Great CG

sis Grace was here today...and tmr pastor audrey...man! lol.

i just realised my weakness is also my strength and vice versa...i get distracted easily, but immobile. circumstances can distract me negatively, but ill nv move with e negative, or they can distract me in a positive way, but sadly, most of e time, i remain immobile...

so is it good or bad? i also dunno...immobile...:S

cant wait for sat svc...heard ps tan is preaching this wk.

I went in and came out...

oh i forgot to mention something, yesterday immediately after bs wendy came to me telling, eh u know ah, just now i dunno why i felt very strongly that i shld tell u to silent ur phone...

and so i went, isit? hmm...then i took out my hp, and true enough, it wasnt silenced!!! thank God it didnt ring, and God couldve spoke a word of wisdom to me through wendy! :x

just now met supervisor for e first time in 3-4 weeks...

instead of him meeting me, now i went up to e 7th floor staff office to meet him in a corporate looking conference room with huge chairs that go round the large table and i was e one sitting where e 'dua pai' will sit...for a moment i thought to myself, how good it would be if it could become a reality, me sitting at the 'dua pai''s chair one day...:S

and so i turned on my lappy and hesitantly opened Visual Studio 2005...

while he was looking at my proj i asked if i can be excused to e toilet for awhile, but because it was a staff level, there are no student toilets and only staff are permitted to enter. 'make it quick..' i went in to do my stuffs...

then when i was about to go out, a staff came in...i almost exited e cubicle. so i camped in e toilet until e staff left and when no one else was coming, i sneaked out back into e meeting room.

he managed to help me fix a problem that joshua and me couldnt fix. so now my program is error free. he even lent me a VS2005 book as well.

hes been so nice to me since day01...

and im letting him down...im letting so many people down...when he said, 'seriously, im very worried for you le..' in a still gentle loving voice, my heart melted. even though i know he meant regarding e project, but to me, it was all someone could say into my face and change my entire day, i dunno if he's a believer or not...but i felt e love of God..

i walked home thinking of those words he said, my eyes became wet...and thoughts filled my mind...to an average student, those few words to him/her might just be something that doesnt even affect him/her, but to me, it was everything...

simple things like a note from a friend, a few words from someone who cares, can change my life.

sis pauline jus msged me on MSN and asked if i could play for her cg tmr as ps audrey might be coming. and i agreed...=) (of course she talked to evan and all, evan dont mind)...

Skool...'breathes in orally'...

i hate skool, i hate looks (if ure not frm alaska, u prob wont understand this part).

if school is boring, what is e opposite of school? its still school!!! urgh..so annoying. just had lunch with yee sheng, man its been one year since i last talked to someone i knew other than my church frens and my laptop!!! >.< (im exaggerating, but close enough...) it definitely brightened my day...

ate at e jap stall at c1, man it was delicious! sizzling hotplate onion egg with teriyaki chicken topped on it, steaming, sizzling, crispy (chicken), bubbling, fragrant, ultima-delicious...mmm

ever since IHP started e only person ive talked to is my laptop, i eat with him, i play with him, man, i even sleep with him!!! :S

then again, lunch is now over and i went back to the 'confinement' area. it was so warm and stuffy it makes me wanna literally faint...ive not fully recovered and e moment i stepped into that room, man, i wanna faint, or sleep for that matter...

now im in the library seeking 'refuge'. nice aircon, nothing to worry about...except my pentaminute cough spreading...(penta means 5 in case u didnt know...:x, i just came up with the word myself...)

no calls from supervisor so far, i hope it remains this way...ppl tell me, i cant run away forever...yea dun worry, im not running away from him, im just hiding..>.< well, u cant hide forever, yea..i know, and dont worry again, im not hiding from him, im taking 'refuge' from him..

well, u cant take refuge forever...YES!!! haha!!!! got you!!! i CAN take refuge forever...God is my refuge forever!!!! muahahaha, see? im smart...all hail drew...:S

im gonna turn into thewinekone soon...

Today is e day of judgement..

well, not really judgement, but one out of TWO 'judgements' lol...

in sch now waiting for supervisor, dun feel like doing anything now...sob. this is my official FIRST TIME back in school after AWOLing for one month or so..lol. :S

the school has changed a lot...the PEOPLE have changed a lot too..cant recognise anyone anymore...

cant play game also..e moment i opened my game, some OTHER PEOPLE's supervisor steps in >.<>.< great right? me coughing like every 5 min...

for 8 hours just imagine e accumulated germs...wahaha. e army can send me for biological warfare or something...>.<

celgrp later...i hope i really have the energy and excitement to lead PnW..at e rate of 'excitement' im going, hmm...

i neeeeeed a breeeeaaaaaaakkkk!!!

i neeeeeed a hooolllliiiiiiidaaaaaay!!

...

...

only from school...

...

...

and a looooooooooong one tooooooo! like...one year.....(cus ive been schooling continuously for one year now..)

...

...

if e school wants e students to profit, then give 2 years' break
if e school wants e students to experience a loss, then give one month or less

but cant decide right? i decide for them...one year....no profit, no loss...arrgh!

tink im gonna get a webcam and start filming videos of myself like e winekone, then the whole world will know what school really is...:S

I Dare You To Move - Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

when sidney sang this song by switchfoot, man, i felt e presence of God...

Service was great. SuperFriday was great too. Forfeit = eat dried cockroaches...haha...wanna try it someday..^^ was down with a fever + headache + flu + cough on that day...but i hanged on. when people told me to rest, i told myself 'no'...sickness is never an excuse to be in the house of God...after superfriday i went to play for evan's makeup cg...e presence of God was there..

she preached a different message. its about the qualities that God look for in you. ive been pretty busy lately so i might not be posting notes for some time...and ive upgraded my MSN to the new Live Messenger 8.0, looks cool though. x)

thanks cinthia for that cute little note of encouragement...=) and thanks for those who stood with me..during this period of 'distress'...actually, i dun wanna make u guys worry too much also, no one said walking with God is ever easy, the moment i do something great for God, i will face demonic resistance...so its...NORMAL...:D

after service went to 85 market to eat...xiao yang came today..haha. quite shuai eh...lol. and when i first saw him, the first person that he reminded me of was liwen's bro...but more mature, more shuai..hahas x) hope to see him again this thursday/friday/sat...

oh, and the pork porridge with egg was awesome!!! and its only 3 bucks!!! ive tasted e bah chor mee there during yummy race...it was great too. cant wait to try their carrot cake as well...heard its good..stingray's not bad too, but i couldnt eat cus of my throat. my fever has subsided, my flu has gone down, my headache has been totally healed after yesterday's service..

my sore throat has decreased to 'dry throat' for now...God not only can heal those with one sickness but God can work through FOUR sicknesses! yea, next wk we'll be back in hall8 and next year delirious? is coming THREE times! cant wait..

but first...IHP...then report...then presentation...

!!!!!

Ive decided...

its friday an im supposed to meet my supervisor...hoping that he will forget about it right now...

after listenin to Destiny..i felt faith and e peace of God arise in me..

but the question is...faith to do what?

i remember in BS that i learnt tt when we commit something to God, God doesnt necessarily give us an answer, rather He'd give us the peace that surpasses all understanding. now the question is again, what kind of peace?

peace to know that everything will be alright even though my project's in a mess? i really cant comprehend it. i feel happy now...more relaxed after listening to that song. but i know i shldnt be relaxed now, but i am...

now, THAT is weird..lol

Third time today..

My Computer

C: Drive

Program Files

Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 -> includes IHP project files

Left Click on Folder

*Moves finger to DEL button (Saves 1.1GB HDSpace)


...should I...? Im a very determined and committed person...

Stoned (warning: lousy post)

here i am at the comp again..blogging the second time today..

what have i done for the whole day? nothing..jus sitting by the comp waiting for ppl to msg me on MSN, and of course...stoning aimlessly at the LCD...

knowing that i might have to retake the entire year again and if i were to fail one more module next sem..ill be debarred.

at such a state..who would study? at such a state..who could understand? at such a state...nothing is worth it anymore..

no longer do i feel i shld jus retake the module...right now i feel i wanna retake my entire poly life...its all a mess. i dun wanna continue anymore...T_T

at such a state..i created unneccessary worry for my parents by telling them to get ready for my school fees for one more year...even though the semester/year have not ended...God its not even half a year!!! but it seemed like two straight years..prob cus i had not rested since 2005.

told my IC tt i would not be servin this week...sunday is Sun's performance cum autograph session at IMM, pam jus told me, and i dun feel like going as well. sunday is also pohchoo's bdae celebration i also dun feel like going...

ive lied to many people today...my supervisor, even people i know whom i will not mention who. at this point in time..it seems im all alone..i sleep with my laptop on e table next to me, i eat with my laptop, i play with my laptop, i might even start talking to my laptop...im gonna go insane!

i jus realised im pretty good at lying...it takes a strong and sensitive discerning spirit to know if im telling the truth or behaving 'truthfully'. im not afraid to say ive been putting on an act for many occasions...some of which i dont even want to think of...

hope i dun go into depression..

ive let e110 down, ive let w390 down, ive let evan down, ive let my parents down, ive let my brother down, ive let myself down, ive let God down, ive let all those friends out there down, ive let my ministry down...

i wonder when was the last time i did something that people were proud of...

God has given me so much, but what have I given Him? its already 740pm and ive not eaten..beginning to lose my appetite as well..falling sick again. 80% of all sicknesses are psychosomatic huh? yea...i understand..

tink im gonna TRY to eat...at e same time im gonna let my bro play e comp all he wants...ive told my supervisor tt ill meet him tmr..then again i have nothing to show him. might back out the 5th time again..

or mebbe im jus gonna continue sitting here aimlessly, emotionlessly...and STONE...:s

Numbed

prayer meeting was awesome..even though it was a sudden decision, despite a squeezing, warm and stuffy YMCA auditorium, we managed to pull down e presence of God. e reason why they held it at YMCA was bcos they didnt expect a large crowd...but no matter where God moves, we WILL be there...

even if CHC is in taiwan, i would fly there every week jus to be in the house of God!

many are church goers, but how many are church members? members who are discipled in the Word and committed to the vision and the purpose God has for e church? many are believers, but how many are actually disciples, who lay down their lives to follow christ?

saying the sinners' prayer will NOT guarantee your salvation...many think 'oh ive said e sinners prayer, im now saved' so i can live life anyway i want...

salvation is not just a one time event, its redemption -> sanctification -> glorification. we are saved, we are being saved and one day we will be saved. saying e sinners' prayer is simply only ONE phase out of THREE phases in the 'salvation package'.

if you want to give Christ your life, then give your WHOLE life. from e day u said e sinners' prayer until the day Christ returns!

no doubt we are not saved by works but we are saved FOR good works. loving God is not just knowing ABOUT Him, but its about KNOWING Him! knowledge by experience.

BS was great it talked abt God's plan for e endtimes. and everything tt happens in e world starts with Israel. during a period during/after e world war, cant rem, the United Kingdom agreed to offer Israel land or something, or aid, but they took back their word and u see UK today, the UNITED kingdom, in disunity, welsh, protestants, etc...

then at e same time another country decided to help out Israel and provided for its needs, and which country was that? the United States...and now who is the superpower? United states. whatever that happens to the fig tree (Israel) will happen to the vine (the church).

and the end will not come until the place where e temple of God WILL BE, (the current existing political building) has been demolished and e temple of God built...THEN like e Word says, e antichrist will sit in e temple of God in Zion and then the Great Tribulation will come...

something bad happened recently...

for some reason, i feel TOTAL responsibility and accountibility for E110, W390, my family, my brother and my own life...somehow i feel that im in charge of ALL these people, including every single individual whom i fail to reach out to. i know im stressing myself way too much to carry so much on my shoulders...but im forcing myself....

ever since God spoke 'FIVE cgs', if i cant rule and reign in all these areas, ill never be who God wants me to be...i mean thats how i feel right now...im willing to go through the wilderness to reach the promised land and nobody is going to stop me from doing it!

and because of that i skipped sch today...feeling really down and IHP have to submit next week. and ive still not touched it yet...mebbe i wont touch it anymore...

and the word 'LAST CHANCE' keep ringing in my head...how am i gonna lead FIVE cgs f i cant even...and during PM there was a CGL at SEC4, SIXTEEN years old mind you...with 41 members! likewise during Emerge there were ppl frm Heart of God Harvest Church who are CGLs at 13, 14, etc...

they started in childrens' church, for me i came to CHC when i was sec3. God is raising up a new generation of people...in this last lap of the race, God is sprinting, so must the church..

dont be left behind...

One Way - Hillsong Kids

if you think 21st century churches are loud and rockish, wait till you hear 4th generation praise songs in TECHNO! hahaha.

this song is by hillsong KIDS! if we youths and adults sing contemporary PnW, these kids are more 'advanced' than us! lols...x)

well..enjoy the new song :D

feels good to be a kid again ^^ and to think we sang Deep And Wide when we were kids, now these kids are singing what we are singing, in techno! hahaha.

thats the kind of generation that God is raising up in the last days...people who are in the world and not of the world..you can be relevant, trendy, successful, smart, prosperous and at the same time loving God and loving people, anointed, serving a ministry and getting discipled in the Word and in prayer..and most importantly..changing the world and making an impact in societies!

Holiday my will when come...?

yesterday's cg was just great. i love that fruity card game thingy..but cant rem e name..haha. had great fun and e presence of God was there :D thanks Jeremy for giving me, James and Jason a lift to Clementi ^^ N41 rocks! hahaha...oops maybe i shouldnt have said that..lol. =p

ANYWAY...

yesterday had a semi-voice conversation yesterday with cinthia on MSN...till about 3 plus, oh no, shes gonna take my hand and squash it..hahaha! cant wait for her to get a mic..lol. then all hell will break loose..wahahaha..lol

that was like after dunno how much time spent on re-tuning my guitar and re-EQing my amp. haha. doesnt it feel weird that when u chat with someone on MSN and their status is away..and next thing you know after sending a few messages the person suddenly disappears before your very eyes never to return again..? (but of course before that they did respond but didnt seem like they wanna talk to you) well...one word: YAWAS!

these ppl should go burn down their comps or delete their MSN or something, or jus block the person or something...urrgh...(if ur status wasnt 'away' last night u shldnt worry abt it...=p)

its monday. i have no sch. but still have my project to worry about. seriously, i dont feel like doing anymore. i jus feel like dropping the whole thing. 2-3 semesters without a break...im the one breaking man! im jus leaving my project as it is...im not gonna touch it...well, until i have inspiration...

(even my title is a bit awkward...)

my project has not moved for about 3 weeks now..maybe a month. and i still have these features to do:

login, add item, remove item, add room, remove room, view room, view item, update item, update room, new booking, view booking, update booking, logout..

THATS THIRTEEN FEATURES MAN! and one feature takes me about a week! cus i have to STUDY topics that IVE NEVER LEARNT BEFORE and seeing the huge books that are as thick as my acoustic guitar...no mood...lol

and probably dunno how many pages of report. one more week man...hahahaha *buang. joshua is helping me with 2 of those features, but sadly i havent heard from him in 2 weeks. guess he's busy with NS i can understand. and i dont feel like doing partly because ive not taken 2 modules that were required...ECAD and CSP

still have one module to retake and one module to overload...still one one more semester full of assignments and NEW MODULES!!!

at least my laptop stopped showing signs of death...

yea...at least...

its e VERY least...so least that it doesnt make a least bit of difference..>.<

Im 19! haha.

combined cg was great. not only did e presence of God came durin PnW, not only was e Word life changing, not only were there new friends and great food, games and fellowship, my cg..or my TWO cgs celebrated my 19th bdae for me...hahas.

took lots of pics with family and e110 and w390. =) thanks guys for everything..from e refreshments to the cake to the new slingbag ^^ love ya all...*muacks =p hehe..

well..seeing 2 cgs come together...i wonder how its like to have FIVE...

my life was never e same e moment those words were spoken into my spirit-man. guess ill be in a condo or a private house by tt time. yea...expecting e best frm God honors God. thanks to quincy for really discipling me with this thought durin tt day when i was feeling down.

something he said really challenged me, 'if u dont expect e best from God, ure dishonoring God'. i was like..wow man. yea, i want my family to be blessed, to have more than enough, so that we can move house again to a BIGGER PLACE to contain a BIGGER celgrp. with our own pool and BBQ pit! =))

oh yea, and later ill be playin for sis pauline's cg again :D heex.

service was greeeeaaaat. felicia is back..wahaha. presence of God was there..man i miss it. compared to last wk...its SOOOO much different! e echoes in e hall was reduced by increasing volume of overall sound..now u know soundcrew important right? hahaha jkjk...

anyway its more than jus e soundcrew, or e musicians or e pastors, its each and everyone of us that can make a difference in e atmosphere! =)

thanks liping for e bdae card...i love garfield..haha...or at least...i resemble one..muahaha! anyone watching garfield2? :D and i havent watched x3 yet...:x soo busy..lols

and oh...congratulations W390 for the birth of TLC(drewleygene)!!! hahahahaha...

W390[TLC] official members:

[TLC]~[DR3W]L3YG3N3
[TLC]~DR3W[L3Y]G3N3
[TLC]~DR3WL3Y[G3N3]

PS: not in order..:D

friday is superman friday! wahaha..combined zone(s) cg meeting...:D

Soooo freeeee...sooooo bored...so what we do? =p

here's what me and cinthia came up with...hahahaha...*alaskan joke..=p



enjoy..hahaha

oh yea...PM was awesome! i really hope we'll have e same presence of God in hall1 this week..:D im on fire! =)

Mixed feelings

first of all..jus wanna say celgrp was great..and it kept on moving from glory to glory! from W390, to E110 and for this special week i get to play in sister Pauline's cg!!!! thats like evan's cgl!!! and the special guest in sis pauline's cg is sister Jo, Pauline's cgl!!! man...=)

joshua was there as well for makeup :D palyed Taboo...haha quite fun. in church we have spelling bee to boost our education, in cg we have Taboo =)

indeed when u are faithful in e little and when u honor God with your sacrifices, He will put u before great men! met lots of new people...its e best cg ive been this week! honestly...e presence of God was so tangible..

i was in tears throughout e worship...and God showed up and people got ministered. but its not about who I am and what I can do, but its about who HE is and what HE can do through me!

after cg celebrated HeXun's bdae. and to e sister whom i played guitar with during PnW, you did a good job! keep the desire and the passion burning strong, i believe one day not only ure gonna play for ur own cg, but ure gonna play for large crowds and do great things for God! :))

now back to something that disturbed me...

saturday was a bad day for me. i mean..towards e end of e day. im glad kenneth could come today...its been long since i met him manz..haha. but i noticed something was wrong in e atmosphere of hall1 the moment i stepped in...

during praise n worship...i could hardly hear anyone's voices...except mine! people were not clapping e way they did during emerge...what's this? emerge may just be a one time event a year, but the presence of God is supposed to be a part of our lives EVERY SECOND!

there was an atmosphere of heaviness in the entire hall..very little presence of God...esp durin PnW, if i can briefly say..ZERO presence of God. just like other big churches /gatherings ive been to...ZERO heart of worship...ZERO fear of God...although the hall was e biggest..

the attendance was the LOWEST! and the atmosphere was the WORST! and i heard some ppl didnt come because of world cup..whats this!?! i was so provoked...so grieved in my spirit..that it affected my cg members during fellowship...my eyes was wet the moment service ended...all the way even on e train i almost broke down and cried...my spirit was grieved...really...

no doubt the hall acoustics wasnt that good, no doubt e sound was used e first time in such a big hall and the curvy roof may have reflected some of e sound and the curtains not enclosing e sound and all...but i believe its not the musicians, its not e sound, its not e lightings, man its not even the pastor!!! but its each and everyone of us that help to contribute and to build the atmosphere..

God was there...but few grabbed Him. God was there, but few looked and sought His face. God was there, but few touched Him...God was there, but few even knew He was there!

one moment it was emerge..the next moment the devil attacked us so easily...WHY? lack of spiritual backbone, lack of spiritual muscle!!! i mean...please the devil has no more weapons!!! all he has is a loud mouth that stinks! we've got to pray and fast like never before...no more 'presence-less' atmospheres...dont be shaken jus bcos of 'someone's' stinking mouth!!!

but i believe todays service was slightly better...cus people prayed when they went home/when service has ended. full capacity and e presence of God may not have started well, but it eventually managed to build up.

at home i was very grieved...i turned on my lappy and watched last wk's emerge online at chc website..i saw e crowd..i felt e tangible presence of God..and i asked myself...what happened???

while i was eating chicken rice at bedok after sat's svc, i started thinking of e110 and w390, and i felt as if the weight and the burden of 2 celgrps began to weigh on my shoulders. the responsibility i had to fulfill. somehow i feel that...our celgrps are breaking apart...i can feel it in e spirit...when i play for cg, i feel it...when im alone...i feel it.

through my ministry ive become so dissolved into both these celgrps. but i know something's not right. and we better do something about it. somehow i feel everyone is in a way or another...like what joshua said...casual to each other....a result of circumstance...'oh! same cg member..hi!'

and yea, congrats Josh! =) the very few people whom im closest to is quincy, joshua, pam, wendy...and of course evan. i dunno if u guys know but i will never forget the time when i was sharing my problems with evan and for the first time in my life...i cried over the phone...

i thank God for people like that. of course on e other hand, i pray that no one will take advantage of each other's kindness as well...duno why i have tt kind of feeling...

anyways...im excited for prayer meeting! finally!

but i long for OPM...^^ i think im gonna go on another 7 day fast...somehow i feel we really need to BREAK THROUGH! its one thing to have a breakthrough, but its another to break through!

PS: i wont be posting e notes..but ill be compiling and the ill upload somewhere where u guys can download e text file from ;)

God Will Save - CHC

I LIKE THIS SONG!!!! the quality...man...where did e person get it from? its studio recorded!!! tink its part of e new album in 2007? hmm..lol and that voice...the mixing quality...studio recorded, confirm! hahahas...

whoever that got this song....i love you....:)) hahas

i rem during emerge everytime i sing this song i will be in tears...

i really miss emerge...i miss the presence of God...

man i cant wait for 2007...cant wait for this wk service...hall1, the biggest hall! wahahas...i saw e seating plan already...its gonna be huge...6000-7000 seater. =)

IHP..IHP...IHP.....i need progress!!!!! :S

City Harvest Church - S.O.S (My Favourite =))

All God's saints in these latter days
Have you ever heard what the Holy Book says
Visions & dreams we all shall see
Holy Ghost fire saturate our beings

Sound the drums with a heaven's beat
Hear the SOS from the devil's keep
Time is ticking n the world is dying
Rise up church to the Holy Call
(Rise up church to the Holy Call)

Pour your fire we burn with this desire
Heaven's call our hearts are reaching higher
Shake this world every soul will turn to you-ou-ou

Pour your fire we burn with this desire
Heaven's call our hearts are reaching higher
Build this chuch
The gates of hell will not prevail

Take my hand
Lead me on

Woah oh oh oh...
Send your power today...

EmergeD!

emerge was simply phenomenal. who would expect we would see superstar kelly and junyang, and singapore idol taufik perform...ALL THREE ON ONE NIGHT! i mean, where on earth you get such excitement and fun?? IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!!! =)

Sun came back as well, and she brought along Milk on e last night. they did a dance item while Sun sang her new song, it was simply phenomenal!

well, jus a couple of updates. my chest pain has gone, PTL. though my dry cough and cold is still in e midst of recovering, but PTL despite the pain in my throat every second of emerge, i totally enjoyed myself, and i fell in love with God all over again!

the sermons were just great! ill be posting the notes some time later. 4 nights of notes is gonna take some time..haha. on the second or third night, i did my first celgrp debrief..hooray! my first step to fulfilling the dream and burden tt God has placed in my spirit.

throughout the entire emerge one vision burned so strongly in my spirit...souls and the vision of a celgrp leader leading 5 cgs. ever since that day when my ministry senior Joyce spoke those words to me, it has take root and burned ever so strong in me...

and guess what, my laptop harddisk has spoiled....yes...EXPECTED! i failed 2 modules previously because my laptop went down at the wrong time and at e most crucial time. and now, my IHP has left with about a month and my laptop is so predictable. takes forever to load a simple program and it even lags as im typing this post. sending it for servicing might take 1-2 months.

man i really feel like burning toshiba down right now...

ill help them clear e cockroaches in their building..using good old Baygon or some other pest killer...ALONG with a lighter at e tip of the hole where the spray exits from. thus...a mini flamethrower! yay! >.<

i really wanna take this time to thank Cinthia man. shes e best sister anyone can have. i mean, when i received that cute and nicely decorated package. i almost teared. all my life i have nv seen anyone yet alone received anything like that. all the hard work tt she has put in really touched my heart.

it was for me during e times when i was down, when i was sick. it was like a healing package...complete in all 3 phases, physical, emotional and spiritual. i really thank God for people like that.

all my life, i have always been sacrificing unconditionally, abundantly, not expecting anything in return, but this act of love was something i really wanna thank Cinthia and God for. maybe to u it might not be much, but to me, it was everything.

that simple act, the little things she's done, the effort, the heart, has left an impact tt will remain in me forever. really, no words could express what i felt at tt point in time.

another thing that will remain in my heart, an event that im missing already even right now...EMERGE CONFERENCE 2006...

Thanks all

really wanna thank pranee and pammie...thanks for letting me know im not alone...

yesterday i kinda left way super early so that i wont bump into my supervisor...

i was so shocked when i heard doors opened at 5!!!

well, service was great and my stomach is better now...but still phlegming and e 'cramp' or wadever feeling is still there when i breathe hard as my nose is blocked. and my throat is still irritating...

during worship i was on my knees and i had an encounter with God again...it felt as if i was there with God and no one else. spirit to spirit, heart to heart...we were one. and God broke every chain in my life. and He told me that He still loves me despite knowing that i will fail Him...

that is love tt surpasses all understanding. sermon was great, POS was great...will be posting e notes sometime later...gotta go queue...cya.

In sch now..worse...

wow, amazing...3rd time blogging in one day. had diarrhoea jus now...was feeling weak and tired on my bed. tried playing KOL but no mood to play also. thanks daniel for helping me sign in. now ill return u e favor by helping u sign out ;) even though im sick, ill still do it for u.

my throat is worse now...so much phlegm and when i talk its like as if im guggling phlegm. yea, eww right? :s

and if tts not enough, i didnt really had e mood to eat, but my stomach was calling out, so i bought western food and i think i added a little too much chilli, so now that makes my throat worse now...itching, burning, phlegming (if theres such a word)...

it wont be long before my supervisor comes in and ask, what have u done. id be happy to say, sir, feel free to take a holiday....>.<

hmm, maybe wasabi is good for my throat...

i think im breaking down...

i havent stopped raising my voice the moment i woke up...and yes..my voice seemed distorted each time i yelled. i jus sat there on my comp and tears jus came down. man, im really starting to break apart...4 more weeks man...even if i dont break apart my project will...

i dont feel like seeing anyone, hell i dont even feel like talking to anyone. for some reason i jus feel like making people's life miserable...

right now it feels like im losing my voice and my ability to speak as well...it hurts each time i spoke. its getting worse and i feel like vomitting...my throat hurts, my chest hurts, my heart hurts, my head hurts...

4 more weeks to go...

ive not had a good night ever since my project started. ive not had proper meals ever since my project started, ive not had that many friends since my project started, im losing every bit of myself ever since my project started...and now it feels like im losing even my sanity.

i need help? yes i do..but even i dont feel like being helped. i donnt feel a lot of things lately. dun feel like eating, dun feel like drinking, dun feel like talking, dun feel like doing anything...hopefully i dun come to a point where i dun even feel like living...

now im down with a cold as well...

4 more weeks to go....

i feel like crying every moment im awake...right now i dont feel like continuing my project anymore...my shoulders beginning to hurt even now...feels like my entire left side of my body is becoming numb...and now my elbows as well...my left arm...

i tink im dying...

feels that way...its like coming on and off...after this wk's emerge is back to hardcore activities. BS on wed, CG on thurs, CG on fri, svc on sat, minstry on sun. 4 more weeks to go...

i dont feel like going to school today. feel like a rotting piece of flesh. lack of food, lack of water, lack of sleep, lack of energy, lack of time...hahahahahahaha im destroying myself and i mus say im doing it pretty well...

people tell me, dun be too hard on yourself, dun stress yourself out...well...tell u e truth. im not being hard on myself, im being hardened by everything else, im not stressins myself, i dun even need to put in any effort to be stressed, cus i dun have to go to stress, stress will come to me.

lets hope depression doesnt...

4 more weeks..

can i stop? no. can i rest? no. not until 4 weeks later..even if i allow myself to, my life wont allow me to. throw whatever u got man, im willing to take every blow...blow after blow.

nothing to type already...feel like sleeping but no appetite, no mood rather to sleep as well...i need someone to hug right now cus im breaking apart...

4 more weeks...

nothing to type anymore....4 more weeks...after that...well....guess what...FINAL SEM!!!!! yay!

Sore throat and slight dehydration

due to the heavy workload...sometimes i dun even know if im thirsty or not, until recently i showed signs of slight dehydration...heatiness, dry throat, phlegm, and i would have dry coughs and whenever i cough, itll feel as if my left lung was electrocuted...that numbing, cramp feeling...

it even hurts each time i go to e toilet...

3 days of stoning and no progress....one more month man..and i barely completed e login page. each time i face my supervisor, its like a nightmare to me...not bcos hes mean, but bcos i feel really bad not being able to show him anything..>.<

and ive totally lost my appetite as well. i only eat when my stomach is in pain bcos of hunger..dun really feel like eating or drinking...is it bcos i fasted for 7 days and my body got used to it? who knows...

well, emerge is today! yay! and im so excited for it...come on...jus get this IHP day over with...i need a break man!!! seriously....everyday im yawning and looking forward to e end of e day. even i play games until no mood to play also...

lost all my fun, lost all my interests, lost all my hobbies, lost all my appetite...hope i dont lose my health soon...70& of all sicknesses are psychosomatic...

its been more than 365 days since i last took a break...*faint.