Worst day
woke up today. as i walked to the MRT station. it was freezing cold. and i was perspiring. waited the the bus, felt the same. walked to classroom, feeling cold and perspired, and i was really perspiring a lot..
even when i was walking under the sun..i could hear ppl around me going, 'wa, very hot sia'..then i realised it was just me. i was still feeling cold. my skin was literally cold..under the sun. and as usual, i was perspiring a lot. felt really uncomfortable. i realised something was wrong with me. dun tink its pneumonia..:S
during lunchtime, i wasted 3 bucks on my meal. after eating for 2-3 bites..i felt nauseous. i decided to stop eating for awhile. i needed to take a deep breath. canteen was crowded. i was alone. im not getting enough oxygen. im not panting though. im still perspiring. i think im dehydrating...
then i couldnt take it anymore, i went to the toilet for awhile, just in case i throw up. at the same time, i was starting to feel weak and giddy. i couldnt walk straight. felt like collapsing and throwing up both at once..
i decided to go home. on e way home, i tell u i struggled. struggled to keep myself from freezing and dying of cold sweat. struggled to keep my stomach in tact so that i dont throw up. struggled to keep myself awake so i dun pass out. i stood beside the door. i was passing out. i quickly walked to the pole and grabbed it as hard as i could. strained my eyes open to keep em awake.
the harder i tried..i started feeling nauseous again. i was falling and i was about to throw up. deep down i was thinking..which will happen first? i found a seat and i sat there, stoned. i was spacing out..my thoughts were dissipating and my eyes staring into space. i saw e buildings went by, i felt the train moving. i started to have motion sickness.
i told myself, "no. not now..", i tried closing my eyes. i almost passed out, i was so tired. and i almost vomitted also the moment i closed my eyes for a few seconds. i have this problem sometimes, whenever i doze off on a train, ill feel as if my stomach is jumping out and i would sit right back up again. tts why sometimes i stand rather than sit on e train.
i had the 'cannot doze off' problem for a few years now. i dunno how it started also ^.O
everything i did, i was collapsing, i was on e verge of vommitting. and i was feeling cold sweat. i was in so much pain and discomfort i started feeling irritated. i whispered in my heart, "God, cmon, give me strength to reach home safely, its the LEAST You could do..after all Ive done for You dont tell me You cant even do this simple thing.."
i almost said "if u cant even do this simple thing, You're not God..", i ALMOST said it, cus i was starting to get really agitated with myself. almost angry. but thank God His grace was sufficient. i managed to walk home..even though there were times i almost fell, i was losing my balance and i had to hold on to some railings/pillars to support myself.
honestly, i felt like a dying old man!
im trying very hard not to see the doctor as its costly and i dun wanna talk about my financial struggle as of this moment yet. but i am going through some crisis. im on the verge of becoming empty..very soon..
also, ive not seen the doctor since sec sch. my body have always healed itself whenever its down...
its been 2-3 months already. i really dun wish to drag it, but im stuck. all i hope and pray now is that im making the right decisions. yet all these while im always willing to give with a smile, always willing to bless with a smile..like my problem doesnt exist..
Who am I
That You would know me from the start
Set me apart
Who am I
That You would place eternity
Into my heart
You have given to me
More than this world could give
My purpose is found in You
One life, I lay at Your altar
One love, I have with You
Touch me again
Fill me as You hold
My outstretched hands
One Word, You know I will follow
One heart, broken to You
Use me again
Your mercies follow me
For all my days...
In Your presence
In Your power
Holy Spirit
I surrender...
thats the cry of my heart...
even when i was walking under the sun..i could hear ppl around me going, 'wa, very hot sia'..then i realised it was just me. i was still feeling cold. my skin was literally cold..under the sun. and as usual, i was perspiring a lot. felt really uncomfortable. i realised something was wrong with me. dun tink its pneumonia..:S
during lunchtime, i wasted 3 bucks on my meal. after eating for 2-3 bites..i felt nauseous. i decided to stop eating for awhile. i needed to take a deep breath. canteen was crowded. i was alone. im not getting enough oxygen. im not panting though. im still perspiring. i think im dehydrating...
then i couldnt take it anymore, i went to the toilet for awhile, just in case i throw up. at the same time, i was starting to feel weak and giddy. i couldnt walk straight. felt like collapsing and throwing up both at once..
i decided to go home. on e way home, i tell u i struggled. struggled to keep myself from freezing and dying of cold sweat. struggled to keep my stomach in tact so that i dont throw up. struggled to keep myself awake so i dun pass out. i stood beside the door. i was passing out. i quickly walked to the pole and grabbed it as hard as i could. strained my eyes open to keep em awake.
the harder i tried..i started feeling nauseous again. i was falling and i was about to throw up. deep down i was thinking..which will happen first? i found a seat and i sat there, stoned. i was spacing out..my thoughts were dissipating and my eyes staring into space. i saw e buildings went by, i felt the train moving. i started to have motion sickness.
i told myself, "no. not now..", i tried closing my eyes. i almost passed out, i was so tired. and i almost vomitted also the moment i closed my eyes for a few seconds. i have this problem sometimes, whenever i doze off on a train, ill feel as if my stomach is jumping out and i would sit right back up again. tts why sometimes i stand rather than sit on e train.
i had the 'cannot doze off' problem for a few years now. i dunno how it started also ^.O
everything i did, i was collapsing, i was on e verge of vommitting. and i was feeling cold sweat. i was in so much pain and discomfort i started feeling irritated. i whispered in my heart, "God, cmon, give me strength to reach home safely, its the LEAST You could do..after all Ive done for You dont tell me You cant even do this simple thing.."
i almost said "if u cant even do this simple thing, You're not God..", i ALMOST said it, cus i was starting to get really agitated with myself. almost angry. but thank God His grace was sufficient. i managed to walk home..even though there were times i almost fell, i was losing my balance and i had to hold on to some railings/pillars to support myself.
honestly, i felt like a dying old man!
im trying very hard not to see the doctor as its costly and i dun wanna talk about my financial struggle as of this moment yet. but i am going through some crisis. im on the verge of becoming empty..very soon..
also, ive not seen the doctor since sec sch. my body have always healed itself whenever its down...
its been 2-3 months already. i really dun wish to drag it, but im stuck. all i hope and pray now is that im making the right decisions. yet all these while im always willing to give with a smile, always willing to bless with a smile..like my problem doesnt exist..
Who am I
That You would know me from the start
Set me apart
Who am I
That You would place eternity
Into my heart
You have given to me
More than this world could give
My purpose is found in You
One life, I lay at Your altar
One love, I have with You
Touch me again
Fill me as You hold
My outstretched hands
One Word, You know I will follow
One heart, broken to You
Use me again
Your mercies follow me
For all my days...
In Your presence
In Your power
Holy Spirit
I surrender...
thats the cry of my heart...
posted by Androne at
5:05 PM
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