Lousy week

This week is absolutely depressing.

Screwed up standard obstacle course due to fear of heights and fear of falling. Almost vomitted, sprained my shoulder, and in the middle of the week, a diarrhoea outbreak due to food poisoning, more than half my squad down.

Thankfully, I didnt get it. Praise God for that.

But sadly, those who got it got 2 days MC, they booked out on thursday while I booked out on friday 10pm, due to a compulsory soccer match we had to support. O_O

This whole week feels as if every hardship I go through, I go through alone,
Whereas when others are going through THEIR tough times, I willingly avail myself
To be there for them, even though I feel like breaking down myself.

I feel like Im no longer part of a church or celgrp..I no longer miss my friends in cg and church.

It feels kinda weird.

The past 2 weeks have been a lonely period for me, the reason why Im more closer to my bunk/squadmates now is because of the sh*t we go through together, and whenever I feel down, they were the ones that were there, even though they dont know it, just by cracking some lame jokes or dirty jokes to make me laugh, really made my day.

Our new FI isnt so bad, training-wise its tougher, but he's a reasonable guy, really fights and defends his squad a lot, cares a lot. Tough love I would say. But once in awhile, we still say hi and catch up a little during our after-meal breaks, with our previous FI, whom we've grown so much, 'attached' to..because it was he who looked after us, gave us diet talks, planned bonding sessions and fun PT for us..

Well, the only good thing I can look forward to now is that next friday Im booking out at 12pm.

All in all, this week..I really feel dead inside. Not spiritually, but emotionally dead.

I dont talk to anyone, I stone the whole week. Even when Im doing barrack duty in the barrack room, record log sheets and squad movement, key loans, etc. Our coy commander dropped by in the afternoon to crap with us..

Thank God for great people in my life in camp. Even my coy commander asked me, "hey..you dont talk to anyone one ah? why you so quiet one?"..=/

Well, I guess Im anti social. At least right now I am. I dont like talking to anyone, nor meeting anyone. I dont know why.

To some people..

Friends are people who are there with you when ure down.
To them, you are someone just there, solely to meet their needs.

When they need help, they find you.
When they're doing well, they forget about you.

Im tired of pressing into people's lives when they choose not to take initiative and responsibility over their own friendships. Sometimes I feel Im jus wasting my smses and calls. Stupid.

Now I know how God feels when He tries to commune with you and all you do is to mind your own business, go ahead living your own life, solving your own damn problems!

Only when ure in need, THEN you pray to Him! In school you have friends, outside, you have friends. You're always surrounded by people. Always occupied, always busy.

Well, Im not. Im always alone, by myself, no company, no nothing. Just me and God..and everytime I think about it, I really sympathise with God, He has brought me through this period to kinda let me have a taste of how being neglected feels like, but yet at the same time, I really envy Him how He's able to handle billions of people like that..

God is always pressing into your life, but so many people just take it for granted.

Selfish relationship.

Well..Ill end by saying this..you can hate me all you want, I dont care.

How you treat people is how you treat God.
How you talk to people is how you talk to God.

Ive done my best, to encourage, to take interest, to take initiative, to help.
If you just wanna ignore and take advantage of me, by all means go ahead.

It just simply reflects what kind of heart you have.

There's really nothing more I can say.