Stoned (warning: lousy post)

here i am at the comp again..blogging the second time today..

what have i done for the whole day? nothing..jus sitting by the comp waiting for ppl to msg me on MSN, and of course...stoning aimlessly at the LCD...

knowing that i might have to retake the entire year again and if i were to fail one more module next sem..ill be debarred.

at such a state..who would study? at such a state..who could understand? at such a state...nothing is worth it anymore..

no longer do i feel i shld jus retake the module...right now i feel i wanna retake my entire poly life...its all a mess. i dun wanna continue anymore...T_T

at such a state..i created unneccessary worry for my parents by telling them to get ready for my school fees for one more year...even though the semester/year have not ended...God its not even half a year!!! but it seemed like two straight years..prob cus i had not rested since 2005.

told my IC tt i would not be servin this week...sunday is Sun's performance cum autograph session at IMM, pam jus told me, and i dun feel like going as well. sunday is also pohchoo's bdae celebration i also dun feel like going...

ive lied to many people today...my supervisor, even people i know whom i will not mention who. at this point in time..it seems im all alone..i sleep with my laptop on e table next to me, i eat with my laptop, i play with my laptop, i might even start talking to my laptop...im gonna go insane!

i jus realised im pretty good at lying...it takes a strong and sensitive discerning spirit to know if im telling the truth or behaving 'truthfully'. im not afraid to say ive been putting on an act for many occasions...some of which i dont even want to think of...

hope i dun go into depression..

ive let e110 down, ive let w390 down, ive let evan down, ive let my parents down, ive let my brother down, ive let myself down, ive let God down, ive let all those friends out there down, ive let my ministry down...

i wonder when was the last time i did something that people were proud of...

God has given me so much, but what have I given Him? its already 740pm and ive not eaten..beginning to lose my appetite as well..falling sick again. 80% of all sicknesses are psychosomatic huh? yea...i understand..

tink im gonna TRY to eat...at e same time im gonna let my bro play e comp all he wants...ive told my supervisor tt ill meet him tmr..then again i have nothing to show him. might back out the 5th time again..

or mebbe im jus gonna continue sitting here aimlessly, emotionlessly...and STONE...:s