Decent Entry, Finally!

I realized something...Ive been blogging about nothing other than notes for the past dunno how many weeks, or even for months.

So pardon me, cus this entry will or rather, may not have much revelations in it. Just need to pen down certain things thats going on in me during this season...

I must admit, the 'withdrawal syndrome' has got a hold of me once again...

For many, xmas is the most happening season of the year, yet for me, most of the time, its the most depressing...one or two people will know why... and I guess, there are people who can identify with that need, that burden...

This month Ive spent quite an amount of money, first of all, and I dont want to spend again. Whenever my bank account goes below 3000 I go emo for some reason...

Sometimes I just dont know, on one hand, Im aiming for 10,000 in my account by end of this year, which isnt gonna happen anymore, so I guess ill aim for that next year. And then 1,000,000 before Im 30.

Yet at the same time, this verse keeps on hitting me in my spirit, "and do not withhold anything from anyone who borrows..." part of the sermon on the mount, and these are beattitudes we're talking about.

So I dunno, on one hand, I want to be the head and not the tail, yet on another hand, we are called to give, and keep on giving. Wisdom is good. But does wisdom overtake the concept of obedience?

Can wisdom come to a point where it can be used as an excuse not to obey?

To me, obedience is still greater than sacrifice.

Hmm..I dont know, what do you guys think? People who are in need, you feel 'obliged' to take care of them, and at the same time, you're obeying at the expense of yourself. Which is probably the right thing to do...but I dunno, Im confused.

And these people who borrows are not squanderers of money, they're genuine in lack, maybe because of a family issue, etc. What do you do, when you come to a point like that?

You want to be a blessing. Yet most people avoid opportunities to bless.

They want to be a blessing but they dont want to give!

How can you bless unless you give? Like...DUH!

We are blessed to be a blessing.

If you dont like to give, you will NEVER be a blessing.

And since you wont wanna be a blessing, you will never be blessed!

Its only when you come to a point of willingness to bless, willingness to give, only then will God give you the grace and the empowerment for every good work.

Ah Ma's neighbour, the one whom I prayed for twice only, has just recently been admitted to AH...with pancreatic cancer, i think. Even though I do not know him personally, yet I feel so compelled to visit him weekly to pray for him.

Even though my schedule is already so packed, and worse if people last minute this and last minute that.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!

You expect me to make changes that cant be made on the spot.

HAHA! Ouch. Kidding. lol.

But yea, I dunno, really compelled. Sigh, is it because Im so used to this 'hospital life' for almost 2 years? Or is it because I really feel that I need to do something. If I have to fight once more, I will. In fact, Ill be GLAD to kick the spirit of infirmity's face! Satan, I told you before, even if you just show your face, I make sure you have no more face to show! :@ RAAAAHHH!!!

I dont care who is sick. You let me see a sick person, no matter who he or she is, you will jolly well get it from me you serpent!

Pardon my outburst...lol

Ive come to a point where I really cannot tolerate sin, I really cannot tolerate sickness. People will then say...but you cannot take matters into your own hands. Well, okay, I wont. If its God's 'plan' to bring something good out of it, then so be it. But it wont stop me from obeying His word, to take authority and dominion over the evil one!

God is in control? Yes. I let Him have the control.

I just do my part as a faithful servant, to do His will, and His will is that none should perish, but that all to come to repentance, that the weak can say I am strong, that the poor can say I am rich! That if we lay hands on the sick, they WILL recover.

Recently, Ive been feeling stoned, I wont say Im feeling down but, just lost, just tired. Ill still do my best. Im beginning to miss those days in poly once again...

Those lonely lunches I had at the canteen in front of the scenery...just me and God, no one else. It was so quiet, so peaceful. Those times, I had no friends, yet He was all I had... It was just so intimate, so romantic...

Im beginning to feel myself being drawn back to that point in time once again...where you just want to please Him and no one else...not even the standards man has placed on me, but His desires..having that relational experience with Him...

I dunno, I just feel myself drawing away from so many people, or maybe...they werent there in the first place, all talk, no action...