Depressed, Stressed, Suicidal

it has finally blew over the top.

full band, full singers, full equipment, sound check..EQ..setup..in hour HOUR! i cant take it anymore. everyday im smiling. DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL IT IS FOR ME TO SMILE?

my blood vessels are bursting, pimples are all over my face..nose bleeding. IM PHYSICALLY DRAINED OKAY! im gonna concuss one day and end up in hospital in a coma. and when im in a coma, i will never wake up again! NEVER!

thoughts of ending my life..came over me. but deep down, God cancelled that thought. it seems as if everything is gonna end like that. my life is going to be over in a few more months. i just lay on my bed..in tears..

i held my bolster so tight as if it were the last time holding it. i gritted my teeth. i was shaking all over. what if one day i become retarded? what if one day i lose my mind? i can save others yet i cant save myself..

what a joke! yea..im so crappy. im so lame. I AM NOTHING MORE THAN JUST MY VERY OWN CRAP ITSELF! living out loud...LIVE MY FART MAN!

nothing means anything to me now. i dont feel like going anymore. i dont want to go anymore! i just want to be alone! and ROT MYSELF TO DEATH!

i dont need anyone to help! its not like i mean anything to anyone. nobody would even notice if i really committed suicide that time!

i can just snap and do something foolish anytime. screw it.