'!

Ask yourself: "Am I willing to spend the rest of my life with this person even if he never changes the way he is right now?"


3. You are on a rescue mission.

E.g. you often feel sorry for him/her, you feel totally responsible to help get his/her life in order, you are afraid that without you, your partner's life will fall apart, etc.

Dont be a 'rescue-holic'!
Rescue-holics dont find partners who are compatible, but partners whom they feel compelled to help! This is a love affair, not a rescue mission!

You tend to mistake sympathy for love.

The person you love must be someone you feel respect for, proud of who he is.

A genuine love relationship is not about how much you can do for a person, but about how much intimacy you two can experience together.

Hosea 6:4-6

God doesnt want us to do things for Him, (I mean, God doesnt need our help, we need Him!), He wants us to have a love relationship with Him! This should be the same for your mate.


4. You look up to your partner as a role model.

E.g. actress falling in love with her director, secretary falling in love with her boss, church falling in love with pastor, etc.

When you fall in love with someone who is your role model, its difficult to have a normal relationship. You can never genuinely relate to each other as equals.

Its not about status, its about attitude!

People of different status CAN fall in love.

Dont put your partner on a pedestal, you will feel inferior to him.
People who fall in love with a role model suffer from low self-esteem.

"You shall love your neighbour, as YOURSELF". - Matt 22:39
How can you love people if you cant even love yourself?

To make a relationship work, you must:

a. Love and appreciate yourself as much as you love and admire him.
b. Your partner is willing to stop functioning as your mentor.


5. You are infatuated with your partner for external reasons.

E.g. you fall in love with a girl with beautiful eyes, or a guy who pierces your soul with his guitar, a guy who moves your heart with his singing, or a hunk/babe that is drop-dead gorgeous.

Ask yourself:

If he/she doesnt have those traits, would you still love that person and be willing to spend the REST of your life with him/her?

(PS: One day we will all grow old and poor, one day, we will look ugly, one day we will be weak and immovable, can you still love? Can you still stay strong and committed?)


6. You and your partner are really "trench buddies".

E.g. you both are thrown into a project together, the project takes long hours and lots of teamwork, you end up falling in love.

E.g. you go on a holiday and you met a stranger and got close as friends, you feel like you're falling in love.

"Trench buddies" are people thrown into the trenches of unusual environments where they live life together for a short while. They become closely bonded together. Usually, it doesnt last!

Is it possible to find a soul mate while doing a project or on a vacation? Of course, on rare occasions.

The danger is you become so obsessed with being together that you forget that a happy, fulfilling relationship can ONLY be forged through a process of TIME!


7. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.

E.g. Your family emphasises the importance of money and prestige, you purposely choose partners who are broke, your family believes in discipline, you purposely bring back slobs, your parents are conservative and strict, you purposely bring back the wild and immoral!

Its not that people of different backgrounds cant get along, the issue here is you are bringing people home to upset your parents of to prove your 'rebellion'.

When you act out of compulsion and not out of choice, your love is no longer genuine and your relationship is doomed to fail!


8. Your partner is emotionally unavailable.

This is not a RELATIONSHIP at all!

The first requirement is that your partner is available! For those of us who pretend we dont know what the world 'available' means, here is the definition:

Free to be in a relationship with you; not involved with anyone else; not married; not engaged; not going steady; not sleeping with another person; alone; single; all yours.

If a person is already engaged or married, stay away! Dont give any excuses! You WILL be hurt, you WILL be broken! No matter what!

By accepting someone who is already in a relationship, you are taking nothing more than just the person's leftovers! You deserve much more better than that!


What are the good relationships to go for?

Get into one in which you love your partner:

1. Not because you feel sorry for him.
2. Not because you want him to take care of you.
3. Not because you are in love with his potential and abilities.
4. Not because you are in love with his looks.
5. Not because you want to spite your parents.

Get into a relationship where you and your partner truly love each other and are meeting EACH OTHER's needs.

PS: One day you guys are gonna get married. And you are gonna be with each other till the day you die. Everyday you wake up, you see him/her, everyday you sleep, you sleep on the same bed, you see his/her face. If you are gonna live a life of a married-single, why get attached in the first place? Dont deceive yourself and dont cheat on others!

You want people to grow up, you grow up first!
You want situations to change, you change first!
You can only prosper to the extent your soul prospers!

PS: Those who want the notes I can compile into a document and send it to you :)