My Saviour, My Lord

im currently in e midst of a 3-12 fast. prob cus of the 8 songs hahaha and the stage this week :S

must be totally dependent on e HS cus its impossible for me to do those things w/o e help of e HS. which reminds me..there was one time i was worshipping God suring svc, on e terrace. and u see mostly adults there...

there was one thing that impressed me was their the total sincere, heart-felt worship that the adults have. it is more easier for then to kneel down and tear in e presence of God than we do. even when no one is kneeling, but because of their love and relationship with God, the people around them makes no difference because it is God they are loving...

it has encouraged me greatly. i began to kneel before God during svc even more u dont have to wait for e ps to say, 'let us make some room..', its about you and God, noone and nothing else.

just now as i was practising e songs for cg, it became my QT with God. as i was playing 'Take All Of Me', i felt e tangible presence of God like a rushing wind, penetrating into my chest and out from my back..

then it was gone..i was sad. i wondered: why only 1 second? Holy Spirit..come back...

i got kinda distracted because it jus went through me, a split second then it was gone..e presence of God..but i was focused on chasing it, i wanted the presence of God back. it felt as if it was EMERGE all over again..for a split second!!!

i was like: i know this..i felt this during EMERGE...

as i pressed in, because God loves me and I love Him, its hard for both of us not to have an intimate moment spirit to spirit..deep calling to the deep. Eventually within minutes, e presence of God filled my room once again and i started to tear and i just kept playing e chorus, e more i played e more i began to experience the love of God..

i was deeply touched and ministered.

i came to realise frm BS yesterday that sometimes, we get so occupied with what we have to do instead of what we WANT to do. tarrying in e presence of God shouldnt be a chore, a religious duty, or do it for e sake of doing it...but it should be a love relationship..

ive learnt tt sometimes we are soo concerned about how we perform, in ministry etc..

but God is not interested in all that, no doubt they are good, but our primary calling is not to ministry, our primary calling is to God Himself! that revelation hit me like lightning. God knows we are not perfect, God knows we can never do everything, all the time..He knows our weaknesses...

its not HOW or WHAT, its WHO

tell God "I love You'' more...drop those methods and start touching the heart of God..

in case ur wondering about e title of this post..its e title of my second song.., well, its not MY song, its God's song. in a way. during my QT i was in e holy of holies..and there i came up with this song, for God..its a short song but it was what's going on in my heart at tt point in time...

i wont be putting e lyrics or e sample here though :D hahaha..

well, what can i say..













IM SOOOOOOO STRETCHED!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEK!!! lol!

The stage awaits me..

today met adam, pam, rhon, JS, bao and liz at TCC dhobyghaut to discuss cg outreach. after that..well...i was literally dripping my way into the BS CLASS!!!!! after BS went to cityhall to makan at the food junction at raffless shopping ctr. bao was squashing and pam left to met her friends, while we ate and further discussed the outreach prog.

rhon was 'conned' of the 4.80 nasi padang, i was 'conned' for syrup orange juice..can buy for 20cents in pri sch lor!! haha...and adam was 'conned' for the noodles..only JS wasnt 'conned' cus he wasnt eating haha

after makan we go rackie the place..haha well, dunno if can reveal e place, cus only me, rhon, JS and adam knows..hahaha

after that went home with rhon..

anyway...

jus received my ministry manpower for this week. OH MY GOSH IM DOING STAGE!

excited? yes. other thoughts...yes too. to me, board, front and stage are one of the highest positions in sound ministry..one of the toughest too. where anything can happen..

God spoke to me through Eugene in a powerful way that changed my life forever...

on saturday night..as i went through a spiritual oppression and depression, God spoke to me through Eugene and he said something that will forever ring in my heart: after every spiritual attack, comes a breakthrough!

and its not just ONE, but TWO! not only am i gonna reach a whole new level as a CG guitarist for Wayne, im actually doing stage for my sound ministry!

that was when i remembered, the more aggressive the attack, the bigger the reward for those who endure to the end..and it is in the darkest moment, that God's light shine the brightest!

and guess whats's next..wayne passed me 4 songs for cg, then adam passed me ANOTHER FOUR SONGS...thats EIGHT SONGS to pract for CG!!!! whhuuuaaaaaaa.....!!!!!

(*Ambulance siren blaring)

talk about BREAKTHROUGH...its even more scarier than depression!!! lolz..

i dunno how im gonna do it...its humanly impossible, but i know that if God calls, He empowers and if He gave the vision, He will give the PROVISION

stagecrew and 8 songs...man...!!! :O

God save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*inhales *exhales *inhales *exhales *inhales *exhales *inhales *exhales (Pants)

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

!!!0.0!!!

Dots

its 4am now. for some reason a lot of things are going through my mind that's causing me to stay up so late. well, either its because of a lot of things..OR..its because of nothing! well, now, i dun suppose you got what i mean..lol

honestly speaking, im tired, im bored, i need a life! yes! i do! lost all my interests lately, even in gaming...guess im 'hobbyless' now. pam and pow jus had their class chalet. sounds like they had a good time, simply by reading their blogs...

these few days ive been doing nothing..except for watching power rangers on youtube...YES..IM THAT BORED..:S

i need to start working out. then again. im stoned, i rock and like joanna said, im Mr. Rocking Chair...and she is..well...Sharon Stone..hahaha ^o)

well, at least theres BS tonight..then again, i end up going home alone anyway..lol. and prob tapau dinner frm JP or something, if theres no food at home...or go somewhere by myself to eat.

downloading Medal of Honor on BT now, hopefully it makes me excited again. frens are working, and im rocking..wooo..btw, this fri will be e 1st time im gonna play for E420...*ponders

did i blog about sunday? hmm...nope...i think i didnt. basically woke up late, couldnt reach expo in time for svc, so stayed home and watched the sermon online. topic was sex in marriage. a rather interesting series in the Making Marriage Work bible study course..haha...

hmm..i shld go to bed soon. am hoping that one day, someone will gimme a call on my HP at around 3-4am..lol...then again...everyone's prob asleep. if i do receive calls or MSN msges between 3am-4am..its a miracle! lol...

i miss OPMs...

they get rid of my imsonmia..insonmia, insomnia...ARRGH wadever u spell it....wait, tt didnt sound right..oh nvm..lol

hellooooo-lo-lo-looo? anyone out there? prob not...hmm im talking to myself again. im gonna go nuts soon..oh wait..i love peanuts!

the end!










nah...jus kidding...you think ill go to bed soooo soon? lets carry on blogging

then again..its rather late...so, yea, i guess ill be sleeping now..

the end!!!









oops! i lied again! guess im still online...alrighty then...lets see what i can type here. hmm, nothing much to say also...OKAY...ill go sleep now..











THE END!

NOT!

YES IT IS!

NO IT ISNT!

you wanna argue with meeeee???

yea! why not!?!

okay, im the boss here...

THE END!

THE END??? end your SI-LANG-TAO ah..

:S

The 3 Angels?

today's service was good. talked about how not to prevent ur inlaws to become outlaws..ha.

went to queue alone today at 230pm. but becos SOT was inside e hall. e floor was gone and couldnt reach adam in time and so e SOT leaders were swarming towards him. so ended up at C-terrace.

after svc went to eat bk at expo. man, i cant rem e last time i ate at expo. i had a fun time. until one turning point...

there was a point in time i was in e washroom. and i came out after that. i sat on the bench by myself for awhile, cus everyone was talkin abt some other stuffs. so i sat there alone. then it hit me once again. it was even worse now.

first, i felt left out. secondly, after willard thanked me for queueing, i realised that he was the only one who thanked me even though he wasnt sitting. then i felt no one appreciates me. then it got worse. i tried to change the focus of my mind to the cg..then little did i know..it became worse...i started feeling, ive not done enough for the cg..or that all my sacrifices did not make any difference or impact any lives at all..

i felt so used. feels as if im a fool. doing what im doing..all for nothing. normally, ill jus sit by myself and normally in e train, ill feel better. but it didnt. instead. seeing everyone happy, joking and having fun..i sneaked away effortlessly..

and noone realised that until i was at tanah merah...

my head was aching, my heart was tearing and breaking to a million pieces. as i walked away, it got worse and i walked faster. i wanted to be alone, i didnt want to talk to anyone. i felt like im losing myself all over again..no words can describe that feeling..depression set in...

in the train, i remembered what wayne preached about spiritual atmosphere, that we are spiritual beings and we carry an atmosphere. and this guy who was sitting beside me, kinda felt it and he started staring at me and fidgeting throughout the journey as those thoughts went through my mind..it felt horrible. every second i was holding my tears back. pam called 3 times, i did not pick up. cus i knew that if i were to talk to anyone at all, ill break down and cry..

i 'ren' all e way home. then i had an angelic encounter. as i was walking along the quiet, empty roadside. (it was empty cus i saw noone in all directions). all of a sudden i heard chattering behind me..

next thing i realised, 2 guys and a gal appeared out of nowhere behind me, overtook me and one of em started saying: hey ur shirt looks nice, ur bag looks cool..and they were praising me and they seemed friendly.

but at tt point in time, all i felt was that feeling that theres no one else around me, that feeling of loneliness and depression...and remember i was holding tears all the way till i got home. i couldnt be bothered with what was going on...then these 3 'angels' started asking for my number all of a sudden and started introducing themselves...

i jus gave em my number just like that..i talked to em for awhile and i smiled..they came frm KL and they stay behind my block. i didnt know what was going on until after i left those 3 'angels' for my block 665a then i realised what has happened..

and the Holy Spirit spoke to me, 'Andrew, I love you. And Ive sent these 3 to bring a smile to your face. Even if noone could make you smile, know that Im always here for you and I am the one who can turn your mourning into dancing, your sorrows into joy..'

like adam said, its too much of a coincidence! and God uses the foolish things of the world to put to shame e wise, weak to put to shame the mighty, the base things and the things which are despised, God has chosen to bring to nothing the things that are.

when i reached home, i broke down and wept. then i HS prompted me again to call pam back. and so i did...talked for a while...i didnt know what i was saying, mebbe i was talking nonsense, talking about strangers being able to feel the spiritual atmosphere around me and react, and the angelic encounter...i thought i was going crazy..

by e time i put down e phone. my bolster was wet with my tears...

i rem wad eugene said, that i was going through a sudden spiritual attack. it happened almost to fast, the sudden depression, the spiritual atmosphere and the 3 'angels'...it all happened in an hour...

and i thought it through..i realised that it made sense. im gonna play for wayne's cg and sooner or later God's Word will come to pass..and ill be a cgl...eventually...every other night, ill cry myself to sleep occasionally..'how is it possible? i cant do it, only God can do it...'

on finale friday night..i dunno how i played with bao with wayne, but i did it. i dunno how i played without chord sheet, but i did. i dunno how i adapted to wayne's flow, but i did. though there were delays here and there..the atmosphere was there and God moved mightily through wayne...and i sat there playing one of the bridges and tears rolled down my eyes...

ive nv had 'sudden' and 'periodic' depressions before i became a cgg. and now just before i move on to another level, it gets worse..opposition is there..then i saw evan..had to go through the death of a loved one..and i saw myself..i know that what im going through now is nothing..

i have to be ready for more intense spiritual attacks in the future. in e train on e way back, a few people came into my mind: Jesus, evan, pam, eugene and pow....

just now talked to adam on e phone for half an hr...glad to have him as my discipler, more than a brother and glad to have him as my...future cgl..hehe :D

i was quite surprised so many things happened in an hr. and i was soo down and so depressed and lonely..that God needed to send 3 people ('angels') to bring a smile to my face. Cos He couldnt bear to see the state i was in, because He loves me and im worth so much to Him..

oh, and thanks eugene..for obeying God and speaking into my life that i was under a spiritual attack. it was like after he said that, the devil went: 'oops! mission failed..he found out about our plan..' he had let go of my mind now, but e damage he had done needed time to heal..

i cant imagine wad would happen if eugene didnt interfere. id be lost now..learnt tt mus constantly guard our mind. if the devil can infiltrate your mind, he can change your future! and fighting the battle with jus you alone and God is a dangerous thing to do..

learnt frm adam that by not allowing others to speak into ur life and reinforce your thinking/faith/convictions is the most dangerous thing to do..because God works through people and by not allowing people into your life, you prevent God from working..

all the devil needs to do is to grab hold of your mind. itll be e end. cus all he have to do now is to squeeze..thats why never give him a foothold..

i dunno wads gonna happen, those 3 'angels' have my number...what now?

ARB S3 and other thoughts (File Attached)

First of all, sorry for the delay. Here's the notes for ARB S3: HERE

these few days have been great. prayer meeting was a time of renewal and refreshing in the area of my spiritual walk. i was greatly inspired by Dr Yonggi Cho's church...close to a million people! and what amazed me was that we are at the same growth rate as his church! :O

and what was interesting is that after they hit 20,000, they accelerated because they had 3 things: prayer, humility and spiritual hunger! i was greatly inspired. if they could do it back then, what more us as a new generation!

i just wanna say one thing: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASTOR KONG! =) well, i might be late a few hrs because i had to re-listen to the sermon, haha..but nevertheless i thank God for pastor kong in my life. he is the body, by which new information has come into my life and transform me inside out...:D thank you that no matter how tire you may be, to me, you will always be more than a pastor to me...=)

had BS just now. then after BS went for evan's grandma's wake. its the FIRST TIME i attended one..lol. well, evan..know that im praying for you and that you are always my source of inspiration next to pastor kong. it was your discipleship, love and care that made me who i am today :D thank you..=)

recently i had interesting discussions with josh..i suddenly thought of a few interesting questions and ideas on the things of God..like:

1. Jesus was a physical person, even after His resurrection, in His new body. and since Heaven is a physical place (you can feel and touch), then Jesus PHYSICALLY ascended into heaven, does that mean heaven is PHYSICALLY ACCESSIBLE? (same with hades/hell)

2. Jesus was human does that make God human because Jesus is the expressed image of God? Or is God a spiritual being? or a hybrid of both? lol..maybe spiritually physical or physically spiritual? hmm..

3. the bible talked about a new heaven and a new earth. and since in e end times itll be a heaven on earth..so what was it about the new heaven AND a new earth? will all THREE of the trinity be on earth? or in heaven? or both?

4. if human with 3% of their brain are able to do space exploration, come up with the calculator, computers, etc. before the fall, Adam had 100%. and since God 'downloaded' information into Adam by breathing into him the breath of life...does it mean that Adam knew how God looked like? does it mean he knows the answer to all those questions above? every invention in the world today, already existed in Adam's mind..

its just that after sin came in, that it became darkened. and adam had the knowledge to fly and to survive underwater? (if not how would he have dominion over the birds of the air and the fish of the sea?)

the knowledge to live life as if it were the new body because only when sin came in, then he started dying. which means, before sin, adam was living in an eternal, incorruptible body? (IN A WAY..)

5. and we started talking about God sharing His secrets to people who have a close intimate relationship with Him.

God's ultimate plan was to restore intimacy with the entire human race. and a secret is meant between you and God, and no one else. one that He shares with you. furthermore, if its a secret, that means only you and God know, which means that no 2 secrets are the same.

can you imagine 8 billion over different secrets that God has about Himself, and each is different!?!?! and can you imagine, if He does share His secrets (PLURAL) with a person of close intimacy with Him, it could very well exceed to over 16 billion, 24 billion over secrets about the things of God and EACH IS DIFFERENT...


was chattin with pam last night and we were talking about the 3% brain that humans use as a lifetime. and with all the achievements human society has come up with..can you imagine 100%? education is not learning new things, it is the rediscovery of things.

it is bringing back that which was lost...in the remaining 97%. the cure for AIDS and cancer is in the remaining 97% that was darkened after sin came in. the solution to every problem has always been in the 97% that we do not use...we have the mind of Christ, the mind of Adam, its just that we only use a pathetic 3%.

why then do we struggle in life? every solution is already in us through Christ. that is why if we can see it, we can have it. because when we can see it, its registered in our brain somewhere, perhaps in the 97%, which is why sometimes we fail to see the solution..

that is why RENEWING YOUR MIND is important! the redemption of the mind back to its original purpose and intention! and i jus heard frm ps audrey today during GOTHS BS, that humans now use 7-9% of their brains compared to a few years ago...

we are advancing so fast...

still i cant imagine...

100% brain usage and capacity...every potential, in the remaining 90+%..nothing is new, when we entered the world its like we suffered a concussion and we lost our memory, the journey of life is to recover back the portion in our mind which was lost because of the fall, until the day Christ returns..

man im so excited...never again shall i say to myself, i cannot do it, never again shall i say to myself, its too difficult, but what im gonna say to myself is: God open my eyes, give me the revelation and the solution You've placed in me in that 90+%. because what You called me to do, You have empowered and it will come to pass..

and if You already know what im gonna do next, if You already know where my destiny holds...then what more is there? everything is in my mind all along! before the foundations of the world!

Jesus, I give You my all, in exchange for all of You....

for in that day, we WILL BE like Christ =)

First

First - CHC (GanKC)

I love, because You first loved me
I live, because of what You gave
You died, showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive

You came and poured Yourself so free
Your blood washed away my shame
And now I can live again
I'm more of You and less of me

My first love
Forever You will be
My first breath
You're the life in me
My first joy
The world can never take from me
My covenant with You
Jesus

Your love falls down
Your love falls down
Your love falls down
Over me

nice song tt keeps ringing in my head today. :D yesterday was serving. kinda missed sermon here and there. sorry guys if i could not post e notes. ill try to do e impossible and come up with one ASAP..haha. hmm...

yesterday it was an emotional day for me. having missed 3 important events in a day. i only had 2hrs plus of sleep then woke up at 5 plus, got ready, and shared a cab down to serve. i had a bad stomach again in e morning cus i seldom eat breakfast that early. but thank God it subsided.

had some problems at e start of service in a conference area, was doing overall IC. childrens' church in conf rm 1, their audio was live feeded into e overflow area outside...LOL. luckily tt was before service and with help frm elvin, we managed to correct e live feed so that during service, e overflow area wont suddenly go:

'girls go! boys go! girls go! boys go!' hahaha...

was tired. feet was aching and felt little feverish when i got back. helped rongfang burn a CD. she passed my bro one HUGE chunk of CDRWs my jaw almost dropped out when i saw it LOL. well, while burning i decided to take a rest. little did i know i rested till 7 plus, almost 8!

missed so many things. failed to finish what i started and i was feeling at my lowest point. it felt as if it was FYP period again...

it was at tt point in time, when i thought i lost it forever...missing one on something so important..that God once again reminded me that delay is not denial and that whatever God has spoken, it will come to pass, even if you missed, even if its gone, even if its dead...

it was during tt time when God sent someone whom i encouraged and strengthen just a few days before, to do exactly the same thing for me. e conversation started off as a normal chat on MSN..sharing problems, helping one another, loving and caring for one another..

but shortly after it became more emotional for me..as i shared, thoughts and emotions began to be released. that was when God stepped in and spoke through this special person, convicted my heart and spoke right to the very core of my being.

the only person ive cried to over the phone, was Evan. and for the first time, while chatting with this person. tears flowed down my eyes and i wept uncontrollably. God just touched me through this person in a special way.

after talking to this special person..i did my QT for awhile and i had an intimate time with God. one thing He said to me that touched me right where i needed to be touched e most. He said to me: Thank You for sacrificing. I see your heart, Andrew...I see your desire have always been to be a blessing to others. Thank you for being an example and I appreciate it..

all e while its always been...thank you Jesus...now its God Himself thanking me...i was so touched and ministered..i just wanna thank 5 persons in my life right now..

i wanna thank cinth for being my listening ear, liang wei and shing for helping me with e notes. ill do my best to come up with a good one soon. thank you pam, for being there for me, for being more than a friend/sister..

but of course, thank you Jesus..for the chance to live again..for Your grace that never ends. always..i will sing Your praise...

at tt point as i listened to the song Thank You, i was in e presence of God...like a child once again...i was in love all over again..

remember..love is more than just an emotion, love is freewill, love is a choice. a person can do nothing and you can fall in love with him/her, a person can do so much and yet fail to receive your love...

when was the last time you had childlike faith to believe God for anything and everything?

when was the last time you experienced your first love?

ARB S2 (Notes Attached)

No words can describe the service today..haha going from glory to glory! =)

The notes are up: HERE

Just a reminder, its self-compiled so dont expect it to be perfect! ;) All feedback and addon's/edits are warmly welcomed :D

After service had debrief and then wayne spoke to the ex-W390sters. Indeed, we are stepping in as role models, as the best. To be an example to the rest. Its more than just a transition period, its a mission!

And for me, i dunno when my turn will come. Prob after Adam will be me? i dunno. Only God knows the time for me. I am where I am...no lemme rephrase...i am MORE than where i am today because it all started with a vision. A clearly articulated vision!

CGL of FIVE. its not easy. neither is it impossible. it might be e next multiplication, it might be e following one. i dunno. perhaps after my NS. i dunno. u cant be a cgl and in NS right? haha. well. if its not soon, its definitely later. nevertheless, whatever God has spoken, He will provide, He will empower and He will bring it to pass! =)

U have to know im speaking in faith right now..haha cus im hardly even anywhere NEAR what God has called me to be. and there are times when i wonder if it was really God who spoke that vision of if its just my own imagination..

but because there is the peace of God, that 'KNOWING', i am able to pursue it; it keeps me going. id better re-setup my guit soon and repair my amp..lol. i miss playing on my electric..lol. well at least its still in my circle of interest..lol

tmr gotta serve overall IC in conference....boohoohoo i wanna attend the sermon! esp e closing sermon and e finale...ahhhhhhhhh *sniff

oh ya, thx cinth (sounds like synth...ANYWAY...) for e card for the future-pornstar-hubby. hahaha with all e hot, luncheon meat wife and other 'stuff' lol..:$

my reactions went haywire...lol cus i didnt know how to react...hahahaha ^o)

me, pam and tricia will be movin to Adam's cg, while huixin, JS and eugene will be joinin wayne.

Service 1 with Rev Dr A.R. Bernard (Notes Attached)

it was just great, awesome, and soo impacted by the Word. but most importantly, the preaching transforms lives! ive heard about him ever since i came to CHC, but this is e first time i actually hear him preach. lol

i met tim kinda late today, cus my stomach wouldnt let me go...those eggtarts i ate for breakfast 'tormented' me e whole day, even when i reached expo lol. had toilet stops along e way while taking e MRT. :S

well, was speaking to wayne before service. i could feel e anointing upon him. he's a really great cg leader. just by saying hi and speaking to him awhile, makes me feel convicted in certain areas in my life, esp in e area of productivity.

wayne carries e spirit of revival on him. and to be...u know...u just feel so convicted even by standing next to him...

well, i felt e tangible presence of God through out praise and worship. even during praise, i was beginning to feel teary eyed. before that josh helped me get those 'miniballs' for stomachaches from e recep...thanks dude.

and shing calls em..'mothballs'...hahaha hmm..mothballs? wouldnt tt be suicide? hahhaha =p

oh wells, thanks for e chocos and the nice note. u may think it may be outdated, haha but boy oh boy, God's timing is always right. that note came at e right time, due to the situation and 'pain' i was in..well, jus wanna say i really appreciate it. even though its something small, but it touched me in a way and i wanna say thanks :D even though u called me sister and 'vomitted' on my blog..hahahaha! =p hmmph! lol

well, after taking those 'miniballs' i felt better :D lent her the CCC discs today. sunday lending to den..i actually owe quite a sum of money for sound fund..lol oops. and i tink i shld be getting back my cab claim frm jenny this wk ba, when im servin..haas

oh man...not tt im trying to be negative or lazy or what, but i cant stand to serve this sun and miss the finale and closing sermon frm ARB. its just so awesome tt i dun wish to even miss one WORD! lols..T_T boohoohoo...well, ill be overall IC this wk for conference area..with responsibility comes empowerment...

after svc waited for pam and just nice we got on e last train..haha..

well i guess you've all been waiting...you can get today's sermon notes HERE

(you might need to rclick -> save as, if it doesnt work on-click.)
PS: its a self-compilation so dont expect complete/perfect notes, im just doing my best =)

do lemme noe if theres anything to add or change, thanks :D

Its coming back

that feeling is coming back. the feeling that one day i will lose even what/who i have left. its a feeling words cannot describe.

another interesting day it was. received an interesting email from a very interesting person whom i have know for almost a year now. it startled me at first, so Holy Spirit was right...IN A WAY...lol.

sometimes we people think too much, or look soo far that we fail to see what is in front of our very eyes. this person has been a good friend, an encourager in my darkest times, someone who stood by me. someone who never fails to put a smile on my face.

when i was happy, she was there to rejoice with me, when i was discouraged, she was there to encourage me. at tt point in time, it was all about emotions. yet i fail to see. when i was sick for more than a week, that gift with all the efforts, time, energies and letters with those bible verses, kept me through and kept me going...

things are cool now we are considered close friends if u can put it. cus she will know exactly what i am going though. someone i thank God for in my life.

well, hopefully it settles the 'puzzle' that the Holy Spirit 'joked' to me about..lol. but for some reason, it doesnt, though its related to the 'missing piece' in a way. something tells me there's more stuff ahead...well...its amusing and exciting in a way, how God reveals His mysterious nature.

often over-emphasising that actions speak louder than words. even to the extent of making words a form of confusion so that even you dont understand what He's saying. Then when He acts, you fall in love with Him all over again...

BS was good today..taught about being led by the Spirit, relying on the anointing and the power of the Spirit. you can have quality, but no substance! looks and achievements, but no attitude! you can have the form, but without the power!

The mark of true maturity, is the ability so be able to be led by the Holy Spirit EVERYDAY, EVERY MOMENT, EVERY SECOND, in EVERYTHING, in ALL OF YOUR LIFE!

Trojan, Adware, Spyware, Ahhhh...!

Arrgh, entered this website, then com got infected by trojan, 7 spyware and 21 adware. my whole IE got screwed and tons of endless processes and popups running on my com tt cant be closed, even though i close em frm CAD aka ctrl-alt-del.

and so happened that i was saving my video on my com, to publish to youtube later, when my com suddenly had the countdown to restart thing and my whole com had to restart. lol...arrgh. :S after restarting like countless times and triple scanning my com countless times (adware/spyware/virus), e Smitfraud-C spyware was finally removed.

but there are still after effects. my mediaplayer, directdraw and other web features have been corrupted. i have to re-download directx. at e same time, upgraded my IE to beta 7 and mplayer to beta 11. i like e new interface though..haha.

still havin a little after effects of that trojan-spyware attack.

man, i feel like reformatting my lappy lol. surprisingly, this year i nv reformat. haha. and i got a new MYKO buddy, benedict haha. he used to be in sound ministry also but he shifted to music ministry. not bad, got a fellow brother to play MYKO haha, so fun.

but still, i need a new game! lol. sob.

last night was crapping with brother shing..hahaha =p lol

well, i got this song frm cinthia last night. its a pretty nice song about a girl who walked past calvary. the middle portion is Jesus talking and the last stanza is God talking. e first few stanzas are conveyed by e girl.

i remember just now as i lay on my bed hearing this song, i couldnt stop the tears that flowed down my eyes as the whole cruxificion scene was played before my eyes. and i asked God why, 'I did it for you..' i grabbed my bolster and as i wept like a baby, i hugged my bolster tightly as if it were Jesus. tears couldnt stop flowing down my eyes..Jesus, I love you, Jesus I thank You...

and i saw Jesus walking towards me, putting his hands on e sides of my face like a loving Father holding a child, "dont cry, My child..." and i could sense Him hugging me like a Father hugs His child...i lay there crying and crying...for over 15 minutes..

i was in e presence of God..

here are e lyrics, its a pretty moving song. touched me deeply on how much God loved me. i was especially touched at e point where even God Himself felt helpless when Jesus was crying out.

Why - Nichole Nordeman

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

Holidays now, more or less, and its worse! LOL

its more boring now..lol

i hate to say this..but..I MISS LESSONS!!!! LOL!

arrgh, when will a new game come out? lols. my brain is decomposing..if i dont maximise the use of my brain soon..lolz. hmm, arbernard svc this wk. yeah! lol. oh btw, its not 'arbernard' its A.R. Bernard..lol ^o) hmm...

but i serving on last day...noooooooo i wanna attend e sermon :S

initially i wanted to put the song 'First' by KC on my blog, then again..i dont think so. lol. went to JP jus now, yea..e first person tt talked to me in real-life, in the entire day..is this really nice lady at the JP 7-11 cashier.

sometimes, what you do might just be a job to you, but to someone else, it could mean the world, just that simple smile could make someone's day.

my first love, forever You will be
my first breath, You're the life in me
my first joy, the world can never take from me
my covenant with You, Jesus

like this song..:D

Visions and Dreams

service was great. e previous 2 cgs with W390 and E110 was great too. friday's cg, i had an encounter with God. ive nv played worship and yet so thin towards e presence of God that i couldnt stop weeping in e presence of God..

almost uncontrollably...i was losing my grip on e guitar pick and strings...i was a challenge to me, cus i couldnt stabilise my hand. and my hands felt like trembling as well. it was e most tangible moment...it was e most intimate.

today after svc went to have our last meal at bedok pizza hut. ive not eaten e whole day cus i was in bao's house in e morning then after tt in e afternoon rushed down to expo. well, my guitar amp is down, so cant prac with my electric for e time being. which is hard cus i require my electric for the next few lessons...

had to say today my finger cramped for awhile after alternate-picking e bass string for 60 seconds..lol, at a fast, steady and constant beat. left my guit at bao's hse cus i also cant use it at home...

gonna miss evan, she was not only my leader, she was my friend, she was like a sister to me. a good shepard, when i was faithless, she was faithful. when im weak, she was strong. she's my feet when i cant move on..

when im happy, she's there, when im sad, she was there. she was e only person i could dare cry out to. i remember there was once i shared my problems with her over e phone. i jus wept. she has opened my life. she has given me e chance to be where i am and to accomplish what i have accomplished in God..playing as cg guitarist for TWO celgrps was a dream come true..

it started out as a dream, it started out as a vision i would imagine myself seeing everyday. i remember telling everyone how one day, i will be a celgrp guitarist. people like pam, bao and a few others who are close to me, will remember when bao was still cgg, i would always tell myself tt one day i will play for e cg...

little did i know God always works exceedingly and abundantly above all i can ask or imagine. not only i became cgg, i became cgg of TWO celgrps, played for makeup cg, played TWICE for cgs when PASTOR AUDREY did a visitation, both my own celgrps as well as other cgs...

when you come to God with a humble attitude, when you are totally dependent on Him, He will place you before great men. but all these would not have happened if not for God, if not for evan. these are e people that helped me become who i am today. and im eternally grateful.

next to God, who i treasure the most. is pastor kong. every week even though he's tired, yet because he loved the church so much, he's willing to give his best in everything he does. next to pastor kong, e next person i treasure e most in my life...is evan.

these are the 'trinity' leadership in my life. Jesus, ps kong and evan.

this week's been rather 'interesting' for me. funny things happen and strange/weird things happened that reminded me how exciting life can be with God. sometimes when you think only you and God know something, yet He will reveal it to others who will in turn speak to you..

esp when God reveals e secret things in ur life to someone...^-^

it goes to show how fun and how tangible God is in my life...

The Holy Spirit is fun, He is exciting, most importantly for me, He can be quite cold/lame/funny at times..but in a rather 'tangible' way..haha.

Sometimes He surprises you, sometimes He jus stuns you in awe and amazement. haha. God i dont know what you are pulling, but those things tt happened to me lately, i really have nothing to say...You win...lol. so freaky, so scary...:S God..please dont do that again..lols, not funny lor..=p

is the love of God so powerful tt it literally draws people to you? is the love of God so strong that the love for a person can be sensed by another? hmm...

looks like everyone is finally growing up...

i dun believe in finding a girlfriend, neither do i intend to have girlfriend(S) or an ex, but to find a wife is a totally different thing altogether. i cant wait to hear later's sermon. :D

Who will be my helper? Who will be the one who will stand through my thick and thin, through my best and worst? Who will be the one who will stand by my vision to be a cgl of 5 cgs? Who will be e one who will help me fulfill my calling in God and to complete my life? Who will be the one who will rely on God's perfection in the midst of my imperfection? Who will be the one who will make life a heaven on earth?

God, you know...let Your dream be my dream, Your vision, my vision...and Your desire, my desire! Its not about who i am and what i can do, but its about who YOU are and what You can do through me...

(God/Jesus/Holy Spirit) + man + woman = the trinity on earth! ;)

a trinity in a trinity, a triune trinity...is the most powerful weapon on this earth!

Happy national day

happy national day to all. few days ago it was happy birthday CHC and happy 20th anniversary to ps kong, serving in ministry. haha..

well, practically today i stayed at home e whole day, (yea like when was e last time i went out?), got to talk to liping for awhile in e morning then deenisey (yea im using ur famous nick, arent you proud of me? =p hahaha), called in e afternoon and at night and we chatted on e phone.

haha...dun worry, im not THAT crappy, im too serious tts why i have to crap..LOL...^o) hmm...haha...

mebbe i shld start doing those personality quizzes again by blogthings.com...then ull know the real me. hard to believe, but im introverted, quiet, easy-going, shy (i dunno abt this), steady and sensitive. only those who are close to me know that...

well, tt is if there are any...lol...if u think u know me through and through please raise your hand..haha..im arbitrary, im unpredictable/mysterious in nature. i can see through people because i train myself to be sensitive to the holy spirit, but people have a hard time seeing through me, cus i keep to myself very often...

i listen more and am a person of little words, and im a home person..

i can tell you the truth, no one whom i know since primary 2 has EVER seen me angry/scold other people...hard to believe, but true..cus i dun express myself very well. i bottle things up.

in other words, im not a very extreme person, publicly tt is, everything happens to me on the inside, not tt im trying to be antisocial or stuff, its just tt ive been brought up in an environment where if i were to express myself, people will get hurt..

and so..tmr is cg, and my guitar amp is faulty, no sound! T_T tink ill be fasting tmr...for various things. Jesus is my destiny and pastor kong is my example...

well, nothing much blog really, jus trying to kill time here...

was viewing e chc anniversary video jus now, im soo touched my the pastor kong's tribute. i dont know what life would be like if not for pastor kong, and if not for pow wee who brought me to chc...^^ you people make me who i am today..:D

CHC 17th anniversary and FOP 3rd session...

CHC anniversary was e best!!! not only do we have guests like e ambassador of taiwan, we had Jack Neo with us as well. after seeing the videos, i really thank God for pastor kong and for Sun, i really appreciate everything they've done for our church...

they are my role models, they are my pastors...ps kong is like a father to me...how i wish i could know him more personally e way his staff knows him...here are just some of my views on ps kong:

1. he is a man of faith, an apostle for the endtimes
2. he doesnt just talk e talk, he walk e walk
3. he is a man of courage, of strength, of wisdom, of character, of conviction, or anointing, of power, of revelation, of love, of generousity, of patience, of passion, of zeal..
4. he doesnt preach anything he doesnt live by
5. he has brought our church as a family, to where we are right now by e grace of God
6. he has energy, youth, passion, desire, dreams, visions, he is relevant and he leads by example
7. he loves God, he loves e church, and most of all, he is humble and he fears God
8. he has set in us a level of discipline tt im proud CHC has apart from other churches
9. im thankful he doesnt go for believers, he goes for DISCIPLES
10. he's a dream pastor, a dream father, how i wish i were dayan..lolz
11. he doesnt compromise
12. he is totally dependent on the Holy Spirit and is obedient to the call of God no matter how tired he is

theres just too many to describe. ill dream e day when i take a photo with him...^^

now, for e FOP. it was e most drastic service. well, there are good things and bad things regarding it. ill start with the bad, unnecessary movement, no flow from the people (to an extent tt CCC had to stop in e middle of e intro for Thank You to address e crowd to let em know it worship time)...

im like...OMG. e atmosphere totally dissipated...then pohchoo and huixin next to me were talking all throughout e sermon. think they talk even more than the preacher!

worse still, there was a new friend frm myanmar sitting next to them!!! yea, you judge for yourself....

totally no fear of the Lord, no sense of discipline and conviction. worse than backslider, worse than unchurched...

speaking of which, theres this bunch of people in front of me tt were fidgeting throughout e service. one of em were even sleeping in front of my eyes...if i were in e flesh id have punched him in e face a long time ago...want to sleep go home and sleep. this is the house of God, not a resort!!!

back to no-flow christians, when u are supposed to sing, u sing, when u are supposed to clap/shout/dance, you do so..when ure supposed to worship/lift up ur hands, you life up ur hands...and for goodness sake, AT THE RIGHT TIME!!!!!

thats why i always say, a person without wisdom (aka a hypocrite/fool) is worse than a person without a brain. so many christians do the right things at the WRONG TIME. i have no prob with dynamic praise n worship, but please have wisdom....

you can be smart, you can be cool, you can be good looking, but without wisdom, you are still a hypocrite or a fool! which leads me to conclude that you hang around fools as well..

your destiny is locked into the people whom you associate yourself with and to whom you give ur life access to.

then this grp of gals behind me screaming during praise machiam they manifesting like that...God wants people who praise him with sincerity, FOP is not a circus parade, neither is it a resort hotel, and neither is it a kopitiam or a clubhouse!!!!!

yea....kopitiam..why? i was told by one of my frens tt people ate potato chips during e sermon...!!!! if u were living in e old testament...i can tell you almost everyone around me wouldve been killed instantly....

cheering and shouts of joy towards God is one thing, but excessive uncontrollable unneccessary screaming, no more like SHRIEKING is soooo disturbing...you gals giving birth or something!?!

you people take God for granted...you turn the house of prayer and praise into the house of food and merry making..you people have no sense of discipline. even if you are hungry, that doesnt mean you can still move around...

and not just movement around...PHONECALLS AND SMSES AS WELL!!! either your church failed to disciple you or you failed to grow up. seriously, tt whole hall felt more like a pub than a house of God!

during worship people life up their hands you guys lift up your handphones and cameras...oh yea...like God will ever need your phone or camera...and dont worry, no matter how hard you may try to conduct lightning in the hall...it will never happen!

with christians like these who needs antichrist?

you guys leave e building machiam its ur grandma's house like that...and just because hillsong and delirious are not leading praise n worship...the attendance dropped. singapore shld make FOP NON-free, like mebbe pay a hundred bucks or something...then we'll see if people will come...

and on tt same sunday, planetshakers was present at another location, i heard, so i assume people moved over as well..

but God was still merciful, Don Moen moved in e prophetic in e last service, he spoke a word frm a verse in e bible concerning the churches in singapore and for a nation itself. then after that he was led to sing Still by Reuben Morgan (hillsong)...it was awesome, e presence of God touched me and i knew i had encountered God...

indeed God saves e best for last...indeed those who endure TO THE END will be saved, and indeed we will REAP, spiritually in this sense, if we do not lose heart.

but pity so many people were not present. kairos timings like these come only to those who are hungry. that is why many are called but few chosen. time is the least God can demand from you.

having a relationship with God is like marriage. if there is only one-way fellowship/communication, one of em will always fall out of love. and since God cant fall out of love, that is why it is US who eventually become spiritually dry.

and instead of thinking about God all the time, most of e time we think about ourselves and our own lives. our own interests and our own dreams and desires. so many times, we leave God out of the picture.

you can experience God, and yet not receive something frm Him. because you neglect the time factor between the seed and the harvest. God has never failed to impart to me things whenever i go for multiple services.

and ive recalled intently...100%, EVERY week whenever there's a chance for multiple services, God always move. 100%, all the time. since i first came to CHC 4 years ago, till now, every guest speaker week i always receive an impartation at the end...WITHOUT FAIL.

you might think, hmm mebbe God wont move this week, but in actual fact, from experience...God moves EVERY WEEK! and when you miss it, it might never come back again.

doors of opportunities, words of wisdom/knowledge, impartations, revelation, healing/deliverance, etc. God is always on the move, and its up to you to keep up.

well, this year's FOP is over. din get to take any pics with CCC though T_T those whom im close to will know just what im going through this week. its stressful emotionally for me to live with these circumstances...to actually know the things that i know is gonna happen...

but i will hold God's hand...i will never let go...

shiying, if ure reading this...im really sorry i didnt inform you i wasnt serving :S feel really bad, whatever you were gonna pass me, ill say in advance, thank you very much, and no matter what it may be..ill appreciate it for as long as i live :D

jus gimme an sms or a call if u wanna pass it to me, u can do so anytime.

often in my worst times, that when i find the best people...

FOP day2

today was better than yesterday and i know tomorrow will be better than today.

e sermon was something we could relate to cus ps kong had already preached us on marketplace evangelism and being a daniel. so theres no need to post e notes up, cus its all been preached before in our church.

had guitar lesson with bao in e morning. then took bus to cityhall where we took 16 to SIS. my guitar almost burnt under e sun while queueing lolz.

and huixin wanted to smuggle food in but they'll do bagcheck so she hid her buns in my guitar bag..hahaha...so cute..

bought great is our God...yeah.

my nick is no longer cheese prata, but pepsi twist =x

serving tonight for FOP...for some reason i dont feel like servin...T_T

FOP day1

indeed God sees you better than you can see yourself. doing well in ministry doesnt cause e devil to panic, it wont make any difference because he has the nations of the world under his chains.

the enemy of faith is not doubt. but memory.

faith sees e future, what is going to happen, but memory keeps you where you are, bcos memory sees what has happened.

miracles dont happen in the context of choices, miracles happen in e context of desperation.

dont fear man, fear God.

to take e nations, we have to be willing to swim in dirty water without swallowing.

move from self preservation to nation transformation!

you will only know your true strength, you will only know your enemy, you will only have a bigger vision of yourself, and experience the miracle of God - not in the 4 walls of the church, but in the ENEMY CAMP!

CCC was awesome, and so's Don Moen. as usual, during the preaching, people were moving about, feel like sticking my feet out and tripping em...lalala...

well although i spent more energy trying to decipher Ed Silvoso's accent, more or less e preaching was good. its not about how charismatic a speaker is, its not about loudness or style, but its about the anointing and the presence and the power of God...

well...supervisor called today, and it was rather emotional for me...

today went to queue alone with wenrui frm E406, shortly after adam and my bro joined us. managed to get seats, but its not CHC so ppl frm overseas/other churches would come and jus sit amongs us, but i tried my best to hold e seats...

meeting at 3pm at kallang tmr. might be havin lunch before tt.

those who didnt reply my sms or answer my calls, i assume u all are serving then...at least i know who to leave out, then can go queue with whoever's present...

Please close your browser now :S

Andrew,

you did not turn up for your project viva today at 2 pm.

we are giving you another chance to do the viva.

Date: Friday, 4 Aug 2006

Time: 2 pm

Place: Blk 31-06-12

If you fail to turn up again, you will deem to have failed the viva.

(Mr Dimuthu has sent out some information earilier on how to prepare for the viva. Please follow the guidelines given.)

regards,

mr seow

so...wad now? i dunno. i dun wanna think about it, im stuck, but not stuck...huh? i mean, look at the state of my system, it doesnt even look like one, let alone function like one...:S will it make any difference whatsoever even if i attend it?

pleeeaaaassseeeeee, LET ME MOVE ON!!!!!! ARRGH!

seriously, i dun feel anything at e moment right now. its been one whole year of stagnation. i cant stand it! arrgh, i cant move on! let me move on!

ive been enduring this nonsense for over 400 days now...since one month after i started my FYP, i knew it was going nowhere, i wanted to stop and move on, but noooooo, i cant, i have to camp for one whole year literally doing nothing about it. jus stoning, staying at home almost every single day, with no one to talk to, no one to have lunch with, no one to even play games with, and ive lost my passion for games...in fact...

for a whole year, i stoned, and stoned and stoned, trying to move on but i cant..i have to wait! arrgh, one whole year, ive been longing to be free from this torment, free from this static, dead, unprogressive process and move on...

let me move on!!!

now it came back to haunt me..

let me move on!!! arrgh...i hate being frozen, i hate being stagnant, i hate being trapped by circumstances and not being able to move on even though i wanted and tried very hard to. i cant change project, i cant turn back time, i cant redo, cus it makes no difference, i cant do something new, i cant...urrgh i dunno wad to say..

now my parents are even wondering if i have sch or holidays...I ALSO DUNNO MAN!

yesterday i went to JP, stepped out of my house, e first time in like dunno how many weeks!!! it felt weird, it felt weird walking past people i dont know, it felt weird looking at people i dont know, it felt weird being surrounded by people i dont know....arrgh what is happening to me??

it felt almost claustrophobic...it felt so weird, if someone were to talk to me i might even freak out. was playing SC2 halfway when i suddenly started mashing the controls and joystick and fragging 2 different challengers 3-0, 2 of each were PERFECT K-O matches, as in i didnt even lose my health...not tt im pro, i dont admit i am pro in tt game...it felt as if i had to release something in me on those ppl who challenged me in tt game...

everyone tt walked past me, i dare not look at e person...almost every person and stranger who i came across with, it felt as if i had to escape from them. although they are pretty harmless..

but dun worry, im not depressed, im doing fine actually. so fine in fact tt i dont feel un-fine anymore...huh? i dont make sense..yea i nv do..lol

u might not believe it, but im smiling as i type this post..lol. huh? blur? yea..thought so too...

i met Denise via friendster not too long ago, and myspace if im not wrong. she asked for my number so we exchanged numbers. chatted with her on e phone for e first time today...yea it wasnt too bad...

e last time someone asked me for my number was liping, well know her for some time now, we're cool at e moment, supposedly too busy with our own lives..lol it was a...'interesting' experience lol, whenever she comes to my house and try to 'kidnap' my baby pillow...hahaha...

downloading half-life2 episode one at e moment...1.3GB cant wait to play it..e storyline is so intense so thrilling, it keeps me going. if not ill probably (like joanna said) become a vegetable..:S

then again..

LLLLEEEEETTTTT MMMMMEEEEE MMMMOOOOVVVEEEEE OOOONNNN!!!!!!! lolz

Rotipratatration

hmm, it happened..i missed the presentation for my FYP. reasons? anything other than waking up late, cus i woke up at 7-9am in e morning and e presentation was in e afternoon.

wads next? i have no idea. theres nothing in front, nothing behind. jus trapped in e middle.

seriously i dont feel anything anymore. its been over a year and ive been 'tamed' by my circumstances. too tamed in fact, too relaxed, theres nothing that can stir me anymore, nothing that interests me.

not tt im lazy, im just ''neutralised'', ''nullified'', ''undergone rotipratatration'' :S

thats right...u heard me right:

rotipratatration: a neutralized state of nullification where one feels nothing abt anything. its like an emotional traffic jam, where it doesnt go up or down. tell me jokes, and ill be like, 'hmm', tell me sad things and ill be like, 'oh', tell me happy things and ill be like, 'orh'...

so am i happy? no. am i sad, no either. so wad am i feeling now? i dunno man, i cant tell, am i even feeling something? lol..

supposed to meet bao in sch today...but i couldnt drag myself out of my bed. woke up, went online, bao called, went back to sleep. no doubt i was tired while not being tired, sleepy when im not sleepy, its not laziness or e feeling of weakness, but its more like rotipratration.

when i woke up, it was too late. i woke up TWICE today if u can put it tt way. both were too late.

10am : woke up : think - FYP (buang)
2pm: woke up : think - meeting with bao (buang)

wads with e new song u might ask, dunno...tink it suits my mood now...

if i have one...

-rotipratatration