JP
this is e 4th time im blogging today. left sch after blogging my previous post. when i reached boonlay, i decided to go JP arcade for awhile. i have to let the pain out somehow, i cant possibly hide it forever.
at the arcade, whenever im stressed or emotionally down..i would go to one game, the soulcalibur2 machine. and i spent $1.50 there. just 3 games and i decided it was done. while i was playing alone, (it was a fighting game), there were challengers who inserted a credit on e other side and VS me.
the moment they selected their character, i went for an all out assault. 3-0, for 4-5 rounds! as i sat there, i was holding back tears. at the same time, i started to perspire, in the aircon! i thought it was strange. as my character started slashing and slamming and chopping my opponent, i soon realised..
even though on e outside, it was just a game, but inside, the pain was so strong, it became aggressive, and without knowing, i was having murderous thoughts. i started pressing the buttons, my opponents fell, one at a time, helpless, hopeless, powerless..
even when i have won the match, id pick up the dead body and slash it somemore, slam it, and finally throw it to the wall before the time runs out for a new match. i would step on the dead player 5 times. do a charged attack and flames came out of my sword and utterly destroyed my opponent.
i sat there, hands trembling, my face began to turn hot..i started having cold sweat. and those who sat across me were just kids..one of them was a girl. people soon started looking at me..at my face, i mustve looked like i wanna kill someone. all the pain inside was coming out. but i was feeling no better. some ppl looked at me like: "You buay song isit? You wanna fight ah!?!"
i stared at the screen, i continued to show no mercy. face sweating, hands trembling. it felt good to be strong, it felt good to be unstoppable. and i got carried away. it felt as if i will never get hurt again! but it merely gave me a false sense of security. suppressing my emotions is dangerous, its suicide.
at the same time, my heart was suffocating, i wanna cry but no tears would come out. it was painful, horrible..almost..depressing. im not angry, neither am i upset, im just shaken..and broken. i told myself everything was fine, problem solved. but the effects just wont go away.
whats worse than sinking into a pit of quicksand? the process of drowning and suffocation...
got common test tomorrow..i dun wanna lose my will to study :S
at the arcade, whenever im stressed or emotionally down..i would go to one game, the soulcalibur2 machine. and i spent $1.50 there. just 3 games and i decided it was done. while i was playing alone, (it was a fighting game), there were challengers who inserted a credit on e other side and VS me.
the moment they selected their character, i went for an all out assault. 3-0, for 4-5 rounds! as i sat there, i was holding back tears. at the same time, i started to perspire, in the aircon! i thought it was strange. as my character started slashing and slamming and chopping my opponent, i soon realised..
even though on e outside, it was just a game, but inside, the pain was so strong, it became aggressive, and without knowing, i was having murderous thoughts. i started pressing the buttons, my opponents fell, one at a time, helpless, hopeless, powerless..
even when i have won the match, id pick up the dead body and slash it somemore, slam it, and finally throw it to the wall before the time runs out for a new match. i would step on the dead player 5 times. do a charged attack and flames came out of my sword and utterly destroyed my opponent.
i sat there, hands trembling, my face began to turn hot..i started having cold sweat. and those who sat across me were just kids..one of them was a girl. people soon started looking at me..at my face, i mustve looked like i wanna kill someone. all the pain inside was coming out. but i was feeling no better. some ppl looked at me like: "You buay song isit? You wanna fight ah!?!"
i stared at the screen, i continued to show no mercy. face sweating, hands trembling. it felt good to be strong, it felt good to be unstoppable. and i got carried away. it felt as if i will never get hurt again! but it merely gave me a false sense of security. suppressing my emotions is dangerous, its suicide.
at the same time, my heart was suffocating, i wanna cry but no tears would come out. it was painful, horrible..almost..depressing. im not angry, neither am i upset, im just shaken..and broken. i told myself everything was fine, problem solved. but the effects just wont go away.
whats worse than sinking into a pit of quicksand? the process of drowning and suffocation...
got common test tomorrow..i dun wanna lose my will to study :S
posted by Androne at
4:51 PM
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