Take all of me

This week's been emotionally draining. Basically, every other night I lay on my bed in tears as I poured my heart out to God.

Its one thing to know that ure loved, its another thing to experience the love.
Its one thing to know that ure not alone, but its another thing to have someone physically by your side.

The tears I shed at night, were not tears that flowed because of the tough training,
But they were tears shed because of the relationships I treasured,
Relationships that meant a lot to me.

People dont understand why you cry,
Because they never experienced what its like to have a closely bonded and loving family.

People dont understand why you cry,
Because they never experienced what its like to be in a cg where you are loved.

People dont understand why you cry,
Because they know only about God, but have never really KNOWN Him.

I liked it when Adam quoted Rev Dr A R Bernard:

"Buddhists have no problem believing Buddha is dead, Confusionists have no problem believing confucius is dead, but if we christians have no problem believing Jesus is dead, then ure missing on the whole point! Because Jesus is alive!"

"When you reach out to people, you are not bringing to them a religion, you are introducing them to a person!"

Man..POWER! lol

Cg message struck me. To me, Ive known God. We've been through a lot..if you think Im lame, lol, let me tell you my God is lamer haha. I dont know about you, but thats how my relationship with Him is..we do joke, and crap, but He always wins. =/ haha.

I mean, when you're all alone. Who else can you talk to? Who else can you pour out your heart freely to? I dont know, the reason why my relationship with God is like that is maybe because Im alone 80% of the time. There's more than enough room for God to speak, for Him to move.

Im not saying you should practice being alone, I mean, each of us have a different love language, and between me and God, thats just me. I like solitude. I like being alone, in a quiet place, just Him and me, no one else.

Okay, not that I like being alone, but Im always 'so happened' to be alone, left out, blablabla..

Its strange, I dont know how, I dont know why, ask God...:O

BUT..

I wanna know Him more.

Well, been sick the whole week. Still coughing. Man, my cough has never healed since I stepped into NS lol. O_O. In fact..back in my school days, I only see the doctor like at most 2 times a year! But now, falling sick is like breathing! =/

This coming week is my final ippt test, swimming test, defense tactics test, and obstacle course test. Man, they really chiong everything..cus sept is my law exam..maybe they wanna give us time to study and to have our remedial classes.

Our scenario based test is also coming. ahhhhhhhh!!!! Real life role play simulation. We actually have a mini 'town' inside the academy with kopitiams, mcdonalds, flats and cars! I can imagine..they give me a husband and wife dispute as my scenario..when Im asked to handle the scenario..ill probably walk towards the couple..and say, "BE GONE IN JESUS NAME!!!!" ROFLMAOLOL!

Okay that was lame. Id either flunk badly, or my instructor will pass out. O_O

Oh well, despite a tough and emotional week, I have one testimony that Im happy to say, Ive upgraded from Pes BP (Obese) to Pes B. Yay! No more obese. Seriously, I think Im getting a little too vain, or health conscious, or whatever. Guess what I had dinner just now after service..HERBAL CHICKEN! But it was tasty so..yea.

Service today was great. Man, Im hungry for the S1 notes, cus I didnt know all services would be different :S I think ill marry the first person to hand me the notes lol..

Sidetrack..

I heard from my friend that the cgcs had some BGR talk with pastor on tuesday. And my friend was telling me..advisable age to get married: 21-25/28. O_O GG! GAME OVER! I think by the time I ORD, by the time I get my degree...=(( Gosh, I dont wanna imagine.

All the passion, all the fun and excitement, all the romance and 'sexual energy' and youth, will go down! =(( Sooo oldddd OMG! Who would want a 30 year old me? :S 30 years old omg!! AHHHH!!!!! *Bang!

Okay, forget it..I think I dont have time also :S NS is shit. I dont have time to mature in relationships, let alone develop one..GG! RAWWRRRR!!!

Went to seowshi's house. She went high. lol

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Over the guitar hahaha! Dont think too much k? O_O.

Anyway, she invited me to join a band Living Legacy. Started by Torance. Well, even though we are all wannabes but it was birthed out of a strong vision. Well, I guess Im still in my 'audition' stage, cus I dont know when Ill have time to really meet up and stuff. =S

Well, my role was electric guitarist..I guess..after this night, something has changed? LOL! My role that is..*Cough cough, I shall not say anymore haha. Cus our band has MANY members already..LOL.

Anyway, if you ask me how I joined these 2 great people, seowshi and torance. PM me lol. Its a long story..this week's been depressing for me..in the midst of depression, God spoke I guess, and because Im so close with Him, despite my circumstances, I chose faith.

People have this idea, a person going through depression cant have faith.

But I proved that statement wrong. Not many people knew the state which I was in. The things I attempted, etc.

How is faith in depression possible?

The answer is very simple:

Genuine relationship.
Genuine conversion.

Im not a fake. Im for real. Its possible for me, because of a love so strong, its unconditional.

Your relationship with God will be tested.
Will you pass the test?

Even when He seems He has left you alone to suffer, just like how Jesus was left to suffer, will you still love Him? Will you still sing to Him, lift up your hands to Him?

Walking with God is simple to me for this week..

It is to walk the path that Jesus walked.