NAPFA rants. Please close your browser NOW.

Ive not felt so confidently lousy about myself all my life.

Failing 3 out of 5 stations for 99 people to see. What a spectacular audience.

I look around, all looked to be athletes. Some were there to retake their napfa because they had a silver instead of a gold. What shit!

You dont want your friggin silver give me la!

Since pri3 I have never once passed my napfa. I really dont know how I survived.

To me, doing a minimum of 10 pullups seemed impossible. Cause everyone else did 6-15, except 2-3, one of them being me.

To them, hanging on the bar, pulling and dropping seemed impossible. I made that happen.

To me, doing a minimum standing broad jump of 2.3metres seemed impossible. ALL were either 2.3m, 2.5m, or 2.75m.

To them, for someone to jump 1.65m is awesomely incredible and humanly impossible. The crowd stood in awe and wondered if I came from mars. Every year since pri3, my SBJ has never crossed 165.

So many miracles happened today, I believe Im famous now. Not bad huh? Made a name for myself, in just 2 hours. Everyone now knows me as the guy who went, "I can do it"..*BAM..Fail. "I can do it this time"..*BAM..Fail. And a third time.

I overheard everyone's conversations, each had trained like what? 4-6 months for just the napfa test alone. And ohhhh pathetic me, I only trained one week just for my running and situps. Not bad, I achieved the impossible.

I have only 3 weeks before I go in, I cant even pass and you expect me to 'excel' inside? Give me a break. Im so hungry I ate all your kitkats, maybe thats why you got no more break to give me.

My instructor was a nice guy dont get me wrong. Its just me. The wonderman! Just that I dont wear my underwear outside.

I dont see the big deal about training for army or police. 3 weeks? I can just throw it away!

If ure in the army and theres a war, just defect to the winning side! Or use your programming skills to hack into a top secret military base and launch a frigging nuclear missile right in front of your enemy commander's cock!

*KABOOM! NO MORE FATHER'S DAY! WAIT....NO MORE FATHER! MUAHAHA!

And if ure in the police and theres a thief holding a frigging knife chasing you. You need fitness for what? Just take the goddamn gun and shoot him in the fawking head!

A kid can fire a gun, a kid can press a button. Need goddamn fitness for what?

And whats with the deal with standing broad jump huh?

So what? If theres a war, and theres a grenade behind you, you're not going to stand there..swing your goddamn arms and do squats for 3 seconds before finally jumping off and landing on your 2 stupid feet are you!?! You'll be wondering wheres your feet by the time you land!

Who do you think you are? Jack in a box? *Kuukoo Kuukoo..*BOING! Ohhhh you're in no frigging box my friend!

Come on..you have so much muscles your brains are under your armpit! EEEE...FAWKING STINKO!

"Ohhhh we marrrst preparrreeee for terrorist attaaaaaaggg!"

Oh, if ure kidnapped by a terrorist, what are you gonna do? Flex your biceps, shake your nehneh up and down and hope he will run away!?! COME ON WAKE UP! By the time you shake your nehneh, your nehneh drop already!

Sorry, Im in no mood to talk right now.

Just give me the recipe for a thermonuclear device and Ill just make one for myself.