The Hundredfold Return and Poverty Mindset

Matthew 13:8 says:

"But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

Very often, we talk about the hundredfold return.

Sowing and reaping, is not just a good concept, an inspiring theology, or an awesome catchphrase for offering messages, sowing and reaping is a law placed in the universe by God Himself.

It didnt specifically say money, time, talents, love, although there are references that indicate so, this law is simply put, "Whatever a person sows, that he will surely reap."

Whatever means, whatever.

When a law is placed, nothing can go against it.

Like gravity, if you suspend an object in mid-air with no alternative forces, it will obey the law of gravity, and fall to the ground.

Same with sowing and reaping, its not just for the bible believers, as long as a person places himself or herself in the position for the law to activate, that person will receive the results of that obedience or submission to that law.

But the interesting thing here is this..

What do we hear during offering sermons most of the time?
"And as we sow, we believe that God will bless with thirtyfold, sixtyfold and a hundredfold..."

But look at that verse once again. Look at the order.

Its not "30fold, 60fold, 100fold". Its "100fold, 60fold, 30fold".

When God blesses, He doesnt hold back!
Even if its your first time giving, He puts in His 100%!

Love is giving people what they need, not what they deserve!
But even so, God does it exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think!

When God blesses, He doesnt count: "Oh he has done this, he has done that, let me see how much I should give him/her.."

He just pours Himself freely, generously, abundantly!

1. To be like God, one has to come to a place where he is free (secure).

Know who you are, where you have come from, what you have, the authority that has been given to you. One who doesnt have to afraid of holding back, you are expressive with your emotions.

To be holy is not to be stoic, God is not stoic. When He loves us, He doesnt just say "I love you". He walks the walk. He says, "You are the apple of my eye!...As far as the east is from the west, so great have I blotten out your transgressions and I will remember them no more!...As high as the heavens are from the earth, so great is my love for you!"

They say, real men dont cry.
Only the dead dont cry!

2. To be like God, one has to be generous.

Being kind is not enough, there are many kind people out there who may not even believe in any God.

Love is the desire to benefit others at the expense of yourself, even if it means getting nothing in return!

Loving others, they way God loves you. It doesnt matter who that person is!

3. To be like God, one has to have an abundance in his/her life.

The bible is not written by some cavemen wearing leaves and coconut. They are written by the wisest kings in their generation! People with churches ranging from 20,000 to a 100,000 at least. Young people, with great visions and a great destiny.

Very often, you hear people talking about the chicken and the egg, which comes first.
But let me tell you, the bible is not a story of the chicken and the egg.
Its about trust and obey, for there's no other way!

God didnt say, "Freely you have given, freely you will receive.."
He said, "Freely you have received, freely give!"

How can one be a blessing if he/she isnt blessed?
God can do all things because He IS and He HAS all things.

Poverty is not the state of your bank account.
Poverty is a mindset.

On one hand, you have a rich man, with a lousy marriage, bad relationships, temper problems, never happy, never satisfied. On the other hand, you have a poor man, but having a happy family, a cheerful attitude, people enjoy his/her company.

But be careful not to go to the extremes and say, all rich people are bad, or all rich people are miserable. While all poor people are happy go lucky, all poor people are satisfied people.

Look at mas selamat, he may not own a lamborghini, but he sure can make bombs to kill people!

So dont stereotype. There are poor people who plainly have an attitude disorder, yet there are also rich people, who love God wholeheartedly and love people fervently. These are the people whom God will bless, these are the people, God is looking for and God will use.

Dont just be a good person,
Be an asset.

Mini Emerge, Revelation

Mini Emerge weekend was awesome! Jus came back from JW.

The BS series on SOS is just mind blowing. So far, the first lesson was just 'revision' I feel, everything Ps taught, I lived with it all these while, nothing really jumped at me, but I believe in the weeks to come, God will speak to me. I mean, first lesson is just going through the basics...

Before that I was meeting Adel at raffles place to meet up and go expo together. I saw 'transformers' LOL. Okay...o.o

But I just wanna say, the Teriyaki Chicken puff with mushroom at Polar is niceee! Haha. Eat with the new Frappe coffee, shiok! LOL. Then, at tanah merah bumped into Mindy. So yea, it was soundcrew mini gethering...to take the train. WOW. o.o

Met Wyelin, and yea, Im feel a sense of accomplishment. For a long time, I finally said something more than "Hi" and "Bye" lol..must be Mike Connell's deliverance, which I dont know what his wife delievered me from haha. Cus I was there as a hopeless romantic, I just want God to touch me, didnt care, why and how, even if there wasnt any reason for me to respond.

Last week wyelin was telling how Ive changed, hmm have I? I dont know.

But anyway, during bs ps kong said something, that exposed my heart...

"Can you come to a place where you love God so much, that your family, your friends, your talents, your relationships, your whole life, is nothing; insignificant, compared to Him?"

God has tested me on this many times and by the grace of God, Im so thankful for Him, for helping me to pass the test.

Sometimes when I encourage people, not sometimes, everytime LOL..Im holding back things when I speak/message them.

There are things I wish to say or share, that Im afraid they cannot take it, or they might feel offended. Yes, on one hand I share with people some revelations, but revelations like this one, loving God, forsaking all, may not be appropriate with most of the people I come across.

It may sound very aggressive, very strict and piercing, but thats just the way it is. Its like, on e outside, Im smiling, 'its okay...', but on the inside, Im "WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!" lol.

Of course, its against my nature to raise my voice at anyone, no, at all in fact.

Unless you know where I came from in the past, you wouldnt understand why Im soft spoken. To be honest, its just one of the weaknesses of my flesh. Never ask me to raise my voice, you are inviting suicide. lol.

Never open a door to the devil and give him a foothold....

The Seed and the Tree, Leadership

A seed is not a tree, and a tree not a seed.

The seed doesnt become a tree because it worked hard enough,
Neither did it become a tree because it has 'qualified' to be one.

The seed only becomes a tree,
When it never stopped doing what it was supposed to do,
It never stopped growing,
It kept on going and never gave up,

And AUTOMATICALLY, it was nature that took it there NATURALLY.

It didnt work to absorb water and grow muscles so that it doesnt get uprooted,
It worked, to extend its roots as deep as possible.

It didnt work to absord the most amount of sunlight and CO2 possible,
It worked, to reach high and stretch out of its comfort zone.

Talents and abilities, qualifications and experience, get you there.
But its attitude and character, that keeps you there.

True leaders are made, not born.

Sleeeeeepy...pupupu (m_m)

Finally, I can take halfday tomorrow. Sleepy the whole week man.

Happy happy!

Oh yes, last week I dreamt of heaven, last night, I dreamt I went to ahma's house, went into the room and ahgong appeared inside and said hi to me, not the spirit/angelic form, lol, the actual human form, as if he never died or he resurrected. :O

Hmm. Anyway, this week saw 2 'pretty angels' hahaha! A few ppl will know who Im talking about LOL! :$

I hate imeem. It cant upload my songs, and it doesnt say why.
Hmm talk about stupid programmers, all they does is tell u, "Upload error!"
They never tell you what the error is!

Btw, alicia showed me this link:

http://babymiloveyou.blogspot.com/

She's the usher whom ps mike taught her how to lay hands during Service 2. Read May23 entry, super amazing! GOSH! AHHHH!!! *Hunger.

Relational Quotient (RQ), Randoms, Alcohol

Humans are selfish people.

They make you their friend because they have felt good one way or another.
After that, you're nothing but just another disposable person to them.

They love because they can benefit from you, not because they really love you,
Not even because they are obedient.

Forget true love, even people who are obedient, love even though they dont feel like.
Let alone people who claim they have 'true love', which should motivate you even more.

Whether is it friends, family or God.

God is love.
No God, no love.

How you treat people, is how you treat God.

People who communicate very little,
Usually pray very little.

People who are non-responsive to messages, calls or smses,
Usually take their own sweet time and convenience with God.

People who cant lend without having the need to return back,
Usually just want God for the blessings and hardly experience intimacy with Him.

Whats true in the natural, is true for the spiritual.

If there was a quotient to base this on, it would be our RQ (Relational Quotient).

Being salt and light is not a just a matter of having the substance,
Its about being able to deliver it.

What are our minds often occupied with? Work? Exams? Sex? Games? People? or God?

Our mind is like an autopilot.
Whoever sits inside, will steer the course of our lives.

For me, I have a very strong conviction on this.
Having this revelation has blessed me tremendously.

Yes, where you are is the result of your own actions.
But the actions you take, is the result of who's the priority in your life.

People can get so passionate with things, people, celebrities, sports.
But when it comes to God, you hardly feel anything.

When people look at us, what do they see?

Do they see money, do they see a computer, do they see abs and huge biceps, do they see expensive clothing, do they see a soccer ball, a devil, or do they see God?

Even for myself, sometimes when people think of me, they think of computer games.
Well, I dont know to what extent, but I just get the hunch.

But the moment I dreamt of heaven and saw Jesus,
My whole life changed.

Yes, its a privilege, but why me? Why cant it be you?
Am I any special? Any different from you? Of course not.

Its not about what you do,
Its about who you are.

Like Dr AR Bernard said, (Ill try to find the notes)

Yes, the way we think is very important.
How we think affects our beliefs, our beliefs influence our actions,
Our actions have consequences, remember the flowchart?

But as much as we try to change our thinking,
It is the INFORMATION we allow into our heads that determines the way we think!

You can give birth to a healthy and strong baby.
Just feed it BigMac all day and he will die of high cholesterol.

Same with our minds,
You can be strong-minded, but once you feed it with the wrong things,
It starts affecting your values and beliefs.

Yesterday there was a case I came across...

A husband comes home after a drinking session,
Kicks her wife in the back and threatened to kill her.
Why? Because she didnt cook. O_O

The husband demanded why!
She nicely explained that there were no more ingredients and that she was sorry.
But the husband physically abused her, just like that.

Something so small, something so petty...why?
And the wife was saying, he was a nice person,
He ONLY becomes abusive and violent after he drinks.

What does that mean? It means NATURALLY, he's a nice man.
It was just for a moment, all because of a drink.

At age of 20, people drink excessively, you may not feel the effects yet.
When you reach your 30s and 40s, they damage starts showing itself.
By then, its too late.

Alcohol makes one high, makes one forget sorrows. How?
By severing brain connections. These connections are related to our judgement, emotional and responsive capabilities.

Slowly, year by year, mood swings show, they MISUNDERSTAND people more easily, they get more 'blur', not alert, etc.

Once these connections are severed, they do NOT grow back.

In other words, one cup is all you need to have permanent damage, and you live with it, for life. Sounds scary but its true. Our body regenerates and grows cells back, except our eyes, ears and our brain. These cells will be the same ones, we live with, from the day we are born, till the day we die. They are irreplacable.

Not that drinking is wrong, its just at your own discretion. Then what about red wine? Its the fermented grapes, not the alcohol lol.

Afterall, I dont drink partly also because ps kong doesnt drink, and if it works for him to build one of the greatest churches and experience such great breakthroughs and encounters with God, I wanna have what he has and follow him.

When I collected my grandpa's ashes, deep inside the bones, even after cremating, you see dark red spots. These are permanent damage caused by excessive painkillers. They stick and infect the inside of your bones.

Thats why I dont take panadol unless absolutely necessary, and I dont drink, not even one cup. I wanna be alert for God. If I want to encourage people, if I want to discern spirits, I cannot afford to have my alertness and judgement capability impaired.

And by the grace of God, I only visit the doctor at most 1-2 times a year.

Im seldom sick, even if I am, they would recover overnight. There was once I had food poisoning, my face was blue, I was in pain, rashes and spots started appearing, and I had a high fever, I felt like dying, just laying on my bed.

But next day, it was gone. Thats food poisoning, I havent seen the doctor, I never took any medication. I just prayed. Not that doctors are bad, its just that God was the first person I thought of.

Even if I go through depression, without anyone being there for me, without anyone encouraging me, Im able to pull myself out of it in 24hrs.

Who will you allow into your pilot cockpit today?

God doesnt use the capable,
God uses the available.

God doesnt call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

Dont just have the ashes and powder.
Add fire of passion to it and make your life a sweet smelling aroma.

Hunger, Encounters, Sharings

Went S4 just now. Awesome. But I was hoping he called someone to practice laying of hands but he didnt. :( Oh wells, it was still awesome. Got lots of demons during that service haha. Some just manifested when ps mike just walked near. But Im so happy, so many people set free and touched. During the altar call, there was this indian family that responded.

The son brought his parents, and I was so moved when the father got touched by God and cried. Ps mike then gave a prophetic word and hugged him. I couldnt help but to tear...

And then...I responded today! Woohoo!

Not because I had something in my life to break from, but...you wont believe this...I went down, not because I needed deliverance, but because I was just a hopeless romantic that just wanted to be touched by God in anyway possible :$

Yeah, and I was like thinking, Im just gonna do it. I dont care what people think or say, I want God and I will do what it takes. At the same time, itll be interesting to see how the pastors or leaders discern my life, what they need to pray for LOL.

But as I lay on the floor crying and having the time of my life, as usual, they pulled me up. AWW! =((( lol. But the brother who prayed for me, miraculously ministered to me, even though I was just there for the touch, not the deliverance haha.

And he prayed for fear in my life. Which, I have no problems with, as in, its not really a bondage in my life. I can cope with it and it comes and later goes, but I guess that brother spoke the right word at the right time.

Having the dream of heaven, the picture of the prize, God is preparing me for responsibility. For greater challenges no one I know right now can ever comprehend. For God to show me such a great prize, He is like saving it so that when I go through the challenges ahead, I will be reminded of the prize that lies before me.

After service, makaned with sean, his mum and prija. Hearing sean's mum share so many encounters with God is just phenomenal!!!

How her pastor was preaching in India and someone fired 6 shots at him. They were filming the service, and the pastor wasnt injured. When they replayed the video, they saw, 3 bullets flying to the left, 3 bullets flying to the right. And his mum saw an angel standing in the middle.

WOW MAN!

And prija's testimony how when she was young, she dreamt of the archangel Gabriel. And after that dream, she went to the stove to heat up some food. She was standing right in front of the glass pot when it exploded and shattered.

She panicked and ran. Stepping on all the broken glass but miraculously, not a single cut. And when she got back to the stove, she saw the floor, the table around the spot where the glass pot shattered.

Its so amazing...there were glass fragments all over the floor, all over the stove in front and beside her, but at the place she stood at, which was directly infront of the stove, as a young girl, looking at the pot right in front of her face, cus she wasnt that tall yet...

There was NO glass whatsoever. Her face was right in front of the pot when it exploded. And she remembered the encounter with Gabriel, God's commander in general.

So many other experiences from Sean's mum, walking alone in the alley, gunshots fired, but not a single wound, and other encounters with angels and the supernatural. It was just mind-blowing.

God is so good. As young people we already have divine encounters, what more, next time when we are older! We are going to be world shakers and history makers!

I like this song, I wish we could sing it again, or "One life, One love", really good songs that remind us of the goodness of God. :)

Chats, Revelations, BOOM!

Had a fruitful chatting session with Sean and Prija last night after dinner. I cant believe I actually talked for 2hrs non stop! LOL.

I was sharing my dream to heaven and I mean, we just talked nonstop! Its so awesome to hear Sean and Prija sharing about people they know with similar encounters, stories from books, it was just amazing, how everything flowed. I began to realize that I what I encountered was more than a dream, like Sean said, it was preparation for something.

Cus if God shows you a reward, you gotta be prepared for some tough challenges ahead, if not why would God show you the prize? It is to motivate and remind you when these things happen.

And Prija was sharing with me how the death in water in my dream symbolises the dying of the flesh. Man! If we hadnt chatted I wouldnt have known! We talked about how when believers die, there is a period of time after that when their loved ones will have 'divine encounters' with heaven and the afterlife, just to firmly assure that their loved ones are in heaven. I guess its God's gracious way to dealing with the trauma of a passing on of a loved one..

Either that or ahgong knew how I felt and asked God to give me a glimpse of certainty, so on. We went on to talk about Dr Cho's testimony on how when his son passed away and Dr Cho was telling God, "I will not leave until you give me back my son!" and eventually Jesus told the son, "Sorry but you have to return..because your father wont let you go." BAM!

That was just awesome stuff man!

Even on the train, we continued talking this time about heaven, death and hell. We just kept going on and on and on...its so amazing how our minds can only conceive so much. Even when asked, 'how do you think heaven looks like?', how we think is only so limited.

I liked what Sean said, God is soooooo big. We are sooooooooo small. If God can forgive us, it just shows how big and vast His love is.

Yet when people hold things against someone, I mean, how much 'smaller' or 'bigger' is he to you!?! And you cant even forgive or love that person??? And to think God expressed HIS love to you yet you cant even love a fellow human being? Thats plain mockery to God! What? You think you are GREATER than God???

If Jesus can come from heaven to earth just to die for you, yet you cant even sms a person to say you're sorry! Or worse, if God can answer your prayers, God, answering a human thats nothing more than the size of a microscopic dust in perspective of HIS size, who are you to not even be accountable to the people around you?

God can talk to man, yet you cant even talk to your own friends! Man, IM ON FIRE! HAHAHA!

There are many people who talk to God. But only a few are intimate with Him.
Many people love God. But only a few are passionately in love with Him.

How many people actually tell people, man, God is soooo shuai! He's really stunningly good looking! NONE! lol. Maybe just one or two who had deep encounters with Him. But for me, Ive seen Him for myself! If you think Brad Pitt or some other superstar is handsome, man, you're insulting God man.. LOL.

Love is dead, unless you put fire and passion in it.

You know..when you begin to talk about God, heaven, eternity and you begin to share your experiences and encounters...its so amazing that from christians alone you get various responses.

1. Those who are passionately excited and you chat for hours non-stop, like me. LOL
2. Those who are narrow-minded, critical and cynical, and think they own their own lives.
3. Those who are quiet, unresponsive, simply uninterested and cant be bothered.

How do you love someone you cant see?
When Hes that real to you.

Mike Connell!!! HAHAHA!

AWESOME MAN!!!! Gosh. Picking random people and praying for them, speaking a word, experiencing the touch of God...so cool.

I think its the first time Ive seen him do that lol.

And Im so jealous of the usher whom Ps Mike picked to teach how to lay hands on people. Gosh! Ahh!! I want!!! lol. Whether is it on the giving end of the receiving end, I both want! LOL.

But throughout the service, I was just starving for that anointing, I kept on thinking about ahma, I needed that anointing so bad :(

Girls who are anointed look really pretty to me haha. Okay, out of point.

Going S4 later...I want it!!! :S

Sexy Windows 7 Wallpaper

Part 2 of dream, Honor

Hmm, how did I get my dream?

Did I pray for it?
Did I fast?
What did I do?

Nothing.

I never prayed for one,
I never fasted for one,
I just loved God and trusted Him with all my heart.

I really thank God because its His favor upon my life, He's just been so good to me, giving me things I never deserved, things I never even asked for.

Thats what it means to seek first His kingdom and all things will be added unto you.

It didnt say all things will be offered to you. No.
You dont have to even say anything, out of love, a good Father will pour out to you.

I liked what Ps John Avanzini said,

If your Father is rich and you are poor, thats child abuse!

Day and night I think of Him, yes, sometimes I admit I get distracted with my computer games, afterall, just to sidetrack, guys are visual creatures..

Apart from getting high when he meets a pretty girl, even nice cars, action packed computer games can make him high. Okay, I hope this answers some girls out there who are curious as to how guys can get fascinated by cars and technology. Sight. And add soccer to that, pity for me, I dont play with balls lol.

Maybe except badminton but that aint a ball..its a shuttlecott..haha anyway..yea.

I just thought of God all day, talked about Him all day, I dont care if people think Im boring. Having a dream to heaven is definitely not boring for me. =) I have my other interests yes, but those are just interests, not passion.

I think Adam preached a gd message for cg yesterday, and all the testimonies and sharing by our fellow cg members really imparted a lot to me.

Its about Honoring the King.

When the King comes,

You dress your best.
You behave your best.
You prepare the place.
You reach SUPER early.
You are excited.

You are simply HONORED, just to sit down, to fellowship with Him.

If one day ps kong were to give you an invitation to a dinner with him, Im sure you will throw aside your exams, throw aside your friends' birthdays just to have dinner with pastor because why? Its an HONOR.

Similarly, we are all kings and priests.

How we treat people is how we treat God.

What do you do, in the midst of kings and queens?
Its not just God, its about people.

How do you honor them? Respect their time? Having a heart of a servant? Etc...

What do you think about the most?
What do you talk about the most?

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Nothing wrong with movies, nothing wrong with games, nothing wrong with shopping. But it becomes wrong when it takes the place of God.

Not only you have the wrong priority, you're saying, look, this $8 piece of movie ticket is BIGGER AND BETTER THAN YOU!

You are literally comparing God to $8!!!!
Or $150!!! For your shoes, bags..or $2000 for your IT gadgets!

This is outright disrespect and mockery.

Sometimes people just see it as..ohh, just a wrong priority, blablabla..but no, its deeper than that.

"Every action has a spiritual and eternal consequence." - Ps Tan

You only have one life to live, live it to the fullest.

People may not read the bible, but they will certainly read our lives. You know, terrorists who say, Im doing this and that in the name of God. Bullshit. The devil comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. It doesnt matter whos God is right. The fact that these people steal, kill and destroy, simply shows who their ''god'' is!!! And I dont have to mention who is it. They can say what they want...

Your life shows who your God is.

I dreamt of heaven and Jesus! OMG!

Before I update on my night shift,

Just wannt post this before my subconscious mind dies off...and my conscious mind takes over for the day haha.

So cool!!!!!!! AHH!!!

I dreamt I was in some small pool or puddle, playing, halfway I drowned without knowing, not feeling anything.

Next moment I was in heaven.

It was like a palace, I was outside the gate. Looking out and looking down was just clouds of white mist. I saw one person at the gate who opens it. Someone on the inside, beside the gate, some greeter. Someone would read the names before I went in. My name was called. The one at the gate opened it.

I walked in, in shock and in awe.

I turned to the greeter and smiled, he smiled and nodded back.

I was wandering at this street pondering how I died, it was like a city on a mountain top. Really beautiful. Looking towards the highest spot I could hear God's voice talking to the angels about some stuff. It was beaming. I couldnt see a thing, only heard his loud, deep, hollow but crystal clear voice. Colored lights were flashing and God was telling the angels how and what to do to answer so-and-so's prayer request. Its like: "You..do this...you, do that..quick...". Everyone was just busy! But we know God is never too busy for us! =) There was jus alot going on...

I dunno how, I had my handphone with me. I smsed my mum, told her I drowned. She could reply back! =O I didnt bother to me at that moment, its as if Im losing that 'missing' feeling haha.

I followed the crowd, seeing anyone who I can recognise. I didnt recall how they look like btw, just normal people, they look normal, yea.

I entered this huge hall, so big I couldnt even see the ceiling. It was like a palace.

People were sitting down, I sat down alone in a corner. I suppose it was some worship place. So waiting to see what would happen next, we started singing songs. And then it seemed they were waiting for the sermon.

Seated down on the floor I waited, not knowing anything or anticipating anything, the only feeling I felt at the moment was just....like that.....I was just too amazed to even feel anything, I was waiting for things to happen, looking around, etc.

And this guy appeared from the top and came down and sat right beside me and started sharing some stuff. The person beside me stretched out his hand and put it round his arms just as 'He' landed.

Not bad, 'He' landed in a sitting position lol. He didnt have to land on his legs before he sat down. I was thinking, style eh..and the guy who placed his arms round 'Him' was saying, 'heyyy Jesus...' like he know Him for 10 years like that...

What am I talking abt, this IS eternity o.o lol...anyway...

I also turned and just smiled and 'hi, Jesus..' Then I thought about what I just said..

'Hi Jesus? hmm....OMG!'

I turned and looked at Him, he was shuai I tell u! lol. His hair wasnt THAT long, shoulder length, maybe slightly longer and it looks like it was waxed, I mean, stylish wavy hair! He had facial hair but its like those u never shave for a few weeks only, its that short. He smiled at me, 'hi andrew..' and placed his arms around my shoulders and hugged me a little...

Boy, He has wings. Ones the stretch out sideways, not those huge bombastic ones with jagged shapes and all, no.

I dunno how true is this manifestation I suppose halfway in the dream, His wings closed up and disappeared or something, its so hard to recall =x

After a sermon, the first thing I thought of, was my loved ones, my parents...saw my dad on some transportation vehicle. I dunno how I entered it also, but people were queueing to get on.

I saw my dad...he turned to 2 people near him, 'hi mummy, hi papa...' and for a moment, it really felt as if they were just fellow friends. I didnt feel any awkwardness or sadness. They smile at me and I smiled at them..and being the quiet person I am, I stood there and waited for that 'transportation thingy' to move.

Only after awhile, I realised it was my father and my grandparents lol I was just too caught up I guess. When we reached the destination, I remembered about the handphone.

I took out to sms my mum, I think the message died halfway or something. I couldnt send anymore. So I decided to call, some service message picked it up saying the network is dunno what...everything is fading away...

I knew I had lost contact with earth but I was just so curious to explore the entire city on the hill...but I began to think of my family, started to miss them, the earthly feelings and thoughts of sadness, regret, tiredness, etc started coming back..

The dream started fading...disappeared...

And I woke up.

www.personaldna.com

You are a Reserved Analyst.

You are an Analyst

Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.

You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.

Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.

You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.

You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.

Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.

You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.

You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.

It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.

You are not a harsh or abrasive person, and you tend to let others take the lead

You're well-attuned to your emotional state, and not afraid to use your feelings to guide you. You tend to be cooperative, rarely contradicting others, and always considerate of their feelings.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

Try to embrace the imaginative, creative part of your personality more often.

Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.

how you relate to others

You are Reserved

You are RESERVED – you aren't someone who always needs to have others around, and you find you can handle most situations on your own.

You can be very happy spending time alone, and enjoy your own thoughts and ideas.

You find it difficult to understand why some people get so emotional and tell everyone else their problems.

You believe that if you want to get something done, it is best to do it yourself.

In your experience, other people are not always completely dependable, so you generally rely on yourself and only a few close others.

Despite your independence, you are not a closed-minded person who makes hasty judgments about others. You know that it isn't always easy to walk in other people's shoes.

At times other people's feelings are puzzling to you, and you wish that people were more rational.

Your vision of the world is complex – your values are not set in stone. Instead, you are able to change your beliefs as you learn new information.

If you want to be different:

Even though it is tiring, making an extra effort to spend time with others even when you feel like being alone can have powerful positive effects on your relationships.

Practice talking about yourself to people you haven't previously trusted. You will forge friendships where you wouldn't have thought possible, and with practice, sharing your thoughts and feelings will get easier and easier.

Pissed

Grandma's hospitalized.

Monday deployment.

Tuesday full night shift. DANGGG!!! I hate it. 12hrs 8pm-8am. WTH!

Cant I just be alone and do my own thing, have some peace and quiet for once!?!

Sigh.

ATM Man

Last month, I lent $150 to someone, $75 to another.

Gave another $100 away that set me the record of the second highest donator to someone in financial need in my NPC, just a few dollars below my boss herself. :D The 3rd highest donator was like one digit less than me haha. Feels good.

The greater the need I satisfy, the greater the satisfaction.
Whats the point in giving if the person doesnt need right? And worse still,
He/she is a spendthrift. If the money is to serve the kingdom of God, why not?

This month I 'gave' $100 not long ago.
Today, Im gonna transfer another $50 to someone else.

Woohoo haha. I love doing this. Seeing people blessed and happy just makes me satisfied.

Okay, even though I said I lent here and there, I never really had any intention of having it returned, unless he/she chooses to haha. Its God's money anyway.

I do my part as a steward, people do theirs.

Even though my pay is $500+, I do what I should. Giving my tithes, offerings, helping people. If I can do it with $500, Im sure God will trust me with even more.

If you have $100 and you cant even lend or give away $10, what do you expect God to do for you if you dont put what little you have into good use?

My goal in life is to give $1,000,000 to everyone I know. Okay, thats a bit too farfetched, maybe $10,000-$100,000 is good enough for me.

And its not surprising for someone to give almost half his pay away and still have more than enough. God is just so wonderful. Maybe for a start I dont really buy stuffs other than food. However when I do, its a few hundreds to the thousands..and thats...like...once in a blue moon haha. But the moon's never blue so...hmm...:O

You just cant trust me with money. Cus Ill give all away haha. I was sharing with e cg e other day, how when I was at the ATM thinking how much to give to my fellow colleague needing financial assistance, I remembered staring at the screen. You have the options: $50, $100, what not...I was really tempted to press the large number, and I really did.

How many people I know are tempted to give? Hahaha.

You dont need to be rich to give or love. Jesus had nothing left when He was at the cross, yet He could save mankind.

Its not about what you have, its about who you are!

Loving God and loving people is not the greatest suggestion,
It's the greatest COMMANDMENT.

If you say you follow Jesus, then REALLY FOLLOW HIM!

I like what one friend put on her blog...

"There is no testimony without a test, and there is no message without a mess."

FB quiz, My Desk

You can see my desk for the first time lol. With the trademark bottles I mentioned abt.


Crap! LOL! Nailed it! :O

Guys temperament VS Girls temperament?

Now, I dont know to what extent this is true, but Im gonna say it anyway haha.

Well for a start, they say:

Men live by logic, women live by feelings.

A man makes decisions based on how he thinks,
A woman makes decisions based on how she feels.

To some extent, life itself, to me at least, has shown that this is somewhat true.

Take a guy for instance, if a guy likes someone, there's nothing a girl can do, that can make him change his mind. They say, he's just plain stubborn. A guy can have a bad day, but if he comes across someone, whom in his MIND, he likes or feel comfortable with, he can be really nice.

A guy can have a nice day, productive at work, have great sex at home, earn lots of money, good food cooked by his wife, the moment he sees someone he doesnt like, he can just lose his temper. Because in his MIND, he THINKS in a way thats opposing to the other party.

Acting on logic.

Women on the other hand, are the exact opposite.

They may like someone, but because their day is bad, they FEEL drained and frustrated, even if she likes or feels comfortable with you, you're gonna get it.

Likewise, if they have a good day, even if you offended her in some way, but because at that moment, she feels good, she wll at least give you some face and show you some respect.

Acting on emotions.

So if you are smart...

If you wanna make a guy happy, earn his respect, give him a good impression. Even if he's depressed, he can and wouldnt mind talking to you.

But beware of just one mistake or wrong impression, ignoring or gossiping...

If you wanna make a girl happy, be there for her, talk to her. Do some nice things together. Once she feels better, she will talk to you. If not, even though you're her best friend, she still wouldnt talk to you.

If you have a girl friend with bad days most of the time,
You can forget it. She's not going to talk to you for a long long time!

What works for a guy, will NEVER work for a girl.
What makes you happy, may not necessarily make the other gender happy.

Somehow God made it that way. To make life more fun and interesting.

If we knew everything there is to know, whats the point of living anymore?
Im sure God didnt create 70-80 years for you to 'geng' your way through right?

They say knowledge is power. With knowledge of each other, there is power in the friendship and relationship. When there is power, there is unity. But it all boils down to taking initiative and being patient in love.

Life is a lifelong learning process, not just academically, but relationally as well.

Just when you think you've known the opposite gender, you'll still get surprises here and there.

Disappointment = Expectation - Reality

Have a change in mindset, when your mind is open, you gain more.
Its so funny, how people wanna gain but they remain closed.

If you're thinking multitasking, nonono, this is not how it works. o.o

Loving the person or loving love?

One question is popular among couples today:
How can a person love someone (in a relationship), and then leave for another person?

Aside from having meets un-met,

The answer is simple:

It's because he/she has never really loved the person.

What is love?
Love is the desire to benefit others at the expense of self.

While there are people who truly love someone,
There are also those who are just simply in love with love.

They seek the thrill of courtship, the romance and the excitement, which is not wrong. But it becomes a liability when one seeks after those things, MORE, than the person himself/herself.

A person who truly loves someone can't live without him/her.

On the contrary...

A person who truly loves love more than the person, can't live without love.
The moment you stop receiving gifts, you stop loving.
The moment you stop receiving notes, you stop loving.
The moment he/she has a career and have lesser time with you, you stop loving.
The moment he/she stops loving you, you stop loving!

All of us need love, but very often, one needs to be loved in order to love.
How can one give something he/she has not received?

God promises that all of us will be filled when we enter His presence.
Because one experiences the agape love of God, he/she is then able to express it to others.

There will come a point in time, when we will either be lying on a bed, motionless, speechless, expressless, sick, etc. At the end of our lives, when we can afford to do nothing, say nothing, is the person beside you enough for you?

My grandpa passed away not long ago, thank God he's with the Lord right now, probably fellowshiping with billions of other saints, but seeing my grandparents' love extend even after death...

It deeply moves me.

And yet, in society today, people just change lovers like changing underwear.
Its time to stop buying new underwear, stop being lazy and WASH THEM INSTEAD when theyre dirty!

How can you say you are committed to someone if you're just plain lazy to work things out?
You run away from problems and even so if you're a man!

If your parents, who may be of another religion, can stay committed, how much more you should!
You're experience the youth of your life, the most exciting moments, while they, on the other hand, are working hard to support you and themselves, and yet, they can still be as one!

Yes, we all have our expectations, but true love loves no matter what!
If God can die for you even before you were born, how much more should you love and cherish one another! You who can see each other, experience each other, touch each other, hear each other's voices!

HE is our example. Not some TV drama.

Its good to have great imagination, but dont be insane.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

On exceptional cases, yes, it may be wiser to separate, but still, ask yourself,

Do you love him?
Do you love her?

Or do you love love more than the person?

Put it this way, Jesus is not 'obsessed' with love.
He doesnt come back to earth once a year, every christmas, to go to cross and say, "Ohhh how I love the people!", goes up and nail Himself over and over again!!! That would be ridiculous! Yet some people are like that...

What or who, you cannot live without?
Are you always talking about the person, or are you always talking about your drinks, your new accessories, your wishlists, your sex life?

That is where your heart lies.

"For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks..."

Just by the way one talks, you know what is in his/her heart.

Misses, Jesus

Missing ah gong. Each time I enter his room, it always feels he's still there, looking at me and I praying for him. But...the fact that I can still feel him is because, he IS alive!

If we have no problems believing Jesus is alive, whom we cannot see, how much more, is it easier to believe that a deceased who's saved, is still alive?

Its 4 days now, Im sure he's completed Paradise's Orientation programme, I can imagine Saint Peter bringing him around, God sending an angel to teach him the word, show him who is paul, moses, elijah, etc.

Meeting Jesus face to face is such a fun thing. You can imagine billions of people as far as the eye can see, meeting old friends, meeting new people and sharing your life stories, fellowshiping, just these alone will take all of eternity!

Life is short. Only God knows when the STOP button will be pressed. We want alot of things, clothes, gadgets, food, etc. Let not the button be pressed when ure shopping, queueing for food, or daydreaming in class. Because in a split second, you will know whether God is going to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" or not.

The second coming will come when you least expect it as well. Can you imagine, while ure buying your food, clothes, watching your movies and suddenly, you hear a loud trumpet from the heavenlies. The bible specifically said it will come unexpectedly, and many WILL get caught off guard.

Anyway, service was good and happy mothers' day to all mums and to my own mummy.

Thanks to all who came during the past few days:

E420:

Adam, Xinru, Jolene, Thaddeus, Timothy, Pohchoo, Wen Yong, Sean, Prija, Pamela, Elaine

Sound Ministry:

Henry, William, Shuxia, Lynn, Jenny, Peishan, Yixuan, Alicia

And to everyone else who sent me your wishes and regards.

Windows 7

A little something light hearted.

9 blows in 24hours, Ahgong, Authority

1. Ahgong left. And I was 10mins late. Just 10mins. Easily cost me a shower, a simple meal. At work, busy, didnt pick up the phone early enough. Devastated. (Suppressed)

2. Someone's attitude towards a dying relative. Frustrated (Suppressed)

3. Someone's "is he dead?" and discipleship in the time of mourning. Revengeful (Suppressed)

4. Couldnt sleep after seeing a dead person with eyes bulging, teeth protruding, jaws gnashing. Tired and drained, 3 hrs sleep.

5. Asked to carry computers up and down. Worn out and sore.

6. Bus 173 took 35-40mins to come. Ultra pissed. (Suppressed)

7. Reading/SMSing someone who upsetted me last night, made me feel discomfort and nausea. Physical discomfort. Tried to be happy, nice and 'holy' to be accepted. (Suppressed)

8. On the train hands started shaking, feet started giving way + slight giddiness. Extreme physical discomfort.

9. Im scared the chest pain and suffocation will come again. Always when Im stressed or suppressing anger..and when Im either resting or sleeping, the attack will come suddenly.

.......

I dont know when Ill just collapse one day. My body feels weird now..tired, exhausted, suppressed, uncomfortable, giddy, nauseous, trembling. And Im smiling haha. Even after taking 9 blows and secretly suppressing everything.

You know I dont lose my temper outwardly, everything is inside.

Being strong, loving others...everytime I make a sacrifice, Im really making a sacrifice. Im damaging my own emotions and physical well being everytime Im strong for someone, everytime I love someone unconditionally. 0 love - 50 love = -50 love, etc...

Yes I have God, but yes I have my humanity.

Im giving something I dont have most of the time. Giving love, when I feel unloved, not spiritually, but physically and emotionally. Being strong for others when Im weak for myself. Each time I sacrifice, I hurt myself.

Ive come to a point where Ive sacrificed so much that when people try to cheer me up or encourage me, Im just unable to feel it, the extent of my giving has outweighed the extent I receive love or encouragement or strength or...quality time.

Im sorry guys, Im trying my best to feel loved or encouraged but everytime, I still feel the extent of my hurt and sacrifice..=/

I guess its not instant, over time, I have left my needs unattended to. Always giving at the expense of myself, never once thinking about myself. Its not just weeks or months, but years.

This year alone, Ive already taken so many blows, and each time I would still love without feeling loved, support without feeling supported.

People are busy and I cant blame them, as such Im always alone, no one to physically talk to.

Even during the passing on, I hugged people and no one hugged me. Im fine, I love giving to others..making them happy makes me happy.

Even on other days, I put my arms round people's shoulders and no one puts his/her arms round mine. I lay hands and pray for people and no one lays hands and prays for me. I wipe people's tears and no one wipes my tears.

I dont know how my next few days will be. Prayer works. Yes Im growing stronger. But my hamanity is starting to show signs of weakness and failure..

Who knows when will be my turn to go. I could just one night have an attack, and poof, gone, smiling on my bed.

But Im really encouraged by ahgong. On his last few days he shared that he saw people in white entering his room while sleeping. He has seen angels. Even I havent. And its comforting to know that when he passed on, when I finally saw him the last time and removed the cloth...

He was looking up and his hands lifted in surrender...

"He who does not take up His cross and follow me, cannot be My disciple..."

Ahgong, Randoms

You made me stretch my limits like no one else did.
You made me expand my faith like no one else did.
You made me step out and rise up like no one else did.
You made me do things I never wouldve thought possible.

But right now...Im tired and exhausted. It seems Im always fighting alone...

No shoulder to lean on, no hand to hold on to. Never had one.

The more people I have, the more troublesome it is.
No one has ever made me really feel loved or happy.
At least, for a long time already..cant remember the last person who made me happy.

I only pretend to be happy to make myself happy.
I dont know, maybe its because Im always giving of myself so much,
I dont know how its like to take. I just dont know how to accept.

Im a person of quality time.
Yet time is something I dont have sadly.

If you ask me recall the last time I had emotional needs met..
The last time I was really happy and energetic..

I dont remember.

I am still a human. I have my humanity.