Service, Tired
Service was awesome. Right from the pre-service PM. Ps Ulf was awesome! Basically, I feel for me personally, the entire sermon sums up my personal life. Its about being different, living in e supernatural and being free.
Dinner was okay, the oreo choco cake really rocks haha. its always good to have good-ol food court food. towards e end something changed.
Am I loving people too much?
Am I loving my friends too much?
Am I loving my celgrp too much?
Either some people totally ignore me, or they choose to be oblivious.
Sometimes u hear people complaining how nobody is there for them,
when in actual fact they failed to treasure the people they have.
I said before in my previous post..
Stop looking at what u dont have and start appreciating what you do have.
Life is not about competition, ps ulf said very clearly today.
On the other hand..i dont know. I just feel that..
Dont take for granted that Ill always be there.
Dont take for granted that Ill always be listening.
There will come a time where u will seek me and I will not be found.
There will come a time where u want to say something, but i will shut my ears.
Im seriously heartbroken. Im not a waiter, neither am i a waiting machine. every week i go early, and i stay back late just to wait for people. i know in sound we are the first to arrive, last to go..i applied that principle even in my own cg..but to no avail..
So yes..i just left like that. If you wanna toy with me, then id rather not associate myself with such people. if you guys wanna have a lousy character, take me for granted, people who are not responsible, people who are not accountable, then i have nothing to say.
The worst thing you can say, is nothing. Silence is not contempt. Silence is lukewarmness. if ure not serious about friendships then dont be. ive been tolerating nonsense for a long time, and i think its time i made myself clear.
you think i dont have a life? you are wrong. im referring to more than 1 person right now. more than 3 or 4. i told myself right from the beginning, im willing to die for the ones i love. it sounds dramatic, but im serious. and just how many times people have hurt me? countless.
they say guys are heartless and aggressive. im gentle and victimised. all the time.
yet im still here. im still there. please dont think for a moment that i can love unconditionally, sacrifically FOREVER! because one fine day i will just blow up in your face and murder your self esteem so bad, ull want to commit suicide.
it happened before, and i dont want it to happen again. i dont want to give names. i shall say this to whoever you think you are..you have murdered me. you really have. time and time again, u nailed me to my own cross...piling the nails into my heart deeper and deeper, and not allowing time for me to heal.
worse comes to worse..you leave the nails there..allowing me to rot in agony each night in tears. the most painful experience is not the piling and the murdering of my heart..but it is the ignorance of leaving the nail there, allowing me a slow and painful death. how saddistic can you get? how selfish can you get?
i seriously feel i shouldnt be too loving. whats e point of showing concern? whats the point of sacrificing my time, my life, my energy, my all? you think i have nothing else better to do?
im tired. ive had a lonely week every week. monday to friday is hell enough for me. the least i could do is to enjoy people's company during the weekends. but noooooo. people run away from me as if i carried a plague.
for those who were there with me..thanks. you noticed i didnt say for those who were there FOR me. most of the time, im always there FOR them. but no one has been there FOR me. they were there WITH me..but hardly FOR me.
because ive never expected anything in return. not even from one person.
i dont think i can be bothered anymore. if ull feel better murdering me over and over again..then do it. i lay down my life for you. im here to serve you. do what you want with me.
dont worry i will still be there. i made a commitment and i will keep my 'covenant'
Dinner was okay, the oreo choco cake really rocks haha. its always good to have good-ol food court food. towards e end something changed.
Am I loving people too much?
Am I loving my friends too much?
Am I loving my celgrp too much?
Either some people totally ignore me, or they choose to be oblivious.
Sometimes u hear people complaining how nobody is there for them,
when in actual fact they failed to treasure the people they have.
I said before in my previous post..
Stop looking at what u dont have and start appreciating what you do have.
Life is not about competition, ps ulf said very clearly today.
On the other hand..i dont know. I just feel that..
Dont take for granted that Ill always be there.
Dont take for granted that Ill always be listening.
There will come a time where u will seek me and I will not be found.
There will come a time where u want to say something, but i will shut my ears.
Im seriously heartbroken. Im not a waiter, neither am i a waiting machine. every week i go early, and i stay back late just to wait for people. i know in sound we are the first to arrive, last to go..i applied that principle even in my own cg..but to no avail..
So yes..i just left like that. If you wanna toy with me, then id rather not associate myself with such people. if you guys wanna have a lousy character, take me for granted, people who are not responsible, people who are not accountable, then i have nothing to say.
The worst thing you can say, is nothing. Silence is not contempt. Silence is lukewarmness. if ure not serious about friendships then dont be. ive been tolerating nonsense for a long time, and i think its time i made myself clear.
you think i dont have a life? you are wrong. im referring to more than 1 person right now. more than 3 or 4. i told myself right from the beginning, im willing to die for the ones i love. it sounds dramatic, but im serious. and just how many times people have hurt me? countless.
they say guys are heartless and aggressive. im gentle and victimised. all the time.
yet im still here. im still there. please dont think for a moment that i can love unconditionally, sacrifically FOREVER! because one fine day i will just blow up in your face and murder your self esteem so bad, ull want to commit suicide.
it happened before, and i dont want it to happen again. i dont want to give names. i shall say this to whoever you think you are..you have murdered me. you really have. time and time again, u nailed me to my own cross...piling the nails into my heart deeper and deeper, and not allowing time for me to heal.
worse comes to worse..you leave the nails there..allowing me to rot in agony each night in tears. the most painful experience is not the piling and the murdering of my heart..but it is the ignorance of leaving the nail there, allowing me a slow and painful death. how saddistic can you get? how selfish can you get?
i seriously feel i shouldnt be too loving. whats e point of showing concern? whats the point of sacrificing my time, my life, my energy, my all? you think i have nothing else better to do?
im tired. ive had a lonely week every week. monday to friday is hell enough for me. the least i could do is to enjoy people's company during the weekends. but noooooo. people run away from me as if i carried a plague.
for those who were there with me..thanks. you noticed i didnt say for those who were there FOR me. most of the time, im always there FOR them. but no one has been there FOR me. they were there WITH me..but hardly FOR me.
because ive never expected anything in return. not even from one person.
i dont think i can be bothered anymore. if ull feel better murdering me over and over again..then do it. i lay down my life for you. im here to serve you. do what you want with me.
dont worry i will still be there. i made a commitment and i will keep my 'covenant'
posted by Androne at
12:17 AM
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