Great week and...

This week's been great. Im happy for many things.

This week ive been assigned as squad leader. We rotate sqls so each one can get a chance. I must say, thank God, everything went pretty smooth, but most importantly, I had fun.

Also, since I enlisted, Ive lost 4 KGs. And mind you, its not those type where, you wake up in e morning, lose 1-2 kg because ure hungry, and then in e middle of e day, u gain it back..

Mine is consistent. Slow and steady.

All in all, it was a great week, so many funny things happened at camp, everyday there's laughter, and bonding, which is definitely BETTER than light duty or mc!

Dojo was the most fun, armlocks, fake punches, kicks and stuff haha. Breaking a chokehold, or using force to break a hold of someone holding onto your hand, tossing people 1.5times your weight, etc..

Hahaha. Okay, the sitting on each other thing was gay and..erm, REALLY gay. lol..looks as if we're having..u know..haha. Okay never mind lol, too close to the mouth..lalala..wth..haha.

And..a few lessons back, there was this female instructor..she used a T-baton and did an armlock on me..omg..pain! Then take down, onto the mat..pain! LOL. Freaky. Got muscles man. =/

Anyway..

This week..on another side..

Was a rather lonely week for me. Well, not exactly lonely. For some reason, all these testimonies are great to share..I just cant find anyone whom I can share with. :S Everyone's so busy. Sometimes I feel like as if I dont exist.

Its like, ure happy, but you have no one there to be happy with you..yea. =/

What my friend shared is so true, its no use if one person is pressing into another person's life, its like a one way friendship. Sometimes I wish I could just sms myself and reply to myself.

I wish I could have someone whom I can share spiritual stuffs with, someone whom I can talk about spiritual stuffs with, whether is it via sms or phonecall. This whole week, I dont know, it feels terrible..to be having breakthroughs and fun and each time I pick up my phone, I discovered there isnt really anyone whom I can share my joy, my revelations with.

Or rather, I get stuck, dont know who to sms, dont know who to call, because everyone's so busy..

I lay on my bed one night, and wondered, what it was like to be married...

Someone there for you, someone you can be happy with, be sad with, through thick and thin, we go through life together, becoming overcomers together..

Wondered how it feels like to be able to do QT with someone, cry in the presence of God together, pray together..right now, I dont know, I really long for that kind of companionship, not just the opposite sex.

Sorry if there arent any pics or videos, you wont be seeing them in a long long time..my POP is in October. Just like my 21st in camp, alone..I wonder if another big moment of my life, Ill be there by myself again..

Seeing the previous intake POP this week, seeing how they gathered round their friends and families..emotions and thoughts went through my mind.

This week is the first time, I didnt feel like smsing or calling anyone. Because I know people wont reply, when Im in tears, no one is there. When Im smiling, no one can be there to share it with me.

Maybe its because Ive been hurt so much, Ive built a wall.

People will let you down, but God has never let me down. But its okay, Ive been living alone all this while anyway. Its just me and God, I dont really need any close friend or companions..=/

This week I cant go for my own service, cus my family celebrating ahgong's birthday. And tmr there's no cg, and Im going S4. So I dont think Ill meet anyone I know either. Its okay, Im so used to living life by myself that if everyone leaves me alone, i can still survive.

God has been so good to me, too good. The next book in, my FI might change. Ill miss my FI. He's really been a blessing sent from God. Even though the change is 90% confirmed, Ill still hang on and believe for that 10% chance that he wont be reshuffled to another squad.

The exercises we went through, the runs, the motivational talks, all the bonding, its really sad to see him go. Today's PT was fun, all 30+ of us, stood in one straight line. There are 2 lines. The start and the finishing line.

With arms across each other's shoulders we are to do lunges from one end to another..it was tiring, it was hard to be holding on to each other, and each time they fall, you are there to lift them up. Even though we were sweating and frowning in pain, yet deep down there was a smile.

How I wish I could have friends like that..friends in church who are like that..

These guys are muslims and buddhists..they have touched me more than my church friends, seriously..maybe its because we go through good and bad times together. Im starting to feel closer to my bunk mates than my church mates..

Its as if we're drifting apart..

Naturally we tend to be drawn where we feel accepted and loved e most..thats probably the most 'reasonable' reason why people backslide or leave church..and Im starting to feel that way.

This week, I hardly missed my cg nor my friends in church..something has happened. I dont know if its good or bad.

When I pick up my phone, is anyone out there?

Right now, it doesnt really matter.