Dead + Weird dreams

JAMS starts at 10. not calltime, but their main svc starts at 10am. i woke up 950. i was feeling very stressed and emo. i was confused. tired. felt like an 'extra'...so ended up not going.

after that i went back to sleep again at 1015. MISSED THE ENTIRE SUNDAY SERVICE ONLINE T_T.

not only did i missed JAMS, i missed the sermon as well. i missed everything...=/

as i was asleep i had weird dreams. dreams of me in a war zone, and i saw eric in the upper storey of a torn-down building, not eric from cg, but eric from my sec sch class. eric tan. yea, strange right?

then the scene changed to me with now, the eric from my cg. something happened and he ended up using some chemical on a cloth to choke and kill a policeman who entered his house. yea, the scene was such that i was at his house. i dunno why but it looked like the block opposite my grandma's house O_O

then i was at the void deck of another flat. this time. wenrui was there. he passed me a sniper rifle. a modern AWP. yea it kinda looked like that. and at the void deck, we had target practice. he suggested the cg went for outing at a shooting range.

i took the rifle. heavy as it was. normally when you hold a rifle, u rest ur index finger on the trigger to standby before u fire.

for this rifle, e moment i touched the trigger, the rifle went off into the air, and i wasnt wearing any ear protection. as a result, my right ear was so pain i think it bled. my right ear was temporarily deafened and it feels like a rock stuck in my right ear..=/

then as i aimed at the target board. suddenly people walked past in front of me. how strange. so i held my fire. i waited for them to clear my view. i didnt know where i was. my fingers got tired and this time, my fingers wanted to rest on the trigger. unknowingly, i fired a second accidental shot into the air..and i remembered i saw someone in front of my scope!

I was so shocked and shaken i thought i killed someone. wenrui said, 'thank God u didnt kill anyone.' then the scene changed, this time at wenrui's house.

i cant rem what happened, some policeman found guns at his house, came to check and while doing so, said something offensive/insulting to him, but didnt manage to find the guns. and in that dream, wenrui took out the handgun and shot the policeman right in front of my eyes.

he ran out of the house i followed him behind. downstairs a policeman was walking by, wenrui grabbed him from behind and shot him in the head.

scene changed again, now im eating with E420 in somewhere that looked like rochor tao huay alley. and i saw eric(CG) and wenrui. coming. we ate. nobody knew both of them had killed someone and the e police were looking for them. both of them wore gloves so as to keep their fingerprints from being spotted.

we talked awhile..both of them told the cg, they both killed someone. police arrived, everyone fled the scene except me and the 2 killers. i was so afraid, people were dead before my eyes. and now the police are coming and here i am..dunno why, but im lingering with those 2..

the police arrived, found us..i woke up..and realized its 1.30pm. and i missed the sermon T_T.

omg someone please kill me now. i cant take it anymore. the stress, the burden. i feel really weird right now. honestly, WEIRD. i cant describe this feeling. its like nothing matters anymore. but yet, at the same time, i dont feel anything..must have been numbed by that weird dream just now and the fact that i missed everything..

my stomach feels uncomfortable. what is happening to me?