Monday

finally after 15min this blogger finally loaded!

again..my bro didnt wake me up..cus he was playing FRIGGIN MU ONLINE! so pissed off. excuses..a bunch of excuses..'oh im not going to school wad..' EXACTLY damnit. arrgh..so mad.

he's e only person ive ever shouted to. prob cus for other people, i consume my own hurts. thus...accumulation...its weird but true. for other people, i dont get angry, i dun express and confess it, i consume it and bottle it up...and i hurt myself in e process...

call me suicidal but thats who i am. sometimes i would be so hurt..that ill go to the arcade..play SC2 and 'frag' and 'pwn' other challenger players with aggressive and violent intent. sometimes even if he was just a kid/gal, i would perfect the kid/gal 3-0. its e only time i can release my frustrations and hurts..in a 'no mercy' manner..i didnt care who e person is..sometimes ill piss e challenger off, hoping that he will start a fight with me so that i can take my laptop and smash his head with it..and smash until he is fatally wounded..or until he dies..

of cus i dont do that..its jus an image in my mind normally at tt time..

almost everyday..i survive on 'limit'. every single day, im at my limits, cus i never release them. even if i do..i dont think ill ever empty my 'bowels'..its like: 99% -> 90% -> back to 99%

anytime i could just go off..esp when im tired..

its like holding diarrhoea for hours and finally letting it all go in e toilet..

lesson was boring, but i learnt lots of stuff. surprisingly. and its all maths!!!! arrgh..e only 2 subjects i hate e most is programming and maths..and this whole sem is programming and maths..wad the h*ll..

i jus wanna go home now...man, i dun even know where i wanna go...

suddenly i remembered a few days ago..while i was having late night dinner, prob either cus i jus reached home from cg or svc or BS..as i was eating..HS was discipling me..:

"Andrew, just talk to xxxxxx, sometimes you've got to learn to take initiative. Its good to depend on Me, but sometimes you must also learn to speak to situations in your life. Only when you use what I have placed in you, then you will see results. You must come to a place where you dont have to keep on waiting for Me to tell you what to do, I believe you can be more sensitive and have the wisdom to do the right thing at the right time..Step out in responsibility and I will empower you.."

i forgotten what i wanted to type..:S

lesson in 5min..lost focus on blogging..i seldom get distracted while blogging to e extent tt i even forget what i wanna type..

just had omelette fried rice and as usual..coffee.. and im falling asleep! T_T school until 6pm today..stoned. :S another break later..shall blog again..

ARRGH 6PM!!!!!!!! argahrgahrghagrhgaaaa.....