The 3 Angels?

today's service was good. talked about how not to prevent ur inlaws to become outlaws..ha.

went to queue alone today at 230pm. but becos SOT was inside e hall. e floor was gone and couldnt reach adam in time and so e SOT leaders were swarming towards him. so ended up at C-terrace.

after svc went to eat bk at expo. man, i cant rem e last time i ate at expo. i had a fun time. until one turning point...

there was a point in time i was in e washroom. and i came out after that. i sat on the bench by myself for awhile, cus everyone was talkin abt some other stuffs. so i sat there alone. then it hit me once again. it was even worse now.

first, i felt left out. secondly, after willard thanked me for queueing, i realised that he was the only one who thanked me even though he wasnt sitting. then i felt no one appreciates me. then it got worse. i tried to change the focus of my mind to the cg..then little did i know..it became worse...i started feeling, ive not done enough for the cg..or that all my sacrifices did not make any difference or impact any lives at all..

i felt so used. feels as if im a fool. doing what im doing..all for nothing. normally, ill jus sit by myself and normally in e train, ill feel better. but it didnt. instead. seeing everyone happy, joking and having fun..i sneaked away effortlessly..

and noone realised that until i was at tanah merah...

my head was aching, my heart was tearing and breaking to a million pieces. as i walked away, it got worse and i walked faster. i wanted to be alone, i didnt want to talk to anyone. i felt like im losing myself all over again..no words can describe that feeling..depression set in...

in the train, i remembered what wayne preached about spiritual atmosphere, that we are spiritual beings and we carry an atmosphere. and this guy who was sitting beside me, kinda felt it and he started staring at me and fidgeting throughout the journey as those thoughts went through my mind..it felt horrible. every second i was holding my tears back. pam called 3 times, i did not pick up. cus i knew that if i were to talk to anyone at all, ill break down and cry..

i 'ren' all e way home. then i had an angelic encounter. as i was walking along the quiet, empty roadside. (it was empty cus i saw noone in all directions). all of a sudden i heard chattering behind me..

next thing i realised, 2 guys and a gal appeared out of nowhere behind me, overtook me and one of em started saying: hey ur shirt looks nice, ur bag looks cool..and they were praising me and they seemed friendly.

but at tt point in time, all i felt was that feeling that theres no one else around me, that feeling of loneliness and depression...and remember i was holding tears all the way till i got home. i couldnt be bothered with what was going on...then these 3 'angels' started asking for my number all of a sudden and started introducing themselves...

i jus gave em my number just like that..i talked to em for awhile and i smiled..they came frm KL and they stay behind my block. i didnt know what was going on until after i left those 3 'angels' for my block 665a then i realised what has happened..

and the Holy Spirit spoke to me, 'Andrew, I love you. And Ive sent these 3 to bring a smile to your face. Even if noone could make you smile, know that Im always here for you and I am the one who can turn your mourning into dancing, your sorrows into joy..'

like adam said, its too much of a coincidence! and God uses the foolish things of the world to put to shame e wise, weak to put to shame the mighty, the base things and the things which are despised, God has chosen to bring to nothing the things that are.

when i reached home, i broke down and wept. then i HS prompted me again to call pam back. and so i did...talked for a while...i didnt know what i was saying, mebbe i was talking nonsense, talking about strangers being able to feel the spiritual atmosphere around me and react, and the angelic encounter...i thought i was going crazy..

by e time i put down e phone. my bolster was wet with my tears...

i rem wad eugene said, that i was going through a sudden spiritual attack. it happened almost to fast, the sudden depression, the spiritual atmosphere and the 3 'angels'...it all happened in an hour...

and i thought it through..i realised that it made sense. im gonna play for wayne's cg and sooner or later God's Word will come to pass..and ill be a cgl...eventually...every other night, ill cry myself to sleep occasionally..'how is it possible? i cant do it, only God can do it...'

on finale friday night..i dunno how i played with bao with wayne, but i did it. i dunno how i played without chord sheet, but i did. i dunno how i adapted to wayne's flow, but i did. though there were delays here and there..the atmosphere was there and God moved mightily through wayne...and i sat there playing one of the bridges and tears rolled down my eyes...

ive nv had 'sudden' and 'periodic' depressions before i became a cgg. and now just before i move on to another level, it gets worse..opposition is there..then i saw evan..had to go through the death of a loved one..and i saw myself..i know that what im going through now is nothing..

i have to be ready for more intense spiritual attacks in the future. in e train on e way back, a few people came into my mind: Jesus, evan, pam, eugene and pow....

just now talked to adam on e phone for half an hr...glad to have him as my discipler, more than a brother and glad to have him as my...future cgl..hehe :D

i was quite surprised so many things happened in an hr. and i was soo down and so depressed and lonely..that God needed to send 3 people ('angels') to bring a smile to my face. Cos He couldnt bear to see the state i was in, because He loves me and im worth so much to Him..

oh, and thanks eugene..for obeying God and speaking into my life that i was under a spiritual attack. it was like after he said that, the devil went: 'oops! mission failed..he found out about our plan..' he had let go of my mind now, but e damage he had done needed time to heal..

i cant imagine wad would happen if eugene didnt interfere. id be lost now..learnt tt mus constantly guard our mind. if the devil can infiltrate your mind, he can change your future! and fighting the battle with jus you alone and God is a dangerous thing to do..

learnt frm adam that by not allowing others to speak into ur life and reinforce your thinking/faith/convictions is the most dangerous thing to do..because God works through people and by not allowing people into your life, you prevent God from working..

all the devil needs to do is to grab hold of your mind. itll be e end. cus all he have to do now is to squeeze..thats why never give him a foothold..

i dunno wads gonna happen, those 3 'angels' have my number...what now?