Relationship Conflicts - Should Guys/Girls Move? (SUPER LONG)

Was just smsing a friend this afternoon about marriage/relationships and its so important to know, that the people who choose will decide the destiny of our lives.

The question posed to me was, "In a cold war/conflict, should the guy make the first approach or the girl?"

Well, here's my take on it..it may not be right, its just a personal preference. :)

I believe, in a relationship, its no longer individuals but two becoming one. Its no longer about who is male, who is female, but the question would then be, does the person love the person enough to bother to do anything about it?

A couple is a team. Not just the existence of 2 individuals being together.

Yes, itll be good if the man lives up to his manhood, yet if he doesnt, the woman should still encourage and support the guy. A healthy relationship is one that makes each other a better person, more and more like Christ. Of course if a person is wrong, whether guy or girl, that person should at least try to work things out. Its no longer a matter of gender, but a matter of CHARACTER.

Cant remember which speaker, but he said, "The purpose of marriage is to be like Christ." Its a 'training place' to practice "God treating the church". Because Christ is the bridegroom and the church is its bride.

They say, the longer a couple stays together, the more they become alike. And people SHOULD see that. They should look like 'twins' or at least, brothers and sisters, in the way they think, they way they behave and do things together, etc. "2 becoming 1".

Personally, I strongly believe, that before entering a relationship, you gotta ask yourself, what is the level of your FRIENDSHIP. If there are conflicts, resolve it. Dont carry those errors into a relationship which is equivalent to suicide!

If already as friends you cant get along, whats the point of being together? You'll end up miserable and lost. Honesty and openness is vital in any relationship. Your partner has the right to know everything about you. Even your personal secrets! If there's no truth, how can a relationship prevail? Anything not built on truth will not last.

More than just being fully open, you have to be COMFORTABLE being fully open.

When you consider marriage, there's lots of things to consider.

For instance, marriage is a whole new level of relationship. Now, you have to face the challenge of the approval of your partner's parents and family members! How's your relationship with their family? All these should be well prepared even before you consider marriage.

Like they say, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

And if their relatives arent saved, what then is your evangelistic approach as a couple? The burden of reaching out to their family comes upon you. And then there's finances, kids, etc.

If you wanna be a 'tai tai' all your life, then you might as well just live alone. Marriage is not a holiday vacation, but a covenant of commitment!

Do you get along with your partner's friends? Does he/she get along with yours?
Do you like what he likes? Avoid what he doesnt like.
Same with guys, do you have interest for what your girl is interested in?
Make things work. Compatibility is not found, but CREATED.

Make room for mutuality. Come up with a list, eliminate areas that will affect your relationship, even if it means giving up on certain things you'd like to do. Afterall, shouldnt your partner be more important than your own life?

Moving on to old age...

One day when we are old, when our parents are gone and some of our friends have left early, will the 2 of you alone, be enough to finish your race of faith?

One day, when your spouse leaves you, what will become of you?

Then it all boils down to the most fundamental thing: Your relationship with God.

Dont wait until you're left alone with God then you start to make things work with Him! Start now! Ive had my fair share of lonely times, I learnt to rely on God and to live with Him. Back in poly, there was once I went out with dinner alone, just me and God in some romantic place with nice blues music.

You'll realize how real God is to you if you're just willing to allow Him. I know a friend who went to Sentosa chalet all by herself, with her guitar. Can you believe it? A holiday chalet, just her and God! I believe she had a great time! What about us? Have we 'dated' God out?

You'll be amazed just how much He wants to have a relationship with us!

I know that when all is gone, me and Him alone, is enough. I can still encourage, I can still receive revelation and by faith, I believe, even greater ones! :) But it all starts when you're young. Start now. They say, 'empty we have come, empty we will depart'. And its not just a saying, but an actual verse in the Bible (cant rem e reference tho, need to search again).

After ahma passed away, my parents brought back items found in her purse. I saw this jewellery that ahgong gave to ahma when he proposed. I just cried buckets after seeing it. Not just because I remembered ahma, but because I realized how fragile life really is.

I think it was a bracelet or something, it no longer exists anymore. It was a symbol of love and ahma had kept it with her since the day she got together with ahgong. Touching story, yet at the same time, a very important lesson to never take life for granted.

When I choose a partner, I see beyond the happiness. I see the end of my life and the future of my kids. Thats why its important to have a vision for your life. Without vision, people perish. More than just having a vision for the year, itll be better if you have a vision for the next 60 years of your life.

One day, everything we have, will be left behind for someone else. I know im the quiet, thinker type. It would be perfect if my future wife was the creative and outgoing type or something like that - having traits that I dont, then our children can take on both our DNAs and do greater things for his/her generation! Thats what it means to live for others, to leave behind a legacy.

What is your symbol of love today? Is it your wedding ring? Your Ed hardy? The garden of roses in your backyard? All these things are great, but when life is over. You cant bring your wedding ring into heaven to remind yourself of your wedding, or your spouse's love for you.

Ultimately, the symbol of love that will enter and last for eternity, is your character and your attitude to each other. Some people say, ohhh we shouldnt be too emotional, guys shouldnt be too sentimental, but arent those the things that will leave with you for the rest of eternity? God gave you emotions, dont despise them!

Without emotion, how can you feel God? You cant.
Without being sensitive, how can God speak to you? How can God even move in your life?
God uses people, not stones.

They say real men dont cry, come on, Jesus wept until His tears were like droplets of blood.
You're saying He's not a real man? Only the DEAD dont cry! Jesus Himself is as gentle as a lamb. The Holy Spirit is as gentle as a dove.

Whats so 'manly' or 'garang' about that? Nothing. Yet they are the Saviour of the world. Christ was esteemed to sit at God's right hand. Change your thinking. If you live by the world's standards, then you will change with the world. But if you live by God's standard, your life will be firm and unshakable. You will last the distance!

Honestly, if a guy cant lower his ego and cry, when his girl is crying, very often, he wont feel a thing!

You have sex but the bed breaks cus he too aggressive! Next morning you back pain, shoulder pain, everywhere KOYOK!
You rest your head on his shoulders but you end up having a BALUKU! Because his shoulders are too stiff!
You want a hug from a guy, but his hug is so strong it breaks your back and you end up in a wheelchair!
You want a kiss, but you end up with an ulcer because he was too violent.
On your wedding day, he places the ring on your finger, but accidentally shuffs it in too hard and sprain your finger cus he too macho then the ring stuck! Whoa, so manly! Yea right. Give me a break.

Stop living in a fairy tale. Hello? Dont tell me you still believe that when you place a broken tooth under your bed Chai Sen Godmama is gonna come and visit you? You let me know, maybe I can be Chai Sen Godmama to you. I come your house place $1000 under your pillow...monopoly money. o.o So that next time you play monopoly you can cheat and win. Haiyo please. Next time, if you're looking for a prince charming, go kiss a frog okay? Have some frogs leg soup too, very healthy. ^.O HUH?

Grrrrr! I dont understand some people! LOL. =/ ROARR!

You have one to live, live it with purpose! Life is not a game. You want game? Jio me out for L4D2! LOL.

Time to make major plans for my life. My 2 year NS Phase is gonna be over in 5 months. My next phase of my life, if its not uni, is gonna last for the next 20-30 years. Thats a long time! Back then, primary school was 6 years. Secondary school was 4 years. Poly 4 years. NS 2 years. Its kinda stressing when you're approaching the longest phase of your life, adulthood.

Yet at the same time, life is short and you realize you dont really have much time. Make every moment count. Dont go searching for excitement and happiness in the wrong places, life with God should be exciting and happy! Every year should be an adventure. In fact, He will give you more than you can ask or even think.

Dont just believe and get stirred up when you hear such statements, BELIEVE IT! Act on it. And you will see for yourself the fruits that will come along with it. :) God is a gentleman, if you want something that is wrong and God tells you not to go for it but you refuse to listen, He will let you have it and then let you regret it later, because He knows you're still a 'child' - someone who will only learn things the hard way and make you realize your own foolishness. He wont force things on you. ;)

God is interesting. Sometimes when He becomes too silent, you better start getting 'worried' lol. Cus God is not naturally silent. He's waiting for something to happen. ;) When He wants you to learn things the hard way, most of the time, He wont say a thing, see how blur you are :P If you realize your mistake before you suffer the consequence, He will say, "Aiya! You got Me! You found out! Thats my child! I knew he/she is just that smart!" ^^ God is a cute parent. :D

Lets be adults, dont always learn things the hard way. God has great plans in stored for us, He needs us to grow first before He entrusts certain plans to us, and He cant wait to bless us. So please, 'do God a favor', help Him meet His objective, grow up, change and mature automatically.

Even for me, if God always makes the first move, I will also feel paiseh. There must be times when you can say to God, 'God, leave it to me. You can trust me. I will do it.' God will be more than happy. Take initiative. Its a relationship. If you know what is right, do it. Add some romance into your relationship with God. ;)

Dont get too caught up with the "creation vs creator" mentality. God is a relational God. Its like you and your cgl, Im sure there are times you have this 'he/she cannot mess around with' or 'I cannot joke with him cus he's a leader' kind of mentality. Maybe in your first cg or something.

Sometimes, when people look up to me too much, it feels awkward because I just cant seem to be able to be 'normal friends' with them. There are times I wanna just be lame and crappy but some friends have this 'serious' impression of me and yea :S Im willing to go down to their level just to fellowship with them and all. :O

God is like that. Of course, Im not saying you should overstep your boundaries and become overly familiar, but yea, BALANCE. When its time to be serious, you be serious. Else, just enjoy the relationship with Him. :)