Celgrp? Love?

heard how Adam shared his problems during cg. i thought to myself, its exactly the same as me now. u wanna talk about being emotionally shutdown? i can assure u im not emotionally shutdown, im just emotionally destroyed.

its not that i cant express any emotions anymore, its more like i DONT HAVE any emotions anymore. i cant feel love anymore. i just dont feel comfortable being loved. everytime someone wants to show me some love, id try very hard to avoid it.

im not used to being loved anymore. i just cant feel it, i just dont want it. i dont want love, i cant feel love and i cant give anyone any love anymore. Jesus died on the cross for me because He loved me, i cant feel love anymore..id forgotten the feeling. and i dun wanna be loved anymore.

id rather be hated and cast aside than to be loved. i feel so much comfortable that way. id rather live a life where i dont exist than to live as though i am somebody.

been skipping meals lately, im about to fall sick again if i continue. havent had dinner today, even till now as im typing. cg ended at around 930-10pm. i just found no more appetite to eat. seriously, life would be better without me, happier without me.

simply put:

Im allergic to love.

I just cant live with love. its not normal for me. im more used to a 'loveless' life. "what do u mean u feel uncomfortable when someone loves you?" i feel exactly how it is!!!

uncomfortable..

just now walking to MRT station the taxi drove past me so close. if only it had knocked me then everything would be over. or maybe i could starve myself to death. for some reason, i feel more happier alone when nobody is loving me.

in case ure wondering about my 'crush' post if someone had a crush on me..no, its e other way round..