Spiritual Desert

What do you do when you find yourself in a spiritual desert?

Pressed on all sides with anything but faith.

Having done all, you just stand.

It wont be long now, but we still believe.

She, too, refuses to go until whatever she wants done, is done,

Whatever that wish is.

Many have asked, 'how is she?', but truly, words can never express what she's

going through. For a relief, its good she doesnt know what she's going through.

Living on instinct, fighting for the last breath.

I have never seen anyone fight this hard, fight this long.

A 70-year-old+, exerting the same energy as anyone else who's sprinting for 4hrs straight.

I really appreciate Sean and Prija for coming down today...

I guess, seeing once is enough. What I failed to put in words, they saw with their eyes.

Its not something everyone can take.

Furthermore, the same thing happened about 6 months ago and you think its over.

Stroke and pneumonia is bad enough.

Infection causing fever, thats worse.

And the worse thing is, you are there, paralyzed.

Just as how the sight of the Cross is powerful enough to change a life,

I believe those who skip meals, drink, take drugs, smoke, have temper problems,

Should be there. The sight alone, is enough to change your life.

I believe so with all my heart.

Yet day after day, I live like that.

Surrounded by death, sickness, sadness, loneliness and despair.

Not that Im filled with it, its just, Im SURROUNDED by such.

People, situation, whichever way you wish to interpret it.

When she stopped breathing for a few seconds,

My heart stopped beating.

How does one know what a person is going through?
Simple. By "going through."

Anyone think its easy to sit in cg every week to praise God as if everything is all right?

It takes a whole lot of faith and capacity to do that.

Thank God for a large capacity.

But capacity alone is not enough.

They say, faith without works is dead.

Without faith it is impossible to please God.

Thus, without your WORKS OF FAITH, it is impossible to please God.

Nothing revelational. This is something really basic.

Its called applying the 'substitution formula'. Something like that.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

So out of the lack of the heart, the mouth doesnt speak?

Works both ways. Again, applying 'reverse psychology' or whatever you call it.

I admit, Im bad at coming up with chimology. =/

Anyway, Sean and Prij and me, 3 of us, had a great time at my place.

Its different, when there are people praying with you. Not 'spiritually'.

But physically, tangible, visibly.

Presence of God was so strong just now.

I began to speak a word to Sean, I dont know how it has blessed him but I merely obeyed and did my best. Prij was trembling, I was tearing. Power of God came upon that place. From praying to worshipping, it was just awesome time. We could go on forever...once you start, you cant stop.

Sean was just resting his arm on my shoulder after that and he was telling me, 'man, ure burning man, power of God is all over you...'. wow? haha. I dont know, I guess I was too carried away.

Prij was sharing with me, during cg, think the week before or 3 weeks before, during worship, when I was playing, suddenly, she felt someone (Jesus) walk past her and entered the circle where we sat...

It was just awesome.

I didnt have a vision like that. Gotta pray for more visions and dreams, last week or something, I prayed with Evangeline over the phone for the first time. She shared the power of vizualization which I want to have.

Tired, been losing my appetite.

Sometimes, people think Im strong.

But actually, Im just numbed by the pain.

Like how when a person is amputated, the pain is so immense it sends a signal to the brain to numb the entire area, or worse, enter a 'coma' or state of unconsciousness to 'protect' against the trauma.

Unlike ah ma, whos in a state of semi consciousness (physically),

I feel Im more in a state of emotional semi consciousness.

Im aware of whats going on, but Im unable to respond to it.