Turning point.

on wed night. chatted with huixin till 530-6am. glad she came today, even though it seemed as if she didnt wanna talk. think i shouldnt be to nosey and be a busybody anyway.

prayer meeting was awesome. i missed those and im glad i was there.

service was good today, but could be better. was kinda surprised we ended early. the 3-4 of us after svc went to bedok first, the rest came later.

fellowship started pretty well. until ppl started leaving.

ive always told myself, as long as there's one person, ill stay till the end, no matter how late. i had to wake up 5am later. and i stay at boonlay. but im always going the extra mile. but it seems no one ever noticed.

'wow, u all leaving already?' WHY THE HECK DO YOU THINK IM SITTING DOWN WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS STANDING??? AM I INVISIBLE? oh i am..i always was. so its ok.

WHILE EVERYONE LEFT, WHY AM I STILL THERE? AM I A PROP IN THE BACKGROUND??? oh i am..i always was. so its ok.

WHY DO YOU THINK IM TALKING TO YOU? PARTICULARLY MY CG MEMBER..AM I RETARDED AND ANTISOCIAL? oh i am..i always was. so its ok.

at first there was..2, plus me, 3. then it became 2. then it became 1. the 2nd last one, disappeared shortly after the majority left. the last one didnt disappear..the last one went to the 'other side'.

to be left behind is one thing..to be outcasted is another. but both..is my limit.

why am i doing all this? its because i know how it feels to be there by yourself. and i always tried my best to be there. i didnt want anyone to feel left out. i didnt want anyone to go through the hurt and pain i went through.

even though the celgrp doesnt seem to be there, i always tried to be that whole celgrp..

due to my insomnia and irregular sleeping patterns, (i dun tink anyone even knew i had insomnia), im tired everyday, plus travelling distance, sometimes when i doze off on the train, i would feel nauseous and sometimes giddy. (i dun think anyone knew this as well) and i ended up late to queue today. i was e only one.

u might think, 'you cant even do a simple thing'. and yes i used to have some problems with me going to the toilet. IS IT SOMETHING FOR YOU TO JOKE ABOUT??? just because i have financial difficulty and some 'personal issues', does that mean....................................

is ministry more important than relationship?

wayne was the only one to INSTANTLY realised something changed in me.

PS: the next few paragraphs i urge you to close the browser. With 1am in the morning and noone to talk to, i have to let it out somehow.

-START-

ended up going home by myself. not even a bye. i was holding back my tears. i went up the train platform boarded the train..was lost in myself for awhile until i heard, 'next stop, tampines'. i didnt even realise i was taking the wrong train for 2 stops...

and on this train, this guy with a fat ass had to occupy his seat, and half a seat on his left and half on his right..i mean cmon, when he stood up..he wasnt really that fat. so what? he has a BIG DICK? big dick means you can occupy one and a half seats isit??? go become eunuch lah! save you the embarrassment..

and the horror is i sat squashed beside him till BOON LAY. OMFG.

then another fatass sitting opposite me. his left and right had one seat each. one pretty girl came with her boyfriend. the girl had to sit squashed beside him while the boyfriend stood. then at e other side of e fatass was an empty seat. i mean..cmon, let the couple sit together lah! you also go become eunuch lah since you no manhood! feel like punching his freaking face.

then next was e stupid bangala on my other side. YOU F*CKING GAY ISIT, SIT SO CLOSE!!! then keep on shake leg...YOU GOT ORGASM ISIT??? when i reach boonlay, everyone was staring at me lah! imagine one row of empty seats on e train. then in e middle is 5 ppl. im in e middle sqaushed by e malay fatass on one side and a bangala gay ass on e other side! i look so damn stupid la...

ya..ya..ill say it now..I GOT MOLESTED BY A BANGALA BEFORE..HAPPY??? i never told anyone..now i tell the whole world okay!?! i stuff nasi babi into your mouth then you know!!!

you think im bluffing abt e molest part? GO KILL YOURSELF LA.

when? dun tell you. how? dun tell you. you my friend meh? i got friends meh?

it took me until jurong east to finally suppress and numb my hurt. so that i wont break down on e train. now i dont feel a thing. i have to serve tomorrow, cannot afford to be bothered by my emotions and hurts.

if u think i angry..no im not. i have problems expressing anger ever since an incident back home. as a result, my only way is to bury and numb my hurts it like a tranquilizer. bury it deep down where no one can salvage. so i dun hurt anyone except myself..

damn i dun even know why im revealing all my private and personal secrets/issues....

-END-

sometimes i rememeber those times when i would go to another celgrp to play during PnW for them. somehow id always feel so belonged and so loved. and i had friends there. sometimes i wish i could stay there..

even though sometimes i might be the oldest there, apart from e cgl...or the youngest one. id always be happy and smiling and those experiences became memories that i remember and treasure even now...

my most memorable experience was playing for a chinese national celgrp. even though i couldnt speak fluently nor catch the mandarin behind their accent, i loved the fellowship. what touched me most was..even though they didnt have much, even though its just a simple celgrp, but its warmness and simplicity, mixed with love and passion really touched me..

they didnt have PnW the way we do, they didnt have refreshments/games e way we did..yet i felt as if i was a part of it. in 2006, ive been making 'trips' to different celgrp. and for some reason, all of them gave me memories that i loved and treasure..

im considering now for a 'change'. i dun really know. i dun feel anything now. im still numbed. i wanna play for another celgrp sometime soon..

...a longing for love...

OMG my 3rd post a day!

okay so this is my 3rd post..within 4 hours! lol. i must be going mad..im seeing this on everyone's blog so..i thought id do it myself too..m_m

"This is what you are supposed to do. Cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly.

In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog."

1. ill never know myself, and ull never know me (im a mysterious person ^.O)

2. i love being alone, but i hate being lonely.

3. my dad told me: in my family, i had e highest IQ, i was born smart. i could breeze thru exams without any/much effort compared to everyone else in my family. but i give up/get distracted the EASIEST as well. i could excel in everything..IF i wanted to. (my 'F' grade to an 'A+' grade for OOP proves it!)

4. i have an unusual, almost unnaturally infinite tolerance level. other than my family, i dun tink anyone has seen me angry. the most is just my tone going up a LITTLE only, which is rare too. in other words, i can bottle up YEARS of hurt and frustration, and yet appear so fine..

FYI: the last time i really got mad..was 2years ago..since then i nv blew up, not even once. so dont try to dig up my 'underground treasures'..

5. i cant control my giving, im kinda addicted to giving..the more i have, the more i give. this is good i suppose.

6. im a perfectionist. i cant accept anything other than then best. (this is more of a prideful stumbling block to me). tts prob why i give up and get distracted so easily.

Mariah Carey - Hero

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you


Heard this song yesterday..i felt the presence of God listening to it. it ministered to me in a way..God is never far..He lives right inside you..

Songs of the Sea

went to sentosa's songs of the sea opening yesterday at siloso beach. the scenery was breathtaking. its been so long since i went to sentosa. so many things have changed, the new train system, new attractions, etc.

the show was great. the lasers, pyros, etc and the sights filled the entire sky. its like musical fountain but its on the sea! so cool! lol.

after the show we were served refreshments cooked by renowned chefs. VIP was the minister of trade and industry. as well as the one behind the design, pyros, etc, who happens to be the same guy who did the lighting up of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. food was good haha, and i went to kope every beer and wine possible..LOL! e cup wasnt big so its ok..haha

grr..wads up with e weather man..i sleep tt time can cook an egg! i tink my aircon also spoil due to overworking ^.O.

oh wells..for people looking for sites to upload music..i use imeem.com haha. got the new imeem player on my blog now. trying to get it to work tho..haha. its free and unlimited lol. its like youtube..but just that you can upload both music, videos and other stuff.

looking forward to prayer meeting..

"OMG andrew, please send your laptop for repair!!!" *bangs head!!!

Casey Treat

haha..first service was awesome..and funny..lol..

'circumcision is not meant to kill' hahaha rofl...

A professor once asked a student "How can you believe in God? You cant touch him, you cant see him..i think only idiots believe in God.."

The student replied, "Erm..sir..I cant see your brain, I cant feel your brain..but i assume you have one!"

lol..ps Casey also did a comical scenario with e blind man and Jesus..

"What do you want me to do for you?"
"Hey! Isnt it obvious?"
"You blind or something?"
"No..cant you see?"
"NO!"

hahaha...

but nevertheless..his messages on faith and confession..and having a vision for your future..blew me away. haha so many gd speakers back to back..ill never finish all the notes..haha. guess, i MIGHT buy the combo audio CD..and i recommend for u if u miss even ONE service with any speaker..haha.

faith comes by hearing and hearing by e Word of God =)

In summary for e last 2 days..

When u are filled with e HS, He gives you visions and dreams. Next, you hear from God a rhema, a revelation..and you immediately receive the faith to believe and pursue that dream. Next you have a positive and faith-filled confession that will frame your world and ultimately shape your future. Last but not least..you step out and take action! And God will move! xD

Ps Casey asked one very gd question tt left me thinking..

If God were to open u up and see your inside, your vision of your own future..what will He see? a future limited, or a future with endless possibilities?

"Your words frame your world". Just think about it..a picture..no matter how good a painter is, as long as it has a small frame..its not gonna go very far! Since God is the master painter of your life, why not give Him the BIGGEST frame to work on? If God can paint a rainbow in the sky? Is there any dream He cannot bring to pass? Any picture of a hope of your future that He cannot paint?

Our life will follow whatever we place our focus on.

Just like driving on e road, e moment u focus on an accident nearby while driving, sooner or later ure gonna end up in one urself! whatever is true in e natural is also true in e spiritual.

Dont talk about your mountain and start taking TO your mountain!

Oh yea..(heard from ps phil) grats Sun for being no.1 in Taiwan. =)

Oh yea..prayer meeting this thurs..lookin forward..^.^

Random..as always

hmm learnt quite a lot during bs this week. did one and a half lessons! lol cus last wk ps meng had to rush off after an hr to go pick up ps phil so he left that particular lesson unfinished. anyway..the 2.5hrs of BS was great..haha felt like conference. m_m

some interesting stuff..if u think christianity is for the mediocre, think again..it is the most academic faith..haha..

for example, here are some things taught:

THEOLOGY : The doctrine of God

The definition of God
The nature of God: His goodness and His greatness.
God as a trinity.
The names of God, the fatherhood of God.
The works of God, His covenants with men.

CHRISTOLOGY : The doctrine of Jesus Christ

The divinity of Christ
The humanity of Christ: condescension, incarnation and death.
What happened on the cross? And what He accomplished on the cross.
The extent of His atonement.
Jesus' resurrection, why this truth is important.
His ascension, enthronement and second coming.

PNEUMATOLOGY : The doctrine of the Holy Spirit

Nature of the HS: He is a person, He is God.
The symbols of the Spirit.
The work of the HS.
The 25 charisma gifts: 9 supernatural gifts, manifestations of the Spirit.
The fruits of the Spirit.
His ministry in the local church.

ANTHROPOLOGY : The doctrine of man

What is man like?
How are we created?
What is the purpose and destiny of man?
What has God given to man to do His will?

HARMATIOLOGY : The doctrine of sin

What is sin, the origin of sin, the results of sin.
God's reaction towards sin.
God's forgiveness of sins.
How believers can have victory over sin.

SOTERIOLOGY : The doctrine of salvation

What are we saved from?
The benefits of salvation.
The provision of salvation.
What is regeneration, adoption, justification, redemption, reconciliation?

ANGELOLOGY : The doctrine of angels

Their origin, nature, character.
Satan and demon angels: their nature and activity.
How to cast them out?
Spiritual warfare.

ECCLESIOLOGY : The doctrine of the Church

The meaning of 'church': The universal church and the local church.
The mandate and the power of the church.
The ministry within the church.
The structure of the church.

ESCHATOLOGY : The doctrine of the end times.

God's timetable for the world.
World events and the rapture.
The Great Tribulation and the Antichrist.
The second coming.

BIBLIOLOGY : The doctrine of the Bible

Origins of the bible
Formation of the canon of scripture
The authority of the Bible
How do you know the Bible is the Word of God?

and other cool stuffs...

oh ya..and if u guys didnt know..felicia chin tagged my blog and i have her blog on my links..hahaha! m_m

fel: if ure reading this..here's wishing all da best..haha..have fun filming this wk! =)

cg was great..lookin forward to svc this week! ^.^

Painful, lonely night..

Blocked.

Random

Whatever you hold on to, you will lose it.
But whatever you sow, you shall reap.
Unless a seed is sown and died to the ground...
It will reap no harvest.

Love is more than just an emotion.
Love is a DECISION.
With imperfect people, how can you simply love by emotions?
Even your emotions are imperfect!
But a renewed mind and a renewed spirit brings revelation.

Life is not the result of circumstances,
Life is the outcome of desires.
If you think whatever happens outside is just a result of choice,
Think again.

If not for a fallen nature, a selfish desire,
Fallen and selfish choices wouldnt be made.
There are 3 creative forces in this world:

The physical/biological. Actions we take, things that happen.
The verbal. What we confess can either bring life or death.
The invisible. What was seen was made of what was unseen.
If we can see it in our imagination, we WILL have it.
That includes, if u see yourself failing, you WILL fail!

God saw this world beautiful..
God spoke this world beautiful..
And God worked so hard, that He had to rest.
The Garden of Eden..was formed.

Are you angry with your circumstance?
Afterall, it is YOUR circumstance.
Why YOUR?
Because it all starts in the invisible, then the verbal and ultimately..
Through your actions that create the life around you.

Your future is not determined by you alone
But by those whom you give your life access to.
You can tell a person's future just by looking at his friends.
You can tell how a person is like the moment he opens his mouth.

Love is the very essence of someone's character.
If you are lazy, you have lazy love.
If you are selfish, you have selfish love.
If you are limited, THAT'S WHY you have limited love.
But if God is perfect, if God is eternal...
You have perfect, eternal love.
More than that, God IS love.

God IS eternity. He IS success, He IS blessing, He IS healing.
Its more than just about a 'thing', its about a person.
When people look at you..what do they see?

You claim you love someone.
But are you willing to live with nothing, just with that person alone?
Or do you expect to be heavily 'paid' for your love?
Is the person merely a contract to you?
Did God say, "Love me back?"
No. He didnt. He didnt just talk the talk..
He made the move!

What about those who rejected His love?
He died for them still. Was He expecting you to love Him back?
He didnt. He left it to you.

Until you're willing to become nothing..
And give everything..for someone.
How can you say you love the person?
If all you love is YOURSELF?

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.
You claim you love the person
Are you still holding on to something you treasure?
Give your best. Give your all.
Expect nothing in return.
You say its hard..to do it for one person.

Jesus was man. He did that for 6 billion people.
Why cant you truly love someone..just ONE person?
Nothing is too difficult.

"Dont you care how I feel"?
If you just live by how you feel, then..
To tell you the truth, your life will suck.
Because ALL of us, have a fallen nature.
Our emotions are born perverted and corrupted.
Until God comes.

Just try telling yourself:
"I love Osama.", "I love Saddam".
And put it as your msn nick.
And you try..live by how you feel.
See what happens..

People dont care how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
Dont expect people to step into your life.
Adam(CGL) said, "You want friends? Go GET friends!"

People wont be interested to know your life
Until they know they're interested by you.
People wont want to know..
Until they know they're wanted.

Disappointment = Expectation - Reality.
Its so simple. Its so basic!
Yet so many people struggle to even understand this concept.

If you're always angry with people..
YouAngryA+YouAngryB

If you're always disappointed with people..
YouDisA+YouDisB

If you're always complaining..
YouComA+YouComB

you know whats the problem????

You(AngryA+AngryB)
You(DisA+DisB)
You(ComA+ComB)

The problem is YOU! YOU! YOU!
Not the people, not the problem, but YOU!

Your life will only change when your thinking changes!!! ;)

lets talk about..

yea lets talk about..

talk bout what?

what abt talking?

what about talking about talkin abt what?

lol..if im losing u..please give urself a round of applause prease. o_o

okay..not bad..managed to wake up early. at 5am. at the expense of my ear becoming deaf! lols. maxed the HP volume and placed next to my ear..okay not next to my ear, but quite close. and e alarm clock on e other side. i think i woke up my family as well..:S lol.

reached expo at 7.05am. first time doing internal speakers so i got myself familiarised with e procedures and 'camping spots' ha. 6 spots in e main hall, with 8 more spots on tiers A-E. shuxia really said something tt gave me thought.

she said, 'so, where do u see yourself going? its always good to learn as much abt everything as possible. but since there are gonna be more newcomers every batch, you shld start specialising in something and put ur focus on it, so that not only are u able to do your part well, you can also ensure that those newcomers can be taught by u, they shld be able to learn something from u...'

when u serve, its not just about doing your part. but we work as a team. we look out for each other and we help each other to grow and learn. if u cant see it, u cant have it...' i was in deep thoughts when i heard it. and it really impressed something in me.

whats the point in excelling in what you do...if all you benefit is yourself? u can have all e power in e world, all e knowledge in e world, u can move in signs and wonders but without love, you are as good as nothing.

theres nothing wrong in being an IC. but are people learning from you? do you stand out among others and earn their respect and trust? you can have As in ur grades, but is it just for yourself, or even for God..OR..is it so that you can teach others? you may rise up to be a leader, is it just so that you have a sense of fulfilment? or is it so that lives can be changed?

you can earn big bucks..is it only for u and ur family? or is it for those out there who dont even have a single slice of bread a day? you can own many clothes, books, etc..is it so that you can enjoy your life or MORE than that..so that others can enjoy life together with you?

anything not born out of prayer...will not last...

similarly...anything not done out of love...will leave behind nothing...no influence, no impact, no transformation. its one thing to say: "i love doing this because i love it..OR..i love doing this because i love you."

even with love, where is it directed at? things or people?

back to ministry...

during svc, the black electric guitar broke its 1st string..e one at e bottom with e highest tone. but we boosted joe's electric to cover up for e other guitarist..

after svc had debriefing, even though the CD player incident was e recording guys, nevertheless, its something ALL of us can learn from. in service, ANYTHING can happen. imagine those ushers and security..the moment ps phil started prayin for e sick..and worse still those who are like right at e frontlines..

i liked what ps phil said, problems are good because we have e power to overcome and thus, we grow stronger everytime. to those with a carnal/pagan mind, they flee from problems, but for those with a renewed mind, because we have God, because we have guaranteed victory..no problem is too small..every problem CAN be overcome, thats why we go from glory to glory, strength to strength..dont let e problem eat u and grow, EAT THE PROBLEM and you grow yourself!

ill try to compile my notes. im sry i dun tink ill be posting sy rogers. 4 weeks of guest speakers..by e time i compile one service..itll accumulated and stacked. then after 4 weeks of guest speakers is easter, then benny hinn, then EMERGE! lol..ill never type finish..dont be too reliant on my notes either..hear God for yourselves. =D

e reason why i posted notes in e first place..was never so that ppl could copy and benefit, although those things came NATURALLY. my primary reason, started all e way back in JW, e first month after i joined e church, i started doing all these notes stuff. because like sy rogers said, i want to look back to look forward!

some ppl look back and follow where their faces turn to. some look back and their legs arent even moving. but some look back, see the faithfulness of God, and they have e strength to move forward!

during e sermon i was sitting inside e pastors' walkway next to tier-E. because it was near to one of my spots i was supposed to take sound level. comms for e speakers personnel were quite calm during sermon so i managed to catch something. and when ure all alone in that 'tunnel', God can touch you so easily.

i remembered tearing during e sermon. i knew noone was looking and i knew it was my chance to have my own private personal space with God. just before ps phil called for e altar call/healing altar call, i saw in my spirit..e HS walking past me in e tunnel. walking towards e backstage..just before ps phil mentioned he knew that e HS was standing beside him.

i dont think its a coincidence...i felt e presence of God for myself. and i remembered telling Him quietly in my heart, pls dont go yet..at least touch me before You go..and He turned around, walked to me and kissed my forehead, and placed his hands on my face and smiled at me. then He walked to the stage..

then ps phil gave e altar call..

i want more encounters with You God...i wanna go back to e days when i remembered..i was in school to use the photocopy center but it was 30minutes after closing hours. but you sent someone to open up e place for me..and i passed my project because of You...

God i want more of You..take my all in exchange for all of You...

Phil Pringle 1

svc was phenomenal. i admit starting was a bit dry..mebbe cus e songs were sung in like high-A, and most of them are new. like adam said, i think we broke through after we prayed.

particularly..today's offering message was e best offering message ive heard haha. sermon was great too. everytime he comes he'll surely bring e church to a whole new level. even since ps kong mentioned 300,000, come to think of it, BOTH ps phil and ps ulf mentioned about crossing hundred k. so..dont think we've arrived yet..we've just begun XD.

end of service was great too..he prayed for e sick and gave e altar call. i love e house of God, and i love e presence and e power of God. its been an experience for me. you can go to church, you can read e bible, u can pray..u can call yourself a christian, you can even be someone who loves religion..but nothing beats an experience!

well, after svc went bk at expo. initially we wanted to join e110 at bedok, but then pam and tricia and jo would end rather late so we decided to eat somewhere nearby so that when they finish they could join us to eat and fellowship.

before tt we also wanted to join e406 at changi. but they goin popeye and tt would burn a hole in our pockets..so eventually we picked somewhere convenient for pam and e rest, timo, tricia, jo. at first it was just me adam and sebas..then after tt pam came. then everyone had to go. so we just left..then pam needed to wait for her friend so we left on e train first.

next few weeks is gonna be lonely fellowship..haha cus many ppl got choir, thomas had to 'zao', and a few others and stuff..

will be serving internal speakers tmr..gotta wake up early! eek. lol. well, at least now i get to be in e main hall..muahaha...

rhongal..get well k? =)

"Your life outside is your life inside..."

Medical Examination

dun regret reading. it will be boring. i THINK..NOT! haha you goondoo you really believe me? ^.^ speaking of bored..my laptop isnt fixed :S for some reason i have a craving for a PSP one day =D

went for medical examination today. upon reaching CMPB went thru e security check and i had to keep my camera phone in the mini locker. then went into CMPB. first took my photo (not NEOPRINT!) then go to the counter to queue up for my first station.

the whole thing lasted 3hours!!! omg. started at 1330h finished at around 430pm. i made e biggest mistake..to go for med exam without having my lunch. yea..after 2 jabs started feeling giddy and faint..tt guy saw my face pale then ask me go sit down rest for 15min before i continue.

not only was i still recovering from my sickness, they had 2 blood sample + blood test jabs. one small tube for analysis, one big tube for keeping..(keep for what i dunno cus im not e medic)...plus i nv eat lunch, its no wonder i started blacking out halfway. everything was so bright..i tot i was in heaven lol..o_O

started having headache after tt..partly cus i nv drink much water in e morning also. yeah, im trying to commit suicide..happy??? ^.O

first station..e blood and urine tests. haha i almost LOLed when the guy said, 'na, take this slip of paper and pee on it..and then show me." hmm u never say where right? LOL..not funny. =/

then after tt went for xray. FIRST TIME man! so fun. ask me take off my shirt and lean on the machine then put my arms round the back of my waist, and breathe slowly..but deeply..im like kissing and molesting the machine la..o_O if only it was a girl..okay..not funny ^.O

next was eye checkup. as usual, cover here cover there..read, put lens, read again. i think i spoke in tongues :S

after tt went to the hearing test room. ask me sit inside a sound proof room like a DJ singer like that..only this time the earphones no microphone okay..so i looked kinda dumb. raising my left hand, right hand like some arcade game.

they would imput different sound frequencies at either the left or right side of e earphone. e moment u hear a slightest sound u must raise ur hand. left hand for left ear, and so on, and put it down. ya..it IS like the arcade game. last time i play.."red flag", "white flag"...nvm..lol.

after that went to the dentist to check my teeth. i think im in love..OKAY NOT FUNNY..

after e dentist checked my mouth i went to do a dental x-ray. FIRST TIME also. lol. got this device in a room with a tip in e center, surrounded by one panel on e left and one on e right..round my head. then e dentist put a plastic sheet round e tip...ask me to bite the edge of the tip and relax. then the most alien of all things happened...

as he started e xray machine..e 2 panels on e left and right of my head starting rotating in circles..machiam some alienic telepathic, virtual reality machine...and i just stood there stunned, biting e tip of e funny thing tt looked like a *AHEM, and staring at my own reflection in front of me..with those things rotating round my head.

as i left e dental room, i went to a preeety small room. where they check your birds. (not implying that i have more than one..o_O) "oh yaaaa my daughter is goooing away and i wanna buy her some birds to bring her good luck..*lalala-la-lalala...lalala-la-lalala..."

next..

i came to this biiiiiggg room. where i did 3 tests. first was the height and weight. after that went to another counter and queued for my next station. some ECG thingy. in this huge room with many smaller rooms, my shoes, socks and shirt have to be off until i leave e zone. got men got women..didnt matter to me.

and so..i went into e ECG area. i lay on this comfy bed..then the medic took out a huge OCTOPUS!!! yea..a plastic one o_o. with tubes and 'bangles'??? (those things they clip on ur arms and legs). and so they stick countless tubes onto my chest area..to check some breathing/pulse/blood pressure thingy..i suppose.

this one very fast. e medic just did some reading on e machine. then he took off the octopus. man my chest got like 6 OCTOPUS LOVEBITES!!! haha. because e pipe had a round flat edge where they stick on ur body..something like a toilet plunger..only SMALLER! m_m

2nd last stop..was the blood pressure checkup. "do u smoke? do you take drugs?" i wait for him to ask finish then i shortcut.."no for all =p". placed my hand inside this squared machine with a big hole in e center. then e medic pressed START. and my hand was squeezed..haha. u wanna see who stronger isit? i could lift your machine with one hand!!!!! o.o okay..not funny. then again, my right arm would have very little blood and feel numb after that...lol..

never mind..i can always press START to turn it off again..hahahaha!!! then it would just drop off my arm, as if dead..YAY I WIN! !!!O_O!!! oh..and that guy called me 'so, ure just on the chubby side...' awww..chubby..hahaha EWW! @_@

so my result was: im assigned to PES-B.

after i completed all those tests..i collected back my clothes and bag and shoes and stuff, which was in e locker at e back and returned e key. last stop..the ONE HOUR PLUS test!!! omg. i almost slept. somemore the chair so comfortable. i leaned back too much got a 'creeeaaaak' sound, i tot e chair was gonna break..make me sit up like a robot..e person beside me tio stunned..haha so paiseh.

i see those pictures on e comp until sian. got quite a few i anyhow tikam cus i see i still cant catch the pattern in the pictures. like staring at ancient hieroglyphics. ._. i tot after a few sets of questions im done..but nooo..it took like forever! :S lol. after the pictures was some logic comparison. "Angry : Sad" which of the following best describes the following rule? i laughed at "Cow : Milk" o_O

after a few IQ questions..got a fastest-finger-first test. a number will pop on e screen..as quickly as u can, ure supposed to press whatever number that shows..3 times. i could hear all the taptaptap taptaptap taptaptap. then still havent finish..more maths!!! arrgh. then after that..NUMBER/ALPHABET PATTERNS! woot. lol. i totally forgot how to multiply and divide fractions manually :x i think i flung tt part..haha. at least my answers were close. next was more pictures..this time rotating ones..eek! lol.

finally the last part..a short questionaire.."do u like sailing?", no. "do you think climbing mountains is the fastest way to get free bandages?" YES!!! "do you like to eat?" nope...serious..i cant eat for nuts! "skiing down a slope is a free ride to the hospital." true. "do you prefer the ground or the sea?" hmm.

after e test. finally left. lol. took e wrong bus at e wrong side. how embarrassing. supposed to alight at tiong bahru then end up at telok blangah. waseh. eventually took the bus to commonwealth. passed by our fmss holding sch...now is clementi town sec. i miss my sec sch days..T_T tt holding sch was like a chalet..haha. as i walked round e perimeter, pass e canteen..so much memories..tt place..

then again..its all just memories..now its..different...=/

Stoned

why am i born a hindrance?
why am i always nothing but trouble?
next time ill stay home.
home alone.

i cant accumulate anymore..
im at my breaking point..
at this stage, im dangerous and unstable..

at this point, id best be left alone..
im like a ticking time bomb that is about to explode..
remember how a star becomes a blackhole?

its mass is so dense within itself..
that when it dies off, it collapses within itself..
im just like that..
with a mass so dense inside that ill collapse within myself.

creating a endless darkness that sucks in everything around me.
time, space and even light cannot escape.
its better to stay away from me.
no need to care about me
no need to even bother about me
no need to realise i exist

i did the unthinkable
i said the unforgivable
im falling apart
4 years of holding back..
4 years of accumulation..
has it finally come to a point where it breaks?

will i slip into severe depression?
will i end up suicidal again?
will i lose my sanity?
what if i become a vegetable?

why am i writing a poetry?
i dont really know.
is there someone out there?
i dont think so.

yet i blame no one
no one by myself
went for movie today
with me it was a disaster

im a curse, a jynx
nothing good comes out from me
is there someone who cares?
is there someone whom i can share?
ive not shared anything for almost a year

ive bottled up everything
no ears to hear
no shoulder to lend a tear

because of me, i went to Heeren meeting noone.
because of me, a movie watched late.
because of my stupidity and simplicity
it didnt really matter.

yet as i sat there
lonely, but not alone
God spoke to me
From Will Smith alone

all this while
He was beside me
when i cried myself to bed every night
He was right there crying with me

"It hurts me to see you cry" (G)
"I really really love you" (G)
"God, im sorry for making a mess" (A)
"You wanted me to have fun" (A)
"But all i did was blow it up" (A)

"Could you give Me another chance?" (G)
"To make you happy once more" (G)
Tears flowed down my face.
To the God who humbled Himself for me.

You are all I have.
You are all I need.
A true Friend, a true Comforter.
One..in times of need.

Laptop down
ruffROSE hacked
going broke
that's life for me

ill never go out again.
ill never talk again.
ill just shut myself up
mind my own business.

is there someone who cares?
is there someone whom i can share?
To the God in Heaven
You're everything to me

MnM

MnM was fun and great. kuudos to those involved in e committee. not bad, my team managed to finish with just 3 people while the rest were having like 5-6 people. kinda demoralising at first, felt like we were being outcasted...but its ok.

maybe its bcus im immune to it or something..haha :S

not bad, i survived throughout with just having only eaten a few pancakes at 11am. practically didnt eat anything till after MnM which was like around 9+. except for drinking one carton of apple aloe vera with timo and el.

started off e day with combined cg PM at someone's house at tampines. boonlay-tampines-orchard-botanic gardens-tanglin-boonlay...not bad..lol. after tt went straight to orchard. meet up with jo, law, PC and tric.

but the night before talked with pam on e phone for 45min+, almost an hr. cant rem when was e last time i talked so long. for a start i didnt even rem i could actually talk so long ^.O let alone talk on the phone at all..for like AGES..

well, back to MnM...not only i was tired, weak, sick (well, im just left with a sore throat) and hungry...i was surviving a cut on my ankle by my misfortunate sandals i wore. i was literally pressing the cutspot for e entire day. towards e end i was practically limping..but dont think anyone realised.

after MnM we went mac to eat. i like eating at e last hours. the burgers and everything were cooked on e spot. hot and nice. just tt last night's fries were a little 'powerful'. ended up drinking 2 cups of drink. luckily i ordered coke light. they say its 'light/diet' yet i have no idea how it still manages to taste so sweet. something like ur sugarless ricola sweets that attracts swarms of ants after left at one fixed spot for a mere 5 minutes. (yea, i tried before)

im still seeing flashing colored lines on my screen :S was supposed to go fix it today..guess ill call up e svc ctr first to see if they're open. and to see if my warranty had expired. :S no games, no movies, no pictures for me..only still sights and sounds. no pictures cus e colors are distorted =X

im gonna do a sy rogers compilation i hope. soon. thurs is my med exam. after tt mebbe if ppl goin, i might join e rest of my cgm for a 'supposedly planned' movie outing. see how it goes. have to see wad time the small handful finish their BS.

actually back to my laptop, theres one more problem that ive been having since my last maintenance last nov/dec. till now. is that my sound card is a little unstable. sometimes when i start up my lappy, the sounds will be played at a slower/lower/deeper pace/pitch/setting. i had to restart the lappy to restore the correct sound.

well, i didnt really find tt a bother so i left it tt way. but now the LCD..arrgh..cant just ignore it. o_O and now hols so my bro will be using the comp and i wont be able to do anything other than go on MSN and surf a few pages that dont have too much color...

Sy Rogers

im done with 2 posts of lameness, coldness and sarcasm.

sy rogers was gd today...he said lots of gd stuff, i hope to compile them soon. my laptop is breaking apart. sound card just went bogus just now. all at this time..what a great time indeed! a kairos moment! a time in season! o_O

liz told me that my warranty expires end of this sem. and that from next sem onwards, the service center will no longer be in campus. instead ill have to pay the full maintenance cost at the toshiba center. good..then i can go burn them down myself..muahahaha!

the atmosphere and e presence of God today was awesome. more than just sy rogers being a great speaker, is the God who's speakin and moving through him.

the presence of God was so strong towards e end, that unexpectedly, people started getting delivered. whatever God is doing, i wanna be a part of..wherever God is, thats where i wanna be.

was just digging my old music archives and i found this song by HS london thats playing in the blogplayer. hmm, planetshakers seem to have stopped coming to chc..now its more CCC, D? and AN and DHolmes.

M&M tmr..mystery march..at botanical gardens..a night event featuring a murder mystery theme. will try to go for svc tmr cus msg will be diff, then after tt go for combined cg PM with 2 other CGs...

Part TWO!!! :@

yea im still kinda pissed at this blogger login.

"Remember me..." DOESNT REMEMBER ME!!! WTH!! everytime have to relog!!! Your england FAIL ISIT??? Blogger staff as stupid as toshi-ali-ba-ba-nehneh isit????

ARRGH!

I just had a thought..

What if the same thing happens in year4 and I go to year 5? :( I shall be the rare breed, of year 5 students..DAMNIT! T_T

one more thing..toshialibabanehneh!!!! you guys fix the problem without dealing with the root!!! YOU TRYING TO CHEAT PEOPLE OF THEIR MONEY ISIT???

guess what's the root, its not the laptop, its YOU!!!!

IT is the only module that you cant pass just by being smart!! you need a frigging working laptop!!! BillGates is sooooo smart..i just bomb his servers and companies he'll be reduced to dust and ashes!!

OHHH but he has MONEY...so what?? i service my laptop almost every 2 months. EVERY 2 MONTHS I BOMB HIS SERVERS AND COMPANIES for more than 3 years, every 2 months see he bankrupt anot!

He has nothing to do with Toshialibabanehneh. just an illustration. BUT GOOD ENOUGH FOR TOSHIALIBABANEHNEH TO BE BURNT DOWN!!!

ROAR!!!!

TOSHIBA!!!!!! :@

As long as toshiba exists..I WANT A REFUND!!!!

stupid laptop after 6 months of 'silence'..i finally see flashing green and red lines on my screen!!! WTH!!! After 3 years..THREE WHOLE YEARS..this so-called 'toshiba service centre' SUCKS! why? i tell u why...

because every year..i service my laptop AT LEAST..AT LEAST...once in 2 months. it cost me to get 0 for COUNTLESS assignments as a spoilt laptop cannot be considered an excuse..FOR AN IT PROJECT!!! so if I suffocate a person to death its not considered murder???? PIGS ARE SINGING MAN!!!

IT project, no IT equipment = no excuse.
so human die, no air = no excuse, so suffocating a STAFF/WORKER in NP is LEGAL!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! you think you so smart huh? you think im lame huh? AT LEAST MY LAME JOKES ARE INTELLIGENT YOU *tooooooooooooooootS*!!!!!

how does it feel, all you brainless intellects to be OWNED by my intelligent lameness???? :@ GRR!!! im gonna retake my IHP soon...YOU WANNA SPOIL AGAIN??? EVERY MAJOR ASSIGNMENT AND EXAM..my laptop SURE KAPOW ONE!!! (huh..not just SURE kapow, it NEVER FAILS to kapow!!!)

all you toshi-ali-baba-nehneh DOINKS! whats your fricking problem with MAINTENANCE man? think i dont how how u fix my laptop always isit???

got one time i send lappy for repair because of a particular hardware problem..THAT WAS SO OBVIOUS because of some features and 'imperfections' that were visible on the outside. and guess what..a few months later i sent for maintenance again..this time, it was ok cus it was something else tt spoilt.

"Dont worry, we will change the hardware for you"

After the second maintenance..I GOT BACK THE SAME FRIGGIN HARDWARE THAT WAS SPOILT a few months back!!! Yeah, they fixed my problem at tt time..but they return me that old hardware tt spoilt months ago! yeah..fixed...my current problem is fixed because you took my loooong ago hardware to replace it.

its like saying: (example)

Week1: Mouse left button spoil - "Okay, we will change it for you" (Mouse A)
Week2: New mouse (Mouse B)
Week6: Mouse B, cable/USB port spoil - "Dont worry, we'll get you a mouse with a working cable. At best, we replace you the cable for free."
Week7: Here's your new mouse. (Mouse A - neh..cable working mah..)

WTH!!!!! you call that service??? service your ah-mah la..service. my ah-ma sew clothes with the stepping sewer with wheel one, she sew better than you MULTINATIONAL-CORPORATION (MNC) SERVICES!!!

MNC somemore..(My-Nehneh-Crack) ah!!!!!

better blog more..cus i might not even have comp for the next one month!!! somemore now holiday..OH NOES SERVICE CENTER IS NOT OPEN..it will only open during school hours..TMD!!! you want my IHP to start then you open isit??? BY THE TIME YOU OPEN YOUR STUPID SERVICE CENTER MY AHMA OPEN 10 KOPITIAM OREDY!!!!

i got a friend whose laptop spoilt because he spilled water..how careless right? NO! thats no e prob..the customer service wasnt able to deliver/replace e part in e expected timespan, so they asked him, 'would you like to change any part of the laptop? we'll do it for you for free to compensate for lost time..?"

AND GUESS WHAT..

he changed the 64MB graphic card to a 256MB GEFORCE card on his laptop!! FOR FREE!!! WTH!!! arrrrrrrghhhhhhhh! im stuck with this toshi-ali-ba-ba-nehneh lousy laptop! YUCKS! :S

Irony?

BS was gd today. my throat is slowly clearing up. at least theres lots of phlegm now...better than having dry, painful coughs..at least now i can have fun clearing those phlegm..lol.

i really dunno..

i always appear to be so strong, but deep down im hurt. i always appear to be so happy, but deep down im burdened, i always appear to be so encouraging, but deep down im discouraged, i always appear to be so loving, but deep down im feeling lonely and struggle for the need to be loved and accepted..

i really dont know what im thinkin...ive always loved, encouraged, sacrificed..but deep down, somehow, i have left my own needs unattended..

evan called..i kinda knew what she was gonna say, and i kinda knew who called her for her to call me. for a moment..my smile dissipated..and reality set in. i was deep in thoughts on e train home...as i walked frm e stn home..one drop of tear trickled down my face.

and i asked God a stupid question which e answer was so obvious.."God, do you love me?" (i was holding my tears..)
"of course I love You..I love you no matter what you've done, and even what you are gonna do in the future."

i always tell myself, i have to stand on my own feet, i cannot afford to be helped by people. i have to solve and overcome these problems myself, i can do it. but all this time..i feel so lonely, and so helpless..but i keep on telling myself, i will stand on my own 2 feet.

i jus remembered..70% of all diseases are psyshosomatic. to have 7 diseases at one go...is it because of what im going through? i dun really know. i dunno how to face my parents anymore, i dunno how to face anyone else anymore.

im probably the only one who admires and respects my younger sibling above myself. now i look at him, and im happy for him, he so much better than me in so many ways..God, i just wanna be like You..God, im doing my best..

Is there even one thing that ive done..tt have made You proud?

i just lay on my bed..my pillow and bolster soaked in tears..

Prayer meeting

the worse thing that could happen is IE closing suddenly and display the illegal operation message..ARRGH!!! cant you display the error message then close??? at least i can save my post..GRRR!!

and for some reason..the blogger login page, 'remember me' function is cocked up. i 'remember me' dunno how many times, but i still have to login each time i tried access my dashboard to create a new post o_O

maybe blogger shld improve their england and rename the function 'remember me FOREVER' instead ^.O

back to my retyped post:

prayer meeting was good. mission accomplished. God is good..He gave me the strength to pray through the service. i feel a bit better now..at least i can breathe through my nose. but my voice and my throat have yet to fully recover. nose still a bit mucish.

not only that, i could stay back after PM to wait for my fellow CGMs keke :D its tough, even though every second i was in discomfort and certain pain, giving is what makes me happy. giving my time, my energy, etc. i know i prayed the best i could and sang the best i could. XD

300,000..for some reason when ps said this number, i have a feeling that our 10000 seater hall in e marketplace is not our final destination. i dunno where God will take us..its just a thought..haha..

just some random thoughts..

sometimes we try so hard to be someone/anyone...but ourselves. God created us the way we are and we should learn to love ourselves for who God made us to be. If God says it is VERY good then it is VERY good..

no doubt each of us have our own set of strengths and weaknesses..that is why God place people in our lives, people whose strengths and weaknesses compliment ours..so that we can grow together in the Lord. Robb Thompson once said, your future is not determined by you alone, but by the people you allow access into your lives.

these are the people who will shape you, people who will test you and bring out the best in you. there are times we will feel lousy about ourselves..particularly for me, ill feel that way when i feel ive 'troubled' the people i love instead of being someone who contributes..

thats part and parcel of life..ure expected to serve and be a blessing..but most of the time, not to everyone..God will always place people who are mature, stronger spiritually in your life to help you and strengthen you. and we should learn to cherish these people.

there are some people we can serve, but theres always people who will serve us.

hmm..im stuck at thoughts..dunno wad to type anymore..gotta go rest..now my entire throat is phlegmed..at least its not as uncomfortable and painful as a dry throat..o.o

haha...















"I will live to love You"
"I will live to bring You praise"
"I will live, a child in awe of You..."

a song that expresses my heart...

My Will

yeah im writing my will..nah jus kidding o_O

Here's a summary of my accumulation due to my sleepless night..

Dry Cough

Flu

Cold

Headache

Throat Irritation

Inflammed Throat

Blocked Nose

Eternal Sneezing to lose extra pounds

Fever

The feeling of dying

No blanket..no sleep, just me alone in my room

Thoughts creeping in...

Im going to go for it..even if its gonna cost me my life..

I am someone who will always be there no matter what..

My true love, my true self, my true conviction, will be revealed in my true sacrifice..

How do i keep on showing up?

Because i carry one value i learnt from God..

Commitment is conviction...

What is conviction? Studies are no excuse, PO is no excuse, health is no excuse, work is no excuse, comfort is no excuse..the moment you make a DECISION to turn that excuse into an opportunity, the moment you STEP OUT of your comfort zone..that proves your true conviction. It is something you're willing to die for, no matter what the cost, no matter what the circumstance.

Few place the house of God as a conviction, how many of you ever placed your RELATIONSHIP with Him, a conviction? how many of you ever placed your COMMITMENT to Him, your conviction. its not just about being committed to prayer, its not just about being committed to worship, its not even just about being committed in quiet time..

its about being commited to commitment, committed to relationship!

I love God and i will not run away from Him just because some stupid buay-hiao-bai, cannot-make-it choir leader decides to put the germs on me. You wanna germinate me? Go ahead..place all your fricking germs on me you you son-of-a..wait..

YOU HAVE NO MOTHER!! BWAHAHAHAHA!

yeah, place all your fricking germs on me..because im gonna go to a place where im gonna flood your germs with the blood and the presence and the power of God!

Your made a big mistake to piss me off...

Im gonna enjoy seeing your sicknesses go, im gonna enjoy and smile at all your puny germs getting annihilated by the blood of God..you crazy Mr. S.A. Tan...GU GU!!! (tan gu gu - wait long long)!!!

Sick

sick..sick..sick..damn sick..

been snuffing my nose e whole day yesterday while serving..prob because i only slept 1-2hrs, and i was almost late! stood for almost 7hrs..and walking around my station, helping the CCH/nursery. after tt i started feeling weak..i didnt think much of it..

this morning it became worse..nose started producing mucus at the rate a male produces sperm o_O damn the sickness..even my lame-ntation neurology is going haywire. then again, only pigsty have hay o_O ahhhh! i know..not funny! exactly! ^.O

this evening..i sneezed from 7pm all the way till 2-3am now. its 5.10am. and im still not asleep..why? because my entire nose and breathing apparatus is drowning. each time i swallowed saliva, it feels as if my entire windpipe is blocked by mucus..the passage from my nose to my throat is also blocked..everywhere is mucusated!!!!

then now i cant even breathe through my nose anymore..and my nose hurts from all the sneezing, and now my throat feels heaty..that fricking itch making me sleepless! AHH! sleep on my back..mucus accumulated in my nose is jammed..tried blowing my nose..by no air would come out..tried forceful inhaling and redirection of mucus to my throat..didnt work either..

im literally drowning in my own mucus..i can feel it going into my lungs o_O. every saliva i swallowed, my nose felt lke bursting, and my throat felt like imploding. and i dun even feel as if my saliva went down..its probably stuck somewhere..

tried sleeping on my sides..WORSE! tried sleeping face down..hoping e mucus would flow out..WORSE!!! it hurts so bad..its jammed so bad..tried drinking water..drank lots..went to the toilet every other 15min. each time i drank it felt like im drinking water that is alive! exploding through my nose and imploding into my throat!!!

wanna know whats worse? MY MAID HAD TO WASH MY BLANKET!!!! not only am i suffering hell here..cant sleep, explosion, implosion, disintegration, total annihilation..IM FREEZING!!!! lying on my bed is like lying on e floor now...ARRRGH!!!!

not this way! i wanna attend prayer meeting! i dont care! i dont give a damn! as long as i have a nose and a mouth..i will screw this sickness and i will go! ROAR!

Service and Memories

service was awesome...PHILANTHROPIST! woot..haha.

after svc celebrated sebas' belated bdae haha. went to makan at bedok. had a gd time. :D

by the way, i posted i bulletin on friendster because i was bored..haha. since some ppl said my link wasnt working, ill post e full bulletin here :D

-START-

In a TRUE love relationship, a guy seeks
to benefit the girl and the girl seeks
to benefit a guy.

Both seek out the
interests of each other rather than
themselves.

Both expect nothing in return, nothing
more than for the other party to be happy.

If a true love relationship is meant for
a guy loving a girl, PLUS a girl loving
a guy, then:

The moment you seek to benefit yourself
in a relationship:

You love yourself.

Equals: You love your own gender; the
same gender.

Equals: You are gay!

So if both of you are gay, then surely
the relationship will not last!

Don't be a gay, be a real lover!

=P

-END-

i was chattin with Cinth abt my PSLE prelim/mock paper during primary 6. how i miraculously scored ZERO! yes! i remembered some of the most unforgettable 'mistakes'. and of course, i also remembered miss low soh tin (cant rem how to spell) knocking my head! LOL!

I think 'tweety leong' also rem vividly..i guess..haha..anyway..

well, here are some of the parts of the passage i remembered, note, its not exact but the scene i remembered was a wedding:

1. The pastor read the wedding vows _____.
Answer: Wrongly

2. The congregation _____ while the bride and the groom entered...
Answer: Stared

3. The pastor said, "You may now _____ the bride."
Answer: Love

What sia..correct what..i never screw my england man..lol still i got zero. Yea..laugh, laugh somemore..at tt time i was doing so seriously then i got shocked when i got zero o.O Ms Low knock my head and even read my passage aloud :S so malu lor..=/

now i think of it i laugh..how i know it was lame..i dun even know what lameness was o.O guess i was born with it! hahahaha!!!

then Cinth still must say:

"wrong wedding vows, congregation stares, still can love the bride. not bad :D"

nani!?!?!?!

Looong update

well..not really a long update..just a long period of time w/o me blogging.

ill just sum up this week in one word: Bleach!

hard to believe right? yea. u tink im talking cock..but sorry to disappoint you..im not talking cock, but im talking engerish o_O

anyway, started watching on monday. :O was brainwashed in a way by my bro..lol. he say very nice and if wanna watch mus watch from e beginning. since we are connected..ill tend to wanna enjoy what he's enjoying..sooo..i TRIED..

one episode. and holy momma the moment i watched the first episode..i chiong until now episode 90+ close to 100. LOL. damn..

i wanna comprain..ARRGH. stupid maid open the bottle cap frm e soft drink dunno how to screw the cap o_O screw also screw halfway..since morning left 'air-ed' till a few minutes ago..wth..taste like fruit starch concentrate X_X plus i drink after e garlic bread..wa..my mouth machiam red light district now..o_O (random)

haha and thanks to someone who almost gave me a sleepness night =p this are some statements..haha:

"the cutesy little baby peach oh so lovely and squashable and soft and sweet and yummy and squishy and pink and awwwww"

and

"so succulent and juicy and soft and AOOWWW!!"

and

"goodbye my cutesy lil baby peachy sweetie lovely pinky juicy softy squishy yummy smoooooth babelicious peachyyy babyyyy!!!!

ROAR..!!!! lol..poke me with umbrella somemore o_O

well, its been awhile since i had such gd quiet time..as i was watching e live service and doin my notes as usual, then after tt i had a mini-prayer meeting in my own room. and the song "One2" from the Cross album really helps to build a 'prayer meeting' atmosphere keke. it was good. intended to pray 30min but i overshot as usual to almost an hr..lol.

after tt well, i had an encounter with God and He asked me for some reason..to 'go ahead, take ur guitar and play'. well, i played and boy ill nv forget this night. new songs and melodies jus came out..well..they ARENT professional but it was individual, personal, private and intimate. after playing a few songs, God started to speak to me and say things that touched me so deeply.

for a moment i was lost in the presence of God..in tears..all this while..He was always there for me. when im alone, He was there. when im down, He was there..closer to me than my very breath, even at times when i didnt feel that He was near me. it was then i was reminded, "when you cant see His hand, you can always trust His heart."

you may feel where is God? wheres e fire in your spiritual life? the fuel is the Holy Spirit and He is always there..the reason sometimes we cant feel Him is because we are too preoccupied with our own lives. The oil is there, it is up to YOU to ignite the flame! Just because you lose the fire doesnt mean you have lost the presence of God or that He's too far away.

the fuel is always there. but the one who ignites it is you, when you make a decision to press in! the fuel doesnt move..the lighter does. just like a stove..the reason food is not cooked is not because there's no gas..but its because no one lighted the stove!

no doubt God can rekindle the flame. remember the story of the boat in the storm? Jesus was sleeping while the storm was taking place. Not because He didnt care..but there must come a point of maturity where you are able to pick yourself up!

Don't let God do everything for you..you guys are a TEAM remember? Just as a husband is in a covenant relationship with his wife..so its the same with us and God. thats why how we treat and relate to God will determine how we treat and relate to people in the real world.

oh wells..

well..after i finished my qt and stuff i went to grab a bite in e kitchen..and there had a little chat with God..its been awhile since i chatted with God :D keke. and its not formal chat..haha i was rather friendly and casual chat. Holy Spirit is a fun guy to be with..haha..He asked me if i was bored playing ROSE haha..

"mmm..this bread tastes good.."
"you've been playing ROSE for so long..aren't you sick of it?"
"well..yea i am..just killing time i guess.." (i caught His 'hint' :o)
"so..andrew..are there any nice games out there that you'd like to play?"
"well..i admit im kinda bored of games lately and stuffs.."
"you're not gonna Bleach your way through the holidays are you?"
"nah, dont worry..im finishing this anime series soon" (lol expression)
"its rather late..try not to sleep immediately after you eat finish..it's not good for you or your stomach..at least wait for an hour before you go to sleep"
"yep..will do. thanks for everything. i love You soooo much.."

and yea..we struck a short conversation haha..really cool XD Thanks God, for a night i will remember..:D