Pre-CG

celgrp's gonna be at bishan again, for some reason. yesterday jolene was asking me for the lyrics of Falling and Breakaway. that was pretty early and i havent asked for e song yet. and since jolene knew the songs, shed probably asked adam already. so i thought..yea tts cool.

then out of instinct and intuition, i decided to ask adam for the songs even though i knew it already just to see if things will work out as they used to. and to my surprise, all he said was, 'ill let u noe again in due time'..

in due time..is there something going on that i dont know about? anyway, i shant bother too much also. i have to get used to this kind of thing. for someone who's conviction is strong, i decided to 'play' along so i replied okay and he told me e songs this morning.

for a person who lives by conviction, its easy for me to sometimes follow blindly and be taken advantage of. simply because commitment is conviction. what is conviction? that means something u strongly live by if not to u, its considered sin.

i dont mind being commited. even to the extent i fall into depression. i dont mind being committed to the extent i get crushed and brokened. why? because its conviction. i dun really care anymore. i just wanna please God, even at e extent of man. thats conviction too.

u may think im a very light, bubbly happy person who lives a very relaxed life. i tell u know, no. my convictions are strong and only God can move them. thats why i get pissed when people miss service and cg. ohhhh birthday..ohhhh i got cough..ohhhhh i got flu..ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh

whole day ohhhh-ing. be careful u dont ohhhhh to much until flies fly into your mouth to make a nest! and i dont like associating with people who take God for granted..who take God lightly, because ive been through that experience in my life and i can sort of relate to how God feels.

its like dumping Him on a date in front of His face. how disrecpectful and inconsiderate can you get? i told myself, as long as i have 2 legs and breath in me, i will be there. i dont care if im there to live or die, im there for God.

im sorry but if ure someone who take things lightly then im afraid, we may be friends but its hard to be close to me. as long as i dont feel God when im with you, sorry. i wanna go where God goes, i wanna be where He is, i wanna do what He does.

for 4 years ive not missed a single service/cg. im not trying to boast. im trying to tell u that it CAN be done. its only whether you WANT to or not. How much do you love Him?

The proof of your desire is in your pursuit.

i dont neglect my family. i just arrange for plan Bs so that my weekends are not disrupted. there are people who watch things happen, there are people who make things happen, and there are people who wondered what happened. which one are you?

its one thing to see God move. its another thing to make a move of God.

this entry is not directed at anyone. i dont flame people in my blog. i just blog my thoughts and feelings, and some generalization. thats all. if u feel ure 'spoken' to then its not me. im just here..a normal guy, doing IT, playing my granado espada and going to church, serving, etc.

just now while i was preparing for cg, i was tearing. i was asking God, if my fingers could be longer. i cant pluck barred chords without touching the redundant strings! its not a laughing matter, im serious. i almost gave up guitar because of that.

i dont think u can find another guitarist whose hands are smaller than mine. you know a standard sized logitech mouse? my palm cant even cover it from one end to another, even though my hand is stretched! thats how small my hand is!

i dunno..i tink im gonna screw up on one of the songs. i was so depressed i couldnt pluck that one song properly. i was angry with myself for awhile..then i just broke down..realising that without God, im finished. thats how dependent on God i am. i told Him, God, if ure not gonna help me, then no matter how hard i tried i wont be able to pluck that song.

sometimes its amazing to wonder and ask God..why me? im just an ordinary student who sucks at programming, who feels lonely and emo at times, someone who's quiet and reserved. someone whose hands is smaller than a logitech mouse.

and im officially broke. yes..literally. one thing that im glad for though, is that this sunday im doing webcast again :D ha.