Lights, Camera, Serve!

did my first stage duty today. couldnt catch a wink e night before, more like e morning before. after svc on sat, which was just as good, went for dinner at changi mac. left just in time to catch e trian before e last train, reached home past midnight almost 1am. was tired. chatted on MSN for awhile before dozing off eventually. at 3am.

before that i couldnt really sleep because of the thing that laid in front of me. it was gonna be my first stage experience and man, it seems that every stageguy's first experience would be a rather 'memorable' one from what i heard.

so it kinda bugged me e whole night. whole morning in fact. i was excited, but at e same time, uncertain, as i prayed to God, i felt e presence of God so strong that i began to tear. i remembered that where i am today was not because of what i did, but what He did for me. it was His grace that brought me to where i am today.

i sat there and i cried out to God: God, im afraid. please dont let go of me. i cant do anything without You..and God spoke through Joyce: everything will be fine. just have a good rest.

i woke up at 5am, all ready to face e day. it was e presence of God and e joy of e Lord that gave me strength.

and so i reached expo. and before i knew it, it was time for muso pract. got to know e names of everyone on e stage, amelia was experienced so she told guided me along my first stage experience. got to know many things and the experience was just simply fantastic.

standing beside bro raymond and his guitar, bro t.boon and his drums, and behind sis gloria, grace and glen was jus breathtaking. and standing behind ps derek during offering, beside bro poh basically anywhere you stand on e stage, its like standing on the 'power generator' of the tangible presence of God that you feel throughout e service.

so many things were happening, during MusoPract, something happened to one of e keyboard monitors or something, then during actual service, hearing e comms go, problems with IEM, wireless, etc...comms were going like crazy, almost every second comms are just going on and off. at e same time, ppl on stage wanted to adjust their levels on monitors, etc. i was like 'queueing' for my turn to send comms to FB.

and boy it was loud up there. even when e keyboardist was infront of me, they had to raise their voice in order for me to hear what they are saying. sometimes i couldnt even hear, i jus relied on e Holy Spirit and waited awhile, before speaking into e comms by faith what e keyboardist wanted, because service was going on, they cant possibly be turning their heads all e time.

tt was one thing tense abt stage. either that or theyll signal to you and you jus have to decipher what they are trying to get to you. during muso pract, i attended to andrea, ally and one frm e brass section. before service, helped e dramatists with e mics and during svc attended to sis glen.

of course, then again, whenever im doing great things for God, there's always opposition. just 10-15min b4 svc, i had diarrhoea. i rushed myself to e washroom and out despite e pain. but e moment PnW started, e presence and power of God was upon every musician, singer and everyone else on stage and e pain was gone :D

i didnt sneeze, i didnt yawn, i didnt cough! man, i wasnt even nervous. i was as calm as a stone..haha..okay, mebbe stone is e wrong word to use..lolz no doubt i was tired and my leg was aching, esp when i only had 2hrs sleep. but i pulled through. and it was encouraging to know frm mindy that i did quite well as a first-time stage guy. everything went smoothly.

e series on marriage was just as good and its betting better :D

after service met bro poh, had a chat with him and helped him carry his guitar to his car!!! man! haha XD yeah! lol. standing next to him and talking to him is like man, u feel e presence of God all over Him..

He was so fatherly...

had a quite long debrief, celebrated sabrina and samuel's bdae and prayed for em. then met up with queeny, pam, my bro, peng and evan to makan at TM. I LOVE THE TOFU CHICKEN!!! and the SALMON!! hahahaha..

man, ive not talked to evan in a long time. after that went home. was feeling sleepy esp after e meal. i only get to see pam like once a week now, cus shes havin attachment. and peng i only get to see like once in a blue moon now tt we're diff cg and hes servin too.

i dunno if im feeling sad or troubled. my parents wanna go for a 2 day stay in genting and its during e weekend, tt means not only will i miss cg, ill miss TWO services! T_T no words can describe tt feeling.

i just feel so broken, so separated. like my heart was torn into two. to be away from my cg from one week pains me, to be separated frm e house of God hurts me, i cant live without the presence and e house of God, and i cant live without my cg members T_T

and it seems as if i broke my own personal conviction...T_T deep down i dun wanna go. but i stuck...!!!! T_T just now a read a sms frm one of my frens, and saw her blog...i jus sank. i know i can never please everybody, God i just want to be be with You, i jus wanna be with my cg members even though im left out..God..i dun wanna go..i wanna serve you all the days of my life..

i can never be thankful enough for the things You've done for me. all these while You've always been here with me. all these while, my cg members have always been there for me. i dun wanna go, not even for one week...:S

id rather die than to feel so distant from Your house, from those whom i love..

Living to be near You Lord, I long to see Your face....

*tears flow down my face...