Fluish, Feverish, Rants

Service was good.

Now Im down with a flu and slight fever. Havent seen the doc yet. I just feel so weak I dun wanna leave my bed.

Monday - Friday: Work from morning to night. Evening visit ahma, meet up with cg, watched movie with pranee, then I remembered going somewhere else for dinner with someone, cant rem who, and then another day, midnight jogging..

Saturday: Serve whole day, nighttime fellowship.

Sunday: Service..

Ive not slept for more than 5hrs on a single day for the entire week. Looks like its another Monday-Monday week for me. :(

Everytime Im not free, somehow I feel compelled to sacrifice more, for friendships, for people, honestly, this entire week, all the night activities, I admit deep down I was unwilling and hesitant to go for ALL of them...yes ALL. Im sorry, but thats how it was...

Didnt even get the chance to go online for the past few days, at most just for a few mins then concuss on my bed.

If I tell people Im tired, people tell me its okay, and I should sacrifice more, everytime I dont feel like doing something I feel Im being 'pushed' into doing it. I cant say no, I cant rest, I cant take ownership of my own life, someone else has to interfere and USE me to make THEMSELVES happy.

No one has ever thought of what makes me happy. Now that Ive said it, people will think Im selfish blablabla. This is the 5th time, Ive fallen sick THIS YEAR because I want to make people happy at my own expense and Im seriously sick of it.

I hate gatherings, I hate going out, especially on a weekday night, I hate meeting people, I just want to be alone, I just want to rest, I just want to be healthy. But noooo. How annoying. Everytime I want people to be there, they arent or cant be bothered. Everytime I wanna be alone, ALL of them come and bug me.

I dont mind if I have swine flu and die. I need my eternal rest. :(

Do I love the people around me? Of course I do.
Am I happy sacrificing for them? Of course I do.
But my flesh is weak, DAMN FRIGGING GODLY WEAK!

I wanna do alot of things, but Im just goddamn tired!
Screw my body! Im so disgusted by my NEWBNESS!

I wouldnt mind getting quarantined. This entire week, Ive been so tired, Im telling people around me how good it would be if I were to be given a quarantine. I can stay home, do my own things and REALLY RELAX and still get paid.

When Im tired, Im tired, okay?
Do I look like a goddamn liar to you that when I say Im tired, Im just being lazy!?!

WAKE UP! You dont know me and you never did!
Ohhhh and guess what, you will never even BOTHER TO!
You use me to make you happy, then once ure happy, you step over me.
And everytime people do that, I say nothing. I still smile.

I just pray that even though you have such low, despisable IQ, the least you could have is some common sense and conscience!

No matter how much I change for people,
People will never change for me.
Because they are unreliable.

When you say Andrew, Im sure you meant YOUR Andrew. Not the andrew that I am! Next time you want something from me, just on your printer, print a picture of my face, stick it onto your wall, kneel down and pray to that picture of me then...

Im tired, Im sick and Im frustrated. No one knows.
Im always the one pressing into people's lives, taking the initiative, being the man.

Okay, I shall end here. I really cant be bothered.
Ill just move on, with or without you.

Even God told me not to get distracted by stituations or 'friends' like that, following Him is so much better, happier and more exciting.

While people make me feel in debt,
God makes me feel in love.

Thank you Lord.