Service and thoughts

today's service was awesome. what a greater time to live than now.

its just so amazing, what ive been blogging the past few days..and that incident yesterday, all flowed with today's message. you might tink..nah..just coincidence, u can be certain that i have no idea what today's sermon's gonna be before today!

and some of the things ps kong mentioned..are actually in my previous posts for this week! i sat there..and i was like..goodness..i blogged the exact same thing days ago! :O

and it was the exact words! :O

but SOTM was good. like ps always said, its a spiritual mirror that reflects how conformed you are into His likeness and image. it sets apart the true disciple, from the nominal believer.

oh yea..there's this pastor from India who added me on msn. :O im just so amazed..how did he find my blog? "Oh i was searching.."

in case u didnt know..many ppl view my blog. not that im showing off or anything, but thats just how it is. my blog is on google for some reason: taiwanese, ppl from hong kong/china, sri lankans, indians, a business entrepreneur from UK, and a book author/publisher from the US..have tagged me before. and how did people like that ever come across this small 'lame' blog?

They so happened to find my blog...

i mean, how can such big shots..pastors..entrepreneurs, book authors, SO HAPPENED to find my blog. this blog has nothing more than my lameness and crappiness combined haha. i never dreamed to be an influential blogger..

neither did i dream of becoming a blogger...who people can tear in e presence of God just by reading it..or get encouraged, or even get discipled just reading my blog..after all..its just a blog.

For e first time, i have a pastor in my msn contact list. God is just so amazing. When he asked me, "So..how's your ministry?" i was silent for a moment...i was telling him how moved i was about his ministry because it revolves round helping homeless kids and reaching out to the lost and needy..

http://graceorphanage.org/

this is his site. seeing those pictures...im just so moved. but when he asked me about my ministry..i was thinking..i dont have a ministry ._. im just a student with nothing much in my hands..im just a guitarist in a celgrp..

i have nothing compared to a church. i have nothing compared to an orphanage =/ im already thankful, that God can use someone like me..to bring down e presence of God. but im nowhere near that guy..

seeing myself with my own ministry is a dream..really..it seems like it can never happen. but God somehow, through that website He said 3 words..

"Maybe one day.."

well..its been said that if ure close enough to God, God will share His secrets with you. but you need deep close intimate relationship! its only reserved for the true believers. those 3 words were the words that rang in my mind..

God, what is it? give me a preview of my future :D but those 3 words..kept me excited, in suspense..and in awe of God.

and God said no more. what a CLIFF HANGER!! T.T you know those shows when something exciting is about to happen..and the show ends? or "to be continued..", or "Let's go for a commercial break now, we'll be back.." God has an amazing way to make me crazy over Him. lol.

im not saying my future wife is gonna be a cliff-hanging wife..lol. yea yea..now by seeing how God 'woos' me..maybe someone out there is gonna try e same thing on me..haha just kidding LOL.

okay, im getting sidetracked..lol. back to e service..sermon was fantastic. i cant wait for tomorrow's! and the praise and worship was just awesome. i was so tired and drained out..no wonder is so easy for God to touch me and its so easy to tear in e presence of God on my knees.

when u are weak, God is e strongest. when uve come to e end of yourself, that's when God is closest to you. and i experienced it for myself. i was crying so much i could hardly sing..i wanted God to raise me up to a whole new standard and level..i wanted a double portion from Him..

i knew without Him, i was nothing..without Him, i couldnt do anything. i like what ps said "God uses those who have spiritual concentration.."

and im really thankful. all these while..i dont really say i have spiritual concentration but to the extent of how God uses someone like me..no one can deny it. its nothing to boast about. im just doing my best..:))

because i hardly talk much..i spend most of my time..thinking, listening and feeling. im not a talker. people tell me how they cant believe i have an introverted personality. well..thats the truth lol. cant tell? thats because when ure filled in e Holy Spirit, He makes you a different person =)

everytime when im quiet, i dont have anything to say. ill just talk to God. because no matter how shy i am..He's the only person im comfortable talking to. im not saying i feel uncomfortable around everyone else..its just the way i am. i dont look stoned..many things are going on inside of me..

ill be honest here. most of the time..im thinking about God. really. what He's done for me, what He's gonna do..my encounters with Him the entire week. the things He spoke to me, etc. i think thats how i have encounters with Him almost every other day. not because im super spiritual or what..

its just that im there and im available..for Him to move..for Him to touch. if you dont spend time with Him, even if He wanna touch you also cannot. because ure just too busy. its just like a real-life relationship. i had this revelation a long time ago..that..if you cant keep your love relationship with God strong, if your relationship with God is not strong..

then how is your relationship with your future partner going to be strong? people ask me..a person like you..how come no gf? haha. well..its simple. i dont believe in fooling around. i know my weaknesses and i know if my relationship with God is not STRONG and intimate, then there's really no point in pursuing a relationship.

thats why people keep changing girlfriends and boyfriends. because they're never satisfied, they just dont know how to HANDLE these kind of relationships. because they're so far from God. God is love..without love, how can you love?

common sense? you dont need to be a rocket scientist to discover that. i mean, u wanna talk about relationships, i have a few whom i have in mind. but do i give it a shot? no. if it doesnt work out..it doesnt! stop being a fool and wake up your idea!

its one thing to be courageous..its another thing to be reckless and foolish! its not that i have no confidence in myself..i do..i know who i am, what i have. but..what is discipleship? ps made it very clear today.

if ur spiritual life is on the rocks..then everything else will be on e rocks. your life can only prosper to e extent ur soul prospers. as simple as that. period. no buts, no ifs. running away wont solve anything, time wont solve anything..change your thinking and face it!

After service we went for BK to have dinner and fellowship..man they shrunk the size back to e original size LOL. and christine, get well soon :) i dont know why..ive been very quiet lately.

around the same time last year..before my IHP..i was also in this state. im tired..im worn out. i dont have e energy to act like a 5 year old kid anymore. there are so many things going on in my head. and maybe, im not used to being around people. for 4 yrs in poly. i live the life of a 'soloist'.

Thats IT for you. IT = no life. lol. im someone who likes quietness and solitude. and thad was so funny..he said, why cant our celgrp have those nice sweet quiet girls. and i so agree with him haha! cus we're a bunch of madmen and madwomen, im one of e few sane ones.

i just dont have my 'click' lol.

our cg needs some of the quiet serious type..people whom i can click with. haha. e only people whom i feel relatable to, people i can really share my secrets are adam and timo. tim reminds me of myself in my earlier days..

adam's story and his life itself..reminds me of myself..i mean, both of us went thru similar problems. he was sharing with me. there used to be more people whom i can be transparent with..but people change..and mebbe last time we were close..but now not as close anymore..

man..this post is long! haha. gotta wake up early tmr..then pick shuxia up at clementi and share cab down to expo. its gonna be another looooong day lol. i would be so shagged that the things i say would probably freeze people..lols.

i hope i dont wake up late..if not she'll kill me! haha.

oh ya..met wyelin in svc and finally..my DEBT IS CLEARED! haha. i passed her e CDs. now hopefully she will stop 'edifying' me LOL. man..those eyelashes pic will prob stay with me my entire life! O_O haha. hey..sorry u were 'interupted' when u were trying to do ur recruitment =/ i knew u were trying ur best and some 'things' just went wrong at e wrong time :S

also i dont know..after service i went to apologise to the usher if me or my cg members have caused her any trouble. i dunno. im not a celgrp leader...im just a servant...im willing to defend the people i love..

but i dont really care if ure my friends or not..im not interested in doing the good thing, im interested in doing the right thing. if you have a character problem, then you have a character problem. i dont care who's giving the excuses..im someone who place character above relationship. that is why i choose my friends carefully.

and as i was saying..yea..i went to apologise on behalf of the celgrp. i, a member, not a leader, am willing to lower myself and take the blame for my celgrp. i, who stay at boonlay, who came before 330, am willing to take the blame for anyone who's late. im not even a fellow usher.

if nobody's gonna do it, i will do it. and its not the first time im apologising for people..for my celgrp. i just never told anyone about it..until now. i dont care if people appreciate me or not..last time im easily shaken by this..

but now..im different. how you think about me, i dont really care. and i dont really bother. what matters is God. my devotion to God..is stronger than even my own celgrp, my own family. not that i neglect them..they're just not my priority anymore. i dont live for the approval of man, i live for the approval of God. that's what it means to have the fear of God in your life.

dont live a life of brokenness without the fear of God..and dont live in the fear of e Lord without a life of brokenness. what made me do what i did yesterday? what made me do what i did today? the fact that Jesus died for them. and they are a 'king's child' so I treat the old man, the usher, like a child of the King of Kings..and the Lord of Lords!

and to see her smile back..im relieved. i know adam doesnt read my blog..and he doesnt have to know. the sacrifices ive made. im just going to live a life of obedience!