Thoughts, Last service at JW

I shall begin with a sidetrack..

Yesterday after service, while we were walking to the MRT station, I dont know if anyone noticed one of our members was feeling down. He was walking all by himself. I saw him and I felt compassion for him. Because I know how it feels.

I went to talk to him, even though Im not really a good communicator, I did my best to cheer him up. Its not easy to face parental objection. He really needs all the support he can get. The fact that he could make it for service last night was really by God's grace. I dont need to mention who, it should be pretty obvious.

At expo station, he sat by himself on the bench, while everyone was talking and laughing, I noticed him. I went to sit with him, I started talking to him, about his work, about his shoes, trying to get him to cheer up and not think about what his parents were gonna say when he gets home. It was rather late. And I could feel he was worried.

I could tell that he wanted fellowship with us. He wanted to make every moment count whenever he could come for service.

Dont ask me how, I just felt it coming out from him the moment I looked at him. When he boarded the train, he went 2-3 doors away from the celgrp. I noticed him. I went with him. I dont know if anyone realised I was missing too. I could feel he needed some time alone, someone who could listen, someone who could understand.

We alighted at Tanah Merah and he went home, quietly boarding the west bound train. I said goodbye to him. Joined the rest in the train to Pasir Ris. I was really surprised. We were at Tampines when someone asked where was he.

I dont know, I just feel that sometimes we gotta be more aware of whats going on. Im introverted, so I dont speak a lot. But I can be 'high' sometimes. But when Im not, its not that Im emoing or anything. Im just listening and observing. Well actually, most of the time I am. I reflect alot and I meditate alot on revelations, things that have happened etc.

Im like a walking iMing haha, if you can put it that way.

"You will never know how much of a servant you are, until people treat you like one".

This phrase kept ringing in my head throughout the day.

Waking up at 7am, I was sleepy, tired, hungry. Adopting the 'soundcrew syndrome' of being the last to reach home, first to reach church. I could do so much with that 1-2hrs.

My dream finally became a reality, only to realise, that I would lose it the moment I found it. 2nd row, right where the presence of God is, I prayed the night before, I prayed when I woke up, I prayed when I reached early and was queueing alone..that God would give us good seats. I prayed that Elaine's friends would experience the anointing and the presence of God and would respond to the altar call..

We did it. We were finally there.

But in a split second, it was gone. Not only the seat where I was, far away, I was really distracted by ushers moving to and fro, talking on comms, moving people, I cant help but to stare at the cameraman and at the sound crew in front, I was really distracted..

It was one of the most dry easter service I have been to. I felt like running out of the hall, I felt like leaving my seat and moving to the front to seat alone. I am not there to please people, I am there to please God. I didnt give of my time to enjoy a good drama, I gave of my time for the friends who were coming.

I gave of my time, so that they will be touched, so that they can focus on the drama and on the word, without people walking to and fro in front of them. I gave of my time so that they will be saved. I did everything, for the friends.

I wasnt caught up by the excitement of seeing how Jurong drama is gonna be like, I was focused on the mission, on the friends. I was really discouraged this easter. But I told myself the least I could do was to engage the friends, get them a place where they can experience God in a tangible way.

Somehow things didnt work out, somehow it seemed that it wasnt their time. Or did I make a mistake? Did I not try hard enough to save those seats in front? I felt really uneasy. Deep down in my spirit, I could sense things werent right.

I had the faith that Elaine's friends would respond. Somehow things changed. When I walked into that row I knew this was it. I felt so lost.

Drama was good. And many went forward and Im happy to God for that. Maybe the friends of the celgrp that sat at the 2nd row went up? Maybe it was their time. Maybe the friends who sat on the 2nd row needed God more than Elaine's friends? That thought just didnt make me feel at ease, but I knew God was in control.

I felt really used. That was when I remembered the phrase I typed earlier on. And I was reminded, what you do, sometimes people dont appreciate, sometimes people dont get the picture, sometimes people wont understand what you are going through, sometimes people dont know how your week has been.

No one is perfect. But God is perfect. Man will let you down but God will never let you down. Even if I dont feel God's presence, I will still lift my hands, I will still praise Him, I will still worship Him. Even if God doesnt bless me, I will still love Him.

Good times, bad times...He is the God of my forever.

Obedience is better than sacrifice.