Pre-Enlistment Syndrome (PES, how ironic)

Back in poly, I was stuck in programming for 4 years.

Recently, I was stuck in IHP for 2 years.

A few more weeks, Ill be 'stuck' in camp for 2 weeks.

The last thing I wanna have right now...

Is another frigging camp!

Can I have some breathing space?

For 4 years I couldnt breathe, had trouble sleeping, seriously stressed out..

And now finally its over...

And I thought I could finally have some time alone to breathe...

Guess I was wrong.

Im not just preparing for my NAPFA,

Im preparing for TWO YEARS of transition.

People just need to know how I feel. Unfortunately no one does, except God.

They dont sense the urgency, the desperation.

They dont realise that if not for God, I wouldnt have passed my PSLE,
They dont realise that without God, I wouldnt have passed my O levels,
They dont realise that without God, I wouldnt have graduated from poly.
They dont realise that without God, I wouldnt have been enrolled into Police Academy.
They dont realise that I am nothing, but God is everything.

I look at my life, what have I done to deserve any of this. Nothing. Yes I do my best. But thats just so much I can do. If you think Im capable, Im not. If you think Im a pretty flexible person, deep down, Im not. If you think I can do a lot of things, I cant.

Only He can.

I dont care if you dont need Him, I dont care if you're not desperate enough for Him.
I dont care if you ever commit everything you do to Him,
I dont care if you ever committed your plans and desires to Him before,
And neither do I care if you ever said Good morning or Good night to God..

I have, I am.

You just have to learn to accept someone who loves God so much, that he is willing to throw aside everything just to live every single day, every single moment, every single second, with Him, talking to Him, spending time in His presence.

Im a person of preparation, Im a person of dedication.

When I want to prepare for something, I make sure I really prepare for it.

They say, these upcoming 2 years for any guy, can either make him or break him. Whether I stay in church after these periods of transition or not, whether you will still see me around the next few years or not, will depend on how well I prepare myself for it.

I dont do things half-heartedly, I may be easily distracted, but when Im focused.

I have intensity.

Right now, is my period of intensity.

Anyone that comes in my way, you just have to be prepared for the consequences.

When Im lame, Im lame. But when Im serious. Im serious.

Whether people like me or hate me, it doesnt matter right now.

I dont even care how you think about me.