Strikeout Friday, Service

first of all, for those who think JURONG WEST is far..think again..

BISHAN is then FAR!!! lol..1.5 to 1hr 45min train ride. damn i took e wrong side o_O dozed off, wake up, havent reach any stop, dozed off again, wake up again..ONLY ONE STOP ^.O dots.

friday went bowling cum steamboat. its like one yr since i bowled. well, finally something to get my mind off certain things. had fun. steamboat was great too..haha i love chilli prawns =p i think im addicted to it..haha..next time ill cook prawns first :S damn addictive..lol.

hmm, itll prob taste gd on those drumlets too..oh yeah!

oh btw, its pretty amazing..on the 10+ friends on my friendlist on ROSE..about 4-5 are christians..pretty cool huh :D even some clanmates ive known..are believers. one of em, saw me msn status, hillsong united - tell the world, she got excited and we struck a conversation..haha it was pretty cool to be able to chat and play the same game with brothers and sisters all over e world..its amazing.

well, svc initially during PnW, e atmosphere was pretty bad..could feel everyone was quite shagged and like ps said, half-hearted. ps kong had to 'wake us' up, ask us to pray strong and start roaring and shouting before the atmosphere broke through.

i always admire ps kong, e moment he opens his mouth, theres always power and anointing. and yes, he's right, he's 42 and he's more on fire than most of us..its time for us to wake up our idea.

seriously i wasnt really expecting liu geng hong and vivi wang to attend our svc and perform a few song items for us. it was really awe-inspiring. they are really role models of kristos kai kosmos, christ in culture. both of em and jay chou attend ps abraham khu's church in taiwan. its so amazing to see common grace at work..opening doors for God's saving grace.

its amazing how God can use young ordinary people to do extraordinary things. you may think what do you have to offer. But as long as you breathe in air, your life is as good as it is, no matter what the state, for God to use.

step out! break out! shake away! and be Christ in culture!

CNY

cny is over..at least the visitation part :s

2 words i hate during this period:

1. graduate
2. EAT EAT and more EAT!

i hate eating okay! stop asking me to eat everywhere i go! ROAR! i think i have become a balloon..everyday eat junk food..no wait, not everyday..every 2hours! or worse, even every hour!! OMG! JIBABOM!

and everywhere i go: u graduating ah? when u graduating ah? stop the gradual CRAP and eat your own bahkua!!!

i admit im kinda lazy to update my blog. esp AquaBlue version 1.5. im lazy to go and figure out and troubleshoot the problem with the layers o_O

omg help me..im fat..i think im gonna die..noooooooooooo!

AquaBlue Version 1.5

Ill be adding some new features on the next version.

I MIGHT even relocate my blog as this blog is too loaded/full. Check the archives and you'll see why and how long my blog has been around.

Some minor changes:

1. It wont be called my blog anymore, but my mblog. (Multimedia Blog)
2. The "Video" section will be renamed "Media". Inside of it are 2 links, "View Pictures" and "View Videos" (Ive changed the naming convention, but not the content and links yet).
3. The secondary link for "Media" ("View Pictures" and "View Videos") can be reaccessed by clicking on "Media". Clicking on any other header disables the view of the videos and photos.
4. Videos will be uploaded via YouTube and pictures via ImageShack.

Having some difficulties in the design, programming and layering, ill try to finish it as soon as possible. Will be busy during Chinese New Year.

PS: What on earth am I doing? I hate programming and Im doing design, programming and storyboard??? ^.O

Self Stats

How well do you get along with others?

Here is the analysis:
You truly believe in friendship. You get along well with others, and those who are around you are happy to be with you, too. You love to be surrounded by friends and you'll do anything you can to help them without expecting anything in return. When your friends are smiling, you're as happy as you can be.

What kind of person are you?

Here is the analysis:
You are an outgoing and cheerful person. Although you get frustrated sometimes, you get through hard times easily and are joyful again.Your friendly personality makes you attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex, but this makes your spouse feel insecure. Your lack of emotion is a disadvantage, but your candor has made you popular.Friends of your gender find it hard to understand you because of your innocent thinking. But this is your advantage as it attracts members of the opposite sex who have the same personality as you.

Love Test

Here is the analysis:
When it comes to love, you take your time and do not fall in love easily.
You give 100% to your relationship and expect to receive 0% in return.
If there is a problem in your relationship, it's difficult for you to admit it. You need help from third parties.
You need lots of reassurance in your relationship. You'd like to see your loved one every day, if possible.
You accept your loved one the way they are. You don't expect him or her to change for you.
When you love someone, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/

nulling

hmm if one day i were to disappear forever no one will notice right?

everybody's life would be so much easier.

happy chinese new year indeed.

null

i stayed awake..

at 730am i dozed off in a sitting position. woke up 30min after exam started.

im gone

Programmers have no life

one 'useless' paper down..one more to go.

what's tough is not e questions. what's tough is sitting there for 2 hours waiting for e paper to end. and so u know, my paper was rather blank. e moment i stepped into e exam room, i wanted to leave. i didnt go there with e intention to pass nor e intention to even be there.

its e nature of a guy to focus on what they are good at, because anything else is weakness and failure. in this case, i dont see anything im gd at. other than having sleepless nights. not bad..good for health..dont have to live so long T_T

while ppl are celebrating valentines and shopping for CNY, im studying stupid java. something that ive been doing almost 4 years ago. huh..talk about having no life. studying Java for one year is worse than taking Olevels for 10 years!

i miss sec sch, i miss the friends, the laughter, e company...i miss those days before Olevels, where i would stay in sch with my grp of friends and self study till 10pm, when e sch closes. i miss those teachers in FMSS, who were there for me in many ways. they were people with passion, people who cared, people who are not there just to earn a living!

now its different. the teacher machiam the student. or worse. i reached e exam room late today, but i nv missed it. come to think of it, i dont think itll make any difference. huh..guess what..even IF i graduate..after NS, guess what..OH WOW! I HAVE TO RE-STUDY JAVA AGAIN!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS A NEW-IMPROVED VERSION!!! WOW!!! -.-

programming is like a curse..once u start it, ull be with it till u die. if ure good, ull be good all throughout ur life. if u suck, then itll prob suck all your life. and guess what..as long as there's time, theres programming. awwww...

oh yea..im a genius!

Its 4.06am

cant seem to study, no mood to study. met up with xxx to discuss the plan. yea decided to go ahead until cny and see how. arrgh im sick and tired of studying. i dont mind studying e same course for 3 years, i dont mind studying the same module for 3 years..

but studying the same programming language for 3 years!!!! is worse than gorging out my eyeballs one by one and its worse than pulling out my fingernails one by one!!! what's worse is that after 2 years of hard work to get from an F to an A, good old Java decided to upgrade to a new version...

SO CLEVER! seriously to be honest..ive not learnt ANYTHING since FYP almost 2 yrs ago!!! NOTHING!!! why on earth did i choose programming then? NO IDEA! i wanted to step out of my comfort zone to try something new and challenging. and i know my programming sucks, then why on earth did i choose SOFTWARE ENGINEERING as my major!?! I ALSO DONT KNOW! someone kill me pl0x...

i must be the most stupid fool ever to live on the face of this planet...i decisively chose e path to guaranteed failure and destruction!! well done andrew, you're an uber noob! ill prob doze off later and wake up late for my test...=/

i cant study, i cant sleep!!! and the headache is getting to me!!! who knows, i might fall sick even. have i bought anything for CNY? NO!!!!! im broke..happy!?! oh andrew, buy this, oh andrew, buy that...oh andrew, this is good for u, oh andrew, this suits you..

SHUTTAP!!! SCREW YOU!!!

Bad day

dozed off last night. woke up 7am. had time to go for exam, searched for calculator..couldnt find. thought a lot. 2 mths nv attend lesson. thought abt exam. yes, i know the result. thought some more. its not going to make any difference. came to conclusion. i stayed home.

called xxx to cancel my insurance subscription. running empty. i cant continue. replied: i check for u. u might not get your money back! 3 months. $xxx might be gone forever. it was impromptu. exceeded trial period. that's prob my last few savings before i become bankrupt at the age of 19.

thought of the time i gave $xxxx. it was 18 years of my life. i gave. thought of the time i gave another $xxxx. again it hurt. i told God..even if i were to get nothing in return, id still pour my life to you. now its on the verge of becoming empty. AnB fund, 3 more months to go.

sometimes i wonder to myself, is this the limit of my love for God? that i can no longer give him anything. not results, not souls, not my life, not even finances. have i come to a point in this love relationship that i have given everything, in exchange for all of Him? is love really that powerful? is my commitment and loyalty to a relationship so strong?

thinks about the future. one day ill prob get married. is this the extent of my sacrifical unconditional love? or will it be stronger? my level of commitment and loyalty..have been tested. is there anyway for it to grow stronger? my love, my commitment, my heart, my life, all for a Person i loved, have taken me to my limits, my fullest potential.

my love for Adam next, as a close friend, he as my leader. ive always been pouring out my life. for God, for the church, for my members, for my leader. love that surpasses all understanding. as a love gift for Adam..is there a limit to how much my love can go. as high as the heavens? as deep as the ocean? as wide as the earth?

God whispered to me, "Andrew, pull yourself together.." i really dont know how. im at my limit, im almost empty..yet my love for You burns so strongly. a passion of fire, that's never ending. fell into slight depression earlier..i lay on my bed in thoughts. all my problems ive bottled, all the pains ive endured. as a guy, is this my limit? am i finally at my breaking point?

my pillow wet in tears. one hour passed. one and a half hours passed. i cried myself to sleep. even now my eye sores. as a guy, is this the limit of my strength? is this the limit of my heart? that ive been trying my best to be strong..1 year, 2 yrs, 3yrs, 4yrs, 5yrs..losing count. people share problems, ive been there despite my situation.

have i ever at one point in time, lose my smile? even when people's problems at times clashed with mine emotionally..i tried my best to bring a smile to people's faces. am i finally at a point where i can no longer bring a smile to the people i love?

2 more papers to go..i cant study anymore. problems piling..yet i dont wanna share. i told myself, i can handle it. i have to be strong. yet how much more can i endure? once again i thought of those words Adam spoke. tears streamed down my face. yes, ive always been there. how long more will i be?

Prayer meeting

i found what i had lacked. caught the fire, ignited the flame.

hmm i sound like a Lit student. well, afterall, the subject i hated e most in sec4 (Lit), i had A1 for my Os. hmm i hated java, i got an F, e yr after tt i got an A+. and now i really really really hate programming..God, i know that if i were to fail, ill show you what an 'F' is to me...

it seemed one way or another, the subjects that i hated and failed, came back with an A. WHY NOT PROGRAMMING? i roughly know how im gonna fair for tmr's paper, esp when i jus realised after 2 months of disillusion that actually i werent debarred :x oh yea..great disillusion indeed..few days before my final paper..what a great job Andrew, you are a total noob to believe that foolish teacher...

even if were to fail..like i said, ill show what im capable of. im an extreme person. ive seen my fair share of F-As, not that i wanna show off, u can ask those in my sec sch class, and those in my year 1-2 class..i really hated and sucked real bad for my Lit and Java (OOP). even when my friend saw my result slip..OOP - F, OOP - A+, he said, "wa fail, then A+, you joker isit?"

well..yes im a joker..im a REAL Joker. because i live the God-life. you can see me for all my flaws and mistakes for all you want. nothing's gonna change what God has placed in me. i get distracted easily..yes..im not afraid to admit..but im also extremely focused..even to e extreme, WHEN something catches my attention.

its just a few more days..rain or shine, snow or fire, i will walk through the valley. Because i know my God is with me.

when i was down Adam once told me during a personal discipleship session:

Rain or shine, Andrew is always there.
Happy or sad, Andrew is always there.
Sickness or in health, Andrew is always there.
Good times or bad times, Andrew is always there.
When we're alone, or in a crowd, Andrew is always there.
Celgrp meeting, Andrew is always there.
Church service, Andrew is always there.
Prayer meeting, even overnight prayer meetings, Andrew is always there till the end.
Even when nothing is happening, I've always knew that Andrew would be there.
You might think you are insignificant, but that's how significant you are!

Deep in thoughts

service was indeed awesome today, though i was trying really hard to feel e presence of God during the 'chinese' PnW. singing in chinese is machiam interpreting tongues like that..O.O

well..one word that will stick in my head for eternity would be the word 'programming'. of all things ps had to mention programming ._.

but i feel its good. if my vocation is my nightmare, and if im gonna have to live eternity with it, im willing to do that.

someone once told me..."andrew, i can never know you, u noe?"

well..what could i say..many things have happened over time. i know i shld move on. and im not afraid to say that i am. there are some things that can never change..because it is the result of an effect of a circumstance.

i wonder when will i be able to open up again. ive not been sharing my problems with anyone anymore. perhaps im afraid to get hurt again, OR..i just dont feel like. if u think all i am thinking i blog it down..think again.

nowadays i dont even blog, and even if i did. its just a fraction of what's really going on.

sometimes its just better to keep my mouth shut. when was the last time i encouraged someone? what was the last time i praised someone? when was the last time i carried someone else's problems and lighten their load? i can hardly remember.

yesterday during my QT i had a song in mind. immediately when i got e song in e spirit, i went to my lappy to record e tune and attempted to type out e lyrics. that was when i lost my 'zone', and became more focused on e song than on God.

hmm, its been almost a year since i wrote a song, oh in case u didnt know..i did. but i only sent it to those who are close to me.

im getting older, im maturing too fast...im losing my youthful energy. everyday of my life is nothing but programming. ive been programmed by programming to program programming.

and whats with e new friendster layout man. its worse than my programming x_x. *looks for a feedback button..

just now on e train i dunno how, but suddenly i started talking to tim abt male ego. the refusal to be dependent, the refusal to fail, the refusal to be in a state where 'i need help'. to a guy, if we fall into any of tt category, to us, we are not fit to be a guy. as simple as that.

tts prob why i decided to close myself up. as long as i cant live life on my own, to 'male ago', u failed as a guy. deep down i told myself, i dont need help, i can do it on my own (with God), i dont need encouragement, i dont need affirmation, i dont need assistance, i am who i am, if i cant live on my own, i failed...

How does it feel, 940 days without break.

oh yea..feel so great..feel like head bursting, feel like brain rotting, feel like giving birth...to a fullgrown man pulling a woman behind him..

had headache e whole day..

and whats worse..the module that e teacher told u u were gonna get debarred from, actually didnt debarre you!!! not bad huh! one week before exams then i realised!!! WTH!!! cus teacher called up asking for me to submit project report when i already ended school like a week ago for revision break..wait a minute..i didnt even think there was a break. ^.O

having a revision break is the same as having a working holiday, or bak kut teh ice.

i liked wenrui's msn statement:

"fighting for peace is like f*cking for virginity."

and u know whats worse? the conclusion u get the ur 'lecturer' actually fooled and betrayed you from 2-3 weeks of the new module..ALL THE WAY TILL one week before the FINAL EXAM!!!!

not that im gullible or anything. i have respect for him. and the rules are there. why waste time on something that doesnt work out? you think i so free ah?

grr..ok i admit i was kinda down and tired during cg..with this headache that is making me feel as if my brains were gonna burst.

well its still is gonna burst..

BURST! oh it just did..did u feel the mountains tremble...

Loooong Update

just wanna say services with ps ulf was explosively awesome. there's just so many things i could talk about. and yep, e endtime harvest is coming and whatever God's doing, i wanna be a part of it too XD

today i was supposed to serve, then again, i tried to stay awake, but i dozed off at 430am. BUT...just before i dozed off i set e alarm and placed it beside my ear. and i went off.

when i woke up, i looked at e sky, and i wondered..: hmm what day is it ah?

i walked around my living room awhile, nobody was home, then i tried to recall, what day it was e day before..i couldnt figure out. i saw on my bed, looked at my phone..and i immediately 'recalled' and deep down i went like..holy sheet..

i looked at e time, it was 11am!! holy macoroni mother cow! i jus sat there stunned. dunno wad to do. i turned on my lappy and watched e live service. with a sense of guilt and disappointment. i was thinking to myself, i shld be there right now..T_T

arrgh!

anyway, fri after svc rach was nice enough to give me a lift. thanks man =) well it was a smooth ride..hahaha..unlike some 'experiences' by some other ppl lol. its been so long since we even seen or talked. esp our former classmates.

i guess i could say i was a little 'stressed' in a way..same age..but so different in accomplishments..=/ yea..i wont talk abt it too.

exams coming..arrgh trying to get started! :x