Can i not put a title?

ignore my title..its out of point. thinking of a title to put uses 0.0000001% of my brain energy. and THAT's..not good..lol

had some problems in ministry manpower and i screwed up again..

ps ulf once again talked abt being led by e Spirit. guess im hardly there yet..:s

but then again, who wouldve thought that a person who's depressed, struggling personally, someone who's done badly in exams and someone who's just received a debarment warning frm e school, can turn out to be a mouthpiece for God to minister to people...

i was in a bad shape..i was messed up, in my state of chaos, i said things that i shlnt have. yet in e midst..somehow its as if i was speaking to myself when i said: to recognise what God is doing behind a person.

when i blogged that, i was referring to other people in general. i didnt know it had associations with myself. sometimes God will put you through the consequences of other people's imperfections so that ull know how it feels like and thus, God can speak through you.

im still struggling, still tired. tired of school, tired of 3 years of java. tired of studying 2 years of java, failing once, retaking and getting a result from an F to an A, then suddenly a new java version comes out..all the while i believed that the school will never be interested in what goes on in your personal life..never..

till now i dont even know if that is true.

i just want to stop studying forever...feels as if ive been studying 3 years without a single break. my head hurts, my heart hurts..i just wish i could start all over..its just so messed up. like a pile of junk that doesnt even look like junk.

can u imagine, junk that doesnt look like junk..how can u compare that?

every night i doze off unintentionally, ending up in me waking up late becos i failed to set my alarm clock..and my timetable requires me to change my alarm almost every other day. and everyday i sleep 'by accident'..

i still have incomplete/overdue assignments and tutorials and practicals..every module in this sem, i dont even understand nuts. im tired of studying something that bores me, tired of studying something that doesnt interest me, im tired of doing modules that i was FORCED into bcos i didnt choose..tired of programming..worse than O levels..

im dragging my feet everyday..so shag..i dont wanna study anymore..T_T id rather go wash toilet than to do stupid programming..at least the toiletbowl can debug by itself..:S

id rather spend 3 years of my life doing O level papers once a year than to spend 3 years doing some programming that changes every few years. im just wasting my time, wasting my life away..i tried finding hobbies, games to play, but found none. im gonna have cybertypophobia. if u can understand..good..if u cant, then think somemore..=x

someone make me laugh..

someone make me smile..

last but not least..

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someone please bomb Sun Java Technologies Ltd..!!!!