Memories

"ahahhahahaaaha", "I cant stop laughing", are words that i cant seem to get off my mind..

it was like pouring salt onto a helpless baby snail..it felt as if there was a bait luring me all along..

i hate to say this..but i felt used and cheated. its like saying, "your entire salvation was a fluke", "huh, ure life transformation is all fake", "all those moments you had with God, didnt really happen, they're all fake", etc.

ive never offended anyone..its always the other way round. u remember the story of Betsy the cow? im just like the cow. met an accident. broke its leg. while limping trip and fell and pierced its eye. then got knocked by a car cus eyesight was impaled, so on..

one after another, it just keeps coming. yet have i ever lost my cool? have i ever gotten angry? never. i was more hurt than angry and u know im someone who does not have retaliation in my dictionary. i just accept whatever comes my way..

its like taking a lego piece..fixing and dropping, fixing and dropping, sooner or later the lego pieces wont 'stick' anymore. ive been dropped, fixed, dropped, fixed many times..and like they always say, its e people closest to you that will hurt u e most..

if uve not offended or hurt or broken my heart before, one day you will. i can prophesy to you!

yet why do i still keep those friendships? its because last time i loved hurting others..now after my conversion, i have the strength to endure the hurts of others. people have sent me into the dark pit of depression many times..but i still befriend them..why? its God, taking a broken life and transforming it..

i told myself before, ill never hurt others..if it were to be, id rather suppress it and hurt myself. im someone who hardly expresses anger. in fact, i cant rem the last time i showed a face or shouted at anyone. when im hurt, i always keep quiet..

like a lamb being led to the slaughter. whenever i see Jesus and His attitude, i wanna be like Him. i wanna be able to take all the insults and hurts, all the mockery all the pain that people around me inflict on me..and yet have the strength to lay down my own life for them..to encourage them when they're down, to give them strength when they are weak..

thats what its all about. "wah, ure trying to be Jesus huh?" YES I AM! thats the whole point! did He say anything when people spat on Him? no. did He say anything when He was accused wrongly? no. did He say anything when He was scourged and nailed? yes. "forgive them for they do not know what they do."

that is why when people hurt me. and i dont retaliate. because at the end of the day, the last man standing wins..

just like how God became i true friend to me, i wanna do the same. i wanna be someone who gives people room to make mistakes. to love them not just for strengths, but to be able to accept their weaknesses..

enlarge my capacity..