S T O N E ! ! !

ahhhh..cant take it anymore..super stone right now..:S

ROSE is down. and tt day i slept into the muso pract..woke up realising the time.

my fren asked me if i could help out for their cg..

it was kinda weird..it first i seemed interested, as i always would..

then i received e praise song from wayne..then it seemed immediately..i jus felt a way ive never felt before..

all the while..ive always loved to play for cg, as well as playing for other cgs..i remember i used to ask evan to ask sis pauline if her cg needed a cgg for that particular week. id be so into serving the people and serving God..

then it seems like all of a sudden..i lost that interest..started to begin to feel that im never good enough ever since i came into Wayne's standards..i was afraid and felt tt i wasnt good enough, therefore i told my friend tt i couldnt serve for tt celgrp and that i needed more time to pract for fri's cg..which was true in a way..im sure there are better guitarists out there..

ive nv thought im not good..just not good ENOUGH..

ive lost my confidence in a way ive nv felt before. and i dun blame it on anyone seriously..im the problem..which was always the case :S

in e past..no matter how sucky i was, id always be happy serving God..now its different. its more like..God, i dont know much, i cant do much..id rather not serve you because I love You and i dont want to be a disgrace to You..

sometimes i would think about my dreams and aspirations..i jus feel that they are merely reckless visions i go after..mebbe i made a mistake..i dunno..i dun wanna think anymore..

im tired..and school is starting..

i jus wanna stone for e rest of my life..immovable and non reactive..jus stone..

no more hurts, no more pain, no more stress..jus a flat, neutral horizontal non-progressive progression..in life change is e only constant..true..

so is stone..