God and I quarreled like a couple

as i came home frm sch jus now, i bumped into this nice lady who came to ask me a few qns on savings and financial stuffs. so i jus helped answer wadever qns she needed. she asked me on things like, 'oh, how much do you save every month' and stuff.

after that few seconds of 'interview' my mind went back to my building fund...and i was like thinking, "im gonna be bankrupt after 18 years...who needs an insurance/savings plan or wadever s**t. ive been giving since i got saved, not just to God but to people around me. what if they mock at me and say, 'he could bless others but he couldnt even keep some for himself!'

what kind of love in this world could make someone young and imperfect do a crazy thing like this, as to give up LITERALLY EVERYTHING he had, all his life savings, all his time, all his effort, everything for Someone you couldnt even see.....what kind of faith can GRAB the HEAVENS!?!

i felt terrible. my heart was imploding. when i reached home i broke down and cried. next thing i realised i was feeling so terrible and down, i began to grief God and break His heart by disobeying Him the minute after I said 'im doing all this because I love You'...i felt i have let Him down, other than giving what else have i done for Him...? NOTHING!!! all i have ever done was give give give, give until i got nothing left to give.....T_T

everyone has his/her own period of valleys, unfortunately, its my turn. while i was in e shower, Holy Spirit began to talk to me and the presence of God came over me. i was scolded by the Holy Spirit. i felt really bad, i felt so broken, so foolish...

next thing, i was quarrelling with God! i said things like "You asked me to give, give, give, now i got nothing left with me, what else do You want from me!?!", "You think what!?! Im JESUS ISIT!?!", etc...

and of course, as usual, i could never out-argue with God. wont go into e details of our 'conversation'. eventually, God won and i felt really bad. i apologised to God and asked Him to forgive me and i told Him, "God, what i did was stupid. its ABOLSUTELY NONSENSE. **** the devil, hes a #&@(*)#@, i wont let that that stupid choir leader win over me anymore. Lord, i wanna say that no matter what happens, i will love you forever. forget what i did just now, let's start afresh."

after much persuasion, i felt the peace of God once again. man, i mean, we QUARRELED like husband and wife!!! lol.

satan, as long as i live, im gonna make your life in hell a living hell!!!! what am i saying? he's already in hell....okay nvm then. ill make sure u wished u had repented you dickhead! see me and God not happy ah? jealous ah? 's-c-a-r-e-d' ah?

stupid ugly choir leader, u cant sing u cant dance, so wad are ya gonna do? whos your daddy man? my daddy is God, u wanna separate us, uve gotta go through HIM! no wonder all the world music is so....ya know? you think what? 666 can win toto ah!?! more like win TUTU you TOOT.

hahahahahahaha....ok. im starting to crap...lol hais, and God, of all times why must talk to me in the shower??? i very paiseh you know? hahahahahaha ^_^ in times like these i begin to realise how much i have loved God faithfully and the measure of the sacrifices ive made. it was never out of compulsion, but out of love, out of faith! at e same time i also realised how much I meant to God and how much He loves me.

He knew i was gonna be like that yet He chose to gave His life for me. Thank you Jesus for having a light burden and an easy yoke, to hear all my craps and nonsense and thank you for tolerating me and always there to lend a listening ear to my troubles. and thank you for believing in me. each time i fall, let my resurrection be of a greater glory! ;)

blog again later, goin for Tabernacle part3 now...XD