Random (long post)

Okay, my mood has totally been spoiled by some snacks vending machine that jammed my packet of chips at the top and wasted my 70 cents. i was hungry and in pain cus i walked quite a distance.

And suddenly i thought of things to talk about. Lets talk about gossip and acountability.

Well..yesterday someone flew aeroplane and i ended up printing song sheets. i mean..its okay and i dont mind printing song sheets. there's a difference between late, not coming, and never intended to come at all.

i was in e room with adam and mac during guitar practice when the msg came in 5-10minutes before cg started. im not saying i hate the person whatsoever, i love the person, but i dont approve of e person's character, attitude and lifestyle.

esp when u do something you like at the expense of others. i mean, when u walk with God..you will know things..and sometimes, i may not see it, i may not be there..but deep down inside, my spirit is plugged into God.

i mean, its pretty obvious to differentiate a keen latecomer, and an unkeen latecomer. its always okay to do something you like..but at what expense? at what compromise? i know there are things going on and honestly, i cant be bothered with what. dont worry, im not gonna ask God reveal to me..of course i can..but im not gonna do it because i trust people to be mature. its between you and God.

i really could feel it when adam received e last minute thing. he was shocked and during the meeting when something happened and we were distracted..i could feel e whole atmosphere change.

now, im not trying to show off or what, but as a guitarist, when atmosphere drops or changes, i can feel it. i can feel it when people are tired. i can feel it when people are unwilling, i can feel it when people are half-hearted, and not serious.

'ohhhhhh..andrew ure being too sensitive...ure being tooo emotional..'. no. im just being obedient. if not i wouldnt be given the responsibility to lead the praise n worship. its a heavy responsibility, and i know God will empower me to do it, but because He did..thats why ive grown and thats why sometimes i talk to people, i know whats going on.

im not trying to freak you out or anything..isnt that what the life of a believer is all about? its been scientifically proven. when one sense of the body is inactive, lets say..u close ur eyes..its scientifically proven that ur other senses become 'aware' and increase in sensitivity to make up for that lost sense.

just because im quiet and i dont speak much..it doesnt mean my other senses are 'stagnant'. in actual fact, my other senses are more intuned. God proves it, even science proves it. they always say..the more chatty u are..the harder it is to be quiet. because ure just not wired that way. or ure not in a condition where ure able to switch and adapt.

just to sidetrack abit..everything that happens in my life, i am accountable to adam and to people around me who im close to. you think i have nothing better to do than to send smses like "ahhh i just fell down.." to adam?

come on..first of all..if u think im doing that to attract attention, you really need a mental checkup. if u think im gay or 'obsessed' with u..then u really need to see the psychiatrist. which i hope nobody thinks that way.

just look at ps kong, he is my role model..he even shared his temptations and struggles openly with us. you are accountable because you love a person. you are accountable because you trust a person, you are accountable because you have initiative and responsibility!

if theres anything going on..big or small..at least let adam know. most of e time i share with adam. whenever im upset over something, i get a free and convenient time to talk it out with him. as a cgl, i know there is a responsibility over the celgrp, thats why i take e initiative to make his life easier..dont keep him in the dark. being a leader is hard, but he's willing to do it for us.

there was even one time, i cried to him. 'dun wan la..paiseh..' if ure gonna paiseh here and paiseh there, then ure not going to go anywhere! if u care so much of your own face, your own life, your own interests, then ure no different from anyone and everyone else.

outwardly u can be someone but inwardly ure another person.

even for myself, im yearning for the day when i can freely openly share with u guys the struggles i go through, the temptations i face and the difficulties in my circumstances more and more.

everything ive posted is not something that i myself dont go through, i do, and i change and i overcome. thats why im able to share things like that because i myself went through them.

lets talk about gossiping, talking behind peoples backs. u know what im talking abt. i know when someone gossips, they have that 'aura' all over them. when i first got saved, i told God. God I wanna say the things u say, i wanna feel the things u feel, i wanna see e things u see.

God doesnt see u as a person, He sees u as a spirit. we are all spirits inside a body. and i ask God to give me the anointing and the power to see people as who they really are. when i see adam, i see the spirit of adam, when i see timothy, i see the spirit of timothy. the attitude, the genuine character and the heart of a person.

also thats partly the reason why i can forgive and forget so easily, how i can increase my capacity for people who are different. because i see through them and i see a need, i see a hurt and i reach out..not to the shell on the outside, but to the spirit on the inside.

back to gossiping, you wanna have a poisonous tongue? then go ahead. you wanna commit more murders? go ahead. luckily im not a person who bears grudges. thats why i remain so calm and cool. God gave me the gift to let go easily. and i dont take it for granted.

i learnt in AFV or GOTHS, God cant entrust you with something if He knows u dont have the character to back it up. one more random thing, i dont understand people. they say they love God, but they dont love His house, they dont like His family. well..ure being a hypocrite.

if ure not faithful in the little, He will never entrust you with much.