Internet is back

well..due to e taiwan earthquake..i was cut off from internet for 24hrs, a few days ago i was still lagging, 'time outting' and freezing on e internet. Yesterday, it got better..

just had thanksgiving celgrp. not without first going back to sch to go through my IS assignment and proposal evaluation, as well as presentation overview and briefing.

The BBQ and e fellowship was great.

Just now as i was walking home, i had lots of things going through my mind. After having a short 'quarrel' with God, just as any 2 lovers would. Yea i admit i was stubborn and selfish by refusing to talk to the person, He tried to correct me and encourage me. But i was afraid to get hurt again, i told myself ill build walls so high you cant see the sky, and not just high, but thick and multi-layed, reinforced, etc etc..

But im glad this is what keeps my relationship with God going..constant communication. There are always things going through my mind. And cus most of e time im alone, ill just complain my day off to God and im thankful that He wants us to cast our cares and burdens on Him because He cares for us.

Even if no one would listen, i know God listens, God understands, and God has the best solution anyone can offer. im someone who's very particular about details, to some extent..cus my DISC personality is SCID, if u duno what tt means, google DISC personality. :x

and i dont let down my guard easily, im very defensive and stubborn, in some ways its good, in some ways, its bad. it takes months or even more than a year to be close to me. and once its damaged, it has to start all over.

just so anyone close to me will know, i dont like fixing broken stuff, id rather replace em. not tt im lazy, im just a bit 'C' here and there. replacing broken stuff is faster and more convenient. well, i guess tts something bad abt me, im too comfortable.

to some extent i shld be comfortable (to ensure i dont hurt myself), but to another extent, its important to step out and do something radical. we all have one life to live, why not live it leaving a legacy?

sometimes i look back and ask myself, have i done anything that people remembered for? or am i just another acquaintance? a moving, color-changing wallpaper, changing so fast that one one even realizes?

and one thing i hate..i hate people forcing me to be someone im not. hey..if ure a guy, and i ask you to implant breasts..you want anot? huh? the more the merrier right??? :s so irritating, i am who i am, and i will be who God wants me to be. yes, people around me are important, but ultimately, God's Word is final.

looks and talents may get u there, but its attitude and character that keeps you there!
you dont drown by falling into the sea, you drown by staying there!

i got so many things to type about..and i keep forgetting this one statement i wanna type out, but i remembered and forgotten it 2-3 times already. :x

oh yes, i remember now..

true friends dont tell you what you want to hear, but what you NEED to hear!

marry chris to you

yea whoever's reading this..marry chris to you..who's chris i dont know. if ure really that wols, marry chris = merry xmas..

anyway, guess what. im home the whole day today! or..yesterday rather..ive blogged right past midnight..yea w/e ill just type as if its still monday then..

went to JP for a short while and in the arcade, one of my friends asked me: eh, ur xmas u spending alone ah?

that got me. yea..indeed i am spending alone. i still feel exam stress. i also dunno what stress it is. ive not felt any different since i started my IHP in july 2005!!!!! yes..i feel the same i was more than a year ago!!!! can you frigging believe it???? urrgh...*pui...

new years coming..dang..i dunno how to describe the way im feeling right now. even right now, as 'closed up' as i can be, i still cannot describe what im feeling right now.

anyway..while i was playing ROSE today. one of my friends in e game told me how this xmas have been her worst. i felt really moved and sad for her at e same time. its christmas, a time where light dispels darkness, bringing hope, vision and purpose.

for my friend, her dad has been going through cancer, and he cant walk now. i almost teared as i chatted with her. i told myself, what did i experience at expo hall 8? isnt there anything i can do right now? all i could do now is to encourage her and to pray for her dad. so many things are going through my head at tt moment..

and now as well..

so many things in my head..i think im gonna burst =/

merry xmas to all

first of all..merry xmas eve to all..cus its a few min away from midnight..

okay, on the other hand..wishing all merry xmas instead! lol..

svces have been great so far..e drama keeps getting better and better, every service, every year! XD have i blogged abt cg xmas fiesta yet? i also cant rem..im getting old..=/

it was gd..one of e games i remembered very vividly was the last one..e ppl were supposed to guess what action i was doing based on a storyline..it was a group sabo actually cus we lost. and e floor was supposed to guess. then huixin one of the gamemasters (with pohchoo), suddenly shouted out my answer. i was supposed to make it in such a way tt if i could get pass 5 turns and having e floor not being able to guess mine..im 'released'..but noooo, i was shot at the face T_T

after games was dinner and as usual, the food there is e best. thanks to lizhen also ^^

then came the gift exchange. im glad Thomas liked e gift XD when i bought it for him, i was thinking to myself. man, i could have kept it for myself..even wayne was eyeing it..but thats what love and sacrifice is all about. and i attached a cute little xmas note onto the gift inside e wrapping :D

(since when i became like that? haha..i guess its true that hardships make one mature faster :x)

oh wells, on friday i didnt get a gift during gift exchange. cus my 'mystery' angel wasnt there. nv heard from him/her. oh wells. im happy just to be the child of christmas' birthday boy, birthday Savior in this case, Jesus :D

its in tough times..that i either make or break. and i must say ive broken more. during these tough times, i was alone. it was just me and God. and during these times, within a short period of time..ive grown so fast and changed so much. guess the old Andrew is gone. i can never bring him back again..

am i better or worse? i think worse. guess i can forget abt my past and move on..forget those times i was that sweet little innocent guy that everybody loves. cus now ITS DIFFERENT! im no longer myself for goodness sake! u want the old me back? DREAM ON..ya im still the same person so what..i dont care..neither do u either!

i also dunno who im talking to..i tink im insane. no wait, ive always been insane..o.O

isnt that like so totally kewl?? -.-"

today as i was on my way home..i started becoming teary again. i dont know if it was e presence of God from the CD or its just me. i had a lot of things runnin through my mind. for e past few days, whenever im on my way home, ill tend to become teary..

im afraid one day i might just break down and cry all of a sudden in public.

then just now as i walked home..my first tear trickled down my face as i stepped into e lift. i dont know why, but i just felt like crying at that moment. for what? i also didnt know. mus be the overflowing accumulated emotion trapped inside..=/

im losing myself, im becoming more random every single day. im unpredictable. i mean, who will hang out with a person like that? i dont think anyone would. im just another thing that blends into e wallpaper.

i hate it. why must i have a piece of shit called 'male ego'..why?? why why u tell me why??? the inability to accept the revelation of one's weakness to another individual. why must i have this shit?? WHY??? goddamnit!!! its like a curse to me for crying out loud. everytime i show myself weak, to me, im as good as nothing, as dead. especially in front of others. i just cant accept it.

thats prob why i isolate myself. to me, i cant stand it when i share my problems, i just cant..this shitty male ego is stopping me! DAMN YOU! whenever i share/admit a problem, i go into depression for a short time. i have this wall so high and so thick, and multilayered that it takes literally more than a year to befriend me again..or something like that.

if ure a guy, im sure u know what i mean. then again f*ck it, i cant stand it. why am i even blogging about this shit??? for those i share my problems too, ive shown myself weak, you can forget about having me as your friend because i will never be who you want me to me!

okay, MAYBE maaaaaybe theres still a small trace of the Andrew that I onced used to be, somewhere inside. but its probably hidden and buried sooo deep that you'll never find it, and prob no one will..:S

i wanna be alone..

xmas coming

i cant feel anything..

i cant say anything..

i still feel as if everyday im having an unprepared exam..

theres so much to do, but have yet to be done.

for some reason, i hate, okay not hate, but feel weird being around people. ill tend to withdraw. i dont reply smses, i do answer calls..from KNOWN numbers. last night i went to e toilet come out, saw 4-5 missed calls on my phone. i smsed e person asked who are you, no reply, instead, spam call me again..i wont answer, i didnt want to.

ive lost a big part of me..that part of me ive lost is 'sociality'. yep. its gone. IHP, almost a year of 'confinement to me and my laptop', plus commontests..plus a few incidents..kaboom. no more.

i miss those days in sec sch..where everyday i never fail to laugh..those days when ill hang out at e lanshop with my sec sch frens. and i would laugh, scream and shout my heart out in a multiplayer game...those days when after sch me and my frens would rush down to the lanshop have lunch and game to our hearts content and yet still do well for our exams.

well..xmas is coming..

but i jus feel that the end is coming..=/ everyday..stone, everyday tired and shagged..arrgh! and now im financially tight as well. im thinking whether to go or not to go..

Shaggy Slacker

very slack, very shag, very tired.

dont feel like doing anything at all..or feel like talking to anybody. why is it that i dont experience e holiday mood? even those i have no sch for this wk? well, i dont know either. got sch, i feel stressed and tired, when its holiday period, im even more tired.

even though its my 'rest' period. is there no end to my tiredness? when will i ever find my 'true rest'? i cant sleep more than 5hrs too..i never could. =x

christmas is near, but i dont feel a thing, really. and i just got another pimple..i think by 2007 ill look like the surface of the moon. =/ nothing excites me...movies? hmm so-so, everything is so-so, u give me new PC games? ill most likely go hmm..then stop playing e game after awhile.

and i still cant find my prisoner-of-war PC-CD. who the heck took it? or mebbe its hidden somewhere in one of e rooms in my house. go JP also sian, stay at home also sian, go sch also sian, go out also sian. how how how u tell me?

i know i have more important things to settle. but then, how can i settle things when i myself am not settled? you cant settle that which is not settled if what you use to settle the unsettled is not settled right? :s

im a weirdo...

i like to be alone but i hate being lonely..

how how how u tell me? how???????

i must really suck at my marketing skills..i sold a lvl104 soldier rare helm with uber stats for 300k, when it couldve been sold for 1m. how how how u tell me? how?????

damn it la..even at games i also suck..forget it la..from now on ill just nudge people on MSN or something as my pastime =x

what to do what to do what to do!?!?!??!?! arrgh.!!!!

Pimple!

i cant rem e last time i had a pimple..they say u get pimples when,

1. you are too stressed.
2. you never eat properly.

and i cannot NOT eat properly...in other words, yea..stressed until pimple pops out. e last time i had a pimple was like months and eons ago.

i also dunno wad to blog now, have to think of something to buy for someone.

think? my brain has not stopped thinking since July 2005 last year..!!! i need a damn break. and for 3 years Java here and there. you think my brain made of metal ah?

sometimes i wonder..can i ever be too selfless to even forget about myself...

how i wish i would just faint one day and remain unconscious forever..i always see myself on e bed, not waking up, never waking up..

Service

service was great..

before i left home for svc i was in e shower, and as always God talks to me the most and the clearest, when im alone in e shower. when im at my most quiet, most isolated, most vulnerable point..that is..in the shower; when my mind is at the most free, unoccupied..

i kinda had lunch with the Holy Spirit after that..i was alone at home..even my maid went to my granny's hse to help out. i was eating my nasi lemak and there God spoke many things to me. He scolded and discipled me on some other things as well. He kinda talked some sense into me and im thankful to have Him as my Lord, my Teacher..

one of the things the Holy Spirit told me is that sometimes we are so occupied in searching for solutions that we fail to ASK for a solution. u cant always be spoonfed. God will only help you to a point u can help yourself.

not that He'll leave u, but He expects you to GROW UP! His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in your weaknesses.

common tests are over but i still feel the exam stress for some reason. guess i totally forgotten what life without stress feels like. people may despise me for my failures and mistakes, they can say, 'whoa, u failed ah?', but i know God smiles when i pick myself up, because i believe in a God of the resurrection!

people can say all they want, even people close to me can see and say that ive failed..but i tell you the truth, i have not failed because i have not given up! just because you trip and fall, doesnt mean you're dead. just becuase u have a cut on ur finger doesnt mean ure stabbed. just because something falls from the sky it doesnt mean that the world is gonna end.

just because you fall doesnt mean you've failed, he who knows no fear does not know true courage, failure is not an imposition, but failure is a self-declaration. failure is not a result, failure is a choice.

do you believe in miracles? no? that's why you dont experience them.

i was surprised when tim told me, 'whoa, u failed, still can remain so calm..' i guess that's what it meant by the peace of God that surpasses all understanding..

my eyes are getting tired, every morning i wake up yawning, and i besically yawn my way throughout the day. im tired. i still have issues that ive yet to deal with. there are just some wounds that leave behind a scar, even after the 'scab' of hurt has fallen off. i dont even think e person knows who he/she is. even if he/she is, i cant be bothered.

what was once a close friendship, ive lost it all. the moment those words were said, it destroyed everything it associates itself with. there are some things i cant fix. and i dont intend to anymore. its wasting my time and energy. if u cant fix something, u replace it. what's gone is gone. face it. ive nv felt so cold before. life and death is in the power of the tongue, i understood it by going through the negative side of it.

i know and i believe God can resurrect it. but tell u the truth, i dont want it to. i dont want to have anything to do with it. just like Java.., just keep it dead. some things in my life are just best left dead and unheard of..untouched.

no point asking Mike Connell to come and pray for inner healing also..my decision is made. i wished time could be turned, but it cant. so what can i do? ill just bury it within myself. its not like ive not burried stuff within myself at all..

sometimes i wished i could just go over to another cg or something. i just want it to be erased, completely. i want my memories erased. but i know it wont be. i just wanna go home early, the more i dont see, the more happier ill be.

only Adam knows..im sick and tired of it. haunting me almost every night before i sleep. that image and those words, the expression and all. no one has ever done that to me, NO ONE. im already doing my best..and this is what i get. you have no idea what im going through, you dont understand the amount of effort i put in, the amount of time i invested..you dont know anything..and you never will!

too bad things dont disappear just like that..

apart from that, i have other problems as well..

jus chatted with a friend on MSN..haha u know who u are, just wanna say that no matter what happens, circumstances wont determine your results, only God's words are final :) know who u are and what u have :) *wink

Tired

im tired.

im shagged.

im drained.

cant be bothered.

now im supposed to have break..

its been more than a year since i experienced a real break

dunno how it feels like anymore

cg was great..fellowship was great..

wayne is right...

about many things, and i know he knows more or less everything..

maybe i should start sleeping in the day and waking up at night..

xmas is coming..near year is coming..

but what is going is my sleep and my energy..

nothing more to say.

bye.

GG

damn pissed. yesterday read thru notes till abt 3 plus till 4. then i told myself..cannot sleep, sleep only ill miss e test. and the frigging IMGT test is at 830am! wth..worse than the day when pigs can fly! o.O

then i sat on my bed rest my eyes..wa lau eh..i fell asleep! until like 9am today! holyshit. =.="

thats it la..test or no test, school or no school, all the same one!

i got 2 alarm clock on standby..dunno why nv hear BOTH of them ring also..my handphone also nv ring..or isit im too tired that my ears were shut down =/ damn sian, first i didnt know got some stupid DSA test, then yesterday's test i forgot is open book, then today miss the test..

#*@^#^*&@^#^@*#@ (why got pattern one? who cares..o.o)

come to think of it, the last time i had a break, a REAL break was july 2005..after that sem exam straight away FYP, then after FYP like 2wks break then go sch..wa lau eh, u think i robot ah? 3 years of programming, 1095 days of torture, and 94608000 seconds of wasting my frigging life on some friggin programming..AHHH!!!!!

it looks like a handphone number also...damnit i tink i go SMS that number:

programming sucks! you suck! so suck it right now! suck it! suck it! suck it!

if i free i go EVERY MRT station and use the public phone, for free to prank call that stupid number, 94608000, itll engage when e person picks up. then when e person piss off call police, they do a trace..suddenly.."eh? how come whole singapore calling you?" good for u man..

christmas? christmas my balls ah! i where got mood to christmas..everyone enjoying their stupid holidays im here programming some shit..next time i go work i program virus then you know..crash the stupid Sun Java technologies and hack their system! then i kope their committee profile pictures and polomorphosize them! put their dick on their nose...-.-"

and who the hell borrowed my Prisoner-Of-War PC-CD??? return me NOW or i will castrate you! =/

xmas present? the only present i want is a flamethrower to burn down MOE..

ARRRRGGHHH!!!!!

World's longest words

one more test tmr...m_m

bored..so i found this:

World's longest word:

(45 characters) :

Pneumonoulltramicroscopic­silicovolcanoconiosis

(also spelled Pneumonoulltramicroscopic­silicovolcanokoniosis)

It is a lung disease caused by breathing in particles of siliceous volcanic dust.


and now for the world's longest chemical name: (1185 characters)

ACETYL­SERYL­TYROSYL­SERYL­ISO­LEUCYL­THREONYL­SERYL­PROLYL­SERYL­GLUTAMINYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­VALYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­LEUCYL­SERYL­SERYL­VALYL­TRYPTOPHYL­ALANYL­ASPARTYL­PROLYL­ISOLEUCYL­GLUTAMYL­LEUCYL­LEUCYL­ASPARAGINYL­VALYL­CYSTEINYL­THREONYL­SERYL­SERYL­LEUCYL­GLYCYL­ASPARAGINYL­GLUTAMINYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­GLUTAMINYL­THREONYL­GLUTAMINYL­GLUTAMINYL­ALANYL­ARGINYL­THREONYL­THREONYL­GLUTAMINYL­VALYL­GLUTAMINYL­GLUTAMINYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­SERYL­GLUTAMINYL­VALYL­TRYPTOPHYL­LYSYL­PROLYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­PROLYL­GLUTAMINYL­SERYL­THREONYL­VALYL­ARGINYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­PROLYL­GLYCYL­ASPARTYL­VALYL­TYROSYL­LYSYL­VALYL­TYROSYL­ARGINYL­TYROSYL­ASPARAGINYL­ALANYL­VALYL­LEUCYL­ASPARTYL­PROLYL­LEUCYL­ISOLEUCYL­THREONYL­ALANYL­LEUCYL­LEUCYL­GLYCYL­THREONYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­ASPARTYL­THREONYL­ARGINYL­ASPARAGINYL­ARGINYL­ISOLEUCYL­ISOLEUCYL­GLUTAMYL­VALYL­GLUTAMYL­ASPARAGINYL­GLUTAMINYL­GLUTAMINYL­SERYL­PROLYL­THREONYL­THREONYL­ALANYL­GLUTAMYL­THREONYL­LEUCYL­ASPARTYL­ALANYL­THREONYL­ARGINYL­ARGINYL­VALYL­ASPARTYL­ASPARTYL­ALANYL­THREONYL­VALYL­ALANYL­ISOLEUCYL­ARGINYL­SERYL­ALANYL­ASPARAGINYL­ISOLEUCYL­ASPARAGINYL­LEUCYL­VALYL­ASPARAGINYL­GLUTAMYL­LEUCYL­VALYL­ARGINYL­GLYCYL­THREONYL­GLYCYL­LEUCYL­TYROSYL­ASPARAGINYL­GLUTAMINYL­ASPARAGINYL­THREONYL­PHENYL­ALANYL­GLUTAMYL­SERYL­METHIONYL­SERYL­GLYCYL­LEUCYL­VALYL­TRYPTOPHYL­THREONYL­SERYL­ALANYL­PROLYL­ALANYL­SERINE

can read? lol

it is a Tobacco Mosaic Virus, Dahlemense Strain. dunno wads dat also..-.-

http://www.fun-with-words.com/word_longest.html

wth, wtf, zomgbbqpwnz0r

what the hell man..i missed one common test!

i checked e website announcements for DSA, no announcement on any common tests, searched for a seating plan just in case, no seating plan..okay, nvm, check email, for DSA announcements, had an email saying what to prepare for common test..

ok, i got worried..smsed a fren askin when's e common test..

to my extraterrestrial horror..it's over man! woot! what the #&@*(&#@#@...

talk about getting owned..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!

Paper in a few hours

yes..my first paper is in a few hours time..2hours time to be exact.

im tired and stressed..

i dont wanna study anymore..

the moment u miss even ONE lesson, its almost hard to catch up..

and..

in EVERYTHING..

i dont like fixing it..

everything that's happened..

i cant be bothered to fix it..

ill just replace it..

its easier that way..and i dont have to waste my time and my life away..

Mueh?

sry abt e title..this 'sound' has been ringing in my head ever since huixin and esther started erm..making those noises..hahahaha..sry..cant control it..lolz (whatever that sound means or how it started..haha)

cg was good. played for e ministry portion of e406 and then played for my own cg. after like 2-3 weeks..o.O a bit rusty also..haa..=x

but thank God He was with me all throughout. plus i was fasting on that day itself..and praying literally throughout the day, whenever im alone. thats what a prayer life should be. prayer is like breathing for our spirit. it recharges, it renews, it strengthens.

and when u combine fasting with prayer, you renounce the natural and invoke the supernatural. on friday, before cg, i met up with my WISP project grp, finally! lol. well, left 30min before lesson to help my members print some stuff, and had problems with my laptop. so at 1pm (lesson started) i quickly switched to the comp instead (at the printing center).

to my horror, after i pressed print, i saw the tasks for that particular printer that was shared between 2 comps..the lady next to me printing book sia..30 over pages!! and one page took like almost one minute to print! o.O

in e end i was late for class like 30-40min bcos of that..and i got scolded. oh wells, im used to being a meatshield anyway..i did it for my team members..and it totally spoiled my presentation mood. i struggled to present machiam nothing happened, but it was hard..

today's service was great. indeed God is a God of variety and color! Newsboys were awesome, they had a rock alternative and techno feel to their style of praise and worship, and David D'or was angelic..i really admire the jewish israelis..its so amazing, God's own chosen people! =)

David D'or's style was more jazz and a bit of fusion i think. really cool to have such secular styles of praise and worship. its good to get exposed to new things. and i really admire these bands and people that are doing great things in the marketplace out there in the world XD

fellowship was great..its not just about eating, but Jesus is the center of fellowship. really enjoyed talking to JS, thomas, thaddeus and emmanuel on the things of God, it really excites me XD so many things we could talk about, we could talk non-stop :D

and haha..yuanrong is so funny..he looks so comical on any picture and in any shot! hahahaha! made me laugh until breathless..lol..good job man..haha XD

dont you hate it when you try so hard after so long to strike a conversation and all the person does is to give you the cold shoulder and guai-lan face?

a special to JS, elaine and lizhen:

Jia You! The joy of the Lord is your strength! When you are weak, He is strong and with God, nothing are impossible! :))

New BS Class, Updates

Fivefold ministry was great, had my first lesson this week. Its a new BS class, and im so excited for it! haha. Ps Meng was great too, but more importantly, one word from God can change the destiny of your life.

Its been long since im playing for cg, and not that im free, im still in the midst of assignments and next monday marks the beginning of my first paper. Yes, next week is common test week.

Was supposed to meet up with my project grp on tues. Went to the venue, nobody. And i didnt have their contact number, cus it was a last minute thing becos of something that happened a few weeks ago which im not gonna talk about again.

I gave one of them my number. And i was expecting a call to meet up, but noone.

Yesterday i received a sms to meet up at 6pm in sch, reached at 605pm. called one of e members, no answer. smsed the person, no reply. i waited in sch by myself, in some isolated corner till 715pm. no reply, no call.

it seems everywhere i go, im by myself..so i went home. and today is the presentation and submission date. in a few hours in fact.

yesterday was supposed to have a MSN conv online at 9 plus, there wasnt any. =/ going to meet them later at 1030am in school. i received e sms, later meet at 1030am k? i wouldve replied, you tell them! arrgh..lol

im prepared to go to school to stone for hours. either theyll show up when lesson starts, or whatever. im ready to go there to be disappointed and chucked aside again. its okay, im used to it, its pretty normal.

oh, i think im gonna be late. well, thats good, better late than never anyways..:S

most likely theyll just make me present the whole project later. =/

programmers have no social life. i find it so true. its all about me and my comp huh? yea..good. keep it that way. the only social life i have is when im ROSEing..yes..i have friends i talk to everyday in ROSE. thats why i play ROSE. not for addiction, not ONLY to escape this world and into the virtual, but because i have friends in ROSE that i can talk to, have fun with, every single day, every single hour.

Is there even one person out there who enjoys what i enjoy doing? or is interested in my life? or is there 24-7? to play together? to chill/hang out together? 24-7? or whom i can chat with? i dont even wanna answer that question.

oh wells, its been long since i played guitar for a cg, and later ill be going in with my rusty form, but with God all things are possible..ill just see where God takes me later..

omg

omg i woke up late...AGAIN!

i din really miss e lesson, but im already considered absent. =/ and im still tired. my eyes are still closing because i didnt sleep the night before. and wads worse is that e lesson i just missed is e same one i missed yesterday at e end of e day..T_T

arrgh, i cant take it anymore. im damn tired and i got so many things to worry about. i still feel physically weak after yesterday..making me have a sleepless night and then dismissing me 20 minutes after lesson started..-.-

ive not had more than 4-5hrs sleep per day, since 2 weeks ago. including weekends..

ask me sleep earlier..does it help? i find it so hard to sleep these days..more like insomnia..i can lie on the bed for hours and not fall asleep, bcus i have many things going through my mind all the time. and you say, why not just forget everything and just sleep..

huh, easier said than done...

forget it, im tired i dun wanna blog anymore..next lesson at 2pm..hopefully i dont doze off and miss that one too..

and oh...i had TWO alarm clocks. yes..TWO. sometimes 3. it doesnt help. i cant sleep and i cant wake up. face it!

Long tiring weekless week

met teddy after sch on fri b4 cg. kinda missed most of e cg..but im glad he came :) and thanks bro for the cab lift home after dat XD

ive not had the mood to blog lately too..

dat day after cg, something struck me which im not gonna talk about. its so obvious...

u mean u didnt know? but its so obvious? but u dont know abt it? thats the point..=/

its pretty rare for me to get angry..in fact..i dont even think anyone has seen me angry. or even see me with 'attitude'. cus im a man of a few words and i dont express myself completely, im a 'filtered expressor' if i can put it tt way.

for someone with high tolerance like me, its hard to actually get angry. but sometimes the hurt is so much that it turns into anger and a volcano erupts inside. tts wad been happening for days. it accumulates. i dont want to burn people so i end up burning myself.

sat service was great. but i wasnt feeling normal for that day. i was still struggling. it felt as if i lost everyone, and that every bond was severed, broken and gone. it felt as if i had to start from scratch again..

today PM was great..then after that a similar incident happened again. i think im confusing u guys. good...=/

didnt sleep at all last night..i couldnt afford to be late for class this morning at 9. i know im overdoing it, but im desperately tired. id rather fail than to get debarred. didnt sleep for 40hours now..

and guess what happened..when i reached class at 850am. class started at 915 cus wait for latecomers then mark attendance. class ended at 940am!! wth man. make me have a sleepless night so that i can be early and u frigging dismiss us after like 20 minutes? whack u ah.

did e-learning tutorial after tt, then went home. bored to death man! common test coming and i cant stand it. i hate fixing things, id rather replace them. urrgh. so disgusting! was talking to LP on the phone for like an hour i think. talking abt what im gd at talking best.."CRAP"...=/

then, not surprised, i dozed off..and missed DSA class AGAIN! dang i think im gonna get another DB letter =/ thats 3..:O

i miss sec sch..those days when i would go LANshops with my frens..those were e most fun times. everyday talk to the comp, at home also talk to e comp. in class also talk to e comp.

yes i have no social life and do you think i care? no i dont actually. ive been 'trained' for 3 years to live a life with me and my comp. 3 years of java...its worse than 10 years of amaths!!!!!! id rather have 10 years of amaths than 3 years of frickin java..so sucky. at least amaths every thing is different and exciting..

java is different..yes..but still, its still java. worse if u have a teacher that talks like a compiler. =/ the moment he open his mouth:

import java.awt.*;
import java.awt.event.*;
import javax.swing.*;
import java.io.*;
import java.text.*;
import java.net.*;

class TeachCrap extends JFrame implements CrappyMouth {

System.out.println("I am crap. Hear my crap and be crapped.");

...

heck i dont even wanna continue..=/

fine..you want codes? ill give you codes!


// TicTacToe - GUI Version
import javax.swing.*;import java.awt.*;import java.awt.event.*;
public class TicTacToe extends JFrame implements ActionListener { private JButton[][] cells = new JButton[3][3]; private JLabel header; private JLabel status; private JButton newButton; private JPanel panel1, panel2, panel3; private String player = "X"; // constructor public TicTacToe() { Container c = getContentPane(); c.setLayout(new BorderLayout());
// Panel 1 - to display the header panel1 = new JPanel(); header = new JLabel("Tic Tac Toe"); panel1.add(header); c.add(panel1, BorderLayout.NORTH);
// Panel 2 - to dislay the game (board) JPanel panel2 = new JPanel(); panel2.setLayout(new GridLayout(3,3)); panel2.setLayout(new GridLayout(3,3)); for (int row=0; row<3; row++) for (int col=0; col<3; col++) { cells[row][col] = new JButton(""); cells[row][col].addActionListener(this); panel2.add(cells[row][col]); } c.add(panel2, BorderLayout.CENTER);
// Panel 3 - to dislay status amd new game button panel3 = new JPanel(); panel3.setLayout(new BorderLayout()); status = new JLabel("Welcome! 'X' starts first"); newButton = new JButton("New Game"); newButton.setVisible(false); newButton.addActionListener(this); panel3.add(status, new BorderLayout().CENTER); panel3.add(newButton, new BorderLayout().EAST); c.add(panel3, BorderLayout.SOUTH); }
/* * When a player makes a move, the program need to : * 1. Update the cell * 2. Check the result * 3. Check if the board is full * 4. Proceed to next player if game not over */ public void actionPerformed(ActionEvent e) { JButton currentButton = (JButton) e.getSource(); if (currentButton == newButton) // new game { resetGame(); status.setText("New game "); } else // a new move { updateMove(currentButton); // 1. update move if ( isWon(player) ) // 2. check the result { status.setText(player + " wins"); disableButtons(); newButton.setVisible(true); } else if ( isFull() ) // 3. check if board is full { status.setText("The board is full, game over!"); disableButtons(); newButton.setVisible(true); } else // 4. proceed to next player { if (player.equals("X")) player = "O"; else player = "X"; status.setText(player + "'s turn."); } } } // method to update move public void updateMove(JButton currentButton) { currentButton.setText(player); // update cell currentButton.setEnabled(false); // disable button }
// method to check if the current player wins public boolean isWon(String token) { // check the rows for (int r=0; r<3; r++) if ( (cells[r][0].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[r][1].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[r][2].getText().equals(token))) return true; // check the columns for (int c=0; c<3; c++) if ((cells[0][c].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[1][c].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[2][c].getText().equals(token))) return true;
// check forward diagonal if ((cells[0][0].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[1][1].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[2][2].getText().equals(token))) return true;
// check backward diagonal if ((cells[0][2].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[1][1].getText().equals(token)) && (cells[2][0].getText().equals(token))) return true;
return false; }
// method to check if a the board is full public boolean isFull() { for (int i=0; i<3; i++) for (int j=0; j<3; j++) if ( cells[i][j].getText().equals("") ) return false; return true; } // method to reset the game public void resetGame() { for (int r=0; r<3; r++) for (int c=0; c<3; c++) cells[r][c].setText("");
enableButtons(); player = "X"; status.setText("Welcome! 'X' starts first"); }
// method to enable the buttons public void enableButtons() { for (int i=0; i<3; i++) for (int j=0; j<3; j++) cells[i][j].setEnabled(true); } // method to disable the buttons public void disableButtons() { for (int i=0; i<3; i++) for (int j=0; j<3; j++) cells[i][j].setEnabled(false); } public static void main(String[] args) { TicTacToe frame = new TicTacToe(); frame.setTitle("TicTacToe"); frame.setSize(300, 320); frame.setVisible(true); frame.setDefaultCloseOperation(JFrame.EXIT_ON_CLOSE); }}

yes its a tictactoe game and it works! i jus copy and paste frm my practicals. i didnt even bother to do the paragraph lining and indents! and oh..its one of the 'simple and SMALLEST' programs!

hope you love and appreciate java...

because if you dont..

congratulations! you're normal =